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Default Oct 15, 2021 at 04:01 PM
  #581
It’s that time of year to put away the things of spring and summer and tidy everything away for winter ❄️. Only have two big things left, the putting away of deck chairs and removing the flowers. The chairs are a real pain. I have to move the four chairs already in the garage and put the big ones on the bottom and stack the rest on top. Gets fun with my back. The flowers are still going strong. It’s gotten cooler the last couple of days but no frost yet. I’m hoping they last until Halloween 🎃. Looks nicer when the people come around. I’m not buying any pumpkins this year. So it would be nice if the flowers are still there.

Just bought a bunch of groceries so I can make bread pudding. Last night I was craving some and all I needed was the heavy cream and milk. Got all the fixings for roast beef Sunday meal too. Not sure if going to make it Saturday or Sunday. The cooler weather is perking me up.

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Default Oct 15, 2021 at 04:21 PM
  #582
I’ve been feeling kind of blah since about noon. I’m not sure why. I know I did a lot of laundry and moving around and some slightly heavy lifting. I wonder if I did too much. My UTI test came back negative so now I’m a bit more worried I did something. I wish I could get involved in my reading again. It’s been awhile since I read despite being almost finished with 2 books that I could easily blow through in 2 days. I had a pint of mint chip Halo Top ice cream for dinner. That’s the main brand of ice cream I eat. The ice cream was filling so I probably won’t eat an actual dinner.

I really want to read right now but I’ll probably take a 4th Valium and listen to my self help podcast for the rest of the night. I’m not S. Just kinda down. Its possible it could be the night before my weekly shot mood plummet that I get.

I sent a message to my doctor through my online portal. I told him I wasn’t very careful and I felt like I had done some damage. I’m not sure if he responds to them during the weekend. I got my shot a night early. It’s not a big deal to get it a night early or a night late according to Reddit and I’ve been doing it since I started on them. So I hope my mood evens out.

It looks like I’ll owe about $2100 for my surgery. The entire surgery, the doctor and the hospital was originally $39 thousand. How is an outpatient hysterectomy $39 thousand?

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Default Oct 15, 2021 at 05:38 PM
  #583
I'm having problems with getting my feelings and thoughts expressed. My therapist keeps telling me that I'm doing so much better than I was. In some ways I am, but for the most part I feel that my feelings and words are stuck and unable to get out. I guess I need to tell her by using the words I've written here.

The clinic where I obtain my medical and psychiatric/therapy care is opening a large facility starting Monday. I'm excited to see it. The only problem is that the new place is quite a bit further than the old clinic, which is close to where I live. That means more gas. Gas is over over $4/gallon. Ugh.

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Default Oct 15, 2021 at 06:29 PM
  #584
With a heavy heart i have decided to abandon my pharmacy after yet another incidence of rank and utter incompetence today. There have been problems nine out of ten times there and it is not good for my health to get so enraged and intensely frustrated on a regular basis.

They are my third pharmacy in five years that couldn't find their left butt cheek with two hands and a map. Previously i dealt for 15 years at a pharmacy with flawless friendly service but ownership changed hands and they went rapidly downhill.

I was sticking with the current incompetent pharmacy because they offer evening deliveries but now with my 75% benzo reduction i am available all daytime hours so it's not a consideration anymore. I live one bus stop from a hospital with a pharmacy that is quiet and private so i am hoping things will work out there.

Such a problem: the act of getting the meds to keep me healthy is itself so intensely unpleasant it makes me unhealthy. Ironic. Hoping i'll be able to transfer my pharmacy file with one phone call and then make one trip in to the new pharmacy for the one med i am running out of and never set foot in my old pharmacy again.
 
 
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Default Oct 15, 2021 at 08:17 PM
  #585
[QUOTE=Innerzone;7133017]Sorry to be so MIA lately. Just feeling overwhelmed by... well, everything. You know how it gets. It's usually a big sign of depression spiraling in. Just got out my lightbox. It's time.

But I did (miraculously) manage to force myself to deal with "desk stuff". Took all afternoon. Things were really piling up. I absolutely loathe dealing with that crap, though I do feel a little less squashed by it now.

Stayed in my jammies all day, but now put on some real clothes as I need to pick up meds and a bit at the grocery store. Procrastinating big time.

SOOOO many hugs going out. Lost many days. Sorry about that.

@christina~ Extra hugs. Sorry to not have been there for support at such a terrible time. You will come back out of this, step by step. I understand why you might *feel* so, but you are most assuredly NOT a burden. You are well-loved and we want you around for a good long time! [/QUOTE

Ahhh Thank you so much Do not feel bad at all. I'm glad you dusted off the light box ! Hope things get easier for you. Do you have any fun Fall things on the Horizon??? Much Love hun

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Default Oct 15, 2021 at 08:26 PM
  #586
I am "fighting" with my friend that I'm supposed to see tomorrow! Haven't seen him in years and already had to reschedule once. He wants to text me before he calls me but I said I won't hear a text if I'm asleep could he give me an approximate. No answer. He says he's emotionally exhausted. Maybe we shouldn't get together if he's "emotionally exhausted"??

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Default Oct 15, 2021 at 08:35 PM
  #587
Every little thing makes me fall apart. I try to hide what I'm going through from people, but then I eventually break down and feel bad afterwards, because it puts me in a position where I need to tell them. Then I feel guilty for putting my stuff on other people. I feel like a burden. I don't know why every little thing lately hits me so hard where I just start crying out of nowhere. Eventually I will push people away. The highs feel very high, but it doesn't last. I feel weak.

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Default Oct 15, 2021 at 10:47 PM
  #588
I'm so scattered and angry. I almost
Possible trigger:
Luckily I distracted myself until h got home. I'm so destructive right now. I need to let H know but I don't want to own up to it. Why can't I just be normal? We leave in a couple of days and things are going to be worse. My mouth hurts but I don't have time to go to the dentist. They just pull teeth anyway. My case manager wants me to go to the dentist but covid.

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Default Oct 16, 2021 at 12:12 AM
  #589
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nammu View Post
It’s that time of year to put away the things of spring and summer and tidy everything away for winter ❄️. Only have two big things left, the putting away of deck chairs and removing the flowers. The chairs are a real pain. I have to move the four chairs already in the garage and put the big ones on the bottom and stack the rest on top. Gets fun with my back. The flowers are still going strong. It’s gotten cooler the last couple of days but no frost yet. I’m hoping they last until Halloween 🎃. Looks nicer when the people come around. I’m not buying any pumpkins this year. So it would be nice if the flowers are still there.

Just bought a bunch of groceries so I can make bread pudding. Last night I was craving some and all I needed was the heavy cream and milk. Got all the fixings for roast beef Sunday meal too. Not sure if going to make it Saturday or Sunday. The cooler weather is perking me up.
Can I come over for dinner and dessert? I adore bread pudding and haven't had a nice roast beef dinner in ages.

Hubby and I need to turn off our outside water since it will soon reach freezing nights where we live. Like you, we also need to get rid of some outdoor flowers. Our petunias are already dead, and the rest will be soon with a frost.

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Default Oct 16, 2021 at 01:00 AM
  #590
I'm thinking I may stay home by myself instead of going with my family on the trip. I mean it's not a horrible idea. It'll give me time to stabilize. Just worry about myself. Find my calm. deal with myself. I don't know its not like they'll be able to drive home quickly if I flip ****. the idea of just dealing with me and my issues with no expectations sounds great.

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Default Oct 16, 2021 at 06:25 AM
  #591
This is it! I got about 2 hours sleep lol. I pulled out all the stops, Xanax, melatonin, listening to a sleep story…I fell asleep around 12:30am but was wide awake again by 3am. But it is what it is. I’m sure it’s what every bride goes through!

I was panicking of course thinking I’ll forget something but I made a pretty exhaustive list. I should have everything I need to get ready. If not my house is only 10mins from my SIL’s so it won’t be a problem. It’s not supposed to start storming until after the lunch is done.

Hugs to all those are struggling! I wish you all peace very soon.

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Default Oct 16, 2021 at 08:46 AM
  #592
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This is it! I got about 2 hours sleep lol. I pulled out all the stops, Xanax, melatonin, listening to a sleep story…I fell asleep around 12:30am but was wide awake again by 3am. But it is what it is. I’m sure it’s what every bride goes through!

I was panicking of course thinking I’ll forget something but I made a pretty exhaustive list. I should have everything I need to get ready. If not my house is only 10mins from my SIL’s so it won’t be a problem. It’s not supposed to start storming until after the lunch is done.

Hugs to all those are struggling! I wish you all peace very soon.
Wildflowerchild, have a wonderful wonderful wedding day! Please savor the lovely symbolic and literal purpose of it. Congrats in advance to both you and RS. He's a lucky man, you know!

Are you planning any form of honeymoon? Either way, may you sleep like an angel in coming weeks with sweet dreams of wild flowers and butterflies.

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Default Oct 16, 2021 at 10:25 AM
  #593
I dreamed that I was on a bed watching tv. My sister was sitting next to me on a chair at the end of the bed and N3 was 2 again snuggling up to me and nursing. *Oh my heart!*

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Default Oct 16, 2021 at 10:27 AM
  #594
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This is it! I got about 2 hours sleep lol. I pulled out all the stops, Xanax, melatonin, listening to a sleep story…I fell asleep around 12:30am but was wide awake again by 3am. But it is what it is. I’m sure it’s what every bride goes through!

I was panicking of course thinking I’ll forget something but I made a pretty exhaustive list. I should have everything I need to get ready. If not my house is only 10mins from my SIL’s so it won’t be a problem. It’s not supposed to start storming until after the lunch is done.

Hugs to all those are struggling! I wish you all peace very soon.
I hope your wedding day is going well!

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Default Oct 16, 2021 at 10:58 AM
  #595
I don't think my friend is coming. We had planned to get together for 2 weeks now. And he said he'd be here at 1 but he hasn't even left yet and he's not communicating with me. I guess you find out who your friends are!

EDIT: He now says he's "out in Port Huron with a client". So he's not coming I guess. Figures.

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Last edited by Moose72; Oct 16, 2021 at 11:28 AM..
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Default Oct 16, 2021 at 11:32 AM
  #596
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Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25 View Post
This is it! I got about 2 hours sleep lol. I pulled out all the stops, Xanax, melatonin, listening to a sleep story…I fell asleep around 12:30am but was wide awake again by 3am. But it is what it is. I’m sure it’s what every bride goes through!

I was panicking of course thinking I’ll forget something but I made a pretty exhaustive list. I should have everything I need to get ready. If not my house is only 10mins from my SIL’s so it won’t be a problem. It’s not supposed to start storming until after the lunch is done.

Hugs to all those are struggling! I wish you all peace very soon.
I hope everything goes beautifully and that you make wonderful memories. All the best
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Default Oct 16, 2021 at 11:35 AM
  #597
Very discouraged today. Sick of getting up so appallingly early in the dark and having nothing to do but drudgery. My life is empty. I took 3mg of Clonazepam and went back to bed. What exactly is it that i want to be wide awake for? Where is the pleasure? What am i living for? Inertia. I'm just going to wallow in food and make no effort at all. The world can go to Hell for all i care. I feel like i'm trapped in this very large pet that takes endless care and maintenance that i don't care about. All there is, is the endless care and maintenance without purpose.
 
 
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Default Oct 16, 2021 at 11:41 AM
  #598
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Very discouraged today. Sick of getting up so appallingly early in the dark and having nothing to do but drudgery. My life is empty. I took 3mg of Clonazepam and went back to bed. What exactly is it that i want to be wide awake for? Where is the pleasure? What am i living for? Inertia. I'm just going to wallow in food and make no effort at all. The world can go to Hell for all i care. I feel like i'm trapped in this very large pet that takes endless care and maintenance that i don't care about. All there is, is the endless care and maintenance without purpose.
I’m sorry you are struggling so much. I don’t have any words of wisdom but I am here to support you.
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Default Oct 16, 2021 at 11:50 AM
  #599
I’m having panic attacks about going to Atlanta and it’s making me drag my feet. This is coming from a girl who got on an airplane by herself and traveled alone to Russia for two weeks. Where is my backbone? Where is the spunk? What’s the problem? I’m even, gasp, thinking about canceling although it would do me a world of good. I’ll work on it. I’m getting mother and brother set up for the week today. Maybe I’m putting too much pressure on myself and have too high expectations going in.

I hope everybody has a peaceful day.
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Default Oct 16, 2021 at 04:28 PM
  #600
Good news: the transfer of my pharmacy file to my new pharmacy went promptly and flawlessly! I was worried my old pharmacy would drag their feet as they were losing a customer. But no: presto change-o my file arrived almost immediately!

I am so happy about this! I got a good recommendation for the Walmart pharmacy at the mall i frequent so it's a lot more convenient. And they never seem to be busy. And they're more inclined to give generics so they are also cheaper!

So my meds are ready for pick-up and i bid a NOT fond adieu to the incompetence at my old pharmacy. Things will go better from here on out!

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