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Elder
Member Since Sep 2008
Location: Scotland, UK
Posts: 5,247
15 85 hugs
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#1
Hi guys,
I'm really struggling with suicidal thoughts, wanting to run away, thinking life will be better without me in it. Wish death had took me instead of my Mum. I have had a lot going on Mum's death in July, my Uncle's death in September, family dynamics, family fighting. I usually get depressed around about this time of year but now I'm suicidal. I hope this is a blip but it's not looking like that. I called the duty worker in my mental health team. They recommend distractions and they would get my Community Psychiatric Nurse to contact me that was 7 hours ago its 9pm here so hoping my CPN calls tomorrow. I'm just really f$$$ed up.... sorry!!! Sent from my SM-G980F using Tapatalk |
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*Beth*, BeyondtheRainbow, bizi, bpforever1, buddha1too, cinnamonsun, Fuzzybear, HALLIEBETH87, mote.of.soul, Nammu, Soupe du jour, unaluna, Victoria'smom, xRavenx
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Legendary
Member Since Apr 2012
Location: Earth
Posts: 14,906
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#2
Hopefully they get back to you soon. I know it's after hours but maybe they have an on call dr. Until bed hang out here. I'm sorry you're feeling so bad.
__________________ Dx: Me- SzA Husband- Bipolar 1 Daughter- mood disorder+ Comfortable broken and happy "So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk My blog |
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bizi
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Miss Laura
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Elder
Member Since Sep 2008
Location: Scotland, UK
Posts: 5,247
15 85 hugs
given |
#3
I can call NHS 24 but I don't want to just cause I'm staying with my Sister tonight and I haven't told her. Purely for the fact she has been working late tonight preping for a meeting first thing.
If I get worse I will contact someone Sent from my SM-G980F using Tapatalk |
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bizi, buddha1too, Victoria'smom
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Legendary
Member Since Apr 2012
Location: Earth
Posts: 14,906
(SuperPoster!)
12 5,442 hugs
given |
#4
Sorry things are so hard right now.
__________________ Dx: Me- SzA Husband- Bipolar 1 Daughter- mood disorder+ Comfortable broken and happy "So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk My blog |
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bizi
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Miss Laura
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catches the flowers
Member Since Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
Posts: 15,701
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#5
I think your state of mind is in part the grief process.
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bizi
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Miss Laura
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Silver Swan
Member Since Jan 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 16,475
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#6
I hope you can get ahold of someone to help.
__________________ Wellbutrin XL 300 mg Loxapine 50mg Ingrezza 80 mg Ativan .5 mg 2x/day Propranolol 20 mg 2x/day Mania (December 2023) Mixed episode/Hypomania (September 2023) Depression, Anxiety and Intrusive thoughts (September 2021) Depression & Psychosis (July/August 2021) Mania (April/May 2019) |
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bizi
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Miss Laura
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New Member
Member Since Oct 2021
Location: Raleigh NC
Posts: 1
2 |
#7
Hi Laura,
This is my first time posting here in this forum. I saw your post because I too am having strong thoughts to just want to die but not a plan. Miss Laura, How old are you? I turn 60 tomorrow.. Life is hard with mood disorders and being lonely. Thankfully you are with your sister and not alone and perhaps you can just sit in the living room and watch TV and talk to her or call someone. |
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*Beth*, bizi
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*Beth*
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Magnate
Member Since Jan 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 2,456
11 86 hugs
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#8
I think call the 24 hour line. you don't want to risk your life. your thoughts are serious and hard to fight, get help.
__________________ Son: 14, 12/15/2009 R.I.P. Daughter: 20 Diagnosis: Bipolar with Psychosis. Latuda 100 mgs. |
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bizi
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*Beth*, LovecraftianHorror, Miss Laura
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Bizi is bizi
Member Since Nov 2005
Location: cajun country
Posts: 10,851
18 43.8k hugs
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#9
miss laura,
Please check in. ((((HUGS)))) bizi __________________ 150mg of lamictal 2x a day haldol 5mg 2x a day 1mg of cogentin 2x a day klonipin , 1mg at night, 4-5 peri-colace for chronic constipation multi vit,, vit c, at noon, tumeric, caffeine at noon PRN Remeron 15mg at night, zyprexa10mg under tongue, requip2mg. |
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*Beth*, Miss Laura
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Veteran Member
Member Since Sep 2011
Posts: 735
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#10
Talking things through on the phone can provide temporary relief. I agree with BethRags' opinion that some of what you're feeling is grief. Hang on.
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*Beth*, Miss Laura
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Wise Elder
Member Since Apr 2015
Location: US
Posts: 9,231
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#11
Do you have a text support system there? Here texting something (741741 I think) hooks you to someone to talk to.
I hope you feel better soon and that your nurse gets back to you soon. __________________ Bipolar 1, PTSD, GAD, OCD. Clozapine 250 mg, Emsam 12 mg/day patch, topamax 25 mg, ,Gabapentin 1700 mg & 100-2 PRN,. 1.5 mg clonazepam., 50 mg Seroquel |
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Miss Laura
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Elder
Member Since Sep 2008
Location: Scotland, UK
Posts: 5,247
15 85 hugs
given |
#12
Yeah we can call or email The Samaritans, call or chat online to Breathing Space, text SHOUT to a number and they will support you. I just hate bugging people. I know I'm worthy of support I should just do it but I can't. Thanks guys it's nearly 9am here so hopefully my CPN will call at some point today
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*Beth*, bizi
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Elder
Member Since Jun 2015
Location: Czechia
Posts: 5,154
8 13.4k hugs
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#13
I hope your CPN calls soon, or has already this morning, Miss Laura. You absolutely need support! And I think it would be highly beneficial, if possible, to get grief counseling. I didn't right away after my mother died either. I got to the point where I demanded it while at the hospital. Luckily they came up with a group after my request. There was a younger woman who lost someone dear to her and a middle-aged woman who lost her teenage daughter who also participated. I couldn't help but wonder if I hadn't pressed for this counseling if none of us would have received it. Maybe consider asking for one.
__________________ Dx: Bipolar type 1 Psych Medications: * Tegretol XR (carbamazepine ER) 800 mg * Lamictal (lamotrigine) 150 mg * Seroquel XR (quetiapine ER) 600 mg I also take meds for blood pressure, cholesterol, and tachycardia. |
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*Beth*, bizi
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*Beth*, luvyrself
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Elder
Member Since Sep 2008
Location: Scotland, UK
Posts: 5,247
15 85 hugs
given |
#14
Another day and another no show from my CPN. I've called in 2 days 16 times I'm not asking for much sorry I'm suicidal ill just ignore the symptoms right
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*Beth*, bizi, buddha1too, Fuzzybear, Moose72, Soupe du jour, Victoria'smom
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Silver Swan
Member Since Jan 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 16,475
(SuperPoster!)
16 2,551 hugs
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#15
Quote:
My pdoc's office has an after hours emergency line. Does yours? __________________ Wellbutrin XL 300 mg Loxapine 50mg Ingrezza 80 mg Ativan .5 mg 2x/day Propranolol 20 mg 2x/day Mania (December 2023) Mixed episode/Hypomania (September 2023) Depression, Anxiety and Intrusive thoughts (September 2021) Depression & Psychosis (July/August 2021) Mania (April/May 2019) |
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bizi
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*Beth*
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Elder
Member Since Sep 2008
Location: Scotland, UK
Posts: 5,247
15 85 hugs
given |
#16
We can't do that here we need to be referred. We can go to A&E (ER) and see but I live 1 hour away from there. I'm with my Sister tonight. I'm trying to tell her but can't find the words. I can call NHS24 or 111 and ask for mental health support. But not wanting to do that as I'm with my Suster who doesn't know a thing
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*Beth*, bizi, buddha1too, Soupe du jour, Victoria'smom
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bizi
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Bizi is bizi
Member Since Nov 2005
Location: cajun country
Posts: 10,851
18 43.8k hugs
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#17
Tell your sister and make that call.
own up to it, she needs to know. (((((HUGS)))))) bizi __________________ 150mg of lamictal 2x a day haldol 5mg 2x a day 1mg of cogentin 2x a day klonipin , 1mg at night, 4-5 peri-colace for chronic constipation multi vit,, vit c, at noon, tumeric, caffeine at noon PRN Remeron 15mg at night, zyprexa10mg under tongue, requip2mg. |
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LovecraftianHorror
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Elder
Member Since Sep 2008
Location: Scotland, UK
Posts: 5,247
15 85 hugs
given |
#18
I can't sat the words... "I'm suicidal"
I can't say "I want to die" I can't say "I feel unsafe especially outside" I want to stop writing my funeral plans etc but I'm committed to it now Sent from my SM-G980F using Tapatalk |
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Wise Elder
Member Since Apr 2015
Location: US
Posts: 9,231
(SuperPoster!)
9 9,386 hugs
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#19
I don't know what to say but nobody has answered you and I feel bad for that. I think you need to get help. Can you write a note that you need help and give it to you sister or to someone else who can get you help? Try to find something to do besides writing funeral plans; that is only going to make you feel worse and is probably dangerous.
Please seek help immediately. You are in an urgent situation. __________________ Bipolar 1, PTSD, GAD, OCD. Clozapine 250 mg, Emsam 12 mg/day patch, topamax 25 mg, ,Gabapentin 1700 mg & 100-2 PRN,. 1.5 mg clonazepam., 50 mg Seroquel |
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Elder
Member Since Sep 2008
Location: Scotland, UK
Posts: 5,247
15 85 hugs
given |
#20
My nurse called today and said I'm not in immediate danger. Says I don't think you will do anything silly over the weekend I'll call you on Monday. I'm seeing her in person on Friday.
I have numbers to call if I get worse. I'm at my Dad's tomorrow afternoon for the weekend Sent from my SM-G980F using Tapatalk |
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Guiness187055
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