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Old 10-12-2021, 10:10 PM   #1
HALLIEBETH87
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I just needed to tell someone, anyone. I feel so numb. Dead. Breathing but not alive. Iím doing grounding skills. Taking hot showers where I listen to water hitting back of my ears helps. Itís like Iím on autopilot. I do things but by end of day I donít recall all of the dayís events. Itís confusing. Like driving home from school but I donít recall all of the trip -except itís all day. This is how my self-harm started. Have I ever told you that? It wasnít an upset, crying teen with no other way to lash out. That did happen some, but it started by feeling numb. Iíd feel so dead. Breathing but not alive. Then when Iíd cut I could see red and feel warmth and come back. I havenít self-harmed. I havenít felt the need to because Iím trying to stay present. Itís getting hard to stay alert. To stay ďhere.Ē Is this normal?

Iíve journaled but needed to try to express it to someone who might get it.
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Old 10-12-2021, 11:23 PM   #2
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I can totally relate but sadly my experiences are too painful for me to talk about. You are a brave person to share your story. I think people like you are so heroic. You write so well of things I have experienced but could never put into words. Wish I knew what to say that would be helpful. I really hope that things will get better for you!
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Old 10-12-2021, 11:28 PM   #3
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I get it. SH is a grounding technique for me. I often feel unreal. T says it's part of my SzA. That doesn't bring comfort though. Usually I have to have a serious med change when it happens. Do you have sour candy? Can you stay on here for distraction?
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Old 10-12-2021, 11:48 PM   #4
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I have been working on homework. I also ate a couple pieces of candy to kinda have a treat for getting through the day again.
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Old 10-13-2021, 12:11 AM   #5
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Sour candy is suppose to ground you because of the intense flavor.
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Old 10-13-2021, 12:17 AM   #6
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i just dont handle sour well. it breaks my mouth out. :/ so ihad a sweet chocolate
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Old 10-13-2021, 05:02 PM   #7
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I apparently emailed this same post to my psyd last night. -eye roll!!- he said make an appt with pdoc ASAP and use crisis resources and that his expectation is I will be willing to use crisis resources. I have virtual appt to see both psyd and pdoc tomorrow. -sigh- this sucks.
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Old 10-13-2021, 05:17 PM   #8
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I'm glad your able to get help.
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Old 10-13-2021, 05:54 PM   #9
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But Iím not in crisis.
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Old 10-13-2021, 07:34 PM   #10
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They want to handle it before it becomes a crisis.
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Old 10-13-2021, 08:00 PM   #11
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Do yíall experience this? Itís happened since I was a teenager and even earlier than that. Sometimes I wonder if intense stress caused it as it usually happens when Iím too stressed.-Ie during my years where I was abused. I wonder if itís sza or borderline or what!???

Dammit I donít remember sending that email to my psyd. What can they even do for me? Iím not psychotic or suicidal ect
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Old 10-13-2021, 10:40 PM   #12
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Quote:
I wonder if intense stress caused it as it usually happens when Iím too stressed.
That's when it happens to me too. Usually they up my antidepressant and/or my AP. I can't say whether that helps or not or if it just goes away with time. I think it may be a SzA thing.
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Old 10-14-2021, 08:50 AM   #13
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I see my psyd here in ten minutes and im nervous as all get out!
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Old 10-14-2021, 12:50 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HALLIEBETH87 View Post
Do yíall experience this? Itís happened since I was a teenager and even earlier than that. Sometimes I wonder if intense stress caused it as it usually happens when Iím too stressed.-Ie during my years where I was abused. I wonder if itís sza or borderline or what!???

Dammit I donít remember sending that email to my psyd. What can they even do for me? Iím not psychotic or suicidal ect

I believe that your SH-ing happens when you too stressed. It's a way of coping with extreme anxiety.
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Old 10-14-2021, 02:06 PM   #15
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My t was worried about me. He said my email was provocative and that he worried cause I donít do that. I see my dr soon.
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Old 10-14-2021, 02:06 PM   #16
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Also-he thinks this stuff is bc of my
Ptsd
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Old 10-14-2021, 04:07 PM   #17
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Talked to pdoc. He said my risperdal and haldol should work on the hallucinations but decreased my lamictal to 300mg from the 400mg Iíve been on. He think itíll help with me being exhausted all the time and lord I hope it does bc thatís be amazing!
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Old 10-14-2021, 04:29 PM   #18
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Things will get better Your being Proactive is huge ! Love ya
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Old 10-14-2021, 06:54 PM   #19
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I canít stop crying and idk why Iím even crying!!!!!!! :í(

I tried doing a zoom DBSA meeting but I canít focus.

Idk why the **** Iím even crying
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Old 10-14-2021, 10:12 PM   #20
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-sigh-

I donít understand what is happening to me
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