[Crook32]

Is it wrong that I hope my mammogram comes back positive? I just feel it is a legitimate illness. I think people will believe me more if I have cancer. I know this is just crazy but I am tired of chasing symptoms and want to finally have a “real” illness.

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[*Beth*]

I've had thoughts like that. Remind yourself that it's depression talking.

[Mountaindewed]

I used to think like that until stuff started happening for real a few years ago. Then I had so many painful infections and I needed painful procedures done and it’s just really not fun to have stuff wrong with you.

Now I really am concerned that blood tests and urine tests won’t come back negative. Especially my blood work since that can be a problem down the road for me. I thought I had a UTI before my surgery and I was panicking and chugging cranberry juice like crazy trying to get rid of it before my surgery. I still drink cranberry juice so nothing happens.

They asked me if I wanted pain meds in the ER and I said no because IVs ****ing hurt. Then they ended up starting one anyways.

But no I don’t wish myself to be sick anymore. Especially with Covid and everyone who has lost their life. I’m just grateful I’ve been lucky.

My moms mammogram was abnormal and I’m worried about her.