Bipolar check-in #60

Brentus · Dec 13, 2021 at 05:07 PM

Happy Monday everyone!

My mom has already started the stressful, almost panicked "we have to start packing and preparing" nonsense. Don't get me wrong, three months ago she was already well underway with this behavior -- at least once a day mentioning it. Now it's every few hours it's something else. So, I am in the process of preparing to pack for a trip over 10 days away. In my own humble opinion, it's too early for it but it's not worth going through the pains of explaining that to her. I'll just roll with the punches, even if it is driving me mad. Other than having to get out suitcases and stuff, I haven't done much today. I do feel well though. This evening I think I'll drink some hot chocolate and watch some TV after my bath. It just seems like a good way to finish out Monday. I'm trying to be more varied in my daily tasks-- but I'm not doing a very good job at it. I may try picking up reading again. We'll see what happens I guess.

I wish I had means to go back to school. I love learning so much and while I can do plenty on my own, I'd love to just start over again in another field. It's really where a lot of my passion lies is in learning new things. Maybe I should get a hobby?

I had Progresso soup tonight that kind of just hit the spot (Chicken and Sausage Gumbo). It was something a bit different from my normal routine go-to foods. Just thought I'd share that too.

Nammu · Dec 13, 2021 at 05:15 PM

Do understand what you mean Winds the blow, my mum is like that too. I told her this morning my sister and brother-in-law are coming for Christmas dinner. There’s nothing she needs to do. She got all excited and decided to dust even though that was just done! So I got out the vacuum and went over the high traffic areas just to calm her down. Really what needs doing is the Christmas cards, just a few a day but she gets overwhelmed.

*Beth* · Dec 13, 2021 at 06:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dsmith

...

2. Weaning off medication. I was on Lamictal and Bupropion for a while, but I noticed a lot of side effects. Specifically Lamictal: it caused a lot of sensitivity and bleeding in my gums. Has anyone experienced this? I started taking it in the fall of 2016, and then in the spring of 2019 my gums began bleeding profusely whenever I brushed, and were extremely sensitive.

...

I have not had that reaction to Lamictal, but anything's possible when it comes to psych meds.

*Beth* · Dec 13, 2021 at 06:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

I love a bit of rain (there is plenty of rain here often)

Fun things sometimes help me with panic too.

Good luck with pdoc. I feel similarly about pdocs (or the equivalent) - I don't expect much from them. I hope she suggests something that helps, even if only somewhat (I'll take whatever they suggest, if it is helpful)

Re household chores, I wonder if its due to sub optimal ''mothering'' It is in my case.

Thank you so much, Fuzzy dear. Yes, I imagine you must know rain quite well. When I was in Ireland there was almost always a lovely drizzle and the green moss abounds!

Thank you for your wise words about the pdoc.

Yes! My mother insisted upon almost constantly doing household chores and they absolutely had to be perfect or else!

wildflowerchild25 · Dec 13, 2021 at 08:44 PM

I don’t feel well. I feel like I’m coming down with a cold. However, I’ve been exposed to Covid through my coworker who was fully vaccinated but got it anyway so I'm going to get tested tomorrow if I don’t feel better. Right now I just have a stuffy/runny nose, a very slight headache, and fatigue.

I’ve scheduled another vet appt for my cat to get his mouth checked, and they talked me into doing chest/abdominal x-rays as well. I don’t know if he ever ate last night but both bowls were completely empty when I got home from work so unless the other cat was so hungry she ate two heaping bowls to herself, I'm thinking he must have eaten a little bit at least.

I scheduled my Covid booster for the first day of winter break so if I have a reaction I’ll already be off work. I didn’t have a problem with the first two except for an extremely sore arm.

Emotionally I was up and down today. I really thought I was going to cry at some points but I held it together and the day wasn’t completely interminable.

Dec 13, 2021 at 10:06 PM

I struggled and struggled to make a big play in Scrabble without success and got totally frustrated. I checked after and the play was SERENITY!!! Haha!

Booster shots for those 50+ opened up today but the online portal didn't work. I just got stuck in a loop. So i waited 82 minutes on the phone only to be told call back in two days, nothing's available. So that was a bummer.

But then i ordered groceries online for the first time since last Winter and it went smoothly. I have lots of nice things to eat and feel more confident about staying fed this Winter.

Hope everyone is doing as best as possible under the circumstances!

BeyondtheRainbow · Dec 13, 2021 at 10:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

I just have this ****ing headache that feels like worms are eating their way through my brain and I'm super nausated as well. This is a zofran type day.

Have you ever had a migraine? You mentioned earlier having odor sensitivity and that plus nausea and a nasty headache sounds like a migraine. If you are having migraines your primary can probably give you something to help.

Soupe du jour · Dec 14, 2021 at 03:54 AM

Like some others here, I'm looking forward to the third covid booster, too. Originally we wouldn't qualify until July, but since covid numbers are skyrocketing again in Central Europe, we can get it as soon as January.

I measured my blood pressure three times this morning immediately upon getting out of bed, as the nurse suggested. All three readings were close to normal. The highest of the three was 122/72. Much better than yesterday's 158/102! I skipped my afternoon coffee, had only a little taste of wine (not even a full glass) and took...um...2 Ativan, though not at once. I do believe caffeine and alcohol are culprits, but it's surely mostly stress and anxiety. Everyone here knows the dangers of severe and/or prolonged anxiety/stress. We must fight it off.

I have my psychiatrist appointment today. That's not anxiety-provoking. I will tell him the above, though.

Mountaindewed · Dec 14, 2021 at 07:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

Have you ever had a migraine? You mentioned earlier having odor sensitivity and that plus nausea and a nasty headache sounds like a migraine. If you are having migraines your primary can probably give you something to help.

I do get migraines and I've gotten them more then usual lately. The Advil liguid gels worked great. My migraine yesterday seemed stress related.

My mom was smelling the burnt toast too though so maybe my house just smells strange.

Mountaindewed · Dec 14, 2021 at 07:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dsmith

Morning all. It's a tough morning, as most Mondays are, but I'm trying to stay positive. Couple highlights:

1. Wife is away. My wife is on vacation this week. It's a mixed blessing. Obviously, I miss her. But the quiet is kind of nice. Usually I'm sitting around waiting for the "other shoe to drop." I help her out with a lot of her business, which works well. She's a great manager, and I need direction.

Usually I feel a lot of stress. She's never overly demanding or punitive, but does seek my help and input a lot. This is a mixed blessing as well: it keeps me on track, but a lot of times I feel
(1) anxiety because I'm in a constant "fight or flight" mode. Waiting for
(2) lack of empowerment: it feels like the only time I can get things done

2. Weaning off medication. I was on Lamictal and Bupropion for a while, but I noticed a lot of side effects. Specifically Lamictal: it caused a lot of sensitivity and bleeding in my gums. Has anyone experienced this? I started taking it in the fall of 2016, and then in the spring of 2019 my gums began bleeding profusely whenever I brushed, and were extremely sensitive.

I would say I'm a lot more stable now than I was 5 years ago. Mostly because of meditation, support from my family, and removing toxic influences from my life (mostly my mom, dad, and brother). So I think Lamictal has "done its job," and I'm ready to wean off it. I went from taking 250mg every morning, to 150mg for 2 weeks, and now I'm down to 50mg.

I feel a lot more distraction, trouble staying motivation, and total disengagement from everything. I've been looking up a lot of info about burnout, and how to deal. It's a good "dry run," I guess.

3. Switching from coffee to tea. About 3 weeks ago (11/22, right before Thanksgiving), I began vomiting every morning. This was always right after I had my morning coffee. So I switched to tea. Mixed bag (sounds like the theme of the day lol): coffee gave me a jolt of energy instantaneously, whereas tea is a very mild upper. However, I don't have to toss my cookies every morning. That was no fun: it would leave me completely depleted, especially because it also flushed the medication out of my system.

So it's a slog, but I'm gonna try to keep my nose to the grindstone and get through the day. Wish you all love and many blessings of the day.

I did have teeth issues for a bit but it was tough to tell if it was the lamictal. I was getting a lot of cavities the first couple years I was on it (summer of 2014 until summer of 2015) but I also had impacted wisdom teeth that I got taken out in August 2015. I contiuned to have a ton of pain that went away after I got braces in 2016. And I've had some cavities since getting my teeth fixed but no major issues in the last 4 years. So I don't know whats related to the lamictal and whats not.

Mountaindewed · 11:26 AM

I feel better today. My headache is gone thanks to the Advil. I slept decently. I'm not nauseated. I had a regular orange vanilla Coke that I accidently opened yesterday. Then I also had 2 zero sugar orange vanilla ones. I stopped at Sonic and got a cherry vanilla Diet Coke. They add actual syrup to their drinks. I am skipping coffee today but I did make a pitcher of matcha tea that I may or may not drink today.

The package never arrived at that apartment. So I'm not sure whats going on. According to the tracking info its still out for delivery. But maybe its getting sent back to the place I ordered it from. In their email they said that was a possibilty. I am also waiting on another package from UPS which is also getting screwed up just because they said things would get screwey this year.

Overall I'm doing fine today. I was going to go to Aldis to see if they had any baked brie left.

I got the second package fixed so it would come to my house instead of the UPS box. I sent the other company another email asking what was going on. I hope he doesnt get pissed at me since this was my fault to begin with. But I'm not sure why its not being delivered though to the wrong address. Also I really dont get why I can't change the delivery address or anything but I could for the second one.

Brentus · 11:34 AM

Happy Tuesday!

I felt pretty tired yesterday and laid down pretty early in the evening (around 9PM) but didn't end up sleeping until about midnight. I woke up this morning around 8AM. It would do me good to have things to do everyday to help time to pass and/or motivate me to do something. Eat-sleep-repeat is a pretty dull cycle to be honest. I may go walking today since the weather isn't so bad. No plans for the day, nothing to really do -- just another day to get through, but feeling OK!

This drug testing thing is starting to get ridiculous. I called to follow-up a third time. Again, issues with faxing. Ugh. Apparently this time too, what they faxed was more like a receipt and not the actual results. I called and medical records seems to think the results haven't come back in yet cause they had to send out for it (which was over a week ago), and told me to call back on Friday, or Monday to check on them.

I know it's a waiting game and I can't do anything until then, but it frustrates me. I am muddled up in this process because I don't live near the center where I get my treatment (I do telehealth) and so I have to play mediator to get stuff done. I'm gonna worry about this until it's resolved. I also have to go through this crap every 3 months? It may just be easier to drive the two hours to the clinic and do it in the future. Jeez this is ridiculous. I really hate not being able to resolve stuff, but what can I do? Not a thing. Weirdest thing is, no one is on my back about it. I just know I am supposed to have it done, and I don't feel comfortable knowing it's not done. No one at the clinic seems concerned about it, so why am I? Because I'm just that person I guess.

I know it's a simple issue -- I did the test and it's just about getting the results in. I know it's not a big deal, but I feel like I'm doing something wrong until it's resolved. I know it's an issue with me.

So much for my good mood, I'm anxious and irritable now. At least the people I dealt with were kind.

Nammu · Dec 14, 2021 at 11:37 AM

Picked up the food for the Christmas dinner with my sister. The directions are pretty straightforward. Everything goes in at different times but it’s all the same temperature. Nothing to do until 11:30. It does look more like it will feed 6 not 4. But leftovers are always nice. Kinda surprised that my sister isn’t here yet.

wildflowerchild25 · Dec 14, 2021 at 02:12 PM

Well, I do have Covid. Unbelievable. I made it almost two years into this BS. Right now I’m just really fatigued and feel like I have a sinus infection. But who knows how bad it can get. I’m not crazy worried bc I am vaccinated but you never know.

I feel really bad about taking my son to his friend’s house though. Super bad. I knew I shouldn’t have. I just thought since I sat 4-5 ft away from my coworker who was positive I’d be ok.

My son gets freaked out like I do so he already thinks he has it. I got him a test for Saturday. RS is gonna have to stay home instead of working. Or at least go to his side job work later. I actually ordered home tests as well for the future.

Mountaindewed · Dec 14, 2021 at 02:14 PM

I seem to have gotten the package issue under control. The guy got pretty pissed at me in his email. Like all caps type pissed. He gave me the tracking number, the invoice number, which I had told him werent working. Plus he didnt even explain the delay in the package. But he gave me the UPS customer service number and through that I was able to change the address to my house. I dont have a delivery date or anything now but at least I have a correct address. So I don't know if its the sellers fault or UPS because the seller was getting pissed and saying it was a UPS issue but the numbers, at the least the invoice number was not accurate so when I tried to change the delivery online UPS was telling me to go back to him.

I hope it at least gets to me sometime this year.

I found the baked brie I was looking for at Aldis. Last year they sold out right away. This is the second time I've bought it, 3rd time seeing it. My mom is once again at walmart in the middle of the day. My brother who is autistic is also severely depressed and my mom trys to get him out of the house. But she does it in the middle of the day. He doesnt have his booster and if he gets covid he wont have the physical or mental energy to fight it off and I'm not sure why my mom is not understanding that.

Then she comes home and starts *****ing at me about how crowded the store is. Duh you think. Not to mention she did actually get sick the last time she went out In the middle of the day.

*Beth* · Dec 14, 2021 at 03:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

Well, I do have Covid. Unbelievable. I made it almost two years into this BS. Right now I’m just really fatigued and feel like I have a sinus infection. But who knows how bad it can get. I’m not crazy worried bc I am vaccinated but you never know.

I feel really bad about taking my son to his friend’s house though. Super bad. I knew I shouldn’t have. I just thought since I sat 4-5 ft away from my coworker who was positive I’d be ok.

My son gets freaked out like I do so he already thinks he has it. I got him a test for Saturday. RS is gonna have to stay home instead of working. Or at least go to his side job work later. I actually ordered home tests as well for the future.

Oh, wfc...I'm so sorry. I hope it's a mild case and passes quickly. Take good care of yourself

*Beth* · Dec 14, 2021 at 03:04 PM

My therapist's angel receptionist was somehow able to get an appointment for me today with my pdoc. It's at 2 p.m. I'm praying, pleading, hoping that something good comes from the appointment. Something that alleviates this anxiety/panic. I'm exhausted.

Mountaindewed · Dec 14, 2021 at 03:35 PM

And it came like 20 minutes ago. The doorbell rang and since it never rings except for deliveries I figured it was for me. So I grabbed my hat and went to open the door. I thought I might have to sign since it was coming from out of the country. But no I didnt have to sign. The box was labeled glass and it was on its side and it was super banged up but the bottles were wrapped really well in bubble wrap. Thats probably why the seller was getting so annoyed with me. Because it was an easy fix. But to be fair the numbers he gave me did not work and it wasnt until he gave me the customer service number that I was able to change the address.

Nammu · Dec 14, 2021 at 04:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

Well, I do have Covid. Unbelievable. I made it almost two years into this BS. Right now I’m just really fatigued and feel like I have a sinus infection. But who knows how bad it can get. I’m not crazy worried bc I am vaccinated but you never know.

I feel really bad about taking my son to his friend’s house though. Super bad. I knew I shouldn’t have. I just thought since I sat 4-5 ft away from my coworker who was positive I’d be ok.

My son gets freaked out like I do so he already thinks he has it. I got him a test for Saturday. RS is gonna have to stay home instead of working. Or at least go to his side job work later. I actually ordered home tests as well for the future.

I’m so sorry, I too hope it will be a mild case.

Scooter9 · Dec 14, 2021 at 04:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BethRags

My therapist's angel receptionist was somehow able to get an appointment for me today with my pdoc. It's at 2 p.m. I'm praying, pleading, hoping that something good comes from the appointment. Something that alleviates this anxiety/panic. I'm exhausted.

I hope the appointment goes well for you.

Menu

My Support Forums - Mental Health Support Groups

Get emotional support and friendship from others like you!

Bipolar check-in #60

My Support Forums

Beth catches the flowers Member Since Jul 2019 Location: Downtown Vibes, California Posts: 15,701 (SuperPoster!) 4 23.7k hugs given	Dec 14, 2021 at 03:04 PM #817 My therapist's angel receptionist was somehow able to get an appointment for me today with my pdoc. It's at 2 p.m. I'm praying, pleading, hoping that something good comes from the appointment. Something that alleviates this anxiety/panic. I'm exhausted. __________________