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Monster on the Hill
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: by the river
Posts: 4,093
(SuperPoster!)
3 4,819 hugs
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Nov 19, 2021 at 03:43 AM
#1
I cant' eat and I can't sleep and witout those two who the **** cares about the rest?
Everyone around mekeeps bringing up the damn hospital. THat's where all this mess started if Iwasn't poisoned and traumatized I wouldn't be going through this I want off this mothah****ing train. I keep getting images of them coming after me with a gun and all I have is a ****ing pen and book. And cutting my foot off. And feeling lost. I don't think I'll ever not feel lost again. I'm not supposed to be here. God keeps sending me signals. I ripped my stitches out. __________________ If any chord that I could strum Make me feel less like a man I'd slam my fingers in the doorway And shatter all the bones So I could never strum again Last edited by MuddyBoots; Nov 19, 2021 at 07:37 AM.. |
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 *Beth*, Fuzzybear, mote.of.soul, unaluna
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catches the flowers
Member Since Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
Posts: 15,701
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4 23.7k hugs
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Nov 19, 2021 at 07:47 AM
#2
Hi Sapien- I've seen some people who felt 100% hopeless do a mind-bending turnaround.
I'm sending you love. __________________ |
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| Fuzzybear
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 mote.of.soul
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Monster on the Hill
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: by the river
Posts: 4,093
(SuperPoster!)
3 4,819 hugs
given
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Nov 19, 2021 at 08:01 AM
#3
But what to do in the meantime... The Force wants me to join their side to be a string and have all power but they don't even know my last name there's just a blanket I have to duel because it's Devilish and Lucy knows what's up. I'm supposed to go to my gf's today and scope things out but there's just not enough cigarettes in the world for the beard ankle deep and so steep it's not fair and I get that life isn't fair but should fairies be fair? No, because there's only this STUPID ****ING BLANKET THAT WANTS TO SHOW WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU GET AN ABORTION nd there is no way out of Sununu's pocket once you get in there, like the sunapee fair.
__________________ If any chord that I could strum Make me feel less like a man I'd slam my fingers in the doorway And shatter all the bones So I could never strum again |
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| *Beth*, Fuzzybear
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Monster on the Hill
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: by the river
Posts: 4,093
(SuperPoster!)
3 4,819 hugs
given
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Nov 19, 2021 at 08:02 AM
#4
Last time I purged there was blood so I have to take a break. Nothing's cheap except the blanket I shouldn't have spent the $3
__________________ If any chord that I could strum Make me feel less like a man I'd slam my fingers in the doorway And shatter all the bones So I could never strum again |
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| *Beth*, Fuzzybear
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Monster on the Hill
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: by the river
Posts: 4,093
(SuperPoster!)
3 4,819 hugs
given
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Nov 19, 2021 at 08:05 AM
#5
There are good vibes and bad vibes to everything nad peanut butter has the bad vibes. Everything my dad eats has bad vibes and I don't get how he's still alive with all the horese manure inside him. THe percocets must kill the poison. And I can't make my hat. It's a cat hat. Or a mat. Rat hat maybe or just something to sit on and hit on and spit on
They jdruged me.' Their little experiment vibe voices told not to take my meds so I won't because I trust in the God Force __________________ If any chord that I could strum Make me feel less like a man I'd slam my fingers in the doorway And shatter all the bones So I could never strum again |
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| *Beth*, Fuzzybear, HALLIEBETH87
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Legendary
Member Since Oct 2004
Location: usa
Posts: 11,193
19 2,739 hugs
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Nov 19, 2021 at 10:02 AM
#6
I’m worried about you. Please be safe.
__________________ Bipolar 1 w/psychotic features or schizoaffective bipolar type PTSD generalized anxiety OCD celexa, prazosin, Lybalvi and prn zyprexa and klonopin |
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| mote.of.soul
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catches the flowers
Member Since Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
Posts: 15,701
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4 23.7k hugs
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Nov 19, 2021 at 03:48 PM
#7
I'm very concerned, Sapien. It seems like your subconscious mind is running the show and that can definitely be dangerous to your *health and well-being.*
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| Fuzzybear, mote.of.soul
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Monster on the Hill
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: by the river
Posts: 4,093
(SuperPoster!)
3 4,819 hugs
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Nov 19, 2021 at 04:54 PM
#8
Quote:
 Home made garlic paste. They're after me and they know, they know the show and the flow grow slow so mow them low. Fuzzy wuzzy wuz a bear fuzzy brain fuzzy rain fuzzy vision fuzzy mission. I feel leaches lesions.
__________________ If any chord that I could strum Make me feel less like a man I'd slam my fingers in the doorway And shatter all the bones So I could never strum again |
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| *Beth*, Fuzzybear, mote.of.soul
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Mad Walker
Member Since Jan 2018
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 13,085
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Nov 19, 2021 at 05:43 PM
#9
Hi @Sapien👋👋
I hear you, such struggle omgosh. 😔 But there's hope, Sir. The fact that you're still able to laugh, still have a sense of humour, means, to me, you can do this. You still have a spark of life(!) You could (continue to) make your point to live be about doing your best to cope and endure through your difficulties come what may, until positive change begins to occur, however long it takes. Yes. Find positives in life, small enjoyments, and see them as little lifelines to future happiness of stability. You see, in my darkest times which lasted too long for me to handle, that's what I did. I used reason and said things can't possibly get worse in my life (the final end was on the cards) but if I just continue to endure, to try, they can only improve. And slowly but surely they did improve - mentally and emotionally. Do you understand what I'm saying, friend? Your journey to psychological wellness, calm, inner stability etc., can be the point, with the firm belief it will happen. Your spirit is not dead yet Sapien! ((Hugs)) __________________ "A flower falls, even though we love it; and a weed grows, even though we do not love it."- Dōgen
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| *Beth*, Fuzzybear
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*Beth*
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Monster on the Hill
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: by the river
Posts: 4,093
(SuperPoster!)
3 4,819 hugs
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Nov 19, 2021 at 08:37 PM
#10
I've been hanging around addicts today where the day turns into the evening but you just gotta go because the police showed up twice. They just assumed I was a meth head, I got that look because I read a book I threw in a brook from a nook as a cook. Look? No, Luke the duke. You can't tell me there aren't anymore stories out there because I can come up with 5 on a lime dime without that salmon damnation.
__________________ If any chord that I could strum Make me feel less like a man I'd slam my fingers in the doorway And shatter all the bones So I could never strum again |
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| Fuzzybear, mote.of.soul
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Monster on the Hill
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: by the river
Posts: 4,093
(SuperPoster!)
3 4,819 hugs
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Nov 19, 2021 at 08:38 PM
#11
I ate took mcCrapples crap abbles they took my social security number
__________________ If any chord that I could strum Make me feel less like a man I'd slam my fingers in the doorway And shatter all the bones So I could never strum again |
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| BeyondtheRainbow
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Monster on the Hill
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: by the river
Posts: 4,093
(SuperPoster!)
3 4,819 hugs
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Nov 19, 2021 at 08:39 PM
#12
I don't know where to go from here do I do what everyone else says and go to the hoosptial? They can't do anything for me because I will refuse all treatment. Friend says i'll be IEAd soon. Intermittent Explosive Action. Hellz yeah broskis let's go pond skimming swimming and brimming. Leave the rope for the pope.
__________________ If any chord that I could strum Make me feel less like a man I'd slam my fingers in the doorway And shatter all the bones So I could never strum again |
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Monster on the Hill
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: by the river
Posts: 4,093
(SuperPoster!)
3 4,819 hugs
given
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Nov 19, 2021 at 08:42 PM
#13
I'm not gonna take my meds because they're a devil force. God forces rule and they're telling me I have to abstain from everything but that which survives an appocalpyse so pretty much peanut butter and protein bars made from funkay monkays and white bois. Bolshevik I say. There's a pillow that wants me to survive, I feel it cheering but the left is wrong because the right is going to put you on the easy path the left puts you on twister where you bomb it and fall and take the race kids out of the show. BREAK MY JAW NOW
__________________ If any chord that I could strum Make me feel less like a man I'd slam my fingers in the doorway And shatter all the bones So I could never strum again |
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Monster on the Hill
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: by the river
Posts: 4,093
(SuperPoster!)
3 4,819 hugs
given
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Nov 19, 2021 at 08:46 PM
#14
i WANT m son. I need to puke.
Possible trigger:
IT BURNS. ZTHe bears are out, but their scat is on the trail and my waterbottle scared them and the snow didn't bother the funky white bostonian. I could shred it there. You may enter the danger zone, but you see where the firings happen is the gun shots and the police will come over repeatedly so I'll take in any stray mouse that needs peanut butter. I promised. __________________ If any chord that I could strum Make me feel less like a man I'd slam my fingers in the doorway And shatter all the bones So I could never strum again |
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Legendary
Member Since Oct 2004
Location: usa
Posts: 11,193
19 2,739 hugs
given
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Nov 19, 2021 at 10:24 PM
#15
Are you ok? Are you safe?
I think you may need help __________________ Bipolar 1 w/psychotic features or schizoaffective bipolar type PTSD generalized anxiety OCD celexa, prazosin, Lybalvi and prn zyprexa and klonopin |
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| BeyondtheRainbow
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BeyondtheRainbow
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Elder
Member Since Jun 2015
Location: Czechia
Posts: 5,153
8 13.4k hugs
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Nov 20, 2021 at 01:43 AM
#16
Don't let depression win!
__________________ Dx: Bipolar type 1 Psych Medications: * Tegretol XR (carbamazepine ER) 800 mg * Lamictal (lamotrigine) 150 mg * Seroquel XR (quetiapine ER) 600 mg I also take meds for blood pressure, cholesterol, and tachycardia. |
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Monster on the Hill
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: by the river
Posts: 4,093
(SuperPoster!)
3 4,819 hugs
given
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Nov 20, 2021 at 02:51 AM
#17
I don't get my hterapist, she wants me not alone and said I'm dissociating. Barely know what that means and I don't think it applies, it's an applicator like for tampons and ****, my therapist is a tampon. Hallucinations too, but no, I'm choosen to receive these messages from both God and the Devil they're leaving everywhere I can feel their energies. No one gets it. I ate too much and now I have to cleanse. SHots shots shots. My arm is sore where I ripped my stitch out but I'm not adopted so I don't know how to surf. As if there were a regular potato but these carrots are commpletely and utterly ****ed. I'm gonna yell at them and appreciate their artirstry.
__________________ If any chord that I could strum Make me feel less like a man I'd slam my fingers in the doorway And shatter all the bones So I could never strum again |
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Monster on the Hill
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: by the river
Posts: 4,093
(SuperPoster!)
3 4,819 hugs
given
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Nov 20, 2021 at 02:53 AM
#18
Just drink a beer and forget it. The Devil's taken too much from me, my memory, he's messing with my memory. What's the point if I don't evn know where I go? I don't remember kayaking in Vermont???????
__________________ If any chord that I could strum Make me feel less like a man I'd slam my fingers in the doorway And shatter all the bones So I could never strum again |
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Monster on the Hill
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: by the river
Posts: 4,093
(SuperPoster!)
3 4,819 hugs
given
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Nov 20, 2021 at 02:56 AM
#19
How do you get constellations otu of stars? I'm more of a cloud looker myself. I'm a big dipshit because I can't find the big dipper. I know a rainbow when I see one, and I saw one, and it was beautiful even though I want to run fromm y grlfriend. SHe doesn't understand me,. says I should go to the behavioral health unit. HA! I was there twice this year and there is just the threats of NHH and their CDs, I listen to Halsey sometimes because Control gets it, I have no control over anything these days, it's all just a math equation you gotta balance the Devil with God.
__________________ If any chord that I could strum Make me feel less like a man I'd slam my fingers in the doorway And shatter all the bones So I could never strum again |
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Monster on the Hill
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: by the river
Posts: 4,093
(SuperPoster!)
3 4,819 hugs
given
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Nov 20, 2021 at 02:57 AM
#20
***** i can't sleep, I'm doing laundry there's bad energy down there, he's screaming to get out.
__________________ If any chord that I could strum Make me feel less like a man I'd slam my fingers in the doorway And shatter all the bones So I could never strum again |
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