Bipolar check-in #61

Nothing special to report, but I want to send love to each of you

Back at you Beth!

I'm just waiting for my sister and her family to get here. They were supposed to be here a couple hours ago but something about a pie crust. Then my brother in law called and said they'd be here in 45 minutes or an hour and that was an hour and 15 minutes ago. They do this every year but at least this time they arent out of state. I still feel ok without the geodon and I've been on track with my other meds. I havent felt the need to take a vistriel at all but since I threw them out its not like I can anyways. But man did that visteriel, zofran, benadryl combo wreak havoc on my appetite and weight for a month. I had my injection too Thursday night which causes hunger issues the day after I get it.

I slept good. I woke up at 7:40 and not 2:30. I watched A Christmas Story 1.5 times and then A Muppet Christmas Story. Now I am just hanging around until my family gets here.

My mom just told me my sister reminds her of Lucy with the football and Charlie Brown. She always believes them each time when they say what time they will be here. Then they never leave at that time.

They texted my mom and are finally leaving now.

Mother Nature has sent us a wonderful holiday gift in the form of heavy rain. After 6 years of terrible drought, this year seems to be bringing desperately-needed rain. It's so sad to see enormous redwoods and other magnificent trees dying from lack of water. Maybe they'll be revived this season.

We used to celebrate Christmas, but almost all of the elders have passed on. I was, unfortunately, my parents' 'mid-life baby'; they were both around 40 when I was born. Then both of them had serious health problems and died at ages that were too young. I've lost all of my grandparents, beloved aunts and uncles, and a number of cousins...it's truly painful, missing so many people. My in-laws lived to be near 100, still, they died quite a while back. Then my precious sister-friend died so unexpectedly in February. Too many dead people, too much loss. (Although thank the Universe my hideous step-father is long gone.) I wanted to address loss in therapy, but my therapist doesn't seem to know how to deal with my grief and loss. It's disappointing, but maybe there's another, more effective T who is in my future. I've had it up to my ears with CBT and mindfulness!

Anyway, again...love all around and wishes for many bright blessings for every one of you who are here day after day (or even now and then). You are very special people.

They got here and we opened presents and I guess I feel kind of guilty. I feel like I got a lot compared to the others. From my mom I got a hoodie. It was only $12 though so it wasn't a huge amount. Then I got a pair of Vibes ear plugs since I lost my old ones in the move somehow and she got me a $75 Kohls gift card and 2 10 pound weights she got from 5 Below. My brother got me a Vans hat and my sisters family got me a book on haunted locations in my state, 2 bags of candy, a $25 Starbucks gift card, and a $75 Amazon gift card.

It was just a lot and more variety then I normally get. I gave everyone $50 gift cards and my nephews got toys. I know Christmas isnt about presents but I've always felt like I've gotten more then my sister. She just got a sweater and a $100 Amazon gift card. My brother in law only got a gift card from my mom. My mom thinks shes being fair but I don't think she is. I mean, I got a hamster when I was 9, well the cage, I picked out the hamster a few days later. My sister never got a hamster. I think it hurts her feelings and it hurts mine too as an adult but its not like I can say anything to my mom.

I think I'm just overwhelmed. I often do get overwhelmed during Christmas.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed They got here and we opened presents and I guess I feel kind of guilty. I feel like I got a lot compared to the others. From my mom I got a hoodie. It was only $12 though so it wasn't a huge amount. Then I got a pair of Vibes ear plugs since I lost my old ones in the move somehow and she got me a $75 Kohls gift card and 2 10 pound weights she got from 5 Below. My brother got me a Vans hat and my sisters family got me a book on haunted locations in my state, 2 bags of candy, a $25 Starbucks gift card, and a $75 Amazon gift card. It was just a lot and more variety then I normally get. I gave everyone $50 gift cards and my nephews got toys. I know Christmas isnt about presents but I've always felt like I've gotten more then my sister. She just got a sweater and a $100 Amazon gift card. My brother in law only got a gift card from my mom. My mom thinks shes being fair but I don't think she is. I mean, I got a hamster when I was 9, well the cage, I picked out the hamster a few days later. My sister never got a hamster. I think it hurts her feelings and it hurts mine too as an adult but its not like I can say anything to my mom. I think I'm just overwhelmed. I often do get overwhelmed during Christmas.

Don't feel guilty! They love you!

Christmas was very good. N3 showed up for about an hour for breakfast- Mickey Mouse waffles, sausage and tangerines. N2 and her boyfriend finally showed up- turns out N2 was up until 4 a.m.! So they didn't show up until almost 1 . N3 I showed up a little after 10. N2 told me that she also got me an early birthday present: An upgraded plane seat for our flights to and from Disney World! They are riding first class too! We exchangegifts- one per person- we drew names out of a hat. We had dinner- Christmas casserole and 7 layer salad. N1 played the guitar and sang for us which was great background music. We also had a fire in the fireplace. I got pajamas from N1 for my gift. I'm tired for some reason. I got up a little early but later than I wanted.

Hubble saw everything in the visible part of the spectrum which was amazing. Lots of new discoveries with Hubble.

With Webb, it viewes in the infrared which allows us to see into nebulas and galaxies. It also allows us to see very far back in time, to 350,000 years after the big bang, something we have never seen before. It'll also be great for observing exoplanets and will be able to analyze the light from lots of sources at the same time. It'll change how we see the universe. It took 20 years to develop and build this telescope, it's way more powerful than Hubble, which is an amazing telescope.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Moose72 Christmas was very good. N3 showed up for about an hour for breakfast- Mickey Mouse waffles, sausage and tangerines. N2 and her boyfriend finally showed up- turns out N2 was up until 4 a.m.! So they didn't show up until almost 1 . N3 I showed up a little after 10. N2 told me that she also got me an early birthday present: An upgraded plane seat for our flights to and from Disney World! They are riding first class too! We exchangegifts- one per person- we drew names out of a hat. We had dinner- Christmas casserole and 7 layer salad. N1 played the guitar and sang for us which was great background music. We also had a fire in the fireplace. I got pajamas from N1 for my gift. I'm tired for some reason. I got up a little early but later than I wanted.

How absolutely exciting about the plane tickets! WooHOO!!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scooter9 Hubble saw everything in the visible part of the spectrum which was amazing. Lots of new discoveries with Hubble. With Webb, it viewes in the infrared which allows us to see into nebulas and galaxies. It also allows us to see very far back in time, to 350,000 years after the big bang, something we have never seen before. It'll also be great for observing exoplanets and will be able to analyze the light from lots of sources at the same time. It'll change how we see the universe. It took 20 years to develop and build this telescope, it's way more powerful than Hubble, which is an amazing telescope.

Thank you, Scooter! That's some very, very exciting stuff.

I saw something about this on the news. This should be great!

Just a couple more hours in my Christmas Day and i am happy to report it passed in relative comfort. It seemed like any other day. I got my dog out in the afternoon. It was a mild Winter day. I dozed and played Scrabble and watched soaps. I didn't eat very well tho. But overall, it was an okay day and i am relieved that i wasn't bothered by being alone on this day of days. Aces!

Christmas was not bad at all. I made it through four hours at RS’s cousin’s house before really bothering RS to go. Luckily he was ready as well as we had a 1.5 hour drive home. My son liked his presents and I think I have impressed upon him that WE brought the gifts, not Santa, without outright saying there’s no Santa. I did not want to ruin the magic, of course, but as he gets older and his gifts get less plentiful but more expensive I want him to know that not everyone gets expensive gifts from “Santa”.

Today we’re going by my grandmas for a couple of hours. My mom was “thinking” about going a couple of days ago but I didn’t give her a chance to say no today, really. I just texted her we’ll be there to pick her up at 12:30. She said she’ll be ready. My son’s other grandma is stopping by quickly to give him his gifts, she can’t stay because she’s been exposed.

Cheeto has his ultrasound tomorrow at 9am. He’s still acting fine and I see him eating every morning so I am still hoping it’s nothing serious.

I still can’t sleep but I think I might know why. The pharmacy won’t fill the higher dose of seroquel. It’s only 50mg higher than my regular dose but maybe it has something to do with that. Unfortunately I’d have to cut the ones I have into thirds to get up to the right dose so I’ll call my pdoc’s office tomorrow and see if I can get them to pass the message to my dr that I need her to approve the refill.

Stomach ache this morning. There was nothing wrong with the food yesterday- was there? Now I'm afraid to eat any leftovers.

I'm doing well today. I fell asleep at 8 last night. Which is a good time for me. I woke up at 11 though. I didnt care one way or the other if I fell back asleep so I drank 3 cans of zero sugar watermelon Mountain Dew. Then around 4 I was like "I got basically no sleep tonight." Then I fell asleep for another hour or 1.5 hours and I feel fine and not too anxious from so much caffeine and lack of sleep.

I was on Amazon last night trying to figure out my gift card. I wanted a Levis jacket and a couple pairs of Levis jeans and I have the Kohls gift card too. I finally decided to get the jacket from Amazon. I got a denim sherpa one that was orginally $98 then it was on sale for $79. With my gift card I only had to put in $12 of my own money. I've been wanting one for awhile but there was no way I can afford a $79 jacket on my own. I got free prime for 24 hours after I ordered the jacket so I ordered a little $8 thing that has a funny story to it.

Then I'll use my Kohls gift card to get the 2 pairs of jeans I want. I'll go next week. I dont like shopping on the 26th.

Hope everyone had a lovely Christmas

Steve is sick as a dog he was really out of it when he got home yesterday. Early this morning he woke up and really struggling to catch his breath. Eventually it has improved but lungs are trashed.

Was going to take him into town for official Covid test but going to wait until tomorrow and see what our doctor wants us to do.

Seems like every 4-5 hours we are hearing of more people from the wedding getting sick. Steve’s sister her husband and daughter is sick now also.

My sole focus is on keeping Steve upright. I simply don’t have time to waste on the whole cluster F that has happened in regards to my Geodon. I feel pretty bad physically I am having some auditory hallucinations. Ugh!! . Now that Steve and I are quarantined. I won’t be seeing Richard the 5th but I don’t know if they will refill my medications or not since I won’t be able to make it to an appt??? I’m kind of at that point where I honestly dont care.

Once things settle down somehow I am going to call every single provider that prescribes psych meds. I need someone new .. Dr Graves would never have left me hanging like this. I have no faith that I will ever get proper care there anymore. 13 years and it was amazing. Now ? Pure garbage. I know I am not the only one dealing with this.

Anyway I really hope that one day soon somehow my stress will decrease even if it’s just a little. Of course I hope and pray I don’t get sick. Hell one of us has to be semi healthy.

Thanks for the support my friends

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I had a delightful Christmas. A good time was had by all. The food was delicious and the presents were lovely. We did a White Elephant Christmas and it was hysterical. We did Christmas at 5:00 and finished up around 9:30 after which my daughter and I did our own Christmas. I loved my gifts. We woke up at about 8:30 this morning and had coffee together then she headed to her dad’s for two days. That’s the hard part. I’ll see her again most of the day Tuesday and then she’ll head home.

We’re going to Verizon Tuesday to purchase a new phone. My current beloved one is dying. I use it for everything because my eyesight is bad and I can’t see the computer. I’ll take her out for lunch and then hug her good bye.

I was wilted after yesterday. I woke at 4:00 am with charley horses in both legs. Man those hurt! I have a B deficiency which I’m addressing but I get lots and lots of muscle cramps in my toes, back, legs, fingers, hands and feet. Even around my rib cage. It’s the pits. Today I’ll need to rest. I’m in a pretty good mood…just kicked back watching tv and about to make a plate of leftovers. I’ve been journaling with my new gel pens.

I hope everyone has a peaceful, restful day.

I’m so sorry you’re going through such difficulty. I’m sending love, hugs and prayers. I hope Steve is okay and improves soon. I also hope you find a suitable med provider.

Oh this sucks major time.

Checking in. I need a shoulder to cry on and some encouraging words.. In the past three months I have put on 33 pounds. That is 30% of my total body weight. I eat when I get depressed. I ate and ate and ate. Now I feel like a failure, like I have let myself down. When I walk I feel short of breath and I am having trouble with stairs. I can barely do two flights and I have three to get to work. I am ashamed of the way I look. It destroys my self confidence.
Any words of wisdom?