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Default Dec 26, 2021 at 03:16 PM
  #41
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Originally Posted by Standup2me View Post
Checking in. I need a shoulder to cry on and some encouraging words.. In the past three months I have put on 33 pounds. That is 30% of my total body weight. I eat when I get depressed. I ate and ate and ate. Now I feel like a failure, like I have let myself down. When I walk I feel short of breath and I am having trouble with stairs. I can barely do two flights and I have three to get to work. I am ashamed of the way I look. It destroys my self confidence.
Any words of wisdom?
Only wise words I have are to keep moving.

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Default Dec 26, 2021 at 03:21 PM
  #42
Thank you. I will do my best

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Default Dec 26, 2021 at 03:26 PM
  #43
I guess for some reason my nephews are staying over for a second night. But my sister and brother in law are not. And first all 4 of them are going to Target. I was hoping to get some grocery shopping done in the morning. I am out of fruit. But based on how my family works I may not get to the store until Tuesday. I'm not mad or anything. I've actually been pretty chilled out anxiety and mood wise since being without my geodon 20mil for 3 days.

My sister and her family are moving next year. Same town just a bigger house. So thats going to be my 2022 excitement.
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Default Dec 26, 2021 at 03:33 PM
  #44
I've decided to use my meds as PRNs. I'm having trouble concentrating. We ended up at my sister's last night got a nice set of markers and a notebook.

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Default Dec 26, 2021 at 07:20 PM
  #45
I had a pretty nice Christmas. My family celebrates on Christmas Eve. We had good food and yummy desserts. I received some pretty nice presents from my family. I was really pleased to know that they really liked the gifts that I gave them. On the day before Christmas eve my younger nieces and nephew came over. My nieces and I made cookies that we gave as gifts on the next day. On Christmas day we usually don`t do too much but we did something this year. My Mom,dad and I went to see Spiderman and I thought the movie was pretty good and we had fun. I was glad to read that many of you had a good holiday too. I`m sorry and send out hugs to those who had a rougher time this year. Hopefully things will get better, and the new year will bring you peace and good fortune.

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Default Dec 26, 2021 at 08:12 PM
  #46
First day back at work after surgery. Man, the pain. Took me an ibuprofen and hot shower. January term
Class starts tomororw!!!

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Default Dec 26, 2021 at 08:37 PM
  #47
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First day back at work after surgery. Man, the pain. Took me an ibuprofen and hot shower. January term
Class starts tomororw!!!

You have met some challenges over the past months really well!

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Default Dec 26, 2021 at 10:06 PM
  #48
Thanks Beth! I’m super nervous about this class. It’s an 8 week social work elective course broken into twelve days…,

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Default Dec 26, 2021 at 10:50 PM
  #49
Broke down and took my thorizine. Now my heads not as loud I can think. I'm still very overwhelmed but getting tired. Tomorrow I cut them in hall and see how well that works.

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Default Dec 27, 2021 at 08:39 AM
  #50
I’ve not been able to fall asleep at a reasonable hour even with extra dose of regular seroquel. Because of this even if I manage to get 8 hours of artificial sleep I am hungover in the morning for about half the day. I have to call my pdoc today and get her to refill the XR. It occurred to me last night that I can’t split XR pills no matter what they are.

I am sending all those suffering peace and good vibes. I would address all individually if I could

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Default Dec 27, 2021 at 09:20 AM
  #51
I feel like h$ll on wheels this morning. I think I would be able to overcome but the final straw is that my calves ache from those charley horses the other night. It hurts to walk and I can’t find the aspirin. I’ve cancelled my therapy appointment and my doctor’s appointment to go over my test results. I have no patience or forgiveness for my body when it’s ill. I need to work on that. Really on cutting some slack on myself all the way around.

I hope everybody has a peaceful day.
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Default Dec 27, 2021 at 09:50 AM
  #52
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Originally Posted by Standup2me View Post
Checking in. I need a shoulder to cry on and some encouraging words.. In the past three months I have put on 33 pounds. That is 30% of my total body weight. I eat when I get depressed. I ate and ate and ate. Now I feel like a failure, like I have let myself down. When I walk I feel short of breath and I am having trouble with stairs. I can barely do two flights and I have three to get to work. I am ashamed of the way I look. It destroys my self confidence.
Any words of wisdom?
Weight gain definitely sucks, and it happens to almost all of us. Having to take certain bipolar medications (1), dealing with depression or other mood fluctuations (2), stress in life (3), and/or aging contributes and makes it a challenge to reverse. However, you can. Working on 1, 2, 3, and/or 4 assists, greatly. My advice is to sit down with a pen and paper (or on the computer) and write a short (short) list of things in each relevant category that could help. Then, take action! Do something. You'll thank yourself. Yea, it may be hard. Yea, you may stumble in the midst of efforts, but make efforts.

There's a simple thing I've learned to do when I'm a victim of inaction. I acknowledge the inaction, acknowledge what I need to do, then count to 10 and immediately at ten, jump to it, as if the morning alarm started screaming loudly and the only way to shut it off would be to get up and go.

"Stand up to yourself" and say "I can chip away at this!" Patient persistence.

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Default Dec 27, 2021 at 09:57 AM
  #53
It took me a long time to fall asleep last night. I felt sick like I had covid or something. Finally at 9 I fell asleep. But I had basically been up since 11:30 Saturday night. So almost 24 hours. I think that extra 20 mil geodon does legit help with my sleep. I woke up at 6:30 feeling super hot and headachy and nauseated and anxious. I took a long hot shower. I took an Advil and a valium. So far no relief. I don't know if its lack of Geodon or sleep or if I'm getting sick or just some other stuff. I don't know what other stuff that would be though.

My doctor screwed up on my Geodon 80 and gave me one a day when I take 2 a day. So now I'm going to run out on january 14th when I should have enough to get me to Feburary. I'm not concerned since I know my doctor wont let me go without it. It may be a severeal day long headache getting it fixed but he wont let me go without it especially since it was his mistake.

But today I dont feel like having my normal 3/4 cans of zero sugar sodas or my pitcher of decaf or matcha iced tea. Even the caffeine free zero sugar sodas I don't want right now. I just had one maple Coke and a serving of Tyson nuggets for breakfast. I do have my meals planned out.

I just feel off today.

Last edited by Mountaindewed; Dec 27, 2021 at 10:23 AM..
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Default Dec 27, 2021 at 10:01 AM
  #54
My husband and I got home a few hours ago. He's napping now. The visit to his sister's house had some nice hours and annoying ones, though part of the annoying ones were more Hubby's and his nephews' faults than my s-i-l's (or I think mine). In any case, I'm sure she was happy for all of us to go home. The nephews live in Prague, Hubby and I further south.

Yesterday my s-i-l asked me to go for "a bit of a hike" with her. She didn't even ask my husband because he always complains the hike is too ambitious. And she complains he's too out of shape and lazy. Good grief! Even I'm not nearly as active as she is and I'm 16 years younger than her. But I agreed, knowing I sort of owed it to her as a thanks for the work she did hosting. She said the hike would be 6 kilometers (almost 4 miles) through the woods. In my head I was like "OMG!" but I smiled and agreed (kinda) enthusiastically. Well, it turned out to be an 8 kilometer (5 mile) hike up and down steep hills through the woods, including crossing a shallow stream, climbing down a small ravine, navigating through icy patches, etc. Two hours in freezing weather through the snowy woods, often not even on a path! I thought I was near death, but didn't let on as much. We did pass other hikers (all with dogs). She's deathly afraid of animals, so I put myself between her and them. And yet, she said she's "not afraid of wild boars", whose signs were everywhere. Um, I think I am a little. She was talking out her butt on that one! Anyway, after we got back, right before dark, she raved to Hubby that I was faster than her. Truth is, at the end I simply wanted to get home. Badly! Plus, I had to pee soon after leaving, holding it for the whole 2 hours. Not fond of doing that in the woods! After showering (I was drenched with sweat), we ate dinner and I literally went to bed at 7:30 pm.

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Last edited by Soupe du jour; Dec 27, 2021 at 01:35 PM..
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Default Dec 27, 2021 at 11:37 AM
  #55
Wow soupe, what a walk! I’d never make it half a mile. Kudos to you. I’d certainly be wary of wild boar!

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Default Dec 27, 2021 at 01:02 PM
  #56
What's up guys? I'm doing simultaneously better and worse, which probably means January's annual manic episode will be mixed if I'm not there already..
Possible trigger:

But it's all fine. I'm starting prazosin (for the nightmares) tonight and naltrexone (for general "obsessive-compulsive behaviors") tomorrow. I was supposed to start last week but couldn't pick up my meds. This whole pharmacy only open 9-5 (but closed for an hour for lunch) Mon thru Fri thing sucks. I hope my T doesn't try to throw an IEA on me again today.

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Default Dec 27, 2021 at 02:50 PM
  #57
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Originally Posted by Soupe du jour View Post
My husband and I got home a few hours ago. He's napping now. The visit to his sister's house had some nice hours and annoying ones, though part of the annoying ones were more Hubby's and his nephews' faults than my s-i-l's (or I think mine). In any case, I'm sure she was happy for all of us to go home. The nephews live in Prague, Hubby and I further south.

Yesterday my s-i-l asked me to go for "a bit of a hike" with her. She didn't even ask my husband because he always complains the hike is too ambitious. And she complains he's too out of shape and lazy. Good grief! Even I'm not nearly as active as she is and I'm 16 years younger than her. But I agreed, knowing I sort of owed it to her as a thanks for the work she did hosting. She said the hike would be 6 kilometers (almost 4 miles) through the woods. In my head I was like "OMG!" but I smiled and agreed (kinda) enthusiastically. Well, it turned out to be an 8 kilometer (5 mile) hike up and down steep hills through the woods, including crossing a shallow stream, climbing down a small ravine, navigating through icy patches, etc. Two hours in freezing weather through the snowy woods, often not even on a path! I thought I was near death, but didn't let on as much. We did pass other hikers (all with dogs). She's deathly afraid of animals, so I put myself between her and them. And yet, she said she's "not afraid of wild boars", whose signs were everywhere. Um, I think I am a little. She was talking out her butt on that one! Anyway, after we got back, right before dark, she raved to Hubby that I was faster than her. Truth is, at the end I simply wanted to get home. Badly! Plus, I had to pee soon after leaving, holding it for the whole 2 hours. Not fond of doing that in the woods! After showering (I was drenched with sweat), we ate dinner and I literally went to bed at 7:30 pm.

Kudos to you! That's quite an...interesting...hike.

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Default Dec 27, 2021 at 02:53 PM
  #58
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Originally Posted by Sapien View Post
... I'm hanging out with opiate addicts again but I think I'll stop that because I know relapsing will only make things worse. ...

Yes. Stopping that would be a smart move. You know that.

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Default Dec 27, 2021 at 02:58 PM
  #59
I awoke with the damn anxiety/depression feelings. It seems to me that my pdoc could do more. I feel like I may have to resort to lying to her to get better treatment. For example, in past years I have told a pdoc that I'm having "strong sui thoughts" - that usually guarantees more effective medication treatment.


It's all very frustrating.

I'm seeing my therapist today and will be telling her I want to go to once/week, rather than 2 time/week. I'm not on the same page with her...she's heavily into CBT and it just doesn't do much for me; I feel like I'm fooling myself.

Wish me luck.

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Default Dec 27, 2021 at 03:42 PM
  #60
I called the pharmacy about the geodon. All I did was try refilling it. They said they had to contact my doctor and I'll leave it at that tonight. Then I called the actual office about the 80 mil situation and I left a message.

I don't feel as terrible as I did even 1.5 hours ago but I did take my last valium half an hour ago. Its early but I've had all my meds already minus my melatonin. I think I just havent been sleeping good these last 2 nights and my med management has been a bit wonky. I've been taking the correct doses for the most part but the times have been off.

I did not get any shopping done today like I wanted to. Grocery or retail. My nephews are still here. I figured I wouldnt get anything done today. I think my sister and brother in law are on on their way but that doesnt mean anything. By the time they are all out the door it could be another couple hours from now.

I'm just tired I guess from these last 2 nights of poor sleep and I am guessing my low moods are from the lack of geodon and also just general holiday burn out although it is not severe whatever it is that I am feeling.
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