deciding that as bipolars, romance is too painful

I am feeling that as a bipolar, romance is too painful. It's so complicated with basically being two people in one, a manic one and a depressed one. It's too confusing for a partnership.

I find the pain of relationships far outweighs the pleasure of them. I stumbled into an online relationship this Summer which ended badly. Sure, i was on cloud nine while it went on, felt like i was walking on air and hugely flattered by all the attention he lavished on me.

But then it ended after just a month and it's taken me five months to recover from it. I shaved my head, i was so upset when we broke up and i'm still suffering the consequences of that act of minor self-harm.

I am finally feeling like myself again and happy to be single and treasure my freedom, independence and privacy. I sure hope this is the last time i will go thru this painful rollercoaster of emotions.

I'm 55 so this was likely my last time being a fool for love and good riddance!

Sometimes romance isn't sought...it simply finds someone. One never knows...

I'm glad to hear you got over it whatever 2013. I definitely feel the pain more than pleasure. It never gets easier and I'm OK being alone. It used to bother me but now I try to go with the flow and take it day by day.

I totally agree with buddha1too's statement. I'll also add that it can be helpful to manage expectations in advance. I think that sometimes as an adult we have to moderate our emotions and let them build up/down more gradually. I suppose having bipolar disorder can play a part in emotional dysregulation, but it need not. To a degree, there is likely some personality tendencies at work. I've mostly be fairly guarded in my life, and have fallen in true love only twice in my over 50 years. I was "dumped" by my first love (3 1/2 years), and it hurt like hell and I do believe triggered episodes. However, I slowly got passed the pain, as one goes through a grieving process. It was actually not too long after that I met my husband. I liked him from the start, but the hold on my heart was more gradual. He turned out to be a long-time (permanent) love, but it has been a grounded one.

I agree with you that some of the behavior from bipolar episodes can be a barrier to long-term relationships. Thankfully my husband has been a very tolerant man. However, I'm quite tolerant and forgiving of some of HIS behavior, too. Truth is, many people (with bipolar or not) are not tolerant and forgiving people. That's why the divorce rates are high. Expectations are unique. Some people have ones that very few people can meet. Attitudes towards commitment are also different, nowadays. Even the ones of our generations have changed a bit.

Speaking solely on behalf of myself, I agree. I get "hits of intimacy" when I need it and make my exit before it turns into a long term commitment because then things just get messy.

I feel this too...

I’m sorry you had that experience, and find romance difficult - I can relate to that, although I’m not bipolar - but it’s also good to see you feel calmer being single. Most people don’t seem to like it, but some of us relish it.

I hear that!

My divorce lawyer offered me group rates, i was returning so often...