Bipolar check-in #63

So my pharmacy has been out of stock of Adderall for two days now and unless it comes in today, I will be going without probably the entire weekend, perhaps longer. Because of my past experiences with the pharmacy and not having my medicine when they're supposed to, I absolutely refuse to have a conversation with them about this and figure out the details. My heart is racing just thinking about it. I've been using the automated system to try to get updates but it went from saying it would be ready by yesterday at 3:33pm, to just saying they're working on it. If I go without, I go without -- that's just how I see it at this point. I just want to know how long I'm going without for. It's a controlled substance so it's not like I can stock pile the stuff or have emergency backups. I literally have to get a new script every month (no refills). It is what it is I guess. I'm taking my last dose on hand, today.

That’s very upsetting I know. I take Ritalin for energy and I know how the routine goes. I hope you get your medication soon.

This will most probably be my last post on the subject. I went to 4 doctor’s appointments yesterday with mom and brother. We then ate at an outstanding restaurant with good southern cooking. During the meal, I went out to the car and called my therapist to tell her I needed to go inpatient again that night when I had a few epiphanies.

I’ve been making great strides with my mental health and I’ve come a long way. I just happened to get into a relationship with someone whose brand of love was toxic and wasn’t even real. My therapist believes he is seriously ill and could be more than that. I was lucky to have tangled with such a person and come out with only a few scars. I don’t think I am in danger at this time but I will keep a lookout. How many people can say they tangled with that and came out stronger and better for it? I plan to be one. I feel better now that I see it for what it was.

I am a strong woman and a survivor. I will remain open hearted and when the time is right, I’ll try again.

I’m meeting M this weekend. Yay!

I hope everyone has a peaceful weekend.

Jennifer 1967, you seem a very strong person, to me. Hugs

I got back from the nephrologist a little while ago. It was a fairly thorough visit. I'm still waiting for more blood test results, but otherwise nothing is too worrisome, including the ultrasound. She said to skip meat one day per week, which is no problem at all since I've already been having vegetarian meals around three or four out of seven and only eat red meat maybe once (max twice) per week, if that. Also more water, as usual. She told Hubby that since I'm still "young" (I'm heading towards 51) that I really need to care for my kidneys well. What a bummer I have this hassle!

Tonight we finally see my husband's friend after years not. He's coming in from Prague to act in a play. As we're going to see that play tonight, we need to dress up a little. Dressing up in winter time is always miserable. All of my dresses are designed for warmer months. I'll wear a sweater with my one long skirt that fits, and brown tights. Plus, I had to find shoes that not only match my outfit, but are okay to walk in. We'll walk at least 2 kilometers, mostly on cobblestones. I can barely wear high heels anymore. If it's not strapped securely to my foot and "cozy", I can't stand it. I'd rather go barefoot than balance on some things women wear.

Does anyone think it was inapropriate for my pdoc not to reassure me what was going on in Ukraine was not going to cause the end of the world? My mom called him a jerk for telling me that and everyone else is reassuring me it is not the end of the world.

Psychiatrists are people who can make inappropriate statements on occasion. Most of us do on occasion. He's surely no expert in the fields of national security or international relations. However, as an expert in psychology/psychiatry perhaps he should know better that scaring people isn't good. I'm unsure of his motive. Perhaps he was just in a pissy mood and decided to be obnoxious. Who knows.

No need to worry about such a catastrophic thing.

The dentist didn't have any openings for today either. They said I can show up there tomorrow (Saturday) by 8:30am and they open their doors at 9am for a first come first serve basis, so I'm going to do that and hopefully they take me in

Ugh. My stomach is killing me. I don’t have time
For this

Aww I hope you manage to get seen as soon as possible!! That is not so good!
Sending lots of hugs!!

Best of luck to you.

Sent from my SM-N970U using Tapatalk

Hey everyone! So I’ve arrived at the place we’re staying for the weekend, it’s beautiful and sunny and it’s so lovely!!
I’m trying not to be so anxious this weekend, hopefully my yoga and mindfulness will work!

I still haven’t decided what I’m going to do about my laptop, but I do need one when I go back to work. So I’m going to have to decide quickly!

I hope everyone has a lovely weekend!!
Lots of hugs if you need them

My mom forgot to put my painkiller out today before she left for work so my hip is in at least two metric **** tons of pain. I took some ibuprofen which is allowing me to sit up but I'm listening to metal as a way to vent the frustration. Screaming along is helping. I just hope the people living in the same building aren't too bothered as they are home today

It's going to be 10F tonight but mid 50's on Sunday. Typical March.

I'm doing a lot better today. I took my meds correctly. Which always helps a ton. So I took an 80 geodon, a xanax, and a topamax in the AM. Last night I slept on just 20mil of melatonin and it was a bit rough but I slept decently even with my brother snoring. My mom had planned on just eating the hotels breakfast but I wanted to go out. I thought of going to ihop but then I decided to take her to a nice pancake house. I got potato pancakes. She got eggs benedict. After that we did some shopping. We drove by the old house and it was so eeery being in the old area because it felt much more familar then my new place. But I got enough soda to last me at least through the summer. My new state is a soda desert and just has the basics but where I used to live I could find any flavor of Coke. I got a ton of stuff. I went back to the hotel to shower before I go to my aunts later tonight. I thought I had forgotten to pack my pill case for tommrow and we are leaving in the morning so the only thing that concerned me was the valium. But I found the box under the blanket. So thats a relief. In the morning we'll stop at a couple other old places then get on the road and come home. Then all day Sunday my nephews will be here. I think I ended up getting twelve 12 packs, 4 6pack bottles, and 4 mini cases of soda. Along with a case of Lacroix and a case of Snapple. My mom said when your on a trip you might as well make the best of it so the trip doesnt go to waste. But this trip was succesful besides the whole pdoc issue.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967 This will most probably be my last post on the subject. I went to 4 doctor’s appointments yesterday with mom and brother. We then ate at an outstanding restaurant with good southern cooking. During the meal, I went out to the car and called my therapist to tell her I needed to go inpatient again that night when I had a few epiphanies. I’ve been making great strides with my mental health and I’ve come a long way. I just happened to get into a relationship with someone whose brand of love was toxic and wasn’t even real. My therapist believes he is seriously ill and could be more than that. I was lucky to have tangled with such a person and come out with only a few scars. I don’t think I am in danger at this time but I will keep a lookout. How many people can say they tangled with that and came out stronger and better for it? I plan to be one. I feel better now that I see it for what it was. I am a strong woman and a survivor. I will remain open hearted and when the time is right, I’ll try again. I’m meeting M this weekend. Yay! I hope everyone has a peaceful weekend.

My husband and I, though dear friends, were separated for some years. During part of that time I was in a relationship with a man who turned out to have bipolar disorder. For the first year the relationship was good...he treated me with care, concern, and love (actually, infatuation) that my husband had never shown to me. After that year (we had started living together) things got bad. Then they got really bad. There were red flags all over the place. Neon red. Finally, I intuitively felt myself to be in danger from the man. I left him (quickly) and moved to a different town. He was threatening to kill me. It was terrifying. I made a police report, changed everything - not only address and phone number, but email, Facebook, etc., etc.

I wasted years in that relationship. For nothing, except hell on earth.


I have heard through a friend that the man finally was diagnosed (after being a homeless addict for 2 years), got on meds, started going to church, and was doing okay. I'm glad and wish him only well. But I still have bad dreams about him - regularly. I still fear him.


You have done a wise, wise thing by getting out of that relationship. Be at peace with that, let it strengthen you, and please- don't look back.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pinny Hey everyone! So I’ve arrived at the place we’re staying for the weekend, it’s beautiful and sunny and it’s so lovely!! I’m trying not to be so anxious this weekend, hopefully my yoga and mindfulness will work! I still haven’t decided what I’m going to do about my laptop, but I do need one when I go back to work. So I’m going to have to decide quickly! I hope everyone has a lovely weekend!! Lots of hugs if you need them

Enjoy and take a picture for us, if you can!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour I got back from the nephrologist a little while ago. It was a fairly thorough visit. I'm still waiting for more blood test results, but otherwise nothing is too worrisome, including the ultrasound. She said to skip meat one day per week, which is no problem at all since I've already been having vegetarian meals around three or four out of seven and only eat red meat maybe once (max twice) per week, if that. Also more water, as usual. She told Hubby that since I'm still "young" (I'm heading towards 51) that I really need to care for my kidneys well. What a bummer I have this hassle! Tonight we finally see my husband's friend after years not. He's coming in from Prague to act in a play. As we're going to see that play tonight, we need to dress up a little. Dressing up in winter time is always miserable. All of my dresses are designed for warmer months. I'll wear a sweater with my one long skirt that fits, and brown tights. Plus, I had to find shoes that not only match my outfit, but are okay to walk in. We'll walk at least 2 kilometers, mostly on cobblestones. I can barely wear high heels anymore. If it's not strapped securely to my foot and "cozy", I can't stand it. I'd rather go barefoot than balance on some things women wear.

That is such good news! Whew. 50...yeah, that's young

Although I can walk well in them, I have never been a fan of heels. I do love the current trend of platforms, though. I have a pair and find them much more comfortable and easy to walk in than heels are. Although I feel like I'm repeating the 70's, haha.

I feel calmer already, just being here and checking on all of you. And being able to vent myself.

I cannot get my precious Sidney's glucose regulated. It's high during the day, then drops too low in the evening. I spoke with her vet yesterday, he is so kind. He's somewhat confounded, too. We're trying a new food approach, since food is so important with regulating diabetes. I am also waiting for a new bottle of insulin. So those are 2 big hopefuls.

Now my huge vent: I have ordered the food - days ago, in fact. I ordered the insulin 8 days ago. The case of food was supposed to be delivered yesterday. I called only to be told the shipment has been lost. They're sending out a new case, but it will certainly be 3 days before that arrives. I will go to the grocery store, hoping they have some of the necessary (canned) food in stock. Lately, they have not.

I've ordered the other type of food, also days ago. No word on where it is. Again - late.

The pharmacy just told me that the insulin won't be arriving for at least another 10 days. Minimum.

If I had the foods and insulin it would likely make a big difference in regulating Sid. But every shipment is lost or late. And all of this stuff is expensive...I expect much better customer service. I'm up to my ears with "covid is slowing everything down."

I slept well, but I am exhausted with a sore throat again. It's stress and anxiety. I keep having trouble breathing; I am having waves of panic. I had the appointment with my therapist yesterday, but she called in sick (typical of her). I'm scheduled to see her Monday - if she's there.

I'm asking the Universe for help. I'm working to breathe deeply. I'm trying to do little self-care things, like the pedicure yesterday, and small things, even nice-smelling hand lotion. In essence, I am fighting to stay above the water. I'm a fighter, but a tired one. And of course, the war in Ukraine is constantly on my mind, even if I turn the news off. I knew many Ukrainians in my home town (Sacramento); I wonder how they are doing now.

Every little noise sounds like chaos. I will turn on some Baroque music, it helps my focus.


Please, if you guys could send good vibes, prayers, anything positive, my way I am sure grateful.

Thank you for being here. Love and hugs all around

Sending good vibes your way, my friend. That's a ridiculous situation. With my cats' meds I just call the vet and pick them up directly from them, it's always ready within 24 hours of me calling, maybe that's an option?
Hugs