Bipolar check-in #63

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Originally Posted by Pinny Well my dad who was supposed to be driving up from England this eve has had a car accident (he’s ok, thankfully) but the car isn’t. So now we have to wait to see if he can get it fixed tomorrow to drive up. It’s such a shame. I think my mum was really looking forward to seeing him as we haven’t seen him since Christmas. But my mum would never admit that…. I’m currently lying in bed (it’s just after 8pm) but I think I might just go to sleep, I’m still sleeping a lot but I’m making it through the days without sleeping which is a bonus! I also feel a little less anxious about… well, everything! Which is good! I hope you all have a restful night! If anyone is struggling to sleep I highly recommend a pillow spray! I LOVE mine, it really does help relax me! Hugs!!!!

Oh, no! I'm so sorry your dad was in a car accident. Thank the Universe he's okay, though.

The pillow spray sounds lovely. Is it lavender?

It is darkest before dawn. That's certainly true for me when i had that dreadful time with my dog recently. My mood continued to improve today, for the fourth day in a row, so i am getting a little more confident that my Winter depression is over. The weather today wasn't even that great -- overcast and damp all day. There were lots of little victories like doing TWO loads of laundry instead of just one, spending an hour outside with my dog as she chased the season's first squirrel and we met a new dog and chatted with his mom, eating fruit, veg and protein and some of it even on REAL DISHES WHICH I WASHED, DRIED AND PUT AWAY IMMEDIATELY!!! Proof attached! I have pretty salad plates, don't i?

I'm sure it doesn't seem like much to most of you but i was basically an invalid all Winter so each of these small improvements really mean a lot to me. Signs that the big sick is finally over! Let the party begin!!!

This depression really sucks and I don't know if I will even be halfway not depressed. This is the darkest I have ever felt. I don't wish any of this on my worse enemy. It just sucks it really does. I'm going to go pic up some new medications.

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Hey all. Long last 24 hours. My back aches from walking so much. Please don't mention anything about what I'm doing. They will know... I had to take some prn hadol. I'm so sleepy right now. Laying on the couch. My back feels better when I'm laying flat on my Back. Zzzz...

I saw my med provider today. She said the difference was like night and day between the last visit and today. She is proud of me for using good self care and on moving forward. It was a good meeting. I’m no longer misusing my meds.

I sat out in the sun on a beautiful, breezy day.

Tomorrow I’ve got this house in order.

Hugs to all!

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Originally Posted by whatever2013 It is darkest before dawn. That's certainly true for me when i had that dreadful time with my dog recently. My mood continued to improve today, for the fourth day in a row, so i am getting a little more confident that my Winter depression is over. The weather today wasn't even that great -- overcast and damp all day. There were lots of little victories like doing TWO loads of laundry instead of just one, spending an hour outside with my dog as she chased the season's first squirrel and we met a new dog and chatted with his mom, eating fruit, veg and protein and some of it even on REAL DISHES WHICH I WASHED, DRIED AND PUT AWAY IMMEDIATELY!!! Proof attached! I have pretty salad plates, don't i? I'm sure it doesn't seem like much to most of you but i was basically an invalid all Winter so each of these small improvements really mean a lot to me. Signs that the big sick is finally over! Let the party begin!!!

That plate is pretty. And I do have a solid grasp of what you mean by having been "an invalid" all winter. I'm so glad to hear that your mood is lifting and I hope the pattern continues with the coming of spring.

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Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967 I saw my med provider today. She said the difference was like night and day between the last visit and today. She is proud of me for using good self care and on moving forward. It was a good meeting. I’m no longer misusing my meds. I sat out in the sun on a beautiful, breezy day. Tomorrow I’ve got this house in order. Hugs to all!

Wonderful words from your provider!

I'm in a bad way. Terribly anxious and depressed. Nothing seems to offer any peace or relaxation. The time change has slammed me badly. These hours and hours of pale-blue and yellow afternoons are killing me. I feel death all around and it's terrifying.

I'm going to call my pdoc's nurse in the morning and ask her to ask my pdoc to please, please allow me to raise the Gabapentin and maybe Zoloft doses. I'm nearly positive she won't. I'm at a point at which I will just raise the dose myself if she refuses and deal with it when I have my appointment with her on April 5th. I can't be blown off by her.

Another thought I have is to email my therapist, who I'll see on Monday, and ask her to email the pdoc for me. I'm fighting myself too hard and I'm feeling desperate.

Thanks for listening. Hugs.

This mofo made it one year without using drugs or alcohol!

Congratulations sapien!!!!

Congrautlations!

@Pinny, I'm glad your dad is OK.

Congratulations, @Sapien, on reaching that great milestone!

@BethRags, I'm sorry to read that your anxiety persists and persists. It's been too long. I hope that your therapist will advocate harder for you.

@whatever2013, your dishes are so pretty! I wish I had such nice ones. I generally stick to solid colors with no major designs, but they do get boring. I'm glad you had some extra victories and are acknowledging them.

@Jennifer 1967, it's a relief to read that you are feeling better after such a very very rough patch.

@Moose72, wouldn't be nice to go back to the days when we could do almost anything and not get sore. Speaking for myself, I'm feeling my age, nowadays.

@otroo, sending you hugs. Hang in there, good man. The extreme depression will ease with time. Do be kind to yourself.

Today was another pleasant temperature day, but not as warm as yesterday. Yesterday was too warm for late March. I did some gardening work de-winterizing some potted plants/flowers and trimming off dead stuff. Despite was seems like drought conditions where I am, everything is still alive. I did manually water some things to ensure they keep growing well. This year we won't plant as many flowers. Many things are perennials so it won't be necessary. I'll just plant some basil, parsley, and maybe mint and put some pansies or petunias in a few pots. Hubby was sleeping on the Hollywood swing the whole time I did gardening work.

We're counting down until our trip to the US. Just three weeks. Then only less than a week after our return we'll likely head to France. That date isn't written in stone. Apparently in July/August a close friend of my husband will be spending time in Europe. His long-time girlfriend with whom he lived in New York City left him many months back. He packed up a few bags and had since been living on the island of St. Croix. As he works from home, he plans to simply do the same in various European cities, including perhaps ours in Czech Republic. It would be nice to have him around for a month or so. We offered that he stay with us, but since he will work he says it's best to rent his own digs.

@Sapien:

Congratulations! You rock!

Hey Bethrags do you have blackout curtains? I’m more likely to get hypo on these sunny days but I realize for some it’s the opposite. Aside from med changes can you do some other techniques?

First do you have a self care box? So for me when I’m up and buying everything I put a portion of the new fun things into a box to save for when I’m down. When I am down I open the box and force myself to play with whatever is inside….it could be a nice scented soap, bath salts, a book, in my case it’s a dinosaur art book, a permission slip to buy ten new songs…whatever. If you don’t have a self care box make one next time you’re up.

The other technique is called pick three. Instead of one thing you find fun you need to pick three and do them all at once. It’s probably hard to think of something fun right now so you need to think back to things you used to find fun. For me it might be photography, music and a trip to a zoo or garden.

Finally try sunglasses at night. 4-6 hours before bed put on a pair of sunglasses so you get normal light for a while….make sure they block blue light.

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keep me in your thoughts please. Really rough time on my end. nothing is going well. I'm so tired.

Hugs, @WindsThatBlow. I hope you get some rest to re-energize and relief from the difficulties.

Thinking of you and sending good thoughts and gentle hugs.

I’m so sorry you are struggling in that way. I’m sending good thoughts that you feel better soon and gentle hugs

Congratulations!!!