Bipolar check-in #63

You are clever, Jennifer! You have built an inner strength!

It is a terrible feeling when one cannot sleep! Hope you find a rythm soon!

Yes the war is terrifying! We don't know what goes on in Putin's head! We have to live one day at the time. I t is worse for the Ukraines of course.

I'm sure you will be able to cope Jennifer. The road can be bumpy sometimes, but it is still a road to walk on,

Good Luck!

I was typing a post about how stressed I feel, hit something, and lost the dam post.

*breathe*

Stressed, off schedule with chores, blessings upon my kitties for keeping me from staying up all night/sleeping all day because I have to care for them during the day.

It's very warm. I believe our 2 weeks of winter was it. Now I have my fingers crossed for spring rain. xx

My windows are open, which gives a lovely breeze. The noise, however, is putting me on my last nerve. It sounds like someone is outside building an entire house. I don't know what. A whining saw all freaking day.

I've been taking the Zoloft in the morning instead of at night. I'm unsure of which time is better. I'm chronically tired and unusually out of touch with myself.

I will reinvent myself and recoup; I'm a Water Tiger and it's my year GRRRR

I have a feeling that Putin is in over his head. His massive and meager ego seems to have had him believe that the world adores him when clearly, it does not. I see that younger people in particular are telling him to go to hell. Good. This is not to minimize what the Ukrainian people and animals are going through. I cannot even imagine. That said, I definitely take most news sources lightly.

It's time for me to go and do something. I'm not sure what. I know. Throw crap out, I cannot stand accumulated, unused clothing. It's all going into a giant cloth basket I have, but that the kits used for their claws so it's seen its day. The unused clothes are going into it, and the whole deal into the dumpster bin.

There's my crabby update, haha.

I see that some of you are having a really rough time. You are in my loving thoughts.

But now you have talked abut it. You are on your way forward!

My day has not been good. I am still struggling with the answer the vicar for my GP gave me. I feel totally drained with little sleep, and in two weeks the moving van is here.

And, as the others has said: The war in Ukraine is terrible.

Quote:

Originally Posted by GoGo2 My day has not been good. I am still struggling with the answer the vicar for my GP gave me. I feel totally drained with little sleep, and in two weeks the moving van is here. And, as the others has said: The war in Ukraine is terrible.

I'm sorry your not doing so well, GoGo...and facing a move, too. What is a vicar?

I just saw two boys, ages 18 and 19, in Ukraine. Young men over 18 are not permitted to leave the country. That hit me. Makes me sick. If I had to leave my son behind...well, doubt that I could. I'd go crazy with fear to leave my child.

I'm stunned that those of you in the US can just decide to go IP. Here in Canada where we have a poorly managed public health care system SOMEONE ELSE has to drag you in against your will frothing at the mouth before they will take you. They wouldn't take me even when

Rotten day, but yesterday was so good, they can't all be winners. Got turned-off by the people in my ZOOM drop-in and quit halfway thru which i shouldn't be doing when i'm struggling against boredom.

But got my dog out to enjoy the warm Winter sun despite the chilly air. She's behaving normally today so i guess the concern about diabetes yesterday was just a scare, or something that comes and goes. She had a stomach upset a few days ago and didn't eat or drink for one whole day so she was probably rehydrating at last from that spell.

COVID restrictions are further loosened tomorrow and there's talk of the mask mandate being lifted earlier than the scheduled end of the month! The masks are a particular ordeal for me as i breathe heavy due to being fat and unfit and also have a chronically runny nose that runs in the family. My poor nephew's nose is running in his childhood school picture, preserved for all time. Ack!

But the COVID news: good things happening!

Hi... way behind on things and just checking in to say that I'm still here and still with you. Moods: sometimes a little happy, sometimes sad, a lot of the time okay. Don't know if that's bipolar or just life.

Before bipolar got serious I used to think life was supposed to be happy most of the time, but maybe that was just beginner's hypomania.

I'm going to try to get back to this and see how everyone else is doing but might not make it or if I do, might not get to everything. If something important happened to you and you feel enough of a connection to me to want me to know, please send me a message about it, short or long.

Quote:

Originally Posted by whatever2013 I'm stunned that those of you in the US can just decide to go IP. Here in Canada where we have a poorly managed public health care system SOMEONE ELSE has to drag you in against your will frothing at the mouth before they will take you. They wouldn't take me even when Possible trigger: i had sixteen stitches in my arm! I was told, "If you want to commit suicide that's your choice. I hope you don't make that choice but it is up to you." Rotten day, but yesterday was so good, they can't all be winners. Got turned-off by the people in my ZOOM drop-in and quit halfway thru which i shouldn't be doing when i'm struggling against boredom. But got my dog out to enjoy the warm Winter sun despite the chilly air. She's behaving normally today so i guess the concern about diabetes yesterday was just a scare, or something that comes and goes. She had a stomach upset a few days ago and didn't eat or drink for one whole day so she was probably rehydrating at last from that spell. COVID restrictions are further loosened tomorrow and there's talk of the mask mandate being lifted earlier than the scheduled end of the month! The masks are a particular ordeal for me as i breathe heavy due to being fat and unfit and also have a chronically runny nose that runs in the family. My poor nephew's nose is running in his childhood school picture, preserved for all time. Ack! But the COVID news: good things happening!

IP isn't as available for all of us as it is for some. I'm amazed at how many Americans can choose to go IP. For example, I live in a town with 1 (regular) hospital that has a whole 6 beds for psych patients. Those beds are always full, and the ward is just 1 short hallway big.


What happens if I go into the ER with a psych emergency is that they'll hold me for 24 hours in a tiny room with a bed that almost fills it, no window, no TV. It's a cell. I would have to request a guard to walk me to the bathroom. Then IF the psychiatrist (who at this particular hospital is a really bitter, vindictive man) decides to keep me IP I have to be driven by ambulance for anything from 90 minutes to 3 hours to an IP hospital that has a bed. Most likely, I'd end up in some town or city I'm not very familiar with.

Needless to say, I am far from likely to go IP. The situation is the same everywhere in this state...a drastic bed shortage - unless a patient can pay out of pocket at an upscale facility. LAck of access to psychiatric care, and especially to IP facilities is the major reason for the massive number of homeless people on our streets.

Anyway. I'm glad your doggie is doing better today. I understand your fear about diabetes, but I believe that if he had it there would be no doubt. The major symptom is ravenous hunger...my cat was so hungry prior to her diagnosis that she would grab lettuce from a salad. It was beyond strange.

Our mask mandate, thank heavens, was lifted a couple of weeks ago. I'm still very cautious with hand washing and distancing when possible, but it is a monumental relief to be able to go to the grocery store and be able to breathe freely!

Quote:

Originally Posted by tentoedsloth Hi... way behind on things and just checking in to say that I'm still here and still with you. Moods: sometimes a little happy, sometimes sad, a lot of the time okay. Don't know if that's bipolar or just life. Before bipolar got serious I used to think life was supposed to be happy most of the time, but maybe that was just beginner's hypomania. I'm going to try to get back to this and see how everyone else is doing but might not make it or if I do, might not get to everything. If something important happened to you and you feel enough of a connection to me to want me to know, please send me a message about it, short or long.

Have a peaceful night, 10ts.

That’s how it is here too. There’s no ip in my town, they have to drive you hours away and often out of state. When I first moved here 4-5 years ago there was an ongoing investigation reported in the newspaper about the lack of mental health care. As a result 5 counties got together and built a facility but it’s mostly outpatient and mostly for the one city that it’s located in. I would not want to go ip here. They do have a geriatric unit about 50 minutes away that I probably qualify for now, but that’s usually full too.

@BethRags:

What is it with these bitter vindictive psychiatrists? You'd think they'd interned with Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde!

I always knew tags were expensive in California but not that much Beth. Goood grief !!

Your such a good kitty Mom

Wish your Winter was a bit longer. See that 4 years in Florida was horrible with just constant noise noise noise. I’m so sorry you have to deal with it. Honestly I can’t imagine living around that close to people again.

I think Putin thought taking Ukrainian was going to be simple. So hope he fails quickly.

I need Steve to go through his clothes he has far too much. Stuff he never gets around to wearing but neither of us work and seldom go anywhere how much clothing do we really need ??

I hope your able to get more regular sleep that alone would help your anxiety and stress levels quickly ! Is the low dose Seroquel still helping ??

Take care of you hun

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I’ll chime in on the IP situation for me and my area.

The only time I have even gone to the Er to hopefully find a IP bed was when I had already hurt myself or very suicidal and I had a plan worked out and had intent.

In September I made a serious attempt I spend a few days in our local hospital to make sure I would survive ( I wasn’t conscious) before I was transported to a IP and it was over 110 miles North.

There needs to be a lot more psych hospitals to help more people.

I truly wish there was a IOP near me because I think a few times if that was available I could have pulled through with out a true IP stay.

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Well here my damn update

The #4 cylinder in Steves truck is bad. We have no real options. He has changed all the fluids and added lots of additives to hopefully keep the engine safe and plans to try and baby it home. Something about putting it in haul mode or something .. I dunno.

The typical 14 hour drive will take him much much longer he has no plans to go over 50mph We simply have no other option. I need work on front end of my car we don’t trust it more than trips into town around here right now.

He’s getting some sleep now, he already packed everything in the truck. If anyone has prayers or good thoughts I’d really appreciate them. I just need him home and safe.

Hugs to anyone in need

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Similar problems here; it's what helped me believe I have bipolar instead of "just" anxiety and depression. (That and obsessions that almost completely go away when I take lamotrigine/Lamictal. )

What I do when untreated is to sleep well one night, and then the second night, not a minute of sleep. All the sleep hygiene in the world does nothing. Sometimes I'm not sleepy at all, other times I'm tired but just can't sleep. After that extemely long night and the following extremely horrid day, I sleep well. Next night, zero again.

My research into this weird pattern said that it was a sign of bipolar. (I had already had the diagnosis, after about 10 years of wandering around trying everything. I just didn't believe it.. I thought I had never been hypomanic, but now I've thought of some things that might have been. Another story.)

I tried Ambien in the past and it sure did knock me out but it has drawbacks for me. Remeron/mirtazapine was and is better for me. It's most effective at first (and, they say, at a low dose) but it still has a mild sedative effect when it's lost the knockout effect.

@~Christina:

So sorry to hear of your September where you were unconscious and your survival was at stake. That's so very serious. Glad you pulled thru! Hope it never gets that intense again!