Bipolar check-in #64

I had a bit of a scare trying to order something online tonight. My card was declined for possible fraud. I ordered from this site 2 years ago with no problems. So I got a text I tried replying yes to that I had made the purchaces they asked about. But that didn't work so I had to call the number. And I luckily got a robot instead of a person. I said everything was ok and then I tried placing the order again and this time it went through. But theres no double charges on my card or anything and I got a confirmation email. I guess because I just got a couple pairs of jeans from Old Navy on Monday and then this tonight. They wanted to make sure I made the purchases. I don't think there was anything wrong with this particular site like stealing my info or anything.

Quote:

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow I am awake enough to say thank you all for the support with my biopsy Thursday. I've been quite tired since although not as bad as the first one of this type. This one was mentally harder. For one thing it is just not very comfortable. I don't know why they don't make the table more like a massage table as Beth suggested. My guess is they don't want you to be able to watch the procedure. They also angle your head up a bit and that may be necessary for some reason. They say they give you a pillow but it's about 1/4" thick so the word "pillow" is sort of an overstatement. Getting onto the table and insto position is interesting...you climb up and then scootch around until only the correct breast is in the hole and your arms and head are in specific positions. It's not a graceful experience. I'm not super happy about how it was done. There was a radiologist and a resident or med student. The resident/med student did the procedure with step-by-step directions from the doctor. That's fine. I have no problems with people learning on me. What I did not like is I was never introduced to him and since you have to walk around the table to be seen I never saw him. The doctor walked around the table but only after the procedure. I would have preferred to see her before people started cutting my breast. Small thing but annoying. I hope I get a survey so I can comment on this. Now I'm just waiting. I should hear sometime after Tuesday. Again, thank you all who have supported me. Hopefully this comes to an end April 25. Well, that's surgery day and then it will be a few more days for pathology. So by April 30 realistically.

Hi Rainbow, I feel honored that you are sharing such a personal and difficult experience here, that you are allowing me/us to support you.

The situation on Thursday sounds like it was challenging and also uncomfortable. That you were not introduced to the person doing the biopsy is really an oversight. Not thoughtful. I do hope you get a survey and can make a complaint.

The bed does sound less than comfy. It is probably made in such a way that is correct for that procedure. And I'll bet you're correct - they don't want you to see what's going on. I hate that. It's my body, I will watch. In some ways, medical procedures (especially for women) have a ways to go, don't they. Although, I will say they've come a long way, too. 42 years ago when I had my first pelvic they were still using large metal speculums. Crazy. And icky, that they were not disposable. I remember when doctors started using smaller plastic speculums I was like, "WOW! This is progress!"

Anyway, you did it! You were so courageous, and you made it through. Less than 3 weeks until the 25th - it'll be here so quickly.

I'm not having a bad day, it's just that I had a bad...flashback ?? Dissociation ?? I guess. Ugh, I have to try to recall how to do the trigger thing.

Okay, I can't find it on google or on this forum. So I'll just say that the following contains a memory of mine that could be triggering to others. So please don't read this if you're going to be triggered. (It's about abuse.)

I'm just waiting for N3's girlfriend to get out of work. N 3 and I went out for pizza. I have one slice left that I'm taking home. Tomorrow I am meeting a friend at Starbucks. I got her a keychain from Disney World. She asked for me to bring her something or I wouldn't have. I only got stuff for N 3, N1 and N3's girlfriend.

I had to reply to be able to read your post. It's just blank for me otherwise. The trigger thing is easy. Replace "(" with "[" and ")" with "]" not using the quotation marks. So it's: (trigger)put triggering stuff here(/trigger) I hope this helps. I'm sorry to read about your past.

Beth, I'm so sorry those memories were triggered for you today. I have my own variety and I know how forcefully those things can hit when they do.




Thank you for the support with my biopsies and surgery. All of you here have made this easier. None of you will ever know how much I appreciate you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Moose72 I had to reply to be able to read your post. It's just blank for me otherwise. The trigger thing is easy. Replace "(" with "[" and ")" with "]" not using the quotation marks. So it's: (trigger)put triggering stuff here(/trigger) I hope this helps. I'm sorry to read about your past. Possible trigger: My dad was an alcoholic too - he was violent too but he never sexually abused us. That happened at school.

Thank you for explaining, Moose. I think I got the trigger thing right. I wish it was front and center on this forum so people could find it easily. Also, I hope I fixed the color so what I wrote can be read, if anyone wants to read it. I get anxious and then forget how to do stuff.

I'm sorry that you had to grow up with violence. The things adults do to children.....*shaking my head*

What happened at school....that really, really.....not, not a good thing.

Quote:

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow Beth, I'm so sorry those memories were triggered for you today. I have my own variety and I know how forcefully those things can hit when they do. Thank you for the support with my biopsies and surgery. All of you here have made this easier. None of you will ever know how much I appreciate you.

Great, BIG HUG

So my bamboo blanket came and it's sooo soft and silky and the color is pretty! A subdued coral. Definitely not bright orange .

Beth

I PMed you about what happened at school.

I think once you are on their radar it's easier to be sent to facebook jail. I have a cousin who posted some risque stuff on certain sites that sometimes showed in his feed. He had a stroke and lost some of his ability to filter. He was warned and in facebook jail several times before he got better and stopped posting stuff he shouldn't have.

I've read they are pretty watchful after you have been warned on a political thing.

I usually watch everything but I have to admit that this is one I wouldn't want to see as it's quite bloody. I have 8 steri-strips and it took them about 10 minutes of pressure to get the bleeding to stop. Blood doesn't bug me but that's a lot. They showed me the screen where each of my biopsies have been and there was a good bit of bleeding inside too.


I actually never had a pelvic with a plastic speculum. Not that I had a lot of them. I think I only had about 4 pelvics before the 18 months before my hysterectomy. During that time i I had a number of them. And now I don't get them. Which is good since I have a feeling I'll be getting diagnostic mammograms and ultrasounds every 6 months for a very long time after all this and that's enough, especially since I'll now be going to my current place and it's a 2.5 hour drive each way. But whatever keeps me healthy.

As the Oscars are broadcast worldwide, believe it or not many Czechs even know all about the Will Smith smacking. My own therapist talked about it to me. I think Will Smith should have been forced to leave the building afterwards, at the least. I read they asked him to leave, but he wouldn't. When he won the Oscar, I thought it inappropriate that he was given such a major standing ovation. I wouldn't have criticized basic clapping. In the end, Will Smith should have taken the high road on this. Not assault Rock and then when he accepted the Oscar he could have briefly mentioned how the joke hurt him and his wife, given her alopecia. He could have used it as a teaching moment, but instead he took the low road. As for Chris Rock, it's no secret that he includes insult comedy in repertoire, but I have trouble seeing how what he said was even that insulting. To my perspective, GI Jane is a strong character. Demi Moore looked pretty darned good in that movie, too. I thought Jada Pinkett was beautiful that night, as well. I admire she doesn't hide it, as a way to bring about awareness. Plus, who says women can't shave their heads? I guess she does mentally struggle with having the condition, but that's her issue to work out. And Will Smith's. I'm not even certain Chris Rock knew she had alopecia. I didn't.

My therapist and I sort of had a debate about "insult comedy". He thinks it is bad. I see it as just one of many forms of comedy that has existed since before the Middle Ages, and has its place. If one doesn't like it, that's fine, but I am reluctant to "cancel it" totally. The list of past and present comedians who include(d) this is at Insult comedy - Wikipedia The list is LONG. Smith totally lost a golden opportunity offered by Rock! Plus, he surely supported several negative and false/unfair stereotypes by his actions. Pity! I read that Tiffany Haddish called Smith's action "A beautiful thing". I think she has some growing up to do.

I sure hope this new pdoc works out. No one, I repeat no one, should have their symptoms exacerbated by the inappropriate behavior of a mental health provider. It's one thing not to agree with a doctor, but another to feel they are heartless and not keeping an open ear. Docs need to compromise, at times. Not just patients.

I'm still feeling like I'm in the calm before the storm. I'm glad Hubby and I found some gifts for my family members. I think we have more to get for friends. I've had to discourage Hubby from certain items that are flat out too big to fit into our luggage. I fear we'll look like we're moving to the US with the number of suitcases he'll likely need. At least we'll likely have plenty of room in them for stuff we'll bring back to CZ with us. Some things I want may sound strange, but I miss products like Better Than Bouillon bouillon pastes, Franks Red Hot sauce, waxed paper and Glad PressNSeal. The hot sauces you easily find in CZ tend to be South Asian, some Mexican, or Tabasco. Yea, my desired stuff is all culinary-related.

I have little else to say about my situation. I'm sure the visit will yield a mixture of very good and maybe stressful stuff.

I'm not doing much today again. My anxiety was kinda sucky I had to take a valium at 3 and then I just took my second one now. I'm hoping it kicks in soon. I'm trying to finish up season 7 of Project Runway and then I'll be caught up to season 13 so I can then start watching a few seasons of Allstars snd see what thats like. I slept decently but I think I'm going to need to get a new type of melatonin. I'm getting a bit frantic with mine. I don't think it works much anymore. Which sucks because this stuff worked really well for a long time. Basically today I'm just chilling out. I'm wearing a super baggy North Face hoodie which is still a size small and its not really fun to be too small to fit into certain brands no matter what you may think. Who wants to see a 29 year old man shop in the boys department. Really. Sorry about the rant but theres like one brand of shirts I know for sure will fit and then I just have to deal with the hoodies. My mom is going out today and I'm hoping she can find more of the new Pepsis. They are really good. My mom didn't find the pepsis. I am glad I am my own person and have my own sense of self and don't mirror anyone.

I've got a stomach ache. At first I was feeling queasy from my meds on an empty stomach I guess - I ate a piece of leftover pizza from last night. Now I feel a little like my ears are closed up and my belly hurts. So the queasiness is gone but now I'm in pain. I'm supposed to go out for coffee with my friend. I hope I still can. I'm waiting for her to call. She had to take her daughter's friends home one of which lives an hour's round trip away. I'm waiting to have coffee until we get together.

It turned out to be a mostly nice day. Still colder than average but at least above 32F and mostly sunny. I got my sheets washed and in the dryer. So hopefully I’ll have my bed made before my sister gets here. We’re going to a jazz music show. It’s only $10 for seniors so my treat. I like jazz mostly it’s just music, no words so I can sit back and relax.

I just ate some lunch meat and it tasted off and at first I didn't think much of it because of course Budig meat isnt the best quality anyways. But halfway through it I noticed there was a good amount of mold on it. I already went to the bathroom once and my head hurts and my stomach is queasy but I've done way way worse then eat a little bit of moldy ham and I was fine from all that stuff. But should I be concerned at all?

Mostly sunny day today (very cold) Throwing out some old clothes today (not fun) Supper will be soon, since I can't take most meds I can indulge in some wine with our fish!

I like some jazz music too. It isn't a genre I have listened to much though. Can you recommend any I could listen to? I did 3 loads of laundry today and threw out some old clothes. (two of the loads were one item, so not really a load)

Melatonin sometimes poops out if you take it regularly. you could try a week without it then start it again.

I honestly think I am as addicted to it as you can get to a non addictive substance. Even though that makes no sense.

At my mom's doing laundry. Someone had used all 3 washing machines at once at the apartment. Combine that with the dryers taking an hour I figured it would be more advantageous to do laundry here

The ham issue seems to be ok. But I don't plan on eating budig meat again. I still have a headache but I've had it most of the day. I had a change of plans and instead of vegging out in baggy gym shorts and a hoodie and watching reality TV all day I went over to my sisters for about 45 minutes to drop some stuff off. So I took a shower for the first time in 2 days and put on jeans and a shirt that actually fit and I felt a lot better physically having showered and wearing clothes that actually fit. Also it felt good mental health wise to get out of the house and since I wasn't actually going into a store my anxiety actually lessened for once without the use of meds. The only concern of mine is I'm wearing my protect trans kids shirt and the lawn guy was here when we got home. I don't know if hes friendly or not. He seemed nice but he always talks to my mom. I've never met him before. I'm probably being paranoid but I don't like the idea of someone who's possibly not friendly knowing where I live. Its just creepy.

I got a diffrent type of melatonin. The same Natures bounty Sleep 3 kind but instead of triple layer and the first layer being calm the first layer is stress support instead. I hope its enough of a difference to help me sleep better but won't cause any other issues. I liked that the calming stuff didn't have any bad side effects. I told my mom about the problem with the old stuff and she was like "yeah, I'm going to Walgreens right now to get you the new stuff."