[Soupe du jour]

Question above, also including schizoaffective bipolar type. Specifically when you realized something was wrong, psychologically, even if you didn't yet know it was bipolar disorder.

Also, what did you initially THINK was wrong? Meaning self-diagnose. Or did you think it was all situational distress?

[Nammu]

Wasn’t until I was in my twenties.

[Brentus]

I always knew something was off with me by the time I was in my mid to late teens. I sought help in my early 20s and like most I was originally diagnosed with MDD, GAD and a few other oddities here and there. I was in my late twenties when I was diagnosed with BPII, I feel it is the most accurate thing we have on paper -- although some other ideas and diagnoses are still contemplated/on the table. I just thought all my childhood traumas were enough to make me permanently suffer through life and insufferable to others. Finding the right meds and therapy really has made that much of the difference in my life that I'm glad I finally found something that I feel works relatively well. We're still working on discovering ways to help me even now into my 30s.

[Victoria'smom]

10 eating disorder. Wasn't DX with sza until last year or two. By 13 I knew I had bipolar. I did think it was situational made it worse. I remember 13 asking my therapist for meds. She said I didn't need meds that I was just a brat without a mental health condition. I quit seeing her after she accused my dad of things.

[Mountaindewed]

I started having really visbile issues that couldnt be swept under the rug anymore, the summer between 6th and 7th grade. I got into therapy in January of 2006 when I was 12 and got diagnosed with bipolar in May 2006 when I was 13. I was always a really shy and anxious kid with behavior issues though.

[Miss Laura]

I knew from the age of 13 something was up. But just thought I was a moody teenager with extra moodiness. Then when I was 24 I knew it was depression. It wasn't until I had my first manic episode that I thought wow its crazy. I was diagnosed at 25 after a manic episode and najor depression.

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[cbeans]

Did not know/understand until my 40s. I thought all my issues were "only" related to childhood trauma and sexual abuse,

[Moose72]

From the age of 16, I thought something was up with me. It may have been tied in to the fact that I was the child of an alcoholic. In fact, that's what I thought my symptoms were due to into my late 20s. Also in my mid to late 20s I was diagnosed with peripartum depression and post partum depression. I'd had hallucinations but no one figured out that that's what they were. At 16, I saw a psychiatrist but after one session proclaimed me a "normal teenager". At 33, my primary doctor thought I had PMDD- premenstrual dysphoric disorder- but referred my to psychiatry all the same. That's when I was diagnosed with bipolar NOS which turned into bipolar 1.

[Polibeth]

I was 15. I was always an anxious child but strange behavior started occurring around this age.

[Nammu]

I take that back, I was a freshman (18) at the U when I had my first depression. I was standing on top of a bridge when a cop came a long. He drove me back to campus and told me to talk to someone. Went to the campus center and they told me to think happier thoughts. That was the extent of help back then. Heh flower power! ☮️ then two years later I talked to a friend and she said it was alcohol, I was a college student and everyone drank. Of course they wanted my money for the program and said I was an alcoholic. Went though the whole program confused and at the end I had to take a mmpi and they were so worried. Said I was suicidal depressed and I did some fast talking and walked out. They let me cause I was dressed nice. Then when I was 27 I got my first T because the ER refereed me after I’d been beaten up by my then husband. That T caught it. So on reflection it was late teens.

[MuddyBoots]

I had PTSD (since 12) before the schizoaffective (16) kicked in. I knew I was struggling with insomnia since 12 but I didn't think I had any form of mental illness other than just being stressed out and insomniac. I was probably 18 when I was able to see why I needed treatment.

[*Beth*]

I was 5 when I knew something wasn't okay with me. I knew it and it scared me. It had to do with the light changing (the natural light from the sky). I noticed that the bright sunlight caused me to feel "spinny" and the late afternoon light caused me to "sink" in that place between my chest and stomach (that's still how I know whether or not an AD is working or not, that sinking place). And some other things...terrible rushes of rage that were paralyzing, for example.

Before I was 6 my family life was secure and safe, so environment wasn't causing the problems. That's why I tell mental healthcare people that I am sure I was born with bipolar disorder.

[tigger119]

I've only just been diagnosed at 52 although I've known for most of life that there was something not quite right. My mood swings have always been very severe but my manic episodes were never that severe. I always though I was just a moody so and so with a vicious temper. I guess it would be called Cyclothymia now. It wasn't until a course of SSRI's for the depressive episodes triggered more extreme mania that I was finally taken seriously and given a working diagnosis of Bipolar 2

[HALLIEBETH87]

I was a carefree child full of life and energy until the abuse started at age 7. Lasted til I ran away from home at 17 and never looked back! The self harming and si thoughts started at 15 but I was already an anxious kid and depressed before then. By age 20 I was dxd with bp 2. At 18 during my first MIW (72 hour hold) they had said I just had major depression. By age 33 I was diagnose with sza bp type. The psychosis was the worse it had been and I was cycling moods during my 24 day stay ip.

I’ve had ECT, meds, lots of ip visits, 3suicide attempts and EMDR before finding my stability two years ago.

[Blue_Bird]

Possible trigger:

I tried to kill myself when I was 14 years old

, that's when I started having major mental health issues

Wasn't diagnosed with Bipolar/schizoaffective until I was 19 years old though.

[Bipolarchic14]

(Trigger warning) Since anxiety and depression have been there most of my life, the realization did not set in until my thirties. (Apparently, I am a little slow) My parents were not into labels and not into mental health related things. When I tried committing suicide at 25, my mom helped bandage me up before work. (did not click and I had no idea I felt that way. It was so spontaneous.) Had first (hypomanic/manic) episode at 28 ( nope, not yet) My mom passes in my early thirties. When I go to my physician for something else, they asked me to join an outpatient program (again). In the program, the psychiatrist asked me why I am not on my medicine (prescribed at 28) and said I could die if I don’t take it. ( started clicking…this isn’t going away!) :-(

[Soupe du jour]

At 14 or 15 years old, I kind of knew I had some sort of diagnosable mental health disorder beyond depression and anxiety, which I experienced probably since 12. I remember wondering if I had schizophrenia, which ended up not being the case. My first therapy was at 15, but it was short-lasting (a story in itself). The same feeling occurred to me at 20 years old when I was referred to a university psychiatrist (the first psychiatrist I ever saw). He wrongly prescribed Prozac even though I complained of symptoms that were clearly bipolar ones related to mixed episodes. Often when my hypomanias and even mania were elated, I had no insight into them. Just when mixed.

I was formally diagnosed with bipolar disorder at 32, but ignored it until my first psych hospitalization at 34. A large percentage of my 30s were God awful years, in terms of my bipolar disorder.

I was 9 when I made my first sui attempt.

Possible trigger:

the one thing that stands out for me was that I knew what I was doing. it wasn't a game, it wasn't anything like that, I was 9 years old and generally wanted to kill myself.

I remember afterwards so many people saying how many 9 year olds could know what they are doing- how many 9 years olds could take it as seriousls you did.
initially, I just thought it was because of my mother's physical abuse

but oh how wrong I was..

[VerMOZZica]

I was first diagnosed in my twenties with major depression and anxiety. Later I was diagnosed with bipolar 2. Needless to say, my twenties were awful.

[Shoe]

Well I am 70 years old but to be honest I really don't feel like I have mental illness now but it has been a long strange trip. I remember being in the 3rd grade and laying awake at night and worrying about worrying. I had stomach x-rays in the 4th grade because the doctor thought I might have an ulcer. It was around this time also when I was the last one to go to bed one evening and when I was leaving the front room I started hearing very distincting this real heavy breathing coming from behind the sofa but the sofa was right next to the wall so nobody could of been behind it. I went to my parent's bedroom and knock on the door and my mom came out and walked with me back to the front room but there was no sound at all then. She told me that I was just imagining hearing something and just go to bed.,

[wildflowerchild25]

I started self harming when I was 13 but I really thought I was just looking for attention, esp because my best friend said so. Now I look back and realize I was very unhappy through my entire childhood and yes I WAS looking for attention because no one ever paid any attention to me. I wish they had.

It morphed into depression and sometimes anger with weird thoughts someone was coming up behind me to hit me sometimes when I was 14 and hospitalized for the first time. I didn’t accept bipolar until I was 25 even though I was dx’ed when I was 18.

[Werewoman]

43. Well, before I would admit it anyway.

[Hexagon]

I must say I never did. Not the slightest. But in 2011, when I was 26 (later on 27 same year) and worked with older students in gymnasium (senior high school) - and when I had six different courses with five different classes, stayed late at nights and helping all those students with their exams and such - I got burned out mentally and ended up in hospital. Same hospital who gave me wrong medicines (Seroquel and Lithium) instead of keeping Olanzapine which trigged all my burn out into out blown bipolar. As if a nuclear warhead detonated inside my head and made every of my mind into ashes. A complete meltdown in my brain. It was so hot that I thought my entire brain got fried.

It’s amazing that I did a recovery just in less than two months, and so fast that not even doctors couldn’t believe what they were witnessing. Because I wasn’t suppose to recover at all - just to be hospitalised for the rest of my life. Not to talk, not to speak. Sitting in a wheelchair and faint away, piece by piece.

But here I am, mostly thanks to my mom. Today I use Ergenyl and Olanzapine. I don’t have any schizophrenic type, so my official diagnosis is still “Bipolar Unspecified”. One doctor told that I might had Type 2 since I had hypomania (most of the parts were heavy depression), but after they had run so many tests on me over the years they put in my diagnosis “unspecified” instead of “type 2”. And that was it.

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[Matty5000]

I probably was developing it during high school, but like others have noted here, just thought I was a moody teen.

It wasn't until I was in the military traveling the world via air on a regular basis (days to weeks to months straight of jet lag), that I started noticing undeniable symptoms. I wasn't raised in a very enlightened house when it came to mental health, and also, any mental issues is cause for immediate grounding (what an incentive to seek help...), so I just tried to take care of it with natural remedies like fish oil.

I was fine for a number of years after I quit flying so much, but entered a prolonged and pretty severe cycle on my first civilian job after university. I though it was the job's fault I wasn't doing well, so I quit and became a ski bum. Looking back, the job I quit should have been awesome, but my head was just not there. Afterwards, a life of little stress left me overall doing fine, but when I got a real job again, and dealt with stress again, it came back. That's when I started researching and bipolar seemed the best fit. I got some help and was diagnosed BP Unspecified.

[xRavenx]

I was always a very anxious kid and had my first bout of depression at age 9 even though I do not remember anything in particular in my life causing me to feel that way. I had depression and problems with behavior at home during my middle school years. Then, things seemed me be okay, but I had my first full-blown Bipolar episode at age 15, which was a recurring series of manias and depressions that went untreated other than talking to the school guidance counselor. Family did not believe in meds. I went on an antidepressant by my PCP in early college, but swung into some sort of mania. I finally was diagnosed and medicated for Bipolar Disorder by my early to mid twenties and finally received the proper treatment.