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Old 05-13-2022, 05:56 PM   #581
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Default Re: Bipolar check-in #65

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Yes. That was one of the things they ruled out. Iíve had scopes from both ends and they ruled out cancer, ulcers and a bunch of other things I had never heard of. And to be honest I played this down in the doctors office when I saw him because the tests sound awful. But the pain tonight was so awful. Itís been weeks so maybe I just ďforgotĒ how painful it is?

As much as you donít want testing vomiting will just make matters work as that causes damage of another kind. Get it checked out. I have to have esophageal dialation and it fixed my problems. I do need it done again Iím choking on everything which it what I struggle with more that vomiting.

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Old 05-13-2022, 06:00 PM   #582
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I made it to the doctor yesterday and had an EKG done, urine tested and blood work done. Today is a chest x-ray and next week is a heart stress test. Trying to get some answers.

The depression is back. I missed my med provider appointment yesterday due to the medical tests and wonít be able to speak to her until next week if then. I believe all this depression and anxiety is stemming from the realization that my life is not working for me. Iím under a tremendous amount of stress (Iím losing my hair to it) and Iím not thriving. I will rally but itís too bad I had to go off the Wellbutrin so quickly.

This Sunday we are celebrating Motherís Day and my, my daughterís and my momís birthdays. It will be lovely seeing M. The pool is about to open and Iím going to Florida soon with M for a week. Iím going to a Drum Circle Monday. Lots of good things to look forward to. I shouldnít be so down. I am.

I hope everybody has a peaceful day. Hugs to all.

Glad you getting testing to figure out whatís going on.

Enjoy seeing M and celebrating Motherís Day. What do you have on panned for Florida ? Just relaxing ? Oh a trip sounds lovely

Yay ! Almost pool time

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Old 05-13-2022, 06:02 PM   #583
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Default Re: Bipolar check-in #65

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Possible trigger:
I don't really know why I'm doing well.

Okay I'm not okay but... ugh...

Please talk to your pdoc and or T. Be very careful I had a close call in September. I got very lucky.

Take care

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Old 05-13-2022, 06:18 PM   #584
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Beth I hope M can start being more consistent with appts thatís just hard to handle when itís hit or Miss like itís been lately.

She might love a gift and not think itís crossing boundaries.

Glad you love you blanket. I might get one in the fall. Now that summer is here I canít handle a blanket of anykind, sheet either even with the AC blasting. LOL

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Old 05-13-2022, 06:33 PM   #585
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Default Re: Bipolar check-in #65

Sitting on my porch in the shade and thereís a breeze so itís actually comfortable.

My PsA pain is waking me up at night. Like Really?!!!!!!

I really wish I could get a new kitchen sink itís stainless and old in a bad way. Itís just dull and I hate it. I have specific cleaners and polishes and it does little anymore. My whole kitchen is spotless but that damn sink ruins it. Ahhhhh maybe one day itís low on a ď wantĒ list.

We let neighbor Mennonites put cattle on our land last 3 years and refused to take any money of course. Today Wendall came over saying heís bringing a load of gravel for the driveway that we have been needing so bad. Yes Iím excited over gravel lol
Bipolar check-in #65

Yes Gus is nosey lol

Anyone have weekend plans???!

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Old 05-13-2022, 06:46 PM   #586
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I hear you. Yesterday I took my wife and kids out for Mother's Day Brunch. I felt great, until I saw the photos. I keep trying to fight the weight gain, but I go through a cycle of fatigued / lethargic all day, then 5pm hits and I gorge on alcohol and sugar (Ben & Jerry's Tonight Dough is my fave), can't sleep properly, then wake up the next day completely groggy. I'm only able to get through the day by taking 2 power naps in the morning and afternoon. I try to go running for 30 min 3x / week. But the problem is, with the post-run "runner's high," my endorphins are at an all time high and I feel invincible / free from consequences. Which leads me to indulge like it's going out of style.

Hang in there; many out there are going through the same struggles.
Thanks so much for this! I've resisted buying ice cream lately- especially the tonight dough! I love that stuff. I could - and have- eaten a whole container in one sitting! Last night I wanted ice cream but my daughter had just treated me to fancy ramen at a sit down place - mine was hot plus it was hot out- so I didn't think I should ask for anything else. But boy! Was I hot from leaning over that steaming bowl of ramen! I kept having to wipe my face with my cloth napkin! I can see how you could feel justified in pigging out after exercise- I often treat myself after exercise with going out to eat. Not good for the budget either! I try not to take naps but that's because I usually sleep in till 10 or 11! I should set an alarm for earlier but I just don't.
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Old 05-13-2022, 07:11 PM   #587
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Default Re: Bipolar check-in #65

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Sitting on my porch in the shade and thereís a breeze so itís actually comfortable.

My PsA pain is waking me up at night. Like Really?!!!!!!

I really wish I could get a new kitchen sink itís stainless and old in a bad way. Itís just dull and I hate it. I have specific cleaners and polishes and it does little anymore. My whole kitchen is spotless but that damn sink ruins it. Ahhhhh maybe one day itís low on a ď wantĒ list.

We let neighbor Mennonites put cattle on our land last 3 years and refused to take any money of course. Today Wendall came over saying heís bringing a load of gravel for the driveway that we have been needing so bad. Yes Iím excited over gravel lol
Bipolar check-in #65

Yes Gus is nosey lol

Anyone have weekend plans???!

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Ooo nice 😊 the things we get excited about when weíre older certainly does change doesnít it!
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Old 05-13-2022, 07:17 PM   #588
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Default Re: Bipolar check-in #65

@*Beth*

I feel your pain about not wanting to ďstart overĒ. I still feel that if my T ever left or stopped seeing patients I would not get a new one. Iíve been with her for 7 years, it would be impossible to start over. Sheís probably only about ten to fifteen years older than me but still, who knows what could happen.

HoweverÖyou do seem just so upset when you canít see her regularly. Itís a real conundrum, I know, with no easy solution unfortunately. I hope you can reach the decision thatís best for you!

Iím glad your bamboo blanket came in and that you find it so helpful! I get cold at night, not hot, so I donít have that issue, but if I did I could understand how bamboo would be appealing! Iím considering purchasing a bamboo pajama set though.
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Old 05-13-2022, 07:24 PM   #589
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Thank you, wfc. How true it is that we have to re-accept our diagnosis on repeat. And every time feels like starting all over again, at least initially. And thank you for the healing vibes
Ain't that the truth!
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Old 05-13-2022, 07:29 PM   #590
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Default Re: Bipolar check-in #65

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Sitting on my porch in the shade and thereís a breeze so itís actually comfortable.

My PsA pain is waking me up at night. Like Really?!!!!!!

I really wish I could get a new kitchen sink itís stainless and old in a bad way. Itís just dull and I hate it. I have specific cleaners and polishes and it does little anymore. My whole kitchen is spotless but that damn sink ruins it. Ahhhhh maybe one day itís low on a ď wantĒ list.

We let neighbor Mennonites put cattle on our land last 3 years and refused to take any money of course. Today Wendall came over saying heís bringing a load of gravel for the driveway that we have been needing so bad. Yes Iím excited over gravel lol
Bipolar check-in #65

Yes Gus is nosey lol

Anyone have weekend plans???!

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Thatís so nice of your neighbors!

I have TONS of house plans if we ever hit the lottery lol. Some stuff can be done slowly, like a new ceiling fan and a new side porch light. I really want a sconce on the kitchen wall above the table as the lights cast shadows right over where we sit to eat. But that will have to wait. My dream is to build a patio and a greenhouse but thatís likely never going to come to fruition. Weíd be better off moving in a decade or so to a house that already has a patio! I love this house, itís great for a first house, but when my son gets older and maybe goes off to college I want to look around in a more rural-ish area for a larger yard. I know RS would love a garage and more space to store his various vehicles (two large diesel trucks and a jeep Cherokee). Pretty impossible to afford anywhere with a big yard in NJ though. Even the more rural areas are being built up with McMansions. Iíd love to take my grandmaís house but she specifically said no one gets it, we are to sell at split the profits to be fair to everyone. She knows there would be arguments among my dysfunctional family

This weekend I start work at my part time job, and then weíre taking my mom out to a belated Motherís Day lunch. Then on Sunday weíre going on a hike in the mountains then to my grandmas to pick up a deck umbrella. She canít stand throwing stuff out so we agree to take it under the guise of using it and donate/throw it out ourselves. I think she knows this but she still feels better if we do it!

Sending healing vibes for all your pain!
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Old 05-13-2022, 11:12 PM   #591
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It has been 3 weeks since I fell and hurt my knees. I really think I should go to physical therapy to be evaluated and treated.
Both knees have different problems/pain when putting pressure on them like for my job. I kneel down on the floor.
anyway...
hugs to anyone who needs one.
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Old 05-14-2022, 07:11 AM   #592
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Ooo the thrill of watching call the midwife for the first time! I cried so much watching that show!

I was in the middle of Season 10 when something triggered my mind and I realized that I had already watched season 10 Darn Klonopin has destroyed my memory.

So I found season 11 on a PBS site and watched the first episode. I'm excited because the creators of the show have said there will be seasons 12 and 13!

It's interesting to me because when I had my babies I had to have c-sections both times. The first one went well. The second time, my son, was an agonizing birth. I had a good friend who was a midwife and had strongly discouraged me from having another cesarean section. I was young and insecure, so I listened to her - or tried to. After a 23-hour labor that included 6 hours of pushing (ridiculous) I finally begged for a cesarean. When he was born, my son weighed 10lbs., 7 oz. Huge. No wonder he got stuck!

My point is that I didn't have a good feeling about midwives after that birth. They tend to be anti-cesarean, which is foolish, as some people need to give birth by c-section. The show Ask the Midwife has helped me to have a much better feeling about midwives.

The books Jennifer Worth wrote are so interesting, as you can imagine. After I read them (a set of 3) I donated them to a little library. That was in the autumn so the books are long gone, otherwise I would be so happy to send them to you.
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Old 05-14-2022, 07:12 AM   #593
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It has been 3 weeks since I fell and hurt my knees. I really think I should go to physical therapy to be evaluated and treated.
Both knees have different problems/pain when putting pressure on them like for my job. I kneel down on the floor.
anyway...
hugs to anyone who needs one.
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bizi

bizi. Please get checked out
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Old 05-14-2022, 07:24 AM   #594
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Sitting on my porch in the shade and thereís a breeze so itís actually comfortable.

My PsA pain is waking me up at night. Like Really?!!!!!!

I really wish I could get a new kitchen sink itís stainless and old in a bad way. Itís just dull and I hate it. I have specific cleaners and polishes and it does little anymore. My whole kitchen is spotless but that damn sink ruins it. Ahhhhh maybe one day itís low on a ď wantĒ list.

We let neighbor Mennonites put cattle on our land last 3 years and refused to take any money of course. Today Wendall came over saying heís bringing a load of gravel for the driveway that we have been needing so bad. Yes Iím excited over gravel lol
Bipolar check-in #65

Yes Gus is nosey lol

Anyone have weekend plans???!

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Yay, gravel! That will be nice and easier.

What gorgeous land you live on. Seeing your pics is such a treat.

Did you already go to the Mennonite wedding? But no, I think it's in June.
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Old 05-14-2022, 07:47 AM   #595
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@*Beth*

I feel your pain about not wanting to ďstart overĒ. I still feel that if my T ever left or stopped seeing patients I would not get a new one. Iíve been with her for 7 years, it would be impossible to start over. Sheís probably only about ten to fifteen years older than me but still, who knows what could happen.

HoweverÖyou do seem just so upset when you canít see her regularly. Itís a real conundrum, I know, with no easy solution unfortunately. I hope you can reach the decision thatís best for you!

Iím glad your bamboo blanket came in and that you find it so helpful! I get cold at night, not hot, so I donít have that issue, but if I did I could understand how bamboo would be appealing! Iím considering purchasing a bamboo pajama set though.

Thank you

I actually, reluctantly, made an appointment with another therapist at the new clinic where my new med provider is. I was going to check out another T and see what I thought.

2 days before my appointment the clinic receptionist called and said the therapist needed to cancel my appointment . So that was that. No point in going through it all to get another therapist who cancels.

I went to a couple of therapists before I found my current one. They were total duds. Well-intentioned, but just not a fit, at all.

I'm going to buy bamboo pj's in June. Amazon sells them.
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Old 05-14-2022, 07:49 AM   #596
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I was sleeping well, but then had to get out of bed and move around some. Now it's dawn. Suddenly it warmed up yesterday. It's likely that summer weather has arrived. 90 degrees today, which means a/c this afternoon. I love having the windows open as long as possible, though. My apartment is tiny, but it has wonderful great big windows.


So I had that inspiration to drop the bells off on my therapist's porch. I couldn't shake it, so I drove over there, parked a bit of a way from her house, walked over quietly and quickly, and left the gift.

I came home and called my T's dear receptionist & asked her to text M., tell her that there is something on her porch. 5 minutes later the receptionist called and said M. says "you shouldn't have, but they're beautiful. I'm going to hang them up, the fairies will love them!" (We have talked about fairies in her garden.)

So I was glad I threw it out to the universe and dropped off M.'s gift.
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Old 05-14-2022, 08:03 AM   #597
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Default Bipolar check-in #65

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I'm having a monster of a struggle right now. My therapist is still unwell, having trouble with her breathing. She'll be out for sure for my Monday appointment and Thursday is definitely up in the air. She's been out this week, of course - and out for our previous Thursday appointment. The month of April was hellish, the beginning of May was very rough. My last appt. with her 12 days ago was intense and I really needed to have regular appointments again.

In short, I miss her extremely. I have had a gift for her, some pretty Noah bells that hang up; I've been holding it for 10 days. It could well be the rest of the month, or close, before I see her again, knowing her history of lung issues.

This town is not very big and I know where she lives (I once looked up her address just for the heck of it, years ago). I am very seriously thinking about driving to (near) her house, quietly walking over there, and leaving the gift for her on her porch.

M. has never been SUPER tight about boundaries. I mean, she definitely remains professional, but she does tell me all about her family, their names, and events in her life. Definitely not as closed as many therapists are. I truly don't think she'd stop seeing me if I drop the gift off. Honestly...I don't know what she'd think. We're close; I know she feels closer to me than to most of her other clients. She HAS to realize that I am very much missing her. It's a lot to ask for me to just go on and on, not knowing when she'll return. 3 years ago, when I very first started seeing her, she ended up being out for 3 full months. And I ended up IP.

Ugggh, I'm so stuck.

Try not to do this. I think it really wouldnít work out well for you. I know itís hard but I think this would make it worse in the long run.

Edit - never mind I just saw your update. Glad it worked out for you
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Old 05-14-2022, 08:06 AM   #598
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I still can't breathe or swallow properly and its pretty bad right now and my blood pressure is pretty low. But every doctor and nurse I've seen and talked with this week didn't seem worried. So I guess I shouldnt be either.

I wouldnít go by that. They arenít always right. If you think somethings wrong fight for yourself or get your mum to help. Donít rely on drs always being right.
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Old 05-14-2022, 09:53 AM   #599
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My anxiety is eating me alive. I was due to get a vaccine today and Iím totally incapacitated. I donít know what in the world is going on with me. Ever since I STARTED and stopped that Wellbutrin, Iíve had a problem with serious anxiety. Klonopin does not help. Neither does Xanax. These med providers just donít listen sometimes. Itís like them telling me that the Lithium was such a low dose that it wouldnít hurt me and I have permanent kidney damage now. Give me a break.

Tomorrow is our family celebration. Iím looking forward to seeing M as I said. Sheís only coming for the meal then leaving so I wonít be able to visit with her much but we had a nice hour long conversation yesterday. Also Florida is coming up just me and her so there is that.

I hope everyone has a peaceful day. Hugs to all.
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Old 05-14-2022, 10:07 AM   #600
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Thank you

I actually, reluctantly, made an appointment with another therapist at the new clinic where my new med provider is. I was going to check out another T and see what I thought.

2 days before my appointment the clinic receptionist called and said the therapist needed to cancel my appointment . So that was that. No point in going through it all to get another therapist who cancels.

I went to a couple of therapists before I found my current one. They were total duds. Well-intentioned, but just not a fit, at all.

I'm going to buy bamboo pj's in June. Amazon sells them.
Iím so sorry, Ts are canceling on you. My last T in Texas I had for 11-12 years in all that time she canceled twice. Up here I tried a guy but we didnít click and I just quit. Thereís not much choice in this small town. And no one that knows ASL.

Oh so sweet. I just ordered bamboo PJs last night! Theyíll be here Tuesday!
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it always seems impossible until it's done..
Nelson Mandela



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