Bipolar check-in #65

Sunflower123 · May 20, 2022 at 05:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu

Nothing going on here. Was a rainy humid day that turned sunny 😎 I got out to take mum to the hairdresser, she got her time wrong and was a half hour early. So I ran to the grocery and picked up the things she wanted and got back at just the right time. Oh I finally got a shirt I ordered it’s beautiful but they sent the wrong size so back it goes.

I’m feeling kinda down, nothing major just lacking vibe. Not able to really focus on anything. Bored as all get out.

I hope you feel better soon.

Sunflower123 · May 20, 2022 at 06:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Hello my family

~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Oh y’all this prednisone is killing me.. I’m just breaking down ugly crying over everything. I think it’s starting to help my PsA pain. But what’s worse crying over the pain or crying over the treatment. ?

This is how bad it is ..,, I haven’t cleaned anything other than dishes yesterday and today !!! Y’all know it must be bad if I’m not cleaning.

We are just on the porch and I have a box of tissues

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I hope you get to feeling better soon. Thanks for your kind words. Pool opens the 28th. Florida is the 29th. Counting the days.

*Beth* · May 20, 2022 at 07:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I did get out to get my shingles vaccine yesterday. I got my COVID booster last week or the week before. The shingles vaccine made me so sleepy and tired! I did rally and went for my 2 mile walk in the park in the sunshine then sat and relaxed by the creek. I worked on the house a bit and talked with friends and sat with mom (my aunt died a few days ago and she is taking it hard - her SIL). I’m sad about it of course but I’m happy that she is now reunited with her beloved husband. She missed him so much. They were best friends and soul mates. A true love story.

I love the new tea I purchased - hibiscus, rose and passionfruit. Delicious. I’ve really been getting in to boiling water for several mugs of different teas throughout the day to enjoy out on the deck. Good stress relief and self care.

I’m working on remaining calm before vacation. I usually get stressed out before holidays, vacations and birthdays. I can feel the anxiety rising. I will tap and journal on it.

I hope everybody has a peaceful day.

I'm sorry about the loss of your aunt. I can understand why your mom is taking it hard. It's so nice, though, when a marriage is a true love story. That's how my oldest sister and her husband are. They've been married for 56 years and are still in love.

I didn't have any reaction at all from the covid vax or the 2 boosters - but I sure did from the two Shingrix vaccines. I felt terribly sleepy and just yucky. It did pass after sleeping, though.

Oooh, your tea sounds lovely!

*Beth* · May 20, 2022 at 07:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

There were more people I wanted to reply to but unfortunately I’ve already forgotten what individuals have said what, I don’t have the mental energy to go back through, so I apologize! Hugs to all that need them!

I just finished speaking with my clinician from IOP. I am now dreading this whole thing with mom. Given the fact that my brother canceled our dinner, AGAIN, it is clear that I will have to spearhead this whole thing. The fact that they are not available and when they are they cancel shows me there is no commitment on their part. I even texted my brother after he called and got no response. And I asked him if we could just FaceTime instead and he said they’ll “try”. I’ve gotten no response about whether they will be attending my son’s band concert either, but I’m going to go ahead and guess no, they are busy.

My clinician suggested I do a cope ahead plan so I can come up with what skills I’m going to use ahead of time for various difficult situations. I am reticent to lean on RS completely, I don’t want him to become my therapist, that’s not his job. But I suppose I will have to accept emotional support from him while I am not in program on the weekends and the days I take off. So it’s a good plan to bring my “safety kit” and a list of grounding skills I can use in the moment when I feel overwhelmed. I have different objects for different emotions.

I personally have made a list of five things that need to be done and I will prioritize them myself. If and when I can get in touch with my brother I will present them and get his feedback.

See how detached I am in my writing? I feel like I’m writing a business letter here. I feel detached from the whole situation which I suppose I need to at times or I will never get through this ****.

I bought a necklace from Etsy, it is a sunflower locket. Inside is stamped “keep f’ing” going. I have sailor mouth and it is very encouraging. I also bought two rings stamped with “I am enough” and “I am worthy”. I like having affirmations at the ready whenever I need to look at them.

I was going to get my tattoo looked at so I can get it finished and a new piercing at the same time (tragus) but I may not be safe to drive what with the spacing out and everything. Best to drive to the convenience store first and see how it goes before I tackle the highway or the terribly trafficked road.

GREAT idea to use the affirmation jewelry!

Your brother cancelled? W-T-F????

wildflowerchild25 · May 20, 2022 at 07:35 PM

@~Christina
I’m so sorry about the prednisone! I’ve never known you to not clean, even in severe pain! Hopefully you can get through the course and it does help with your pain at least.

RS and I have a couple of ideas in regards to her things. We think maybe getting something like a shoe rack and saying “this is how many shoes you can bring, so please decide on which pairs”. She’s got at least 50 pairs. Same for purses, some sort of storage container that can fit a finite amount. A bookshelf so she can choose books, though that will be nigh impossible. It’s all going to be very difficult which is why I’m truly hoping against hope that she clicks with the therapist and can have them on hand to speak to.

I am also not surprised by my brother’s behavior. I guess I had hoped he would be better but I guess not. My clinician says it sounds like avoidance. Um yeah. Obviously. He doesn’t want to go there to see how bad it is and he doesn’t want to deal with all the memories. Well, neither do I, but here we are. I can’t keep coddling him though, if he’s not going to help I need to stand up for myself and at least get a straight answer. He cannot cancel if he says he will be there. If you won’t be there, just say so. Just tell me. I’ll be pretty pissed but I don’t deserve to be cancelled on left and right. Grow up and tell the truth.

*Beth* · May 20, 2022 at 07:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

Thanks, @*Beth* and @~Christina. Yea, my brother is sad. Even took a photo to share of the rooster, who was standing near the front door of the house. Not as cute as Gus, but he's a survivor! The rooster has total freedom now. Not sure what's going on its head. I hope he'll be ok tonight. Rooting for that rooster! My sister says there's a tornado warning there tonight. It's windy here in my area, too.

The Adderal is now my best guess, too.

Poor rooster. Roosters don't do well when they don't have chickens to "keep in line." They get confused.

*Beth* · May 20, 2022 at 07:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu

Nothing going on here. Was a rainy humid day that turned sunny 😎 I got out to take mum to the hairdresser, she got her time wrong and was a half hour early. So I ran to the grocery and picked up the things she wanted and got back at just the right time. Oh I finally got a shirt I ordered it’s beautiful but they sent the wrong size so back it goes.

I’m feeling kinda down, nothing major just lacking vibe. Not able to really focus on anything. Bored as all get out.

I hate the lacking vibe feeling. The good thing is, something comes along to stoke the fire.

I'm watching the second-to-last episode of season 11 Call the Midwife tonight. There will be a season 12, but not for quite a while. I may go back and watch season 1. I'm so forgetful, I probably won't even recognize season 1.

Nammu · May 20, 2022 at 07:50 PM

I can sort of remember season one, it’s 2 &3 that are harder to remember. I loved chummy, she was one of my favorites. I can guarantee though Ill cry all over again watching those seasons. The midwife story lines are so good.

*Beth* · May 20, 2022 at 08:02 PM

All night and all day the wind has been absolutely wild! I don't mind it when I'm lying in bed at night, but being out in it during the day is not fun. My absurdly hyper-sensitive skin is actually burning from having been in the wind.

I saw Mary's (T) colleague today, just for a de-stress session until Mary returns from (another) leave. That was a rotten waste of 6$ a gallon gas The chick was very sweet, but obviously new to the job (not bad questions, just textbook ones). She was certainly not as old as my daughter, maybe my son's age. She reminded me a bit of my DIL, sincere and kind, but...young. And not even as worldly. The moment I sat down the words in my mind were What am I doing here? and I have to talk about something, so...think of something....

I didn't feel any spark with her, just...nothing. Not as a therapist, anyway. When the session blessedly ended she said, "I would love to see you again...I mean, if you...next week, if Mary isn't back..." I just smiled and, I mean, what could I say except, "It was nice to meet you." And I was thinking, next week if Mary isn't back I think I'll be in some serious trouble. I felt so crappy, because I didn't say I'd like to see you again some time or anything. When I was leaving she told me she has a photograph she wants to show me of her husband's roller skating themed birthday party (I had told her I used to roller skate). I thought, "Oh, God, please" - but I said, "That must have been fun!"

Ugh. Let me outta here. Where's the freakin' door. Walk through the blasting wind, get in the car, turn on the radio, and pray for some good rock to be playing.

And now I feel deflated, tired. And David sure enough bit*hed at me about having an appointment to get my hair cut. Said, "Can't you hold off on that?" (Typical) He's always just oh, so loving and supportive . I told him that NO, I won't. Then I cancelled the appointment. Thought, eh, forget it. My hair is healthy now, let it grow some more. But you know...it's the principle of the thing.

Gah, forgive me. I'm in a rotten mood. In about 5 minutes I'll work on picking myself up.

Love~

Nammu · May 20, 2022 at 08:10 PM

Beth sorry about the rotten mood and day, here’s some purple sparkle ✨ rays to chime your healing bells 🔔

wildflowerchild25 · May 20, 2022 at 08:28 PM

@*Beth*

I’ve found it’s quite refreshing to allow myself a few minutes of “wallow time”. As long as I don’t sink into it and stay there!

Victoria'smom · May 20, 2022 at 08:31 PM

Beth I'm sorry it didn't work out. Maybe try another therapist if Mary's not back next week.

otroo · May 20, 2022 at 11:21 PM

I am on another trip but this time I am with my dad and daughter. We are doing a foodie tour and it has been fun actually. We have so far eaten at two bbq places and one steak restaurants. We did go by a bbq joint but it was permanently closed so we ate at a place called Del's and it was really great. I want to thank all of you for being here for me to voice myself. Here are a couple of pictures to make you hungry lol. Bipolar check-in #65

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05:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

Sometimes I can’t or won’t do the stuff that will get me unstuck or move me ahead in life. These are things I need to do and want accomplished in my life. I get to feeling hopeless and defeated over it. It’s where almost 100% of my SI comes from. If I can’t have control over my mind and body, what do I have? Does anybody else have this issue? It’s tough today. I’m not sure what to do to combat it either.

I don't know if you mean to move forward in life or if you have some trouble doing things you have on your to do list.

I am older than you (and in that way have had a longer time to grow in my grown up years) and I can remember from my student therapy that there was topics I was afraid to touch. Now, many years later I am able to look at all of it ("This is my life and so it was. I can accept that. I can accept myself").

I always had a strong "push-factor" when it came to growing, and so it happened with the topics I once was afraid to face as well.

Take it to your therapist and be open to suggestions ... , and let it take the time it takes.

If your topic was to avoid doing things on your to do list, that is what happens to me. It has become worse after the corona lock down. I am sitting there and just let my thoughts pass by. I am working on it. I bought a book at Amazon (kindle) yesterday about overthinking. I don't know if it is that it is about or has more to do with being afraid to move (in the here and now). I do remember times in my childhood where I had to hide and be silent as a mouse. Anyway, if it is this or that explanation, the book (have only read one chapter) reminded me about that "things" are intermingled (hormones, memory-traces, early childhood effects , effects in the real time, social bounds and more). To remember about all this "intermingledness" helped me to relax a bit and to believe that this problem can be overcome as well with time.

I wish you well with your problem. Whatever it is, it has it's natural causes!

(Me too get the feeling of being hopeless and of no worth when the "no-doing" happens to me. That is why I want to do something about it and try to be kind to myself in the process).

May 21, 2022 at 05:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by otroo

I am on another trip but this time I am with my dad and daughter. We are doing a foodie tour and it has been fun actually. We have so far eaten at two bbq places and one steak restaurants. We did go by a bbq joint but it was permanently closed so we ate at a place called Del's and it was really great. I want to thank all of you for being here for me to voice myself. Here are a couple of pictures to make you hungry lol. Bipolar check-in #65

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Yes, I became hungry! Enjoy your food where-ever you are!

May 21, 2022 at 07:49 AM

@~Jennifer 1967

In addition to my post 184, I want to tell you this, in case it can help you. When I told my therapist about my "no-doing", the therapist said it was about anxiety. I had a bit of trouble to understand that, because I don't feel any anxiety in these situations. Here is my point: The book I mentioned in my last post says the same. "Overthinking" or using time to not do what should have been done is about anxiety.

In other words, it masks anxiety.

Hope it was helpful!

Best wishes!

wildflowerchild25 · May 21, 2022 at 08:52 AM

We just took a short walk to warm up for the NAMI walk and boy is it humid. It’s gonna be bad in the blazing sun. Also my vision is slightly compromised. Slight double vision, almost like what happens when I switch around my lamictal by accident. Like if I take 200mg in the AM instead of 100mg. It’s weird because I know I filled my box with 100mg in the morning spot…and it hasn’t happened any other time this week. I’m a bit concerned. It’s Saturday so I can’t see my program dr until Monday at the earliest. And she is rather unhelpful. Im positive I didn’t take extra lamictal last night either, but I did skip the minipress, because I think that’s what’s making me so tired during the day. Gabapentin, minipress, and seroquel is just too much sedation, but I can’t take just one or the other because then I don’t fall asleep.

I dunno. Im looking forward to the walk despite the fact that it will be so hot. Unfortunately we have no choice but to complete the whole thing unless we want to swim across the lake in the middle! We have a cooler backpack to take with us and I have an insulated water bottle. I will be putting water in my gym bag as well.

Everyone wish us luck!

Soupe du jour · 09:51 AM

@otroo, that is indeed a most tempting-looking feast. Wish I could eat a few of those sausages and beans...and steak...and the tacos, too. I'm glad you're spending quality time with those you love and that love you. I think it is a healthy thing to do to help in your grieving process.

@Jennifer 1967, condolences to you and your mom for the loss of your aunt.

Nammu · May 21, 2022 at 09:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

We just took a short walk to warm up for the NAMI walk and boy is it humid. It’s gonna be bad in the blazing sun. Also my vision is slightly compromised. Slight double vision, almost like what happens when I switch around my lamictal by accident. Like if I take 200mg in the AM instead of 100mg. It’s weird because I know I filled my box with 100mg in the morning spot…and it hasn’t happened any other time this week. I’m a bit concerned. It’s Saturday so I can’t see my program dr until Monday at the earliest. And she is rather unhelpful. Im positive I didn’t take extra lamictal last night either, but I did skip the minipress, because I think that’s what’s making me so tired during the day. Gabapentin, minipress, and seroquel is just too much sedation, but I can’t take just one or the other because then I don’t fall asleep.

I dunno. Im looking forward to the walk despite the fact that it will be so hot. Unfortunately we have no choice but to complete the whole thing unless we want to swim across the lake in the middle! We have a cooler backpack to take with us and I have an insulated water bottle. I will be putting water in my gym bag as well.

Everyone wish us luck!

Good luck 🍀 have a wonderful day!

May 21, 2022 at 10:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GoGo2

@~Jennifer 1967

In addition to my post 184,

Sorry, It was post 854 !

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Bipolar check-in #65

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Nammu Crone Member Since May 2010 Location: Some where between my inner mind and the solar system. Posts: 71,285 (SuperPoster!) 13 53.6k hugs given	May 20, 2022 at 08:10 PM #850 Beth sorry about the rotten mood and day, here’s some purple sparkle ✨ rays to chime your healing bells 🔔 __________________ *Nammu* …Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …... Desiderata Max Ehrmann

Victoria'smom Legendary Member Since Apr 2012 Location: Earth Posts: 14,903 (SuperPoster!) 11 5,430 hugs given	May 20, 2022 at 08:31 PM #852 Beth I'm sorry it didn't work out. Maybe try another therapist if Mary's not back next week. __________________ Dx: Me- SzA Husband- Bipolar 1 Daughter- mood disorder+ Comfortable broken and happy "So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk My blog