Bipolar check-in #65

Hi all! I had an ok day. Took a shower and removed the wrap from my tattoo. Washed the tattoo with Aveno unscented body wash. It's extra hydrating so that's good. I made a mistake though. I put the Aquaphor on it today- just a very thin layer like they said. I put more on after 4 hours for the next 4 hours UNTIL I read my detailed aftercare email that the lady that runs the shop kindly sent yesterday and it said that after you remove the wrap and wash the site that you should let the tattoo breathe! i.e. don't put Aquaphor on it yet! So now I've emailed her back and asked what I should do and that I washed the area so there's not ointment on it anymore.

Then this afternoon I took a nap between 230 and 430. It was nice. I made macaroni salad - with cellentani noodles for lunch/dinner. Put canned chicken in with olive oil mayo. Put a little pepper on and voila!

I also went to Starbucks for a while with a friend. Then I went to the credit union to get 6 months worth of statements printed. That's the last thing I needed for my paperwork. My mom and I are going to drive it in- it's in a city about half an hour away. I was all worried about getting all of May but they said May isn't available to print right now. Go figure.

I also talked with FWB on the phone today for half an hour. Just chit chatting.

~Christina I'm sorry your post went "poof!". I copy my posts before sending just in case I get that "The token has expired. Refresh the page" message.

I went to my apartment building's cookout today, it was a lot of fun and the food was good. I'm kind of frustrated with myself though. I HAVE sunscreen and yet I didn't put it on, and sat out in direct sunlight for over 2 hours (plus I burn easily to begin with) and I have the worst sunburn down both my arms, not making that mistake ever again

I managed to workout 3 days in a row. Gonna do it again tomorrow. I have an appointment with my psychiatric NP at 9:30am tomorrow. Will be nice to report that I'm doing well. Going to see if she can lower one of my medications.

Kitties are doing good, spent a lot of time petting them today. They're sweeties

CR’s concert went great! He was nervous and crying before hand but I told him if he messes up just keep pretending to play until he finds his place again and no one will even notice! Then he looked at my necklace (which I was t going to show him because of the curse word) but since he saw it lol I said this is what you have to do, no matter what you keep going. I think he found it comforting. Anyway he played great and was so proud of himself at the end!

My brother didn’t make it not surprised. He hasn’t responded to my request about dinner or even just FaceTime. So if I don’t hear from him tomorrow I will just text him our plan and tell him I need his help (but I’m still not expecting it). If he STILL doesn’t respond, I’ll just go ahead and do it myself. Oh well. I think he’s avoiding going over there because of the emotional pain it will cause but I can’t help that and I’m not responsible for him anyway. I will tell him in no uncertain terms that it’s ****** of him to put this all on me but if that’s what he’s going to do tell me now so I can plan accordingly. It will mean my mom will not be moving any time soon, I can’t clean out the whole house in a matter of days.

We’ll do the garage and look into getting her in to the nearby 55+ community. Then slowly get her room in order so we can move her furniture to the new place. Pick out the pieces that can be saved and discard the rest. But move slowly so she doesn’t balk too much.

Again, if I can’t depend on him to be involved he needs to just admit it and tell me so I don’t keep trying. I’d rather him tell me now than plan for him to be there and him lose his nerve and not show up.

Edit: on a lighter note RS took off today and took me to the Harry Potter exhibit at the museum in Philadelphia! It was so great, it had pieces from the movie sets and had everything set up to seem as though you were moving in the different rooms of hogwarts! I got to explore the common rooms of the houses, the great hall, two classrooms, and Hagrid’s hut, plus learn about the costume design and wand design choices for the characters. Soooo awesome!

Good evening, dear ones. I am so sleepy, I'll make this quick. First off, I am sickened about the shooting at the elementary school near San Antonio. I can't even find the words...those poor little ones, all the families, the entire ripple effect. Generations. It is unbearable. Unthinkable, hideous.

Breathe.

My own day...I had the appointment for a session with Mary's colleague, a psychologist, Dr. B. He's 66 years old and from southern California. Very warm, friendly, open, and very easy to talk to. He does tend to keep interrupting himself, I found myself wishing he'd just follow through with his thoughts. Honestly, that was my only mild discomfort during the session. I really like him and he seemed comfortable with me. The session lasted for 2 hours and 10 minutes. I walked out of there feeling tired!

Dr. B. made an appt. for me for next week. I miss Mary terribly. No one knows when she'll be back. I hate this "not knowing"; I do not do well with that. But I do feel safer knowing there's a therapist available, someone I feel a connection with.

100 degrees today, 103 tomorrow! And a hot, dry wind. Desert weather. Very early morning will feel cool and nice.

I hope we are all having, have had, will have, decent sleep tonight. I'm sending love to each of you, love all around. God knows, the world needs it

Quote:

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25 ...

Aw, I am so happy that CR's concert went well! What a joy for both of you.

The exhibit sounds sooo cool

I agree with you - ask your brother to be upfront with you (and with himself!).

That situation does sound concerning. I'm glad you pushed hard to get your vote in. Many wouldn't. Perhaps many would have been flatly told to go home.

@Blue_Bird, I asked my husband where in the heck the stronger sunscreen was this morning. He couldn't find any. Like you, I've not been good at protecting my skin, lately. As there's skin cancer in my family, I need to get on the ball. A dermatologist appointment last week drove that home. My skin is either bright white, lobster red, or speckled with lots of freckles and now age spots. I've pulled out my sun hats, too.

My trip with my father and daughter ends tomorrow. We all had a great time and ate a ton of good food. The days were nice and the weather was early nice.
I really escaped reality on this trip I did not really cry on this trip but I really feel like I need a good cry and I will do that tomorrow when I get home. I am pretty depressed knowing this is the last night of our trip.
I really hate that my wife died but there is one good thing that came out of it and that is the 180 degree turn around with my relationship with my daughter. We get along pretty good now we used to fight like cats and dogs and now we get along pretty good.
I really miss my wife though and I still struggle everyday. Being with my family on this trip has really been a true blessing. I am afraid to be home alone here soon cause I am afraid my depression will kick in bad.


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What gets me about the shooting is that it’s entirely preventable. Gun control is not a dirty phrase.

Oh, I’m so glad you had a connection with Dr B.

That’s ridiculous anything over 99 is appalling but in the 100’s in May! That’s just Mother Nature being a mean girl.

As for sleep! Ha! I went to bed at 11:30, tossed and turned and got up at 20 to 2. I’ve got to get up at 7 to go to aqua class. I’ve missed too many classes these last two weeks.

Quote:

Originally Posted by otroo My trip with my father and daughter ends tomorrow. We all had a great time and ate a ton of good food. The days were nice and the weather was early nice. I really escaped reality on this trip I did not really cry on this trip but I really feel like I need a good cry and I will do that tomorrow when I get home. I am pretty depressed knowing this is the last night of our trip. I really hate that my wife died but there is one good thing that came out of it and that is the 180 degree turn around with my relationship with my daughter. We get along pretty good now we used to fight like cats and dogs and now we get along pretty good. I really miss my wife though and I still struggle everyday. Being with my family on this trip has really been a true blessing. I am afraid to be home alone here soon cause I am afraid my depression will kick in bad. Sent from my SM-S901U using Tapatalk

Is that you by the colorful car?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu What gets me about the shooting is that it’s entirely preventable. Gun control is not a dirty phrase. Oh, I’m so glad you had a connection with Dr B. That’s ridiculous anything over 99 is appalling but in the 100’s in May! That’s just Mother Nature being a mean girl. As for sleep! Ha! I went to bed at 11:30, tossed and turned and got up at 20 to 2. I’ve got to get up at 7 to go to aqua class. I’ve missed too many classes these last two weeks.

Oh, I'm so sorry you've had another night of bad sleep.


I am exhausted and needed to go to bed hours ago, but it's so hot in my bedroom - even the bamboo sheet feels like wool! The bedroom holds in heat. I will keep the window open and turn the fan on, though.

So good!

@otroo, I have so enjoyed reading about your recent vacation with your dad and daughter, and the great photos you took. I certainly hope you won't be depressed after returning home. Would you consider perhaps creating an album (online or even print), journal, or scrapbook about that wonderful trip? That might take your mind away from sadder things. Maybe even share whatever you create with both your dad, daughter, and anyone else in your life who might enjoy it. For them, it's been quite a journey, too.

@Nammu, I hope you get a better sleep tonight.

@*Beth*, I'll be wishing some cooler days come your way. 100 F sounds just awful! I have trouble when the weather gets really hot. I usually even stay in the house for a lot of the summer. I read about the shooting early in the morning, my time. I always get NY Times notifications on my phone. It's quite sad to say, but there are so many mass shootings nowadays, that I'm starting to become numb to them, especially since one political party refuses to do anything to make changes, and when asked what they think should be done, only propose "prayer". Europe and Asia have very very few such shootings compared to gun happy USA. I recently read that one reason may be that in other regions there is more of a social support for people. Individualism isn't so emphasized, especially in terms of "one man/woman for him/herself" and "up to you to sink or swim on your own". For this reason, I feel a bit sorry for everyone involved in such shootings. Everyone! As for gun stuff, I think it is ludicrous that anyone outside of military and police/other security forces should have a machine gun. The desire to have such a thing seems like a tragedy in and of itself. Mass shootings are absolutely shocking, yet most gun deaths in the US are suicides. The next higher are much smaller scale or individual murders. Regardless of the usage, it's all tragic, and again reflects a social and mental health emergency in the US. Demonizing anyone is a fruitless and unfair tendency, in my view. Inaction, however, is deserving of the biggest blame.

Take your time with the grief. It comes and goes, but will never fade totally away. Am glad you had a good tip and it is a good "thing" that you have a better relationship with your daughter.

Best wishes!

I second that!

This morning I feel calm and relaxed. I have allowed myself a good long time with the breakfast table. I will now do my physical exercises and then go through my "be in the here and now" exercises. After that I will go for a walk.

What I have described, now, is the pattern for my normal mornings. I am glad yesterday is passed.

The weather is mixed today. Some time with sunshine, then rain for a little while and it is windy.

I wish everybody a good day!

What you've described sounds lovely, GoGo2! I must say that breakfasts are one of my favorite parts of the day, and have been for some years now. Long ago in the past when I was slaving at my last job, my breakfasts consisted of a stop at a cafe to pick up a cup to go and then sips at my work desk. Later I would set the alarm (or just be waking up early) and then have a sit down breakfast with my husband for at least 20 minutes. Often, we even invited our past parrot, who loved it, too. After, we had a "cuddle time" and then Hubby went off to work.

Nowadays, we sadly have no parrot, but still have a sit down breakfast and cuddle time. If we ever stopped these, our lives would surely suffer.

It's finally raining where I am in Czech Republic after barely ever raining, for ages. I happen to like rain as long as there are no floods, hurricanes, or tornadoes. I always tell Hubby that the plants prefer rain over hose water, by a long-shot.

I hope your day (and everyone's) continues to be pleasant!

Attached is an old photo of our late parrot stealing some of my husband's blueberry muffin. He had his own breakfast on the paper towel, but preferred Hubby's.

Sitting here enjoying a hot mug of salted caramel tea and planning my day - thinking of how blessed I am.

A friend pointed out that I wasn’t shutting my mind off at night before sleep and that could be the cause of my poor sleep habits. I usually plan and watch tv or play on my phone up until I turn out the lights. The past couple of days, I’ve turned off the TV, turned my phone to orange light at 7, put away the planning and tapped (EFT) on racing thoughts (guided) 45 minutes before bed. I’m sleeping so much better! I’m so pleased. I still wake early but the block of sleep I get is solid and quality and I wake refreshed. I even dream! Unheard of.

We couldn’t go to the movie because the mechanic still had the car. We’ll go tonight. Cherry coke and hot, fresh buttered popcorn plus a good movie. Sweet!

Counting down the days to the pool and Florida! Yay!

I wish everybody a peaceful day. Hugs to all.

Ugh I’m a ****ing mess physically as well as mentally. I think I have to make a priority list for physical health problems as well. I have an appt for my swollen wrist on Thursday so at least I’ve done that. I have an endoscopy for my abdominal pain scheduled in June. I was going to cancel but based on other digestive issues I’ve decided to keep it. Ultrasound never shows anything so maybe endoscopy might. I need to get my back looked at again. Actually I need to start doing my core exercises because that’s all they’re going to tell me, as well as lose weight, which I’m tired of hearing. Maybe a dietitian would be helpful as well, I don’t know.

My brother said “dinner’s just not going to happen” but he’s willing to FaceTime. I said after six today so I can feed my own family. If I don’t hear from him by 7 I’ll call. I need to know if he’s going to help or not.

I’m a bit unhappy today, not necessarily depressed but I guess overwhelmed. There’s just too much to do and I can’t get any help. I mean my physical stuff is on me, nothing I can do about that, just gotta suck it up. I wish someone could help me. I’m tired.

I don’t get it.

I don’t want to upset anyone because I know some Americans have strong pro gun beliefs but I don’t get it at all.

We had a mass shooting here in Australia in 1996 and that was our last one. We had others before it. We changed our gun laws after the one in 96 and had a gun amnesty. People handed them in. Farmers still have guns and you can still have a gun license for certain things but it’s been 26 years since we’ve had a mass shooting. I don’t get how people can think it’s ok to have so many shootings every year and make no changes to gun laws.