Bipolar check-in #65

Ugh can’t sleep. Seems like all my posts start with ugh now lol. I talked to my brother and SIL and supposedly they’ll be there Monday to assess the situation. I told them they HAVE to go in the house to see what I’m talking about.

I also said if anything changes let me know as soon as possible. Im not holding my breath that they’ll be there, surely.

We’re going to take a trip down to Baltimore to visit the national aquarium the last weekend in June. We’ll possibly stay overnight, but I’m not sure. It’s about a 2.5 hour drive from where we are. We went to the crystal cave in PA in one day so it’s not unusual for us to travel that far for a day trip. It might be easier (and certainly will be cheaper) to do it that way. My little Corolla is great on gas so we’ll definitely be able to afford the extra gas. Who knows how high it will be by then! But it’ll be fun.

RS was very angry today, not at me but at life in general. He said he almost yelled at me over a sandwich! Simply because I said he could have asked me to see if I wanted anything before he bought it for dinner. We’re both lucky he didn’t because I would have taken Chris and left. Not permanently but I am NOT putting up with that **** again. I told him I knew something was wrong and if he refused to talk about it I couldn’t understand and try to help. So after I called my brother we both went outside and he talked to me. Yay for healthy relationships! And then we took a nice walk because it was BEAUTIFUL out today! It was very refreshing and made both of us feel better.

I’m just waiting for the seroquel to kick in now. Listening to a babbling brook to calm me. I was listening to my new podcast of choice but it’s too funny I couldn’t sleep for laughing!

I'm been doing fine, mood-wise, but oddly sleeping a lot. I get tired earlier than in the past. Not sure why since spring usually elevates my mood. It's not a problem, though.

I am a passionate cook, yet both the oven and stove in this rental house we live in are crap. The oven makes a loud screeching noise (akin to scratching a chalkboard) the whole time it's on and cooling off. The stove top often "decides" to go off of its own accord and sometimes doesn't allow me to put it on for a while. I literally smacked it in protest and it miraculously worked again, but I fear it's a fire hazard. We've told the landlady, and her suggestion is for us to feel free to replace them on our own dime. That's sort of common in Czech Republic, but as an American, I refuse to spend loads of money on someone else's house when I need the money for a future one of my own. But it's gotten to the point where I use my gas grill and toaster (that we own) for more things than I would ever otherwise. We would have purchased a toaster oven, but there's too little space on the counters.

I just got one big dark age spot-looking mole removed by laser and it's still looking like a wound. At the same time, I developed a flat pink conspicuous mole-like blemish on the bridge of my nose. Hubby is now catastrophising about the new mole. I wish he'd stop. I don't need to be panic visiting doctors left and right. I'm more pissed that it is cosmetically unpleasant. I already have a pink mole on the side of my nose that developed years ago.

Sorry to hear about your brother! It is good that you will have your wrist examined soon. I think it is smart to think about a meal plan.

May your day be so well as possible!

I feel with you! I am so sorry because (it seems to me that) Americans are split in half. One half will fight for the right to own weapon, while the other half want a regulation.

I'm glad you got prescribed Haldol as you wished. And I hope Serequel helped you to sleep.

I wish you a good day!

I feel down today. Yesterday someone gave a characteristic about me (in a discussion) that did not fit. I have to be misunderstood as one of my triggers. I felt down. As if that was not enough some drunk teenagers or perhaps young adults stood at the street singing and yelling. It was past 2:30 in the night the last time I watched my clock.

I feel horrible today. I have had problems using my calming techniques, but feel a tiny bit better after I came in here!

May you all have a wonderful day!

I see my endocronogolgist tommorow and he's the one who deals with the trans stuff and testosterone. Which is causing the high blood levels. I also plan on asking him if the testosterone is what caused the thryoid stuff.

You know how I had that colposcopy last Friday? Well my doctor called. She said the biopsies came out ok but that the lab did some extra testing and now I have to have part of my cervix removed during a "LEEP" procedure because they saw "higher grade" spots with the biopsy. (This is really starting to annoy/slightly scare me! I mean do I have cancer or don't they know??) I can have it done without anything or I can be put to sleep for it. The first is at the Drs office and the second at the hospital - hospital I will be put to sleep, I believe. I need to send the Dr a portal message saying which one I want to do. The hospital would be preferable if I could find my way around. But I know exactly how to get to the clinic but it's gonna hurt more. 🤕 This is terrible. Nobody has said the C word yet but they've said "higher grade" which sounds good but I don't think it is. I haven't told anybody about any of this except fwb and Caleb- and you guys.

I had something similar to that done back in the eighties. It was done in the doctors office. I had precancerous spots. Oddly they zeroed in on that because my blood work showed precancerous elevation. So they then looked there. I felt no pain. They used like a cauterizing tool.

I am sorry on your behalf. Hope everything goes well!

It's time for a new thread. Here's the link:

Bipolar check-in # 66

I have felt terrible all day long, have had suicial thoughts even when I visited a church. I feel like I have used up all solutions ...