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wildflowerchild25
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Default May 25, 2022 at 05:49 AM
  #21
I started self harming when I was 13 but I really thought I was just looking for attention, esp because my best friend said so. Now I look back and realize I was very unhappy through my entire childhood and yes I WAS looking for attention because no one ever paid any attention to me. I wish they had.

It morphed into depression and sometimes anger with weird thoughts someone was coming up behind me to hit me sometimes when I was 14 and hospitalized for the first time. I didn’t accept bipolar until I was 25 even though I was dx’ed when I was 18.

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Default May 26, 2022 at 08:49 PM
  #22
43. Well, before I would admit it anyway.

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Default May 27, 2022 at 04:00 PM
  #23
I must say I never did. Not the slightest. But in 2011, when I was 26 (later on 27 same year) and worked with older students in gymnasium (senior high school) - and when I had six different courses with five different classes, stayed late at nights and helping all those students with their exams and such - I got burned out mentally and ended up in hospital. Same hospital who gave me wrong medicines (Seroquel and Lithium) instead of keeping Olanzapine which trigged all my burn out into out blown bipolar. As if a nuclear warhead detonated inside my head and made every of my mind into ashes. A complete meltdown in my brain. It was so hot that I thought my entire brain got fried.

It’s amazing that I did a recovery just in less than two months, and so fast that not even doctors couldn’t believe what they were witnessing. Because I wasn’t suppose to recover at all - just to be hospitalised for the rest of my life. Not to talk, not to speak. Sitting in a wheelchair and faint away, piece by piece.

But here I am, mostly thanks to my mom. Today I use Ergenyl and Olanzapine. I don’t have any schizophrenic type, so my official diagnosis is still “Bipolar Unspecified”. One doctor told that I might had Type 2 since I had hypomania (most of the parts were heavy depression), but after they had run so many tests on me over the years they put in my diagnosis “unspecified” instead of “type 2”. And that was it.

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Default May 29, 2022 at 05:48 PM
  #24
I probably was developing it during high school, but like others have noted here, just thought I was a moody teen.

It wasn't until I was in the military traveling the world via air on a regular basis (days to weeks to months straight of jet lag), that I started noticing undeniable symptoms. I wasn't raised in a very enlightened house when it came to mental health, and also, any mental issues is cause for immediate grounding (what an incentive to seek help...), so I just tried to take care of it with natural remedies like fish oil.

I was fine for a number of years after I quit flying so much, but entered a prolonged and pretty severe cycle on my first civilian job after university. I though it was the job's fault I wasn't doing well, so I quit and became a ski bum. Looking back, the job I quit should have been awesome, but my head was just not there. Afterwards, a life of little stress left me overall doing fine, but when I got a real job again, and dealt with stress again, it came back. That's when I started researching and bipolar seemed the best fit. I got some help and was diagnosed BP Unspecified.
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Default Jun 02, 2022 at 09:23 PM
  #25
I was always a very anxious kid and had my first bout of depression at age 9 even though I do not remember anything in particular in my life causing me to feel that way. I had depression and problems with behavior at home during my middle school years. Then, things seemed me be okay, but I had my first full-blown Bipolar episode at age 15, which was a recurring series of manias and depressions that went untreated other than talking to the school guidance counselor. Family did not believe in meds. I went on an antidepressant by my PCP in early college, but swung into some sort of mania. I finally was diagnosed and medicated for Bipolar Disorder by my early to mid twenties and finally received the proper treatment.

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Default Jun 02, 2022 at 11:28 PM
  #26
Had some, I guess you can call it, "flirtations" with counseling from 19-22, including when I was studying abroad in England. The counselors, both in England and the States, gave me medication for depression and treated it as such. As you can probably guess, that didn't really help, and it all culminated in my first inpatient visit at 22, over Thanksgiving break. Again, they treated depression, and gave me medication that induced a proper hypomanic episode. I didn't lose touch with reality or anything, but my mood switched in 12 hours. They didn't notice. At 24, someone finally put the pieces together and confirmed what I was already starting to suspect.

In retrospect, I'm pretty sure I had a proper manic episode right out of high school, at 18. I bought a house. How was that not noticed, you ask? Basically, it was a family affair. I bought the house from my grandmother at the encouragement of my father (Who did it for ulterior motives, but that's a rant for another time.) No one involved wanted to admit that they might have pushed a mentally ill kid in the middle of an episode into a rash decision. At the time, I was euphoric. I remember that emotion above all others. Before the year ended, I hated myself for making that decision. Almost 15 years later, the house is still an ongoing issue.

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Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."
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