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BeyondtheRainbow
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Default Jun 08, 2022 at 02:42 PM
  #21
That sounds really nice Hexagon. I'm sure turning in the keys won't be easy but it sounds like you have so much to look forward to, including a few months to relax.

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Default Jun 09, 2022 at 04:35 PM
  #22
Dear reader. Another day passed. Not much did I do. Working my regular hours. It was all in all a good day today. The final days before the summer break. Last day tomorrow.

Next week I’ll work few days, and it’s done. The holiday begins. To have some good rest and boost up your mind. I will not forget those children, or those seven years I’ve been there. But they will always remember me. Like two girls today, now in 6th grade (I had them in preschool) where I’ve met them in a grocery store. Kids doesn’t forget no matter age. And they remember your heart too. How you been always there for them, taking care of them. Not only as a teacher, but almost as a indirect parent as well.

Those kind of things is that they remember. That stays with them for rest of their lives.

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Default Jun 10, 2022 at 05:43 PM
  #23
Dear reader. It way over midnight now. It was busy day today. The students last day at school, not just elementary but also all school. Even last year students from gymnasium (senior high school).

Also, my last days too. I feel bit strange about this. But I should’ve done this long ago. To work somewhere else. Instead, I stayed - and for seven years. Not because of my colleagues but because all of those kids. I haven’t told them that I quit. I didn’t wanted them to feel sad. Over my years in this profession, I’ve learned if you are too honest with something - like telling children you will leave them - that might make them upset, angry or sad. Too many emotions at once. Plus that they all tell their parents. Instead, I didn’t. I didn’t even told any colleagues, all though they will officially find out next week.

Some things are better to leave be. Sure, kids will be affected of my departure. And I’ve told them before, that no matter what happens with me that I always loved them. And that none of this were their fault. I told and explained that for them so I would erased their guilt, that they perhaps feel it was their fault that I left. But it wasn’t.

Now I’ll just enjoy my weekend. I wish you a wonderful weekend too, dear reader. And enjoy every moment of it.

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Default Jun 11, 2022 at 05:20 PM
  #24
Dear reader. The Saturday was great. Not that I did one much but still. I did however go with my dad and mom for a walk. Since they wanted to go to the woods that much. And we did. It is surely always relaxing coming to the woods, hear all this noice from birds at the evening. Some more louder than others.

Not sure what I’ll do tomorrow. Perhaps getting the lawn fixed and some gardening. And if I’ll have time left, see my friend over a dinner.

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Default Jun 12, 2022 at 03:24 PM
  #25
Dear reader. Tomorrow starts the last week in my job that I’ve been working seven years in one and same place. I’m kind of feeling a huge relief to be honest. To just start my new adventure in august and forget about the past. Those who I will not forget are those wonderful children that I’ve had the privilege to educate. Nor their parents. They all have a special place in my heart.

Since I’m going up early tomorrow, I won’t write too much this time. All in all I had an wonderful weekend and I also did a couple of hours at gym this Sunday afternoon, doing my back-muscles and triceps. I really need to hit the gym more regularly, but it will come.

Take care of you dear reader.

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Default Jun 13, 2022 at 03:50 PM
  #26
Dear reader. Two days left. I didn’t do much at work. Mostly listening. But now I know that many will departure this poisonous place we call “work”. A place without hospitality, just greed and hostility. I cleaned all my desk and everything I had. It’s all blank, as a blank, white A4-paper.

I’m not sure what I’ll do tomorrow. Probably hang around, talk with my two loyal fiends who were always loyal till the very end. Take myself another cup of that weird, bitter thing they called for “coffee” for so many years. A place in a decay. Shame. Shame that it all went that way. But time is now that I only look forward, look at the moment I am currently in. To take that moment by moment, day by day. Instead of looking back and try to make any kind of reflection from the past. And it is kind of like this very true quote:

“If you aren't in the moment, you are either looking forward to uncertainty, or back to pain and regret.”

By Jim Carrey

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Default Jun 14, 2022 at 04:11 PM
  #27
Today was just another day at work. Then it’s tomorrow, and then - holiday. I don’t know what I will do. Probably go to the sea, take a swim and enjoy. Unfortunately, those two years in pandemic was very lonely and cut off from everything and almost everyone. Not that it bothered me that much, since I was pretty lonely in 2019 too. And the year before that and before that and so on.

Strange, and yet I have almost 400 friends on Facebook. I’m also very active on that platform too. People who are suppose to care about others but only care about their own egos. That’s Facebook. So to be honest, I have very few real friends. So how do you find new, real friends? Who will do same stuff you like? Go out and eat, see a concert on that band? Or just be there? Is there any correct answer to that?

I’m wondering, cause after 2011 - when I got this illness - my so called “friends” who were on Facebook faded away. And the new ones never wanted to ask to hang out anywhere. If there is any good, logical answer to all this, by all means hit the reply and explain. Because I still don’t understand.

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Default Jun 15, 2022 at 05:06 PM
  #28
My last day. Today. I didn’t wanted anything from my boss. No speech about me, my hard work I had for seven years. Nothing. Because I didn’t wanted due to all this hostile actions against me. I had a conversation with two of my dear colleagues and our dear janitor (who really loved me and will miss me). It felt heavy, all of this. Some of my so called colleagues giggled like little girls at me and such. And they are suppose to be grownups and teachers?

Yes I feel very lonely now. Lonely, but also relieved. I helped my true colleague with the classroom I was suppose to have with her. When she found out I was going to quit, she hugged me and was very sad. It was a shock for her. But I promised I would be in touch.

Now? Now I listening at songs from Mr. Roy Orbison. An Texan American, and pioneer of American rock and roll. You see, You Americans had such great artist back in the days. When your country along with USSR created approximately 60000 nuclear warheads each (if not more), You created music too. Wonderful music. Music with roots from jazz and blues (something that I like too). You see, I know so much about American music and it’s culture, despite that I’m Swedish. Despite that I never actually been in USA at all. Not even once. But Your music saved me more than once, so to say.

Therefore I will share tonight this wonderful video to You: Roy Orbison - Only the Lonely (Black & White Night 30) - YouTube

PS, dear reader: I have many, many songs from American artists who performed in 1950s and 1960s. An special never ending collection who expands every week. Have a good night.

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Default Jun 15, 2022 at 08:55 PM
  #29
Roy Orbison was a brilliantly talented man.

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Default Jun 15, 2022 at 08:57 PM
  #30
Congratulations on making it through the end! Now it's time to enjoy summer. How long is your break there?

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Default Jun 16, 2022 at 09:42 AM
  #31
Quote:
Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow View Post
Congratulations on making it through the end! Now it's time to enjoy summer. How long is your break there?

Thank you. The break is till the 8th August. Then, a new adventure will began in a new city.Restart: Diary 2.0

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Default Jun 16, 2022 at 03:09 PM
  #32
Good evening, dear reader. A sunny and a rainy Thursday have passed, along with some thunder too. Strange weather indeed. But hey: if you now can grow fig trees in the middle Sweden, then it’s really upside down with the climate. Grow figs? In Sweden? The climate evolved that you can grow pears and cherries, but figs!?

Climate has drastically changed. That’s a fact, no matter how we want to see at it. And yet people acts as it’s all normal. Well, one more degree and when all ice melts, closest cities around the world who are under or just bellow the sea level, will become a new Atlantis. Cities like Amsterdam, London, New York, Hong Kong and so on.

I sold my car last month, so I don’t posses any vehicle at all. And when I owned that car, I rarely drove it at all. During my ownership (I’ve bought it brand new in 2015) it went all in all 24000km. That’s 14 912 American miles. In six and a half years (!). That’s how crazy little I drove. How to help our global climate? Recycle, chose to walk or go by bus/tram/train instead of car. Choose to go not to often with planes (I didn’t flew at all since 2013). And if you happen to be really need of a car (living outback isn’t easy), there are very good alternatives to chose. Don’t get me wrong now: people who live in the wild outback need an 4x4, which I fully understand and respect. But people who live in urban areas? Where it’s all tarmac, good roads or in city? Do you really need an 4x4 SUV and with an V8?

We must help ourselves, all together, to help our planet. Otherwise, that day when you won’t be growing anything at all comes, then we are all as an human civilisation doomed to cease to exist.

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Default Jun 17, 2022 at 04:40 PM
  #33
Dear reader. Today I wasn’t in mood for anything. I didn’t slept much either. I cancelled my meet with my dear friend. I really don’t know what I’ll do this weekend. This week wasn’t my week at all. It really sucked all my energy out of me.

This time I won’t be able to write much. I need some good hours of sleep. And I need to find proper sleeping-rhythm.

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Default Jun 18, 2022 at 01:50 PM
  #34
Good evening dear reader. Today was a good day. I was in the sun with some of my friends. But when I came back home, I had such headache that I thought my head would explode. Shatter like a mirror - in thousands of pieces. As if some madman from early 20th century did lobotomy on me. It was that bad.

As per routine, I took an paracetamol - an little improved one who reacts in less than 30 minutes. Then I took a walk with my mom, to literally clear my head. All of it. Believe me or not, that 7 mile good walk did help. When I got back home, I went to the gym almost immediately. Practiced two muscle groups; back and triceps. Minimum 15 repetitions per set (I had three sets per muscle group). 90 minutes.

So now, now I feel so great. Relaxed, and without any headache or migraine from hell. Have a nice Saturday dear reader. Tomorrow will be a new day.

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Default Jun 19, 2022 at 03:48 PM
  #35
Dear reader. I hope you had a great weekend. I surely had. It was a sunny day and not too hot either. Everything is green here now. I did another walk of 7 miles. I need that long walks. I listened this time on the nature instead of my music from the phone.

Yes, I still have that loneliness. Couples who go on vacation and such, everyone except me. Because, bizarrely enough, I don’t have anyone to go with anywhere - even if I will get national id faster than my passport. I have budget too to go anywhere I want in Europe. But alone? Not that I don’t know how to take care of myself - it isn’t that. It’s that little thing, to share that experience and travel with someone but only yourself. I don’t know.

I think some “friends” like to message you on messenger or whatever client. But neither of them asked if you want to hang out or go anywhere. It was only me and my initiative only. I, who always must ask first. Now I won’t. Because now you know which one were always your true friends. Those who could remember you that you still exist.

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Default Jun 20, 2022 at 05:32 PM
  #36
Monday. The most boring day of the week. The one day you keep wanting for Friday to come. And fast. But when you’re holiday, nothing of that matter. You forget about the time, the days even the weeks. And suddenly, the vacation runs out and the working days kicks in.

So what I will do with my holiday? I had plan to visit my relatives in Europe. Planned, so to speak. Unfortunately, not all relatives have understood this thing I have - this mental illness. Some even tried convinced me that it’s some “western imaginary”-illness. Thing is that in Southern Europe, but also in Eastern and Central Europe, many (not all though) have huge prejudices about mental illness in general. And that you especially eat pills against it, or (God forbid), visit a nurse or a doctor in psychiatry.

That is why I always be upset, even if they are my close relatives - and not some Bronze Age-bigots. And then they shut their mouths because I change deliberately the topic to something else, without any explanation or deep analysis about me and my mental illness. Diversity - that is a truly rare thing these days. Even among some of my nearest relatives and friends. To accept others as they are. And when they try to make a lame comeback and shoots a “kind reply” such as “but you look so normal”. If this popped up from anyone else - especially when I explained the illness itself almost in detail - I would walk away in the middle of the conversation.

It’s upsetting me that we - 2022 - STILL refuse to accept other people. Because in the very end, we are all people. Humans. Even we who got this illness. In my case, after a out-burn during my work in my profession, where I only wanted to help my students in gymnasium (senior high school) to become something in their lives. They all get silenced after I tell them this. That my profession as teacher got me bipolar and that huge amount of stress - plus sloppiness from the hospital who just triggered it to its fully form. And then they are all quiet, only suddenly - after a moment of silence - to start talking about something else.

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Default Jun 21, 2022 at 04:33 PM
  #37
Good very late evening. Not even Wednesday but I did the most of the Tuesday. Well, sort of. I did though a long walk, that means 6,15km which is about almost four American miles. Long walk, through the woods. I had my ordinary music on. It’s not that I don’t like other music than from 1950s and 1960s - which I do. But sometimes, that old school rock is very calming to listen.

I didn’t do much today besides that walk. Got some grocery’s stuff and such. An ordinary day, less boring than yesterday. Have a great Tuesday!

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Default Jun 22, 2022 at 04:50 PM
  #38
Today was just another day. I literally stopped counting now that I’m on holiday. Not did I do much. One of my mates seems to prioritise his car to do some work on it (read waxing) than have a good afternoon with me over a lunch. And no friends on my Facebook who would invite me to Midsummer this year either. Haven’t been invited for many years. Unfortunately.

I don’t really know the reason behind it more than some of my friends are very picky with their invites to their parties. As if they were handpicked by first class Hollywood-celebrities. That’s why I rather be alone than having these “friends”.

Unsure what to do tomorrow. Perhaps just go to the gym and do some good work. If my friend - against all odds - says yes to the lunch.

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Default Jun 23, 2022 at 05:15 PM
  #39
Well, today was interesting day. My nephews came. Of course that I played with them, but they got bit mischievous too. Especially the younger one, who was exactly as I was when I was in his age. Well, I was worse than Bart Simpson - Mr. Mischief himself. Did all kind of pranks and beyond. With everything I could grab, included living creatures such as frogs, wasps, grasshoppers and such. One time I summoned so many cats in my neighbourhood in Balkans and
invited them home, that the neighbours got worried (many were religious). Especially black cats, who were my favourites.

Locking back at those happy days, it’s why I loved these things about me. I always respected every animal. Always cared for them, always was there for them. To feed, to play. One day I will get me a dog, so I can go with him (or her) for some new adventures. A dog who can walk for miles on hikes and such. I know dogs costs and insurance and such. Plus the food. But why not. It’s not only a dog - it’s your most faithful companion and true friend. A friend who perhaps can’t talk human language, but who understands you. Who will always be there for you no matter what.

I know one thing is for sure: before I get 50, I’ll buy me a dog. No matter what anyone says. Period. And that classic Chevrolet Impala -62. Imported, of course. Dear reader: you got ONE life. Just one. Take care of it! And enjoy, every bit of it!

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Default Jun 24, 2022 at 05:52 PM
  #40
Today it was Midsummer. I was celebrating Midsummer Eve with my family. We had good time and enjoyed ourselves. But my mom was right. Half of the summer has passed and soon it will be autumn. I told her that autumn is my favourite time of the year, especially October. Since you see all those colours from the trees. As if some giant painted their leafs in green, yellow and red with tint of orange.

I’m so glad that we spent this time together. I really am. Appreciating every moment of my life. I know what I have and I respect my vulnerability. But if I can control my illness, then I’ll have a life just as anyone else. Control and dominate it. Every time. I have huge respect for it and I have learnt a lot from it over these 11 years. From the symptoms and first signs, to the very core of it. And yet I’m still learning and still want to learn.

Have a great evening, dear reader. And remember:

“Start by doing what's necessary; then do what's possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible.”

- Francis of Assisi
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