Restart: Diary 2.0

Changes. I sometimes like them, sometimes I hate them. They can improve peoples lives, but they can also wreck them like a wrecking ball. I’m specifically thinking of that happening in America right now. I’m thinking of all women, who now will not have their rights with their own bodies. I’m thinking something so obvious in so many civilised countries around the world who let women decide what they want with their bodies.

I’m a male. White male. Already there I have the privilege of being white, with all benefits. More benefit than a coloured man. And if I also had fully Swedish name, I would probably increase that. That is how it goes, 2022. Is this okay to you? Why is our societies treating others differently? In classes - or sometimes - in races?

I can tell you for sure, despite that I didn’t sat any of my foot in America, that a white American women - with benefits and right contacts - would without a doubt perform an abortion IF she and her powerful family wanted. While an African American woman would been declined. At all costs so to say. It’s not only madness - but disgrace - to have removed Roe v. Wade., disgrace for the very democracy itself. I’ll might upset some readers here, but I don’t really care. I care about the justice and democracy for ALL people. That is why I’m not just upset, but furious.

My country is far from perfect. We have morons here too, who would’ve changed our fundamental laws and sorted people from people just if they could. Like Hitler did, minus the conversation camps. To limit free media, to limit the books. Erase books written by Jews. To change our entire justice system and have private police - in black uniforms. That’s how sick it is. Other European countries, like Hungary, already have this. In some ways Poland too. So no, I’m not living in a bubble. I’m following the world and every change that happens. I follow and I hope that people will understand and fix things to the better. Not to the worse. And that no one’s life will be hit by a wreaking ball. Especially not any woman’s.

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Today we had a great Sunday. I was mostly in the garden and tanking care of some plants. I think I need to saw down my cherry-tree since my neighbours parasites (from their sick cherry-tree) finally won. I had this tree since the 2015. And it has grown big. But what can I do against Mother Nature? To a parasite, that spreads with the wind? And even with a great distance?

I think we humans are even more helpless than this cherry-tree. We have all this protection, and yet we .can’t protect our crops. Our trees. We can’t protect anything. We do have tons and tons of plans, but what will we have them for if we are unable to execute them? We, the so called “dominant species”, who even decides who will live and who will die. To exterminate other species on behalf of our self interest and greed.

It is sad that my cherry-tree battled for seven years. And we got lots of cherries from it. And that was from a tinies parasite, the one you can’t even see. Imagine then what Mother Nature can take away, after it’s given, when the temperature changes even more. But why am I even keep telling this? To try convince anyone? No. I’m just trying to make some people understand that we are fast and steady making ourselves into utter destruction. And that grain-problem in Ukraine is only the tip of the mountain.

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What a stormy weather it was in Sweden today.
The thunderstorm, the power. It black outed entire town for three hours. My home is safe against lightning strikes and such, but it was bit worrying. In the nickel of time I managed to pull every chord I had attached from the wall. TV - eeeverything.

We people are - just as those in the Stone Age and the earlier beginning of homo sapients - afraid of the thunder. But we aren’t afraid of climate changes or even pandemics. True irony of the humanity. Neither did those people - back in the medieval ages in Europe - were afraid or even respected the Black Plague. Who also started in China, and where it killed 25 million people in Europe. Every third European citizen died from Black Plague. In the world? 75 million.

So why can’t we learn? Why can’t we respect Mother Nature, and go with the flow? Enjoy the life, discover beautiful places and such? Is it so hard to ask?

Tomorrow I’ll go with my mate and have a snack downtown at some restaurant. Asian food. Yes, it happens to be so that my favourite food out of all foods is Asian. Even if I love the people of China’s food too, it doesn’t mean I agree with their government. Which I never really will. In anything. See you tomorrow, dear reader, and have a good day. And night.

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Today I was with my friend. We had lunch at an Asian restaurant. Good food, even sushi - something I really like. He was like always, talked a lot. We were far from alone, since many tourists decided to eat too. So kind of crowded.

Afterwards, when he left, I went back home. I looked at my cherry-tree, how I was unable to save it. It looked so sad. Like a tree whose life almost completely drained, almost no leafs at all. No fruits - despite that it always did had before. How I’m blaming myself not taking this matter to a professional expert in gardening.

This is the hard reality, dear reader. To make your choices, at that moment. That time. Time, that we think it’s always on your side, but it isn’t. And it never will be. I have now learned something out of this, despite that I’m now going to saw down this wonderful cherry-trees. It’s not the tree itself I’m sad about - it’s all those memories that can’t be grown in a new tree.

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Dear reader. Not much did I done today. But I did preparing myself for a holiday through Europe. By car. The route is well known route for me, so I know how to drive, where to rest and were to sleep. I have a lot of experience so this won’t be much issue. I also prepared my medicines, every one of them. With caution. Also reserve medicines IF I lost the main one.

How I’m feeling right now? I’m lying in my bed and having a headache. I was up late these days. Sometimes I worry too much, on stuff that are non existing stuff - zero - only to create other worrying mindset. And it’s not always easy-peasy to delete such stuff from your hard drive. Hence why I was staying late all this time. But okay, I’m slowly trying to get earlier in the bed. And I try to think about everything except things that can worry me.

What to do tomorrow? Tomorrow I’ll do some gardening. I need to take care of some bushes. Then start to pack my bags.

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Hot day today. Not much going on, but soon I’m off to my holiday-trip through Europe. You probably ask yourself why I don’t just take a flight instead, especially with my bipolar disorder - to jeopardise it all? My psyche is very, very strong dear reader. It’s durable and takes many hits. Of course, I’m not underestimate my illness. But I’ve learned how to drive 2200 km (1370 American miles) and just sleep over a day. For years, even before my bipolar disorder. And when it’s in your bone marrow, then you go. Like everyone else.

But, I’m not driving 1370 miles in a sweep. I’m resting along the way too. Take some good coffee, chat with nice German and Austrian people. Being friendly and social. Also, I’m refuelling my brain by eating good food too. And drinking a lot of carbonated water (cause it contain salt and minerals that my brain need). So nothing really is impossible.

What I’m doing now? Drinking another fresh beer, non alcoholic. And sitting on my balcony. Listening at the night. Some dogs had a quarrel, but now it’s all calm.

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Hexagon Changes. I sometimes like them, sometimes I hate them. They can improve peoples lives, but they can also wreck them like a wrecking ball. I’m specifically thinking of that happening in America right now. I’m thinking of all women, who now will not have their rights with their own bodies. I’m thinking something so obvious in so many civilised countries around the world who let women decide what they want with their bodies. I’m a male. White male. Already there I have the privilege of being white, with all benefits. More benefit than a coloured man. And if I also had fully Swedish name, I would probably increase that. That is how it goes, 2022. Is this okay to you? Why is our societies treating others differently? In classes - or sometimes - in races? I can tell you for sure, despite that I didn’t sat any of my foot in America, that a white American women - with benefits and right contacts - would without a doubt perform an abortion IF she and her powerful family wanted. While an African American woman would been declined. At all costs so to say. It’s not only madness - but disgrace - to have removed Roe v. Wade., disgrace for the very democracy itself. I’ll might upset some readers here, but I don’t really care. I care about the justice and democracy for ALL people. That is why I’m not just upset, but furious. My country is far from perfect. We have morons here too, who would’ve changed our fundamental laws and sorted people from people just if they could. Like Hitler did, minus the conversation camps. To limit free media, to limit the books. Erase books written by Jews. To change our entire justice system and have private police - in black uniforms. That’s how sick it is. Other European countries, like Hungary, already have this. In some ways Poland too. So no, I’m not living in a bubble. I’m following the world and every change that happens. I follow and I hope that people will understand and fix things to the better. Not to the worse. And that no one’s life will be hit by a wreaking ball. Especially not any woman’s. Skickat från min iPhone med Tapatalk

Thank you for this post. It is so thoughtful and insightful.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hexagon Today we had a great Sunday. I was mostly in the garden and tanking care of some plants. I think I need to saw down my cherry-tree since my neighbours parasites (from their sick cherry-tree) finally won. I had this tree since the 2015. And it has grown big. But what can I do against Mother Nature? To a parasite, that spreads with the wind? And even with a great distance? I think we humans are even more helpless than this cherry-tree. We have all this protection, and yet we .can’t protect our crops. Our trees. We can’t protect anything. We do have tons and tons of plans, but what will we have them for if we are unable to execute them? We, the so called “dominant species”, who even decides who will live and who will die. To exterminate other species on behalf of our self interest and greed. It is sad that my cherry-tree battled for seven years. And we got lots of cherries from it. And that was from a tinies parasite, the one you can’t even see. Imagine then what Mother Nature can take away, after it’s given, when the temperature changes even more. But why am I even keep telling this? To try convince anyone? No. I’m just trying to make some people understand that we are fast and steady making ourselves into utter destruction. And that grain-problem in Ukraine is only the tip of the mountain. Skickat från min iPhone med Tapatalk

I'm very sorry about your cherry tree. That you got lots of cherries from it is lovely, though.

It’s me again, lying on my bed and looking up. It has just rained and it’s heavy humidity. But I had a very busy day indeed. First, at 11:00, I went by foot downtown as fastest as I could to my new back-up barber. He was very young, born 1995 (I was 11 years older). But he fixed my beard like a pro. Every bit of it. Top notch. And for cheap money. Thing is, he was almost side by side with my old barber (who was on vacation in Lebanon). But this fella, who was from Syria, boy did he knew to fix beard. As. a Jedi for crowd out loud.

Afterwards, in this fantastic heat, I went home. Fixed my stuff for the travel. Unfortunately I didn’t finished packing it all, but tomorrow I will.

Besides all this, I do follow all politics. And even if I want to refuse that, it comes to me. No matter if I’m on Twitter or Facebook. I can see through facade so to speak. Even through digital algorithms and signs. Not to tell in person. That is one of my strongest abilities. An ability who have been strengthened over the years my experiences with bad people. Until you one day master that ability and see right through the bs. It’s like being that little boy who discovers all the time the Emperor’s new cloths, that the emperor is in matter of fact nothing but nude. And every time he tries to convince you that he got those exclusive overwhelming, extraordinary clothes you and only you see that he’s nothing but a naked fool. So do I discover every day lies and propaganda. And yet I don’t want to interfere with it. Or I chose my words wisely. Sometimes, I don’t say anyat all.

Why? Because, internet can be also an hostile environment. Yes, we can disagree about some topics, but why do you need to be an Alpha and harass others? Or humiliate them? That’s something I noticed with this so called “free speech” - especially on Twitter. Especially when it was LGBTQ+ month, even this year. Have we humans not developed us one bit since the 20th century? It’s 2022 and so many doesn’t respect other people by their gender, colour, if one of them pronounce themselves as “they” and such? On top of all that dark racism and fascism - even by lawn and enforcement? By police officers?

No, I won’t put any ants in your head, dear reader. I’m not that kind of person. But I only want you to know that there are people who fell for lies and propaganda. They swallow the bait and share with others in their community across any platform. Even physical one. Don’t fall for baits or propaganda, dear reader. Call it every time, and question it. After all: we aren’t the most intelligent species, but we aren’t dumbest either.

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Dear reader. I won’t write that much this time. It’s late and I will go on my holiday early tomorrow. I have prepared myself whole this Saturday. Triple-checked my medicines (Olanzapine and Ergenyl), plus their back ups. Everything is set to go.

If I manage to get any time, I might pop up here. But otherwise, in case I won’t, it means I have came very late to my destination, which will be Croatia. I will go by car, hence why I can’t always be online. Have a great evening.

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Have a great trip Hexagon!

Just want to say the trip through Europe is going good. So far. Yes, I’m a bit exhausted for driving such long (I don’t underestimate my mental illness, far from it), but now I’m in a hotel in Germany. What a lovely people they are, here in the hotel. I booked my hotel via Booking.com and everything went so smooth. When I arrived they had everything on me. I just needed to sign - that was it.

Now I’m in the bed. Will soon (try) fall asleep. I didn’t stupidly brought Zopiclone “The K.O.-pill” because I haven’t use that pill for more than a month. And I believed so much that I would take care of this night without it as well. Perhaps I will, but I need to go down a notch a bit from all this stress from driving. When I just shut my eyes, I see all this autibahn, as visualisation. Just as I did all other years. I am, however, am very experienced driver but even to me it can be tricky.

If I (maybe) get any slightest problem, I’ll take one more Olanzapine instead (5mg that would be all in all). Luckily I planned my trip very well, especially my medicines. Have a great evening!

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Dear reader. At last I’m here at my destination. In Croatia. I’ll update my diary nevertheless, but wow. That car drive from Germany to here took hell of a power out of me. And I did it. Again. Against as many possible odds there is. I’m tired, but not overtired. I will sleep hard this time.

I’m sending you some greeting from a mountain in Austria. It’s one part of the Alps. No matter how foggy it is, be always the mountain. When fog disappear, you will always be there. Keep that in mind.

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Dear reader. I’m in Croatia now. Everything is okay. I’m having so much fun that I completely forgot about social media or Tapatalk. Days just fly away. I have spent lately my time here with my close family and friends. Swimming a lot, sun. Eating good food.

Shame that I can’t attach an new pic here (not sure what is wrong atm), but it’s midnight here now and I’ll see if I can send any cool postcard tomorrow here.

Life is really good. So don’t save it, spend it and be with the good.

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I'm glad you're enjoying your holiday.


You made me smile - the autobahn, I was on it once and it was a bit much.


My son has traveled to Croatia several times; he finds it a very beautiful, friendly land.

Dear reader. I haven’t been so much here. Always things to do. If not to the beach, then to see family and relatives. I’m fearing now that the another wave of Covid-19 will hit us (probably it already did). This new, mutation from India. I have three doses and I had omicron in January, so in scientific theory I am sort of immune. Of course, there is no 100% immunity. In anything so to speak.

I promised you a post card, didn’t I? Here it is, from this evening. It’s from the little harbour, also known as “Tito’s Riva”. Or “Titova Riva” in Croatian. It was here that Josip Broz Tito arrived from his residence in Brijuni Islands (he battered to the shore by his speedboat, that old fox). Then he sat in a coffee shop among Fažana’s residents. So when he got discovered (imagine the panic by his guards) the entire town came to him, they all sang and had a such great time.

Tito was peoples leader. Tito was their all. It’s unfortunate that some still believe that he had an “regime” who was an Marxist or Leninistic regime. That kind of regime USSR, China, North Korea and Iron Curtain-countries had (and some still have). In matter of fact, China went full rage against Tito in the 1950s and wrote all kind of bad news about him and his “Titoism”. Because he was too liberal for them. Imagine then that day in 1953 - just after the Korea-war - when Tito got invited by 34th American president and a decorated WW2 commander: Dwight D. Eisenhower. Same year as the death of Joseph Stalin. Imagine how USSR felt, when that little trip to US got them all in rage-mode. Including China who now ordered to write as much propaganda as possible against Tito.

If I say this, dear reader: that during Yugoslavia, the workers could via their unions vote in a new Vice President of a company and vote for a board. Or to change it. Yes, the workers could do that. That companies built all these hotels you now can see (fully restored) by the same companies from the workers. So the vacation was almost free. Is that regime?

People sometimes forget about that. And there is so much to tell. But I’m not here to educate you, dear reader. I’m here to write my story about myself and my days. I hoped you enjoyed this view just as much as I did tonight.

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Sorry to not being able to write here for some time. I had great time in Croatia, but unfortunately I had sun stroke (or heat stroke). My legs kind of turned into rubber and I barely didn’t got hospitalised. Everything span around me and it was as if an I was in a carousel.

I’m now home in Sweden. After three weeks. But I don’t think I’ll ever go visit Croatia in July. Probably in August or June. Arrived last night after two days in car. Now I’m okay. Legs are getting better so now it’s just rest and rest. Anyway, I’m okay. Despite bipolar and that I didn’t made any dips whatsoever. It was just this sun stroke.

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Six days have passed now since I’ve been here. It wasn’t meant to not be such long, but I needed to rest from everything. My legs are back. I did some of my regular long-walks. Tomorrow I have plan to by me some watermelon who arrived from Greece. And that is pretty much it.

I have stopped to do any plans. No more. Because, before when I all did this, it hit back on me. And in worst case scenario it could’ve been an tsunami. That is why I just take moment by moment. Just easy and simple. No more plans, no more being strategical mastermind. I just want to be. That’s it.

I’ve would’ve discussed some other topics, like climate change dear reader, but I’ll save it for next time. But to be very honest: it’s doesn’t look good. And it might be also too late.

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I was watching a movie tonight on cinema, with my family. It was solid movie - Jurassic World Dominion (have seen them al nowl). Not bad, but not top notch either. However, there were some scenes that crossed my mind (mild spoiler). That we humans want to use the genetics to control things. Control, such as in the movie - crops (by mutated swarms of grasshoppers). To literal control the life and death even on humans with the genetic engineering.

Sure, I know that in the movie they wanted to cure diseases such as cancer, Alzheimer’s etc. Even various viruses. Perhaps even the HIV itself. But at cost of what? Experiments first on animals and then on humans? So we end up in a future like in the cancelled Netflix-series Altered Carbon, where people could recycle themselves into new and improved versions of themselves (read shells)? That means those who are in good position in their ranks in that future society (higher cast/elite). Yes, silly fantasy but still.

To be bit honest, I wouldn’t be surprised if we one day start actively cloning humans. We do have the technology already for it. So what makes us not to? We just need another goof of a president or government in charge to disobey all ethical and moral sensibilities, change the justice system, take huge advantage of it and rewrite the laws. And we will have it. Despite if we are ready for that - or not. Cause we people decided to not be in charge by letting those who will do all this by - for example - not voting. Or voting on wrong reasons (being under influence of the propaganda and such). Cause some people in power do simply not care about other people, even if they say they do. They only care about the greed, the profit and how to exploit any system. An yet YOU let them rule…

You see, dear reader, I’m not religious. I’m scientific, which means I believe in science. But I also believe in sense and logic. With that comes ethic and moral. And on top of it all: empathy (something that’s rare to have even 2022). Which tells me that I’m not surprised at all if there are todays superpowers (such as China) who can literally start clone humans for their own purposes. Just as they hold millions of different viruses where 1/3 or so can wipe out entire life from this very planet - from the tiniest microorganism to the blue whale. If humans started with this already in the beginning of 20th century (with Hans Dreisch and Hans Spemann), what makes you think the Dolly (the sheep who was cloned in 1996) was the last experiment?

If there is today (potentially) technology for cloning human organs, then there is technology for entire human being itself.

Perhaps I overanalysed this movie now. Perhaps not. Perhaps some people rather don’t want to know anything that simply isn’t their business. But remember: whatever you like or dislike, there is technology to improve us humans and perhaps even to create the perfect human. Just like it’s done with crops and animals. Something that many wanted achieve before, but failed due to other setbacks.

Part of me wants still that genetic engineering success (in a good, human way), and part of me don’t. Even if I know that this will probably be common one day in the not so distant future. Whatever you and I liked it, or not.

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How are you doing Hexagon? I've missed seeing you around here.