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Wise Elder
Member Since Apr 2015
Location: US
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#41
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This is a detail that may not even matter but do you know if you were on Depakote ER? I ask because I couldn't get my blood level up to the minimum on regular depakote no matter what they tried but on ER I reached a stable level although for me it was a high level because like most meds I processed it fast so I needed a lot to get me through the day. Fortunately it was once a day dosing. __________________ Bipolar 1, PTSD, GAD, OCD. Clozapine 250 mg, Emsam 12 mg/day patch, topamax 25 mg, ,Gabapentin 1700 mg & 100-2 PRN,. 1.5 mg clonazepam., 50 mg Seroquel |
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bizi
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Legendary
Member Since Apr 2012
Location: Earth
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#42
@BeyondtheRainbow I actually meant the second one. I was on 600er 2x a day. I know I need meds to live. If not I'll end up accidently dying through some elaborate self harm incident that I wouldn't realize will cause my death. Ie home started tummy tuck. ( Real incedent that happened in wv. Thinking I'm plastic and not real. Or I'll seriously hurt someone else. Agitation/mania leads to sh. Depression leads to sh.
__________________ Dx: Me- SzA Husband- Bipolar 1 Daughter- mood disorder+ Comfortable broken and happy "So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk My blog |
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*Beth*, BeyondtheRainbow, bizi
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Wise Elder
Member Since Apr 2015
Location: US
Posts: 9,239
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#43
Quote:
Sorry I misunderstood. I wish there was a magic treatment that made all this go away. Maybe someday there will be. I should say takes it away without causing issues. I can't complain about the side effects of clozaril because it saved my life (even my therapist tells me this) but it's not an easy med to tolerate sometimes. So I guess I'm hoping that you get something like clozaril has been for me but with side effects you can handle. Each of us is different in that and our pdocs and therapists probably have a lot of influence. I will say that when you find something that works you stop thinking so much about stopping it which is a good thing. I don't know what I'm trying to say.......maybe you'll get it and maybe you'll roll your eyes __________________ Bipolar 1, PTSD, GAD, OCD. Clozapine 250 mg, Emsam 12 mg/day patch, topamax 25 mg, ,Gabapentin 1700 mg & 100-2 PRN,. 1.5 mg clonazepam., 50 mg Seroquel |
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bizi, Victoria'smom
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*Beth*, Victoria'smom
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Legendary
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#44
I understood. I took the meds so I sleep 💤. Good night.
__________________ Dx: Me- SzA Husband- Bipolar 1 Daughter- mood disorder+ Comfortable broken and happy "So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk My blog |
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*Beth*, BeyondtheRainbow, bizi, MuddyBoots, Soupe du jour
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*Beth*
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Legendary
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#46
Just woke up
__________________ Dx: Me- SzA Husband- Bipolar 1 Daughter- mood disorder+ Comfortable broken and happy "So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk My blog |
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*Beth*, bizi
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*Beth*, bizi
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Bizi is bizi
Member Since Nov 2005
Location: cajun country
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#47
I am so glad that you slept!!!!
take that again what ever you took. How are you today? Actions speak louder than works in regard to your hubby. __________________ 150mg of lamictal 2x a day haldol 5mg 2x a day 1mg of cogentin 2x a day klonipin , 1mg at night, 4-5 peri-colace for chronic constipation multi vit,, vit c, at noon, tumeric, caffeine at noon PRN Remeron 15mg at night, zyprexa10mg under tongue, requip2mg. |
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*Beth*
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#48
I'm irritable, ready to jump out of my skin, shaking, stressed. There's no way we can pay to fix my mistake and pay for everyone else, hud comes in two days and I'm in no position to do anything about the house being a wreak, We're going to fail it. There's nothing I can do about it. I want to get rid of all the meds but they aren't in my custody.
I feel like having a short life that is true to who you are maybe better then a long life muted. I'm going to try and take them until I see T. She thinks my meds need to be adjusted anyway. I'm just done with this whole med thing but I have to trust them so that they trust me. If I don't take these they can/will hospitalize me. Especially since I don't sleep without the Thorazine. I don't think my meds will stop this so I'm thankful for that. I'm not psychotic, I don't think, so that's good. H says I'm hyper focused on my meds. He doesn't understand why I'd want to be "sick" again. ***** that girl was skinny, had great times, yes had bad times too, but that's what happens when you fly to close to the sun. He's thinking of the times I'd hid in the closet so no one could hurt me. He's not thinking of the times I had a prom dress on dancing in the rain, laughing at everything. He forget the good times. I feel conditionally loved. But in reality I don't think I've showered this month. my days are running together, I need my hair cut it's so matted, but I'm feeling good, want to SH. Pdoc is going to make me depressed because to them, all of them, that's safer, My T keeps saying she's there if I need to call but she lies she's only there Tuesday - Thursday she works 3-12hr shifts. I don't even know what to say to her. I spent more then double my income this month. We're barely half way through the month. I want to drink but that usually goes bad. So I might smoke. I'm not good I'm all over the place. Want to break my wrist but not going to. __________________ Dx: Me- SzA Husband- Bipolar 1 Daughter- mood disorder+ Comfortable broken and happy "So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk My blog |
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*Beth*, bizi
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*Beth*
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Legendary
Member Since Apr 2012
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#49
So I've been talking to my husband. He says he doesn't love me conditionally, He loves me when I'm up, down, and stable. He refuses to be a villain in my story and I vilify medication. When he's attributes the medication to extending his life. But dude doesn't take his meds daily. I'm trying to let it go. He said he'll give me my meds when I ask but that's it. Other then that we got along great today.
__________________ Dx: Me- SzA Husband- Bipolar 1 Daughter- mood disorder+ Comfortable broken and happy "So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk My blog |
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*Beth*, bizi
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*Beth*
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catches the flowers
Member Since Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
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#50
I so feel for your feelings about medication. I completely understand all of it...the "being muted," being thin and beautiful, dancing in the rain, flying too close to the sun.
But I suspect that I'm here, as long as I can be - thanks to meds - for a very good reason. I strongly believe that you are, too. I learn so much from you, and feel you very much my friend. Your husband is a rare gem. __________________ |
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Victoria'smom
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Victoria'smom
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#51
Thank you. I see you as a close friend too. I took my meds. I wish things were simpler. I need to just accept meds but for some reason I haven't. I'm going to have to.talk to t on how to accept meds and fix things. I think I ****ed our lives up for months. But we'll see. H said he's thick headed so calling out all his problems was hurtful but he looks at his issues as lazy, as a moral failing but my issues as actual illnesses. Maybe we're getting somewhere.
__________________ Dx: Me- SzA Husband- Bipolar 1 Daughter- mood disorder+ Comfortable broken and happy "So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk My blog |
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*Beth*, unaluna
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*Beth*, unaluna
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Account Suspended
Member Since Jun 2022
Location: Denver, CO
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#52
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*Beth*
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Legendary
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#53
So I found a breeder selling service puppies and applied for one. It's no obligation and it's $1k cheaper than the one I was looking at. So when I put the money together I'll be able to get one. They're huskies which I was originally looking for my son. But you can do a lot of training with 1k. I'm asking my parents if my dad would be afraid of a husky. Now to get my therapist and pdoc on board.
__________________ Dx: Me- SzA Husband- Bipolar 1 Daughter- mood disorder+ Comfortable broken and happy "So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk My blog |
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*Beth*
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*Beth*
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catches the flowers
Member Since Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
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#54
Quote:
Thank you. That means a lot to me, Mm. I think that talking to your t about your feeling regarding meds is a great idea. __________________ |
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Legendary
Member Since Apr 2012
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#55
I'm so angry I need meds. I want to dump the meds and say **** it this is me deal with it but I told T I was going to take them so I have to wait till I can talk to her. I'm suppose to be cleaning. was suppose to spend the night at miguel's but H wants me here. I hate when people are in our home. We both want to move but I ****ed that one up. We'll see, I don't see up passing.
__________________ Dx: Me- SzA Husband- Bipolar 1 Daughter- mood disorder+ Comfortable broken and happy "So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk My blog |
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*Beth*
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catches the flowers
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#56
Quote:
Your house "guests" are still there? That alone would push me off the edge. __________________ |
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Legendary
Member Since Apr 2012
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#57
Yep they are. This week or next week should be they're last week. But HUD comes tomorrow and I get so nervous. I understand I'm not "healthy" enough to stay at my son's house. my mom's not to happy with me applying for another dog. It said no fee so I hope I didn't screw up something again. then I'll only have until November to come up with 2.5k. Plus I have to turn all the stuff in for Hud and assistance again. I'm usually the one that completes the forms but I can't like this. I still need to talk to my therapist about the service dog and the meds. Times going so slow for me. I wish I could just work to make up my **** ups not so bad. I may have to borrow money from my parents. I don't know how I say I went manic and spent $XXXX.XX in less then 2 weeks. Honestly I'm still spending $50+ a day.
__________________ Dx: Me- SzA Husband- Bipolar 1 Daughter- mood disorder+ Comfortable broken and happy "So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk My blog |
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*Beth*, BeyondtheRainbow
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Legendary Wise Elder
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Location: Tennessee
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#58
Ok well I’m just going to be blunt since we have known each other for 107 years now
You have done this exact stuff over and over and over. You hate meds, but you know you need meds but only X med or Y med. But no they take away my personality but if I don’t I get scared of life and won’t leave the bed. Maybe I can take z med but only if I really really need it but just as a prn. Does this sound or feel familiar ? You and your husband have almost called it quits many many times a year.. you get annoyed and want a divorce he gets tired of trying to help you when you push him back back back. I think your husband has been a saint to be honest but it’s not his responsibility to make sure you should do what you need to do. Personal responsibility has to happen. Your life is constant chaos more often than not. Aren’t you tired of it ?! So can you make changes to allow life to flow more easy ? So honestly I think you really need to sit down with your T and figure out what’s best for you and you’re family. I hope you don’t think I’m being rude but I’ve seen you struggle with all of this time and time again. Hugs Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk __________________ Helping others gets me out of my own head ~ |
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Victoria'smom
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Moose72, Nammu, unlived, Victoria'smom
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Legendary
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#59
@~Christina, it does sound just like me. But it does take my personality away. Shouldn't I keep looking until I find meds that don't? I know it's not his responsibility and I tell him that. He is a saint.
I don't like who I am on the meds. Quiet, no motivated, thicker than I should be. I've been taking this particular cocktail for about a year regularly. So I don't know what to do. I don't know how to approach my therapist about this because we're fairly new to each other. I have a feeling she's just going to say talk to pdoc. I don't know how to make my life less chaotic.. I don't think you're being rude. I just really don't know how to stop this. __________________ Dx: Me- SzA Husband- Bipolar 1 Daughter- mood disorder+ Comfortable broken and happy "So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk My blog |
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~Christina
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catches the flowers
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#60
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HALLIEBETH87, Victoria'smom
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HALLIEBETH87, Nammu, Victoria'smom, ~Christina
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