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Ghostgirl31
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Unhappy Jun 21, 2022 at 10:24 AM
  #1
I have been struggling lately with my depression. my mood gets extremely low for long periods of time. I havent felt good in a while. I was maybe alright for a week and now im back at the bottom again. I really feel myself losing any sort of hope that was left. I feel helpless, like a lost cause. I feel like i will always be like this. Im tired of the up and down. I feel out of control. i feel like theres no medication out there that can help me. I feel extremely lonely. I feel like i have truly no one. i feel like people pretend to care but arent really there for you when you need it. i dont know what to do anymore. i just want to give up.
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Wink Jun 21, 2022 at 12:08 PM
  #2
Hello Ghostgirl31: I noticed this is your first post here on MSF. Welcome to the forums. I hope you find the forums to be of benefit.

I'm sorry you are continuing to have such a difficult time. Based on what you wrote, here's a link to another MSF member's post that might be of interest to you, just in case you haven't already seen it:

If you are struggling with meds, get a Genesight test now!!

Best wishes...

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Default Jun 21, 2022 at 12:19 PM
  #3
Hello and welcome. Skeezky found an excellent link. I’ve heard people say good things about gene testing. Do remember that the depression is talking lies, it’s seductive, but don’t give in to it. I lucked into my miracle drug, it is possible, don’t give up. Keep posting here and talking to your team.

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Default Jun 21, 2022 at 12:22 PM
  #4
I am so very, very sorry that you are suffering!

You probably already know that it is the very nature of depression to cause the brain to generate a thought-stream dominated by negative thoughts and feelings about oneself, one's past, present and future.

If a depression is strong enough it can make it difficult to detach oneself from this stream of negative automatic thoughts. I was once in a depression so deep that I had to be hospitalized and was a danger to myself.

There are techniques to try if one is in the throes of a depression. I will be happy share some with you if you want. Since you may already have coping techniques, I will not share them with you without your permission.

Depression is brutal because in other illnesses, we can often choose how our brain's react to the illness. But depression is an illness that sort of hijacks our natural ability to cope and saps our strength. That is why it is such a horrible and insidious illness.

Are you currently in a doctor's care for your depression or in the care of a psychotherapist? Are you receiving any kind of medication for depression?

Are you in a position to understand that one does not have to take one's automatic thoughts seriously? Just because a thought or feeling pops into one's consciousness does not necessarily mean we have to take it seriously.

We can often gently detach ourselves and say to ourselves: "This is a thought or feeling generated by the illness of depression. I choose not to take it seriously. I am not my thoughts and feelings. I am so much more."

If your depression is so severe that you cannot detach yourself from the thought-stream that is torturing you, you might try calling a Crisis Hotline in your area for help or consider going to a hospital emergency room.

There is no shame in either of these things. Neurologists, psychiatrists, psychologists and doctors are also sometimes victims of depression. Often they need help just like everyone else.

I hope you will find these Forums helpful to you. Sometimes it helps just to be able to communicate with people going through the same or similar things. Sometimes there is no substitute for that kind of support.

We are all fellow sufferers here. Please lean on us for support in your time of distress. That is why we are here. I have often come to these Forums for support in my dark times.

Hopefully others will see your post and respond to it.

Sorry that I don't have much knowledge, experience, insight and wisdom. Hopefully others here do.

You deserve a life where you can have real peace and joy of living. I really wish I knew what to say to help. Please forgive me if anything I have said has not been helpful. It is so hard to know how to be helpful sometimes. My heart goes out to you!
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Default Jun 21, 2022 at 03:30 PM
  #5
Welcome, Ghostgirl! I'm originally from NJ, too.

I'm sorry you are still struggling, deeply. I will say that a week of some improvement could be a good sign, even if your mood fell again. Sometimes I'd see a little improvement, then dip, then a little longer improvement, dip, repeat until things were more steadily improved. It is likely the time to push your psychiatrist to make an adjustment, or more of one.

Coping tools combined with above always boosted my improvement. Set doable goals to push yourself slightly. Ones that would usually give you pleasure in the past (I call "pursuit of pleasure") or feeling of accomplishment are the best to start.

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Default Jun 21, 2022 at 05:59 PM
  #6
Hiya!

First off, welcome! I hope you find our community to be a help to you.

I think it's safe to say most of us know those feelings and know how much they suck. Medication can be a crapshoot sometimes (8 or 9 for me over the course of 5 years), but once you find a med or med combo that works... best feeling in the world! Definitely check out the Genesight article if you haven't already.

I can only speak for myself obviously, but the one thing that seemed to get me through my darkest days was sheer, unadulterated, 4 year old stamping their feet screaming "NO!!!" stubbornness. Once I realized what I wanted, I just kept telling myself, "I want this. I need this. I deserve this. I will achieve this and God help anyone who stands in my way!"

I can't say I always get there, but I try. I can't say it isn't exhausting, because it often is. It feels like a mountain climb many times, but the summit is definitely worth it.

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Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."
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Default Jun 21, 2022 at 10:27 PM
  #7
Hi, and welcome to the forum. There are really spot on posts on this thread.


Are you on meds now?

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Default Jun 22, 2022 at 02:23 AM
  #8
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ghostgirl31 View Post
I have been struggling lately with my depression. my mood gets extremely low for long periods of time. I havent felt good in a while. I was maybe alright for a week and now im back at the bottom again. I really feel myself losing any sort of hope that was left. I feel helpless, like a lost cause. I feel like i will always be like this. Im tired of the up and down. I feel out of control. i feel like theres no medication out there that can help me. I feel extremely lonely. I feel like i have truly no one. i feel like people pretend to care but arent really there for you when you need it. i dont know what to do anymore. i just want to give up.
Do you have children or any family? I hope you feel better, I know how low it can go and it is dreadful.

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Default Jun 22, 2022 at 09:25 PM
  #9
Hi,
I'm also in NJ, and also feel the same way. I feel like I've tried and tried, was compliant with treatment, made the right choices, and it's all pointless because I always feel like crap.
I don't know what to do, or have any advice for you, but if it helps, please know you're not alone in this.
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Default Jun 23, 2022 at 02:21 AM
  #10
I just wanted to say hi and welcome. I’m at the bottom of this roller coaster currently struggling with depression too. But I know, as in the past, this won’t last. It just feels like an eternity whilst we’re in it. My psychiatrist has just changed my meds up a bit. Here’s hoping ….
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Default Jun 29, 2022 at 12:42 PM
  #11
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Originally Posted by Crazy Hitch View Post
I just wanted to say hi and welcome. I’m at the bottom of this roller coaster currently struggling with depression too. But I know, as in the past, this won’t last. It just feels like an eternity whilst we’re in it. My psychiatrist has just changed my meds up a bit. Here’s hoping ….
Let's just hope it isn't an eternal ride...

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Default Jul 21, 2022 at 11:27 AM
  #12
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