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*Beth*
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Default Jul 19, 2022 at 09:10 AM
  #41
I believe you'll get clean when you're ready. Or you won't. Either way, you have determination.

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Default Jul 19, 2022 at 10:01 AM
  #42
I just hate how I can go an agonizing two weeks without but then 1 minute of weakness brings me right back to day 0.

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Default Jul 19, 2022 at 02:29 PM
  #43
I'm worried I'm going to get addicted to benzos next. They've practically been shoving them down my throat for the past year and now they don't do anything. I just had a fight with my fss worker because she told me to take some kpin to calm down and stop pacing but now I just feel not so great and really agitated when I was on top of hte motha****in world before I talked to her.

I told her I thought my new friend was plotting something against me and she said "that's reasonable given your history with men" and I wasn't even thinking about that and now I'm ruminating and I figured out why my (now ex?)boyfriend won't let me to his apartment. He knows I'm capable of blind rage and he's given me reason to take it out on him. If he comes over here (which he hasn't in months because he got arrested) he'll be on alert but if I don't know where he lives I can't sneak in and get him off guard.

She told me not to drive. Said to stay home all week (not even go for walks because she doesn't want me freaking out, running, and passing out in the heat because we're in a heat wave) and she'll try to get my meds delivered to me. I told her about my drug use yesterday and she didn't seem too concerned about it compared to what I was doing prior to two weeks ago.

I would call the team and tell them I want to take the rest of my kpin because I'm sick of these crazy emotions that never end. I feel like with bipolar mood swings they last longer and are more consistent but I'm like YEAH Z-SPINS!!!! THIS AWESOME FEELING WILL NEVER END! THEN a minute later I'm screaming and punching walls (well, if I have some semblance of impulse control a pillow but I usually don't and then I'm laying on the ground crying and then for the next hour I'm dissociated and exhausted but still agitated.

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If any chord that I could strum
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*Beth*
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Default Jul 19, 2022 at 02:57 PM
  #44
@MuddyBoots

Well, Kpin causes major mood swings when taken prn. That's a problem with it.

What are your DOC's? I ask because I believe a certain DOC(s) can tell us a lot about what's going on as far as what our basic issues are.

Do you ever listen to Nick Cave?

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Default Jul 19, 2022 at 03:06 PM
  #45
It’s a major belief by the western medicine people that benzos reduce cravings. Frankly I don’t know that it does. And yes mood swings are a side effect.

Beth what’s a DOC?

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Default Jul 19, 2022 at 03:09 PM
  #46
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Originally Posted by *Beth* View Post
@MuddyBoots

Well, Kpin causes major mood swings when taken prn. That's a problem with it.

What are your DOC's? I ask because I believe a certain DOC(s) can tell us a lot about what's going on as far as what our basic issues are.

Do you ever listen to Nick Cave?
I find I have mood swings and also rebound anxiety especially from the short acting benzo, including when taken at the prescribed dose

I was wondering what DOC's are?


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Default Jul 19, 2022 at 03:29 PM
  #47
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Originally Posted by *Beth* View Post
@MuddyBoots

Well, Kpin causes major mood swings when taken prn. That's a problem with it.

What are your DOC's? I ask because I believe a certain DOC(s) can tell us a lot about what's going on as far as what our basic issues are.

Do you ever listen to Nick Cave?
That's good to know about the Kpin. Stuff is going in the trash.
DOCs are opioids+weed.
Don't listen to NickCave, why?
--------
What the actual fk brain? Really? Kill self because person you met last week didn't answer your text in three hours?
This is why I don't get close to good people.

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If any chord that I could strum
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Last edited by MuddyBoots; Jul 19, 2022 at 05:38 PM..
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Default Jul 19, 2022 at 06:54 PM
  #48
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Originally Posted by Nammu View Post
It’s a major belief by the western medicine people that benzos reduce cravings. Frankly I don’t know that it does. And yes mood swings are a side effect.

Beth what’s a DOC?

A DOC is a drug of choice.

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Default Jul 19, 2022 at 07:07 PM
  #49
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That's good to know about the Kpin. Stuff is going in the trash.
DOCs are opioids+weed.
Don't listen to NickCave, why?
--------
What the actual fk brain? Really? Kill self because person you met last week didn't answer your text in three hours?
This is why I don't get close to good people.

Ha, I just thought you might like Nick Cave.

I would feel the same way about the text, etc. But I'm no pinnacle of emotional health.

Opioids. Well, pills are tough enough to come clean from. God girl, do NOT go near heroin or you will be in a serious mess. I'm sure it's tempting but please, please, please, Boots. Don't die, okay? You want to be out of pain, you do not want to die. I promise that.

So opioids decrease anxiety and tell you that you are calmer. Being calmer helps people stay focused. Maybe too focused, though. As in...stuck in one place. It's all understandable, it all makes sense. But a huge issue with opioids is the moodiness. Gaaahhhh. They make people SOOOO moody.

Any of your support professionals understand that you're trying to stay less anxious and more focused?

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*Beth*
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Default Jul 19, 2022 at 07:11 PM
  #50
@MuddyBoots btw, don't just throw the Kpin in the trash because of course you may find yourself going through the trash picking the Kpin out. I suggest putting it in a bowl and melting it with hot water, then tossing the melted stuff in that bin.

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Default Jul 19, 2022 at 07:27 PM
  #51
Boots, are you in a metro area? You could try finding a low cost acupuncture to help deal with the cravings? I know when I lived in Austin there was a couple of low cost clinics. I went to deal with pain, it was great. The guy knew what he was doing and he also threw in cupping treatments it helped me sleep better.

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Default Jul 19, 2022 at 08:48 PM
  #52
There's an acupuncture studio in my city but I don't think I'd be comfortable with that. And each visit's $40.

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If any chord that I could strum
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Default Jul 20, 2022 at 12:38 PM
  #53
My fss worker came by to drop off meds (including more klonopin!) and really urged me to take a PRN so I took thorazine twice. I'm never taking Kpin again.
I gotta say I'm feeling a lot better. I've been paranoid of demons and I still kinda am but I'm not hearing the angels try to protect me right now so idk how I feel about that

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Default Jul 20, 2022 at 12:47 PM
  #54
@MuddyBoots just wondering if you have talked to your doctor about the klonopin? If you are on a high dose, you may need to taper down rather than going cold turkey. Some dangerous withdrawal effects.
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Default Jul 20, 2022 at 01:06 PM
  #55
@downandlonely I'm not on a high dose. It's PRN and until recently I rarely took it

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Default Jul 20, 2022 at 02:48 PM
  #56
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@downandlonely I'm not on a high dose. It's PRN and until recently I rarely took it
Ok, got it. I think you're right that it's better not to start the habit.
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Default Jul 21, 2022 at 08:02 AM
  #57
How the fk do you just "sit with your feelings!"?????
If someone tells me one more time to sit with my feelings i will go ballistic

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Default Jul 21, 2022 at 10:14 AM
  #58
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How the fk do you just "sit with your feelings!"?????
If someone tells me one more time to sit with my feelings i will go ballistic
I get it. I hate that too.

It sucks when someone else repeats the same unhelpful things to us.

Do they ever elaborate? Here they tend not to.

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Default Jul 21, 2022 at 10:50 AM
  #59
No, they never elaborate. Just say it's a skill you have to learn.

In all honesty I had a few drinks and feel better. Kinda bothered that no one's responding to my textx/ calls though. I feel like I am "too much" for most people. Hell, I'm too much for myself!

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If any chord that I could strum
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Default Jul 21, 2022 at 11:14 AM
  #60
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No, they never elaborate. Just say it's a skill you have to learn.

In all honesty I had a few drinks and feel better. Kinda bothered that no one's responding to my textx/ calls though. I feel like I am "too much" for most people. Hell, I'm too much for myself!
I sometimes feel like I'm ''too much'' for most people too (including Papa bear, he likes a lot of quiet.. ) and I'm definitely too much for me

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