[JaneOnceMore]

I only ask because mine has been so bad recently. I'm 56. My hypomania last year was so intense it felt like i was another person and i wonder about DID. Then i had a crisis in October with anxiety so acute i was frozen with fear and had trouble eating and could only breathe shallowly. I'm mildly depressed now but i'm so grateful the anxiety has passed i don't really mind. I'm devastated at all the foolish financial decisions i made during my hypomania and ashamed at how horny i was, so embarrassing.

I had heard in my IRL support group that bipolar gets worse with age but i dismissed that, thinking surely you get better at managing the episodes. Now i'm not so sure.

Was this just a bad year, or a sign of things to come?

[Nammu]

I’ve heard that too but it hasn’t been my experience. But about a dozen or so years ago I was put on latuda and have been stable ever since.( I’m 64) My daughter was on latuda also and very stable though her 30’s which for me was horrible and full of hospitalizations.

I think finding the right med for an individual is a matter of luck. I believe meds are a must for bipolar though. I also believe that less is best because of interactions. I’m only on latuda and ambian. I was on lamictal too but quit that about 5 years ago because it made me too flat but I do think it played a strong role in my getting stable.

Best of luck at finding your cocktail

[Soupe du jour]

When I look back at my pre-medication days, it was the case that my bipolar worsened as I got older. Like Nammu, my 30s were full of psych hospitalizations. I even sometimes call it my "lost decade". I was obviously on medications for most of those years, but factors prevented them from stabilizing me. These included, I think, how bad my bipolar was at the time, my fiddling around with and/or stopping meds, drinking, and the continued stress I was under. I'm also a believer in the "kindling effect" for illnesses like epilepsy, bipolar disorder, and migraines. This effect made my illness worsen and hard to treat for a while. However, I did eventually stabilize. There's been no worsening for a while.

I'm sorry you've gone through so much for so long. Your experiences sure are classic bipolar. I even know what you mean about some seeming like DID. My guess is that the kindling effect is part of your struggle, but you can calm and then end that tendency. It's not easy, but it happens if it isn't stoked, you're on a good med mix, and using various positive coping tools. When the first (especially) and last mentioned, even meds started to become more effective for me.

[Victoria'smom]

My teens and 20 were worst for me. Granted I was only willing to give antipsychotics a real try about 9 years ago. I'm not the most consistent with my meds. Hopefully this new med cocktail works. I don't believe I've ever been stable for more than a few weeks. The only difference is I'm less destructive outwardly.

[*Beth*]

I fear the same, Jane. I'm now 60 and have had such striking episodes - sometimes lasting months each (deep depression/hypomania-mania/severe anxiety/mixed episodes) that I, too, have felt, at times, like I have DID. I don't know if my BD has actually become worse or if medication that used to be very effective is not as effective now, or if I notice my moods more because I'm alone (isolated) much more than I've ever been in my life - or if at least some of my mental health challenges are due to increased stress from our increasingly degraded mental health care system.

Whatever is going on, I will say that yes - I am struggling with my mental health more so now than I have since childhood (ages 8 - 13 was very rough).

Interestingly, my mother, who was mentally ill, seemed worse in her 50's than she had been in her 40's - but by her middle 60's she seemed to become noticeably more stable and at peace. So maybe there's hope for us, yet.

[*Beth*]

Oh - I will add that, as Nammu pointed out, the proper meds have made a tremendous difference for me. I was in a terribly bad depressed state between October - December. In early January I settled on a med regime that (fingers crossed) is really helping me.

[Crazy Hitch]

It’s a good question. I don’t know ….

I’ll start by saying I’m 44. Last year I went inpatient for 2 weeks for depression. In 2016 I was 3 days for psychosis.

Last year was the worst episode of depression. It was long and drawn out. 10 month uphill battle. Before that my depression would only be about 3 months. Same as manic episodes.

I don’t want that type of depression ever again …

[HALLIEBETH87]

I think for me finding the right meds here in my 30s is why I’m better off than I used to be. These days I feel mostly content and at peace. It’s a striking comparison to my 25 days inpatient nearly three years ago.

[Aurelius710]

I second @HALLIEBETH87 . It wouldn't be inaccurate to say I rampaged through my 20s, surviving by the skin of my teeth. About two years ago, I was able to find a med combo that works wonders for me and it's been so much easier to have an even keel in my life. To not be tossed around by the proverbial storms.

[raspberrytorte]

Mine got worse after I gave birth. MUCH worse! I think it may have been the stress of being a new parent. My thirties were riddled with hospital stays and multiple overdoses, the last one nearly ending my life and they had to put me on a breathing tube because I stopped breathing... I'm 40 now though and doing much better on the meds I'm on.