Boots' "just trying to make it through the days" thread

MuddyBoots · Jan 17, 2023 at 02:52 PM

I'm a bit paranoid today. I got my Haldol shot today so hopefully that'll kick in over the next few days.

holy shyt, how am I still alive?

Possible trigger:

I Just checked what my lithium level was after my overdose and it was 4.9. Above 1.2 is toxic and above 3.5 you should be dead.

MuddyBoots · Jan 24, 2023 at 03:18 PM

I'm a filthy piece of shyt that deserves to be thrown away like used toilet paper.

*Beth* · Jan 24, 2023 at 04:51 PM

No, Boots, you are not a filthy piece of sh-it. You are an amazingly gifted, intelligent, lovely woman who happens to have a mental illness. I'm sending you love

MuddyBoots · Jan 24, 2023 at 05:03 PM

But I am. I don't particularly care to explain why here, but trust me, I am.

Victoria'smom · Jan 24, 2023 at 06:23 PM

Muddy boots, your a caring friend that we have the privilege of knowing. That won't change no matter what happened.

buddha1too · Jan 24, 2023 at 06:27 PM

Hey, @MuddyBoots. Sounds like you're getting down on yourself again. Give yourself a break. I don't spend much time around these parts lately, but I did notice you're making an attempt to stay clean. That's a huge step!

Sorry you're going through such a rough patch, @Tucson. I hope you're not in too much pain.

Tucson · Jan 24, 2023 at 07:28 PM

Thank you. All the pain came a couple months ago. Right now it only starts hurting if I overdo it. One witness, saw the car hit me, I flipped in the air and came down on the ground with my back down on the pavement.

*Beth* · Jan 24, 2023 at 08:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MuddyBoots

But I am. I don't particularly care to explain why here, but trust me, I am.

Well, I kinda get it. And I am still sending you love.

*Beth* · Jan 27, 2023 at 12:03 AM

Concerned. How are you @MuddyBoots ?

MuddyBoots · Jan 27, 2023 at 09:23 AM

Things are still hard, but I'm surviving. We lost power for a bit from the last storm, but it wasn't bad because it was in the low 40's yesterday. There's still 27 people on NHEC out of power. I had a pdoc appointment yesterday and she's decreasing my Haldol, increasing my doxepin, and she wants me to do some research and decide between Rexulti and Vraylar for a replacement because of the tremors I've been having. I'm leaning towards Vraylar because I know last I was on it, I didn't gain weight.

*Beth* · Jan 27, 2023 at 04:15 PM

I'm glad you've checked in. That your pdoc respects you doing your own research on meds is commendable. Most of the prescribers I've had get defensive when I do my own research.

MuddyBoots · Jan 29, 2023 at 10:11 AM

I've decided to go with the Vraylar.

Boots' "just trying to make it through the days" thread

We finally have some snow on the ground.

*Beth* · Jan 29, 2023 at 01:12 PM

Gorgeous photograph, Boots. It reminds me of a time before there were people.

MuddyBoots · Jan 30, 2023 at 12:50 PM

Possible trigger:

I just self-harmed fairly extensively. Wanted to commit sui in the process, but figured I'd wait until after I (literally) f--ck this guy that really hurt me one last time (Wednesday). I'm still tempted to go out and get a bottle of vodka (I'm still on valium).

*Beth* · Jan 30, 2023 at 01:15 PM

I'm sending you love, Boots. I really am.

Victoria'smom · Jan 30, 2023 at 01:23 PM

Boots, gentle hugs. Do you have anyone you can call for support?

Nammu · Jan 30, 2023 at 01:40 PM

Sending you purple healing/soothing vibes. Hugs if you want them.

MuddyBoots · Jan 31, 2023 at 09:03 AM

Possible trigger:

So I'm supposed to get together with this guy tomorrow and I have fresh cuts all over my arms and thighs. Can't hide it as I know we're going to have sex. I don't know how he'll react. I think he might get angry at me.

What to do what to do what to do?

Victoria'smom · Jan 31, 2023 at 09:12 AM

I would not get together as it sounds more stressful than it's worth.

MuddyBoots · Jan 31, 2023 at 01:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

I would not get together as it sounds more stressful than it's worth.

I really don't want to cancel just because I have some cuts. I've blown him off two weeks in a row already.

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Boots' "just trying to make it through the days" thread

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MuddyBoots Monster on the Hill Member Since Sep 2020 Location: by the river Posts: 4,093 (SuperPoster!) 3 4,819 hugs given	Jan 24, 2023 at 03:18 PM #222 I'm a filthy piece of shyt that deserves to be thrown away like used toilet paper. __________________ If any chord that I could strum Make me feel less like a man I'd slam my fingers in the doorway And shatter all the bones So I could never strum again
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Beth catches the flowers Member Since Jul 2019 Location: Downtown Vibes, California Posts: 15,701 (SuperPoster!) 4 23.7k hugs given	Jan 24, 2023 at 04:51 PM #223 No, Boots, you are not a filthy piece of sh-it. You are an amazingly gifted, intelligent, lovely woman who happens to have a mental illness. I'm sending you love __________________
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MuddyBoots Monster on the Hill Member Since Sep 2020 Location: by the river Posts: 4,093 (SuperPoster!) 3 4,819 hugs given	Jan 24, 2023 at 05:03 PM #224 But I am. I don't particularly care to explain why here, but trust me, I am. __________________ If any chord that I could strum Make me feel less like a man I'd slam my fingers in the doorway And shatter all the bones So I could never strum again
	Reply With Quote

Victoria'smom Legendary Member Since Apr 2012 Location: Earth Posts: 14,903 (SuperPoster!) 11 5,426 hugs given	Jan 24, 2023 at 06:23 PM #225 Muddy boots, your a caring friend that we have the privilege of knowing. That won't change no matter what happened. __________________ Dx: Me- SzA Husband- Bipolar 1 Daughter- mood disorder+ Comfortable broken and happy "So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk My blog
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buddha1too Veteran Member Member Since Sep 2011 Posts: 735 12 2,547 hugs given	Jan 24, 2023 at 06:27 PM #226 Hey, @MuddyBoots. Sounds like you're getting down on yourself again. Give yourself a break. I don't spend much time around these parts lately, but I did notice you're making an attempt to stay clean. That's a huge step! Sorry you're going through such a rough patch, @Tucson. I hope you're not in too much pain.
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Tucson Grand Magnate Member Since Jul 2014 Location: Tucson, AZ Posts: 3,105 9 16 hugs given	Jan 24, 2023 at 07:28 PM #227 Thank you. All the pain came a couple months ago. Right now it only starts hurting if I overdo it. One witness, saw the car hit me, I flipped in the air and came down on the ground with my back down on the pavement. __________________ Dx: Bipolar I, ADD, GAD. Rx: Fluoxetine, Buproprion, Olanzapine, Lamictal, and Strattera.
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Beth catches the flowers Member Since Jul 2019 Location: Downtown Vibes, California Posts: 15,701 (SuperPoster!) 4 23.7k hugs given	Jan 27, 2023 at 12:03 AM #229 Concerned. How are you @MuddyBoots ? __________________
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Beth catches the flowers Member Since Jul 2019 Location: Downtown Vibes, California Posts: 15,701 (SuperPoster!) 4 23.7k hugs given	Jan 27, 2023 at 04:15 PM #231 I'm glad you've checked in. That your pdoc respects you doing your own research on meds is commendable. Most of the prescribers I've had get defensive when I do my own research. __________________
	Reply With Quote

MuddyBoots Monster on the Hill Member Since Sep 2020 Location: by the river Posts: 4,093 (SuperPoster!) 3 4,819 hugs given	Jan 29, 2023 at 10:11 AM #232 I've decided to go with the Vraylar. We finally have some snow on the ground. __________________ If any chord that I could strum Make me feel less like a man I'd slam my fingers in the doorway And shatter all the bones So I could never strum again
	Reply With Quote

Beth catches the flowers Member Since Jul 2019 Location: Downtown Vibes, California Posts: 15,701 (SuperPoster!) 4 23.7k hugs given	Jan 29, 2023 at 01:12 PM #233 Gorgeous photograph, Boots. It reminds me of a time before there were people. __________________
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Beth catches the flowers Member Since Jul 2019 Location: Downtown Vibes, California Posts: 15,701 (SuperPoster!) 4 23.7k hugs given	Jan 30, 2023 at 01:15 PM #235 I'm sending you love, Boots. I really am. __________________
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Victoria'smom Legendary Member Since Apr 2012 Location: Earth Posts: 14,903 (SuperPoster!) 11 5,426 hugs given	Jan 30, 2023 at 01:23 PM #236 Boots, gentle hugs. Do you have anyone you can call for support? __________________ Dx: Me- SzA Husband- Bipolar 1 Daughter- mood disorder+ Comfortable broken and happy "So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk My blog
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Nammu Crone Member Since May 2010 Location: Some where between my inner mind and the solar system. Posts: 71,267 (SuperPoster!) 13 53.6k hugs given	Jan 30, 2023 at 01:40 PM #237 Sending you purple healing/soothing vibes. Hugs if you want them. __________________ *Nammu* …Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …... Desiderata Max Ehrmann
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Victoria'smom Legendary Member Since Apr 2012 Location: Earth Posts: 14,903 (SuperPoster!) 11 5,426 hugs given	Jan 31, 2023 at 09:12 AM #239 I would not get together as it sounds more stressful than it's worth. __________________ Dx: Me- SzA Husband- Bipolar 1 Daughter- mood disorder+ Comfortable broken and happy "So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk My blog
	Reply With Quote