Bipolar check-in #69

Soupe, I am so sorry to learn of this terrible time for your family. Take care of your family but also remember to take care of yourself

Well it didn’t help. All I’ve had is water today and I feel so sick

I'm doing good today. My anxiety is low. I slept well last night but struggled waking up at 6AM which is not normal for me. Waking up at that time, or having a hard time waking up. At 6:30 I went and grabbed a 20oz Mountain Dew from the fridge and chugged it. Then I felt better. I've been doing my weekly shopping today. I got out of the house with no anxiety. No weird looks from anyone or anything. I had my mom take a few pictures of me without my hoodie on this morning and she said I kinda look too skinny. I have no idea what to do when half the time its my meds that are making me not hungry. We got Red Robin for dinner last night and I ate half my burger, my fries, and a couple of my onion rings. But its like I'm not very hungry even when I want to be. But my mom says its good I'm working with a therapist who knows this stuff and doesn't get mad at me for it the way my transference T did.

My moods are stable today although I'm still not sure what the hematrcrit will look like when I get my lab work done. I know the tiredness is unsuaul and I have the itchness too. I didn't cut off a tag to a hoodie and my mom said she was suprised it wasn't itching me. It probably was but since I'm just so itchy in general I just didn't notice it.

I have changed a lot this last year after my wife passed away. I am more open and honest then I have ever been. When I went to my pdoc the other day I told him to hold on, and off I went I sounded like I was manic but I told him if I did not say it fast I might forget something lol.
I went to a buddies last night and he was one of my friends that called me the other day when I was depressed. Him and I sat out in the backyard talking for about 4 hours and we both got out a lot of crap for both of us. It is really nice that I am now able to open up to others but it is still hard to do.

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I appreciate all of the kind support here. It does help. Thank you so much! My brother is supposed to know more today (Eastern US time). I may hear from him later or tomorrow. I confess I'm tired. Hubby and I were out most of the day running errands.

@HALLIEBETH87, I hope you feel better soon. I used to like to keep saltine crackers on hand for stomach issues. They helped or at least were the only thing I could eat sometimes.

@Mountaindewed, I've been glad to read that your overall mental health has steadily improved since your surgery. I've noticed a positive difference in your posts, in terms of more upbeat and less stressed sound.

My daughter asked me unexpectedly to meet her halfway this weekend. We’re about to go on vacation together so I’m surprised. I sincerely hope she just misses me and there is no news to impart. Don’t get me wrong - I’d be ecstatic for her. I just think she is a bit young. I don’t want her to take my path…moved out at 17…married at 20…working 3 jobs to put me and ex husband through college. She’s mature for her age but she’s too serious and responsible if there can be such a thing. I want her to stop and smell the roses. Have some fun.

I hope everybody has a peaceful day. Much love.

Quote:

Originally Posted by otroo I have changed a lot this last year after my wife passed away. I am more open and honest then I have ever been. When I went to my pdoc the other day I told him to hold on and off I went I sounded like I was manic but I told him if I did not say it fast I might forget something lol. I went to a buddies last night and he was one of my friends that called me the other day when I was depressed. Him and I sat out in the backyard talking for about 4 hours and we both got out a lot of crap for both of us. It is really nice that I am now able to open up to others but it is still hard to do. Sent from my SM-S901U using Tapatalk

I am genuinely so happy for you, otroo. You're a good, decent man and you deserve all the peace you can get.

Thank you I appreciate it.

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Things are really bad for me right now due to my grieving over my brother. Today I cried and felt my mania kicking in. I can't sleep and have been staying awake for the last few days. Today I'm gonna relax and try to take it easy. My mind feels so tired right now.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amethyst_Stargazer Things are really bad for me right now due to my grieving over my brother. Today I cried and felt my mania kicking in. I can't sleep and have been staying awake for the last few days. Today I'm gonna relax and try to take it easy. My mind feels so tired right now.

Hi Amethyst. I may have missed something about your brother. It sounds like there is tremendous pain involved for you.

You must be exhausted. Please know we're here for you.

I’m so sorry for what you and your family are going through Soupe, prayers for you and your family , will keep you in my thoughts

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Sorry I may have missed several posts the past couple days , I’ve just been distracted by anxiety but good thoughts to everyone here

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I went to my dentist appointment today, checked in with reception and then sat in the waiting room for an hour then they told me they were sorry but they had to suddenly reschedule me because right then my dentist had an emergency they had to deal with, so I walked home without an appointment and will reschedule with them next week, their system is acting up so they said to call next week to reschedule since they have IT working on their computers now and can't schedule appointments today.

I found a shower caddy on my way home at the store, which I really needed because there are no shelfs in my shower for anything so all my soaps and shampoo etc has to sit ont he floor of my shower. Now I have a caddy that hangs up in there so that makes it a lot nicer. I also bought a new journal since I have been journaling since I was 14 (I'm 28 now) I started during my first month long psychiatric hospital stay when I was 14, and it really helped me so I stuck with it all these years

Exited to see Halloween Ends in theater when it comes out next weekend. (the Michael Myers horror movies w/ Jaime Lee Curtis, big fan of those movies)

I scheduled my flu shot and 4th covid booster for this Saturday, getting them both at the same place at the same time. Figured itd be good to just get them done at once and over with

The sun came out!!! It’s been six days! It got cloudy last Friday and then poured for four days straight. Yesterday it was still showers and just that nasty mist. It was all the rain we needed over the summer. And it was cold to boot. Today was sunny and 73. Perfect! Tomorrow will be the same. Saturday it will drop back down to average fall temps for NJ, low 60s. I have to get all my fall clothes out and see what still fits. I gained so much weight over the summer that I had to buy all new pants. I don’t think I’ll have to buy all new shirts, maybe just a few. Shirts are stretchier than jeans!

In any case I think I’m losing a little bit of weight anyway. We’ve been going to the gym 3-4 times a week for about a month now and besides that my job keeps me very active. Speaking of jobs I quit my second one on Wednesday. My last shift will be Saturday. I’m just not thinking clearly enough to be able to handle money. Plus I can’t remember where anything is and I don’t know where to put anything when I’m supposed to be stocking. AND I’ve heard through the grapevine that we are going to be open on thanksgiving and I guarantee I’ll be the one working! No way.

I know I’m not supposed to do this but I’ve cut the haldol in half. I’m too worried about taking it for much longer. I will watch for recurrence of paranoia and take more if necessary. But I think I’ll be ok for a little while if I can keep my anxiety down. I’m experiencing a lot of anxiety lately though. Generalized. Like I see my son falling down the basement steps or RS crashing his jeep. Just a lot of “worry thoughts” as my therapist puts it. That was happening before the haldol decrease though. I think I’m going to call my new pdoc’s office and see if I can get in sooner as a matter of urgency. Thing is I don’t even know the number! It was silly of me not to write it down with a clear label.

I hope tomorrow is another good day in class so I can end the week on a high note!

@Soupe du jour I'm so sorry about your brother. You and your family are in my thoughts.

It's hard for me to get over being paranoid about being undermined in my job... when I'm actually being undermined in my job. I had a new rep from the competition come by the store, presumably for a one-off. She's nice, personable and a bit self-deprecating. However, I caught her on two separate occasions trying to sell customers on her phone service AFTER I had all but completed the sale. Since my company doesn't allow me use of Walmart registers, I have to rely on her (among others) to complete the sale, and she took full advantage of her captive audience to make her pitch and potentially undo any sales I make.

I didn't show it, but I was incensed by what she was doing. However, I don't really want to press the issue much more than I did (a "heart to heart" once I calmed down) as she's basically filling in for a day as far as I understand. Out of sight, out of mind, right?

My Primary Doc got back to me on the nerve pain. He prescribed me tramadol which I have mixed feelings about. On the one hand, if it keeps the pain at bay when I lay down, I'll be thrilled. On the other hand, I'm leery of opiates as I've seen how they've affected friends and family.


I think a movie this weekend is in order! Question is: What movie?

S is taking the day off tomorrow. We’re headed out of town and will be home late. I’m going to meet M Saturday as I’ve stated and I’ll be gone until late. Sunday, S & I are hanging out with friends and will be gone most of the day. If I don’t get the chance, I hope everyone has a peaceful Friday and a lovely weekend. Much love.

@Soupe du jour I'm so sorry you and your family are in my thoughts.

I am sorry soup,
just catching up here. by now you have had more news. I send good soothing thoughts your way and I hope this draws you closer to him and him to you.
If that makes any sense.
((((((HUGS))))))
bizi

Soupe …. My heart just breaks for you and your family. Be kind to yourself

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