Destabilized after friend who ghosted me before ghosted again

I had a friend awhile ago who also has a psychotic mood disorder, in his case schizoaffective, while in my case I'm BP I. I had lost touch with him for several years after he blocked me on messenger. I had sent him an email back then asking why and he sent me back a rude email saying we were never really friends.

Well fast forward about 4 or 5 years and i get a text message from him saying he had been homeless, drunk and in and out of mental hospitals in a different province but had gotten his life back together somewhat and had moved back to my province. He had unblocked me on messenger so I thought I would like to be friends with him again, but then I noticed after several weeks of not hearing from him that he had blocked me again on messenger, without any explanation.

This time I've blocked him both on my phone and on messenger. I feel like such a fool to let him do this to me twice.

When I get this kind of interpersonal stress it seems to make my bipolar symptoms and other symptoms like tinnitus worse.

I’m so sorry that happened to you.

I am also sorry, but I think it's more about him and his problems than you.

Behavior like his makes your bipolar and tinnitus worse because you've been triggered. I'm sorry you've been hurt like that.

Thanks Sunflower123, downandlonely and *Beth* for your support. It's so nice to be able to come on here and find a sympathetic ear, especially feeling as unwanted as I do right now. Yes I've definitely been triggered. I've noticed also that my mind is starting again to wander to anxiety provoking thoughts, like I am wondering if this or that symptom is actually some severe disease, which is a pattern I can get into when I'm not doing well mentally. I do go through periods of high anxiety that can last quite a long time in general, but when my bipolar depression is better then anxiety is also much better in general. It's like the two symptoms march to the same drummer and manifest in persistent rumination.

I don't want this to start a downward spiral. I've been doing quite well for a number of months, not having these long periods of negative rumination.

If anyone has any suggestions for thoughts, activities or techniques to restore well being after being triggered with bipolar, I'm open to trying new things.

I was looking forward to seeing him and doing some fun stuff together, plus it would have been reassuring to see him after hearing all that he had been through, so there is also that feeling of disappointment. We were always platonic friends. so it isn't anything related to a romantic involvement. I don't know why he would reach out after all these years only to block me again with no explanation after a few months.

Well, there are the standard grounding techniques to use when we've been triggered. And they do help.

Cold - an ice pack on the back of your neck and on the pulse points (undersides of wrists).


"5 senses" - sit with your feet firmly on the floor and tell yourself what you see, hear, taste, smell, feel with your body.

Light a candle(s) and listen to music!


@wildflowerchild25 has given me some excellent grounding tools. She might chime in here.

I hope you feel more stabilized soon.

Thank you *Beth* and Sunflower123 for your feedback. I've tried some grounding exercises. I really appreciate being able to spill my feelings out here and see that people care, at least because a big part of the negative spiral i get into is that "nobody cares about me". Maybe other people can relate to this core belief.

I've got a handle on part of what is generating all these negative thoughts. His unexplained ghosting reawakened a feeling of isolation that goes back to when I was a child. I felt I had no one to turn to, especially my parents as they were both abusive to me and they treated my sister and me so differently that I thought for many years I was adopted. She was a the 'golden child' I think it is called. They would both tell me after they abused me that I "wanted to be a victim".

It's always been hard for me to make and keep friendships. I remember sitting on my bed as a child wondering why I was so apart and alienated from other people. It's never really changed and I'm not any closer to figuring it out than when I was 10. It's difficult to not get swallowed up in ruminating about all the consequences of that.

It doesn't help that my IBD has reared its head again after a years of not really causing me any problems, which I'm thankful for. My microscopic colitis flare started before I realized he had blocked me again so his ghosting is not the reason for it. I've made some changes so hopefully that will start to pay off soon in my symptoms.

The most soothing thing is to pet my cat and do my stretches, and trigger point massage with a foam roller and a lacrosse ball, which I do every day for shoulder/back/arm pain and flexibility. The pain has gotten much better now that i also started seeing a new massage therapist and she recommended some new stretches that I didn't know about. I think it was all the anti inflammatories I was taking before for pain that triggered this MC episode.

I got an appointment with a new therapist in two weeks so hopefully that will help me avoid a spiral into a deep depressive/anxious state

Hello, I read about the core belief of feeling like no one cares about you and I really relate. My mom wasn’t abusive but she was deeply depressed and didn’t get help so she spent 90% of her time at home in her room. My brother and I were left to our own devices. Me, I became very anxious and depressed myself and started self harming, mostly to lessen the emotional pain, but part was to get someone, anyone to notice me and take care of me. My brother ran wild on the streets, taking whatever drug he could get his hands on. It’s amazing that he is still alive today. He’s still an alcoholic but quit everything else. Not that alcohol is any better. He was also trying to get my mom’s attention but nothing we did worked.

I’ve always felt so very alone and I still to this day have trouble making and keeping connections with people. I almost had a friend to see outside of work last year but I figured she wouldn’t want to see me so I shouldn’t bother her about it.

Anyway not trying to take over your post, just letting you know I relate. I try to remember now that I am not a waste of space and I am not being abandoned when people ghost me, it’s more of a reflection on them. I’ve gotten much better.

If you do want any more grounding skills I can PM you the list I sent Beth, it’s everything I learned in the trauma IOP I was in for six months.

Thanks wildflowerchild25 for sharing. This is also exactly how I feel: "I’ve always felt so very alone and I still to this day have trouble making and keeping connections with people." Please do send me the list when you have a chance.

I'm so glad you'll be seeing a therapist soon. You have what sound to me like some excellent ways to self-care. And a cat always helps

I can't say I've ever had trouble making friends, but I've had some challenges with ending friendships, or "lessening" them. I've never ghosted anyone, though.

It sounds heartbreaking to me to be a child and wonder why you can't make friends.

So much of making friends when we're children involves environment and era. For example, I grew up in the '60's - '70's in an "American Dream" type of suburb. All the kids in the neighborhood grew up together. Even before kindergarten we were outside, playing together in other kids' yards and houses. Then we started school together and went from kindergarten all the way through high school together. My home life was hell on earth, so I really depended on my friends for escape.


Once families bought a house they stayed there. I can't think of any children moving out of the neighborhood until we graduated high school. Everyone found "their group." I can't recall any child who was completely without at least a few friends.
Buuut, those were extraordinarily different times. By the time my own children were growing up in the '80's - '90's, even though we did live in a suburb, it was extremely unusual to see children outside, playing. Kids were indoors with TV, video games, then the internet. Making and hanging out with friends in each others' homes was natural for my son but for my daughter, she had a much harder time of it. I think that when children aren't outdoors with other children it's damaging for their ability to learn social skills.

tecomsin, what was the situation when you were a child? Did you live in the same home while growing up or did your family move a lot?

Thank you for joining in, @wildflower25. Your list was so helpful for me. I'm sure it will help out tecomsin.

I'm sorry that happened to you tecomsin. It does sound like it's his issue and not yours.

I was wondering about these grounding tools also. I find being ghosted destabilising also. It is quite mean if done on purpose and can be very triggering. (it happened to me recently somewhere else..)

I can understand that core belief being reawakened by that unexpected ghosting. My parents were also neglectful and abusive. There are people here who care, I don't think you're ''unusual'' finding being ghosted destabilising. It's ok to tell ourselves ''it's trivial'' and crap like that, but it isn't necessarily so if someone had seemed to be trustworthy. And of course for a child feeling isolated and ''all alone'' except for abusers is horrible and being triggered could tap into that. I'm glad you posted and vented here.