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*Beth*
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Default Nov 07, 2022 at 08:02 PM
  #21
Thank you for joining in @Tart Cherry Jam. Your post is really interesting.

I don't think age has to do with sex drive, at least not in general. I'll be 60 next month and my sex drive is no different than it was in my younger years.

Good for you, imo, for discussing sex toys! Go for it. I have never used any, but I am curious.

Are you in SoCal or NorCal? (I'm up north.)

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Default Nov 07, 2022 at 08:43 PM
  #22
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Originally Posted by *Beth* View Post
Thank you for joining in @Tart Cherry Jam. Your post is really interesting.

I don't think age has to do with sex drive, at least not in general. I'll be 60 next month and my sex drive is no different than it was in my younger years.

Good for you, imo, for discussing sex toys! Go for it. I have never used any, but I am curious.

Are you in SoCal or NorCal? (I'm up north.)
I am in NorCal and would love to meet IRL. I am in the Bay Area.

I am so glad and reassured that sex drive does not diminish with age. Best news ever!
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Default Nov 07, 2022 at 09:34 PM
  #23
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I am in NorCal and would love to meet IRL. I am in the Bay Area.

I am so glad and reassured that sex drive does not diminish with age. Best news ever!

I'm roughly 80 miles from you, then.

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Default Nov 07, 2022 at 10:02 PM
  #24
I think meds are the reason I am unable to have an orgasm.

When I was younger I was on SSRIs, but was also a young woman, so my natural estrogen levels must have been higher than they are now, when I am 40.

I learned in college that women with high estrogen levels are highly fertile and their outward appearances (large breasts and hips) are indicators of that fertility and make them attractive to straight men. But it sucked to attract everyone and feel nothing in return.

I also thought I was bisexual. I have only been with men, but never had much pleasure from it. I now think I am a lesbian. But have yet to experience sex with a woman.
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Default Nov 08, 2022 at 03:41 PM
  #25
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I think meds are the reason I am unable to have an orgasm.

I agree. And it seems mean enough to have to be on medication already

When I was younger I was on SSRIs, but was also a young woman, so my natural estrogen levels must have been higher than they are now, when I am 40.

I learned in college that women with high estrogen levels are highly fertile and their outward appearances (large breasts and hips) are indicators of that fertility and make them attractive to straight men. But it sucked to attract everyone and feel nothing in return.

I've read and heard that (the fertility thing). Regardless of what science tells us, I believe that it is questionable. First off, I know plenty of women who have a Rubinesque build and have pcos and other "female" issues that curvier women are more likely to have, and those issues often interfere with fertility.

Secondly, I know plenty of women who are (or were, during childbearing years) tall and slender and they easily conceive. The latter description fit me and all I had to do was say the word "pregnant" and I was...5 times, first try each time.

With regard to men being attracted to a woman with a specific build, I do think that many men are inclined to prefer women who are curvy. But then, too, I know of other examples...a man I was involved had a thing for women who were so slender as to appear child-like, or to be more polite, "built like a model" - he referred to such women as "graceful." (I always thought the guy was obsessed with himself staying youthful, but that's beside the point). I worked with a man who found quite plump women pleasing to look at, or be with. I suppose it varies from man to man, culture to culture, era, etc.

Actually, hormone levels for a normally developed human being fall within a specific range. So really, they can't go very high or very low.

With regard to men/women finding you attractive, but you not feeling anything in return, that sounds sad. Even depressing for you, as it could really interfere with having a relationship.

I also thought I was bisexual. I have only been with men, but never had much pleasure from it. I now think I am a lesbian. But have yet to experience sex with a woman.

Heck, woman - go for it! That's my thought, anyway. I mean, if you have the opportunity, at least give it a try and see where you're at.
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Default Nov 08, 2022 at 09:44 PM
  #26
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I'm roughly 80 miles from you, then.
maybe one day. You must be further north, right?
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Default Nov 08, 2022 at 09:51 PM
  #27
I had relatively large breasts and relatively narrow hips and conceived very easily, as did my mom who had the lower body of Sophia Loren (tight waist and very wide hips) but smaller breasts–not small, but smaller. It is actually quite common to have one or the other body type and the body type as well as many other body types. And I knew women with boyish figures who conceived easily.
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Default Nov 09, 2022 at 08:52 AM
  #28
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I'm roughly 80 miles from you, then.
I love how Californians seem to make a line at Sac and call it good. Bay Area, Sac, etc. is geographically central if you’re being honest. Granted the only thing north of Sac are hippies, rednecks and weed but it does exist. 🤣

(I am only joking)
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Default Nov 09, 2022 at 06:35 PM
  #29
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maybe one day. You must be further north, right?

One day may be just the thing! Nope, I'm east of you. El valle But, very familiar with the Bay Area since I was a wee 'un.

My son and DIL live in the Mission Dist.

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Default Nov 09, 2022 at 06:40 PM
  #30
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I love how Californians seem to make a line at Sac and call it good. Bay Area, Sac, etc. is geographically central if you’re being honest. Granted the only thing north of Sac are hippies, rednecks and weed but it does exist. 🤣

(I am only joking)

Yes, I'm central, but we are northern...so, I'm central vertically, northern horizontally Does that make sense? Sheesh, the only thing in Sac are hippies, rednecks, weed - and what used to be called Yuppies. I don't know what they're called now. My children, haha.

You know Calif well, my friend.

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Default Nov 11, 2022 at 12:42 AM
  #31
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I love how Californians seem to make a line at Sac and call it good. Bay Area, Sac, etc. is geographically central if you’re being honest. Granted the only thing north of Sac are hippies, rednecks and weed but it does exist. 🤣

(I am only joking)
Mendocino county, of course. I have never been there but it is on my todo list. And yes we know we are in reality central.
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Default Nov 11, 2022 at 07:07 PM
  #32
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Mendocino county, of course. I have never been there but it is on my todo list. And yes we know we are in reality central.

Ohhh, go to Mendocino when you are able to. The town itself is darling and it's smack on the ocean. If you can, stay at Van Damme State Park and hike through Fern Canyon - magnificent! (Most likely, you'd need reservations quite a ways in advance.) The only downside is that if you get car sick bring Dramamine, ginger, wear a copper bracelet, anything that works. Even when I drive I get terribly motion sick from the tightly winding roads.

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Default Nov 14, 2022 at 06:39 PM
  #33
Thanks for the advice! I get car sick on winding roads, even if I drive (if I am a passenger, then forget about it, it is so bad).
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Default Nov 14, 2022 at 09:39 PM
  #34
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Thanks for the advice! I get car sick on winding roads, even if I drive (if I am a passenger, then forget about it, it is so bad).
I often feel slightly nauseated while bicycling, and I'm serious. I believe motion sickness has to do with something in the inner ear.

Yeah. Not pleasurable. In fact, I used to drive to the coast and up the coast a lot. 101 was the love of my life. But after so many years of it, I began to be just plain tired of getting car sick. I'd be driving and hanging over the wheel, praying not to puke in the car. By the time I'd get to the ocean I'd kind-of roll out of the car, stumble to the beach, and gulp in the fresh ocean air just to offset the nausea. Lie there in the sand and pray that I'd either throw up, not throw up, whatever, just that it would stop. And being a passenger? Oh, Lord help me.

I did find "not very drowsy" Dramamine usually helpful - and it doesn't make me sleepy, I don't think.

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Default Nov 26, 2022 at 12:26 PM
  #35
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I was hyper sexual as a preteen-teen. Then I had my son, meds took away my sex drive. Hell i remember crying to my therapist that I may not love h because I'm no longer sexual that was like 80% of our relationship before. He still finds me attractive even when I put on 75 lbs. So it's hard.
I feel very similar to you. I have always been pretty hyper sexual since a child honestly. It has always been pretty age appropriate sexual experiences tho. When I go thru my manic episodes I gain a ton of excess sexual energy that has led to some issues in my life for sure….

But in my early 20s after having my first son I got the depo shot and ALL my sexuality went out the window. For months at a time. My poor ex. I gained like a 100 lbs. I got all the weight off (and more) after our second son. getting the mirena iud along with a script to the weight loss meds Phentermine saved my life and gave me sexual balance (for the most part). *but also mentioned this transformation led to my ultimate demise. Before, when I was married and undiagnosed and had my first manic episode following a life tragedy, I was in person acting on it and it ended up basically ruined my life. That was 4 years ago. Since then I’m divorced.

… Recently I’ve been extremely triggered (hence why I’m reaching out to support groups). So In all honesty these manic episodes still happen but Now if it gets really really really bad I just go to a chatroom to release in an anonymous and detached way. Thanks for sharing your experience, I felt nervous with so many asexual comments and my experience has been so different.
If you’re reading this and struggling as I am, try to stay strong. I know it’s hard
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Default Dec 02, 2022 at 03:36 PM
  #36
I had a high sex drive and would have issues because no partner cause I'm fat. I prayed for it to go away it has I'm much more selective now and not dating random guys. much happier. weed out guys just looking for sex too now.

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Default Dec 03, 2022 at 12:09 AM
  #37
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I had a high sex drive and would have issues because no partner cause I'm fat. I prayed for it to go away it has I'm much more selective now and not dating random guys. much happier. weed out guys just looking for sex too now.

Good for you, Aviza!

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Default Dec 03, 2022 at 12:09 AM
  #38
Hmm...where'd @Tart Cherry Jamgo?

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Default Dec 05, 2022 at 10:45 PM
  #39
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Hmm...where'd @Tart Cherry Jamgo?
I am back! I went on a trip to New England to meet my son's GF. She is wonderful. I am really glad I went but it was not easy for me as I was depressed and tried to put on a front of a cheerful person.

Then I got back, was depressed for several days, then flipped into hypomania (last Thursday, depressed in the morning to the point of not being able to get up from the bed, euthymic in the afternoon, hypomanic by evening). Hypomania lasted a couple of days and even Zyprexa did not provide enough sleep. It was for the first time in my life that even Zyprexa was powerful.

I started thinking of adding Lithium since the presentation of my bipolar illness is becoming classic with ups and downs. My dr agreed and I have filled the script but I have not taken Lithium yet, remembering the side effects Lithium gave me when some years ago I was on it, and also remembering that it did not always help.

Right now I am trying to go back to Latuda and Thorazine as I do not want to stay on Zyprexa.

To the point of this thread: I switched to Vraylar which is known not to give sexual side effects a couple of weeks ago. Indeed thinking sexual thoughts started coming back to me but I also believe that it destabilized me.

It is so difficult managing this mercurial illness.

So difficult.

Thank you for starting the thread and wondering how I have been.
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Default Dec 07, 2022 at 12:28 AM
  #40
I'm so glad you've checked in @Tart Cherry Jam. Great news that you like your son's GF, but oh, ouch...the agony of having to be cheery when you feel depressed.

I had a very similar situation in August. My son and dear DIL took my husband and I to lunch; we all had an absolutely lovely time. But I was having issues with my Gabapentin dose, wasn't feeling at all well (physically), but was determined to put on a happy face. (God forbid they should know I'm taking all these psych meds.) So, I pulled it off. But by the time I got home I was drained so badly that I felt terribly unwell and ended up (sorry) puking for hours.

Yeah, this illness is a blast What is your next step with medication?

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