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Default Nov 05, 2022 at 04:30 PM
  #1
I've been what I assume is an especially sexual person since I was quite young (12). Sexuality for me is an electrical energy that both inspires me and, at various times in my life, inspires others that I'm with.

But then sometimes I worry that intense sexuality (as in, thinking about sex most of the time) is part of bipolar or (worse) that I'm a pervert or something. I mean, I'm afraid there may be something weird about me. Or do I just have a "passionate" high-energy personality? Okay, so what if any of the above is the case? Well, the problem is that feeling so sexual oftentimes distracts me and interrupts my life.

I have spoken with my very open-minded therapist about this, but I think I need to go into it even more deeply.

How about you? I guess all of us on this board have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Have you, in your life, been especially sexual? (If someone[s] sees this post and isn't diagnosed with bipolar, what about you?)

*btw, I want to add that I am, never have been "a flirt." Never. In fact, my sisters used to chide me about it and say, "You should flirt more!" Yuck. No, not me. Yet, I've been in a number of relationships in which the men ...I don't know. Came onto me. Then I couldn't resist reacting. And it was clear to both of us what was happening. No weirdo delusions.

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Default Nov 05, 2022 at 04:43 PM
  #2
I’m pretty asexual. Only when I’ve been in manic episodes have I been sexual. Unfortunately I’ve a Sofia Loren body type so men and women assume I’m sexual. It creates all sorts of barriers. I think if your sexual outside of episodes that’s and entirely different thing from bipolar. Not saying there’s something wrong with that but it hasn’t anything to do with being bipolar

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Default Nov 05, 2022 at 05:02 PM
  #3
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Originally Posted by Nammu View Post
I’m pretty asexual. Only when I’ve been in manic episodes have I been sexual. Unfortunately I’ve a Sofia Loren body type so men and women assume I’m sexual. It creates all sorts of barriers. I think if your sexual outside of episodes that’s and entirely different thing from bipolar. Not saying there’s something wrong with that but it hasn’t anything to do with being bipolar

I completely get that, Nammu. That men and women assume you're sexual just because you seem to be sexual. How do you handle that when it has happened?

Also, during episodes did you just feel more sexual or did you act on how you felt by flirting, making overt suggestions, etc.?

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Default Nov 05, 2022 at 05:06 PM
  #4
I have not been diagnosed with bipolar and have never had a high sex drive. I also have a very curvy figure that attracts men and they do think I like sex just because of what I look like.

I was asexual as a teen and through my 20s. Only in my late 30s did I start having sexual urges. But I hear that is common for women. I think high levels of estrogen kill sex drive. I know some women don't take birth control pills for that reason. I've never taken the Pill, but when I was younger I probably had pretty high levels of estrogen.
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Default Nov 05, 2022 at 05:17 PM
  #5
Oh, it's so true about high estrogen levels. Plenty of psych meds (which increase estrogen levels) cause problems with sexual function. The SSRI (antidepressant class) are notorious for causing problems for both men and women. The sexual drive may be there, but the ability to "function" is often impaired. Years ago my husband was prescribed Zoloft for PTSD (Vietnam vet); he took it for a couple of months, but stopped because he said it "affected his manhood" (lol, a guy way of saying the Zoloft interfered with his ability to function sexually.)

It's interesting @downandlonely that you've always had a low sex drive. My daughter, who is 37, is like that. She never really went through a time of being sexual, with the sort-of exception with one boyfriend when she was in her early 20's. But even that seemed to weigh on her...like, she didn't totally want it in her life.

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Default Nov 05, 2022 at 05:28 PM
  #6
Schizoaffective here, not particularly sexual. Can be in mania, but other than that I don't have much of a libido.

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Default Nov 05, 2022 at 05:56 PM
  #7
I was bi as a kid and a teen and a young adult. Then assexual after I was 22 after taking zoloft for 3 months. Then when I started my injections my libido went crazy but only for my transference T. So I kinda considered myself demisexual. Only being attracted to a person you form a deep connection with. Then after I had my hysterectomy I haven't been attracted to anyone. Which has been a relief. So I guess I may be more on the assexual side again.

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Default Nov 05, 2022 at 06:12 PM
  #8
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Originally Posted by downandlonely View Post
I have not been diagnosed with bipolar and have never had a high sex drive. I also have a very curvy figure that attracts men and they do think I like sex just because of what I look like.

I was asexual as a teen and through my 20s. Only in my late 30s did I start having sexual urges. But I hear that is common for women. I think high levels of estrogen kill sex drive. I know some women don't take birth control pills for that reason. I've never taken the Pill, but when I was younger I probably had pretty high levels of estrogen.
Ohh my gosh. I just looked up high estrogen symptoms. I had them all except fluid retention! No wonder I loved menopause!

Beth I hated that peoples first impression of me was sexual. I wanted to be known for my wit and smarts. Instead I got dismissed at first. Then when they listened to me they were so surprised. Gaining weight on AP was actually a relief in many ways. When I was manic I acted on it but then when I crashed the guys were all wanting more and I was not interested.

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Default Nov 05, 2022 at 08:52 PM
  #9
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Originally Posted by Nammu View Post
....

Beth I hated that peoples first impression of me was sexual. I wanted to be known for my wit and smarts. Instead I got dismissed at first. Then when they listened to me they were so surprised. Gaining weight on AP was actually a relief in many ways. When I was manic I acted on it but then when I crashed the guys were all wanting more and I was not interested.

Ooooh, I sure do understand that, Nammu! When my older sisters would ask me (tell me) about needing to be more of a flirt I didn't know how to explain to them that I wanted to be taken seriously, for my intelligence. But none of that. I was 5'6" and built like a model. And cute. And guys (and some girls, even straight ones) gave me a lot of attention. More than I wanted, oftentimes, and for the wrong reason. Except I was incredibly naive; I thought people perceived the "real me" and appreciated that me -

until I was on Seroquel for years and gained weight. Suddenly, doors were dropped in my face and men looked through me like I was invisible (except tattoo artists, who appreciate people for their skin, not for their weight).

Then - OH! - I understood why I had received SO MUCH attention all those years. It hurt, that recognition. It still hurts. Burns. It still hurts because at age almost-60 I am still attractive, stylish, friendly, and DO have a strong sex drive. I haven't made peace with it all, yet. Work in progress.

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Red face Nov 05, 2022 at 09:11 PM
  #10
I am pretty much asexual. Hubby is not interested,
because of my weight gain I think

and he was not able to perform last time we tried

and I laughed which was a terrible thing to do.
I am embarrassed to say.
Last night any ways, I went to fat pats for a few

beers and started talking to this man beside me.

Troy was handsome and I listened to him talk a lot

about his prior service as a navy seal. really impressive.
he bought me a couple of pickle vodka shots and
I listened to him talk my ear off...
I thought to myself This is a man I could have an

affair with. He looked alot like a movie star....
I can't believe I thought that.
He got up to use the rest room and fell over a chair.

and came back to sit down and regain his composure.
He went again to use the restroom and made it with
out falling again. Every one was concerned for
his safety.. It is hard to believe that he did not hurt himself.
wonder if he came back for the game today?
he is a big LSU fan.
bizi

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Default Nov 05, 2022 at 11:09 PM
  #11
I was hyper sexual as a preteen-teen. Then I had my son, meds took away my sex drive. Hell i remember crying to my therapist that I may not love h because I'm no longer sexual that was like 80% of our relationship before. He still finds me attractive even when I put on 75 lbs. So it's hard.

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Default Nov 06, 2022 at 02:25 AM
  #12
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Originally Posted by bizi View Post
I am pretty much asexual. Hubby is not interested,
because of my weight gain I think

and he was not able to perform last time we tried

and I laughed which was a terrible thing to do.
I am embarrassed to say.
Last night any ways, I went to fat pats for a few

beers and started talking to this man beside me.

Troy was handsome and I listened to him talk a lot

about his prior service as a navy seal. really impressive.
he bought me a couple of pickle vodka shots and
I listened to him talk my ear off...
I thought to myself This is a man I could have an

affair with. He looked alot like a movie star....
I can't believe I thought that.
He got up to use the rest room and fell over a chair.

and came back to sit down and regain his composure.
He went again to use the restroom and made it with
out falling again. Every one was concerned for
his safety.. It is hard to believe that he did not hurt himself.
wonder if he came back for the game today?
he is a big LSU fan.
bizi

I understand, and I don't blame you one bit. Before Seroquel I had 3 affairs. David and I were sexually very compatible. But then he started spending time working with his books, out in the garages of 2 places we lived (we've had a book business for many years). The kids were 9 and 12. And no matter what, I took excellent care of them and always did. David stopped coming to eat dinner with the three of us, which broke my heart. I just wanted a family, nothing else in the world. Then he stopped coming to bed until nearly dawn. He'd awaken me from a sound sleep and want to have sex. Well, I had to get up early so I'd say leave me alone. Things really went downhill. I begged and begged him to go to therapy with me (I'd been in therapy myself for several years). He flatly refused. He refused to change. He refused to be a part of our family anymore. He went to work and came home to work with his books.

Then I started meeting guys. The first one was a "secret," a very brief affair. By the time of the second one I was totally open with David...I told him I was desperate for some attention, love, etc. and that I had met a man I had really fallen for. God, I was madly in love. David just looked at me. The kids were teens by then. I had a relationship with that man for 3 years and enjoyed every minute of it...I was so truly in love with him; we were so compatible in every way. I broke it off when he asked me to move to a different city with him. To this day I love him, even though I've spoken with him only once in many years.

The third guy I met I wasn't madly attracted to, but David was so indifferent and so took me for granted. By then both David and I, our parents were dead. Extended family was more or less out of the picture. But we definitely didn't want to divorce.

Well, that guy and I had a ton of fun together for 2 years. We worked together, I met loads of new people, and the man was a romantic and so attentive to me. He appreciated me. He made me feel loved. Adored, really. He did things that David had never once done, such as bring me flowers and take me to dinner.

So, David and I, our marriage was a mess and at that point David had the opportunity to move into his parents' former house, the house he'd grown up in. He did that and I moved in with the guy I'd been seeing. My daughter was 18, my son 15. When the guy and I moved in together the fun fell apart. He had been an alcoholic, but had stopped drinking. But, he returned to heavy drinking. I was beside myself. The whole thing dragged on and on.

Some years passed and some things happened. The man began using heavy drugs. First it was crank, then meth. He became very, very hostile toward me. I didn't realize it when he began using heroin. I started finding syringes around the outside of the house, then I found a brick (of heroin) in the freezer. I was lost. Dude was absolutely hateful toward me because he was so strung out. Out of his mind. Batshite crazy.

Things got weird and weirder. Then there was a home invasion. Dude owed some people who didn't like being owed. I was damned lucky to safely get myself, my cats, my rat, and the few possessions I could stuff into my car within less than an hour and out of there. I lost just about everything I'd owned. And that's how I ended up where I am, in this town, living 1 mile from David. I had to quit the job I loved and had worked at for almost 15 years, because of the long commute.

What a Godawful mess. Anyway, a couple of years later J. cleaned up and was diagnosed with bipolar disorder (NO surprise). I'm glad, because he did get on meds and I hear through a friend he's doing well.

And now...here I am. I'm sorry for this lonnng post, and for straying from my OP. But my own sexuality does figure into it all. That passion, that fire. Wanting to be wanted and wanting.

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Default Nov 06, 2022 at 02:29 AM
  #13
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I was hyper sexual as a preteen-teen. Then I had my son, meds took away my sex drive. Hell i remember crying to my therapist that I may not love h because I'm no longer sexual that was like 80% of our relationship before. He still finds me attractive even when I put on 75 lbs. So it's hard.

I wonder if meds kill much of the sex drives mentioned on this thread.

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Default Nov 07, 2022 at 02:17 PM
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I wonder if meds kill much of the sex drives mentioned on this thread.
I find that on meds my sex drive is the same (well, lower than (hypo)manic levels when they work), but ability to climax is near impossible which is frustrating, but again my drive is pretty low to begin with so it's not the worst thing in the world.

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Default Nov 07, 2022 at 07:29 PM
  #15
Beth,

I will turn 52 this month and low sex drive is currently on my mind as a negative. I think it is a combination of meds and unsatisfying relationships which I am not currently ready to break off because both men treat me well (it is a rather complicated story: one man knows about the other, but not vice versa). I have had men treat me horribly in the past AND I was not able to walk away, and now is the reverse situation in that they treat me well and I want out. I sometimes worry that there is something in my psychology due to upbringing, child and adolescent trauma, etc., that makes me feel attracted and attached to narcissists. But I am going off on a tangent. To your OP:

I had long periods of being hypersexual in thought/fantasy, but I did not act on it. Yes, hypomania and mania contributed. I am also a chronic migraneur (thanks god with medications it is almost a thing of the past, but I used to have pain of such level that I wished to run away from my body, and it would last for days each time). I have read that migraines are associated with a higher sex drive. And bipolar and migraines are so often comorbid. So I think neurologically there is definitely something about the combo of bipolar, migraines, and hypersexuality.

I miss hypersexuality. My last episode was exactly a year ago. At that time I went on Vraylar and somehow it was not killing my sex drive at all and I was thinking sexual thoughts literally non-stop. I also stopped sleeping (not sleeping at all) so I had to kill it off with Zyprexa. I stopped Vraylar, restarted Zyprexa and was sleeping within a day or max two, but it also killed the hypersexual ideation.

I like how you write about it: electrical energy, inspire self and others. I like all of that. I miss that. Damn.

I am able to climax from clitoral orgasms now, so that is nice, but it happens without any sexual ideation. I can just think my regular thoughts and climax, with hands or an external vibrator (I just recently, at age 51, learned to use vibrators, so I am in a land if discovery now). I wanted that, to have orgasms without sexual thoughts, because that is how I started having orgasms at age 19 (I was a very late bloomer), so I am glad this is happening and am thankful, but I miss the electrical current of attraction etc. I do miss it. Thanks for the post.
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Default Nov 07, 2022 at 07:42 PM
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I find that on meds my sex drive is the same (well, lower than (hypo)manic levels when they work), but ability to climax is near impossible which is frustrating, but again my drive is pretty low to begin with so it's not the worst thing in the world.

Oh, the ability to climax for both women and men who are on psych meds is such a huge problem. I know a load of people who refuse to be on meds they need because of that problem. I mean, psych meds are really a joke. They help, usually, but then they so fu*k you up physically that it causes depression and makes people isolate. *clap*clap*clap*

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Default Nov 07, 2022 at 07:43 PM
  #17
Risperdal made me unable to climax and have *any* lubrication. It also caused depression. I am never going back on it.
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Default Nov 07, 2022 at 07:48 PM
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Oh, the ability to climax for both women and men who are on psych meds is such a huge problem. I know a load of people who refuse to be on meds they need because of that problem. I mean, psych meds are really a joke. They help, usually, but then they so fu*k you up physically that it causes depression and makes people isolate. *clap*clap*clap*
Yeah, I've definitely had this problem when I was on more psych meds!

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Default Nov 07, 2022 at 07:52 PM
  #19
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Definitely not a pervert. I’ll be the exception to most the other replies. My drive is similar. It doesn’t matter if I’m depressed (not getting out of bed depressed, aside) or manic or what med cocktail I’m on, it’s always there and always on. If I’m manic it can become a problem; hypomanic just supercharged.

I have another “problem” if you should call it that. I’m bi and I try really hard not to be the bi cliché everyone has in their heads. I have no preference that leans to either side and that coupled with high drive means monogamy is not my preference. I will say that if I know I’m in an episode or unstable in any way I avoid acting on it.

Thank you for your reply, Random - and welcome to the forum! I see you're up north - there are only a very, very few of us on PST here I think the only mind state that will destroy my sense of sexuality is severe anxiety/worry. But that kills my appetite, my creativity, and about everything else I am.

I have never had a bona-fide sexual relationship with a woman, but at one point in my life I was deeply in love with a woman, and she with me. I have many times when I very much regret having left her. She used to ask a mutual friend about me for years after I left her. Every time he told me she'd asked after me my heart ached.

What is a "bi cliche" to you?

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Default Nov 07, 2022 at 07:59 PM
  #20
A comparative study of sexual dysfunction involving risperidone, quetiapine, and olanzapine - PMC a very high level of sexual side effects across the board.

Interestingly, Vralyar has no reported sexual side effects. Maybe that is why I went back to my baseline hypersexual ideation when I was on Vraylar.

Latuda has sexual side effects.
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My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.