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Default Nov 20, 2022 at 04:57 PM
  #101
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Originally Posted by Mountaindewed View Post
...turned on the news and heard about the shooting at the LGBTQ bar and night club in Colorado....

I was so sad to hear about it. Enough. Enough.

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Default Nov 20, 2022 at 05:05 PM
  #102
I'm sending you a hug @Blue_Bird. I am so, so sorry you've lost your mom. My own mom passed 17 years ago. I was 42 and very busy with work and teenagers at the time. Of course I was sad when she died, but now is when I am really missing her. The holidays are terribly lonely (David's parents are gone, too). All the festive holidays of past years are gone. This time of the year seems to bring up a ton of grief, it's like tearing open a wound.

Anyway. You are not alone

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Default Nov 20, 2022 at 05:15 PM
  #103
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I can’t get the Walmart apt thing straightened out. Years ago I ordered something for mum and used her credit card and name but my email since she didn’t have one. Now it insists that I’m my mother and I can’t get the name and credit card info to change. So Wally’s world is in store only. That’s ok. I don’t work any more so I can go at slower times. I just ovoid going on weekends, sometimes I forget tho, and the mega amount of cars reminds me. I figure I can run over there when I drop mum off for PT on Monday.

Mulled wine is so soft and comforting isn’t it? I’m just trying to figure out how to transport it. Thinking of adding a food funnel to the Walmart list and put it back into the bottle. One bottle is all we’ll need cause only a couple people drink, it’s nice that our family can just enjoy a drink without all the drama I hear about when families drink to excess.

Today is much warmer, 32F. 😃

Well, that can be a problem with having things delivered. And it's very annoying.

32 is substantially improved. For pete's sake.

Actually, I don't think I've ever tasted mulled wine, only mulled apple cider. I've almost never drank alcohol because I can't stand that taste. Once a Wiccan friend did give me a bottle she called "something" wine, for a certain holiday. Well, it tasted just delicious! Like liquid honey. No burn. So I drank a small glass. And began to hallucinate. I was very happy, like a happy awake-dream! Turned out the "wine" had wormwood in it, which of course causes a psychedelic trip. It wasn't bad, fortunately, but not my thing. So the wormwood wine got poured down the sink

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Default Nov 20, 2022 at 05:26 PM
  #104
Oo I’d like to try that. Now that I’m back in a small Midwest town I don’t know any Wiccan folks. Actually I don’t know anyone outside of the folks at the Y. None of the people I knew from hs live around here. This would be a dying town if it wasn’t for the immigrants that have moved here.

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Default Nov 20, 2022 at 05:39 PM
  #105


FURIOUS!!!!! For the second time this week Amazon has delivered an EMPTY bag! I wait 2 darn days and the bag is tossed at my door, obviously open, not a thing inside! This time I caught the driver and bawled him out. I said You can see this bag is empty, why did you leave it at my door and mark it as delivered?! He checked his truck, of course- nothing. I called Amazon, dah, dah, dah. "We'll deliver it tomorrow." Deliver what - another empty bag? Oh, I am SO angry!!!

Nothing to do but take some deep breaths and accept that I am powerless over the situation.

*breathe*

When is February, how many days? Pitchers and catchers (baseball) report the third week of February and that means spring. Not dark so early. I am so done with this. Yesterday I saw the sun outside of my window and it was a full sun. The screen diffused it some. I stared at it, just stared right at it. I could not look away. I felt like I was looking at the face of God. I felt like I was saved for all eternity. I just stared and absorbed the light. Finally, I made myself look away, but I did feel lighter afterwards. For the rest of the day I saw a light pink spot everywhere I looked, so I guess I burned my retina bit, but I didn't care, it was as though I was carrying a piece of that sun with me all day. (After I slept the pink dot went away. No worries.)

The sky has been very blue lately and the sun higher and brighter in the afternoon. I have not left my apartment for 2 weeks as of tomorrow, except to get the mail and once to do laundry in the laundry room. That's sick, not to leave my apartment like that. I'm going to go to the grocery store after I write this. I have a therapy appointment tomorrow (if she decides to toodle into work).

It's possible that the Topomax may be kicking in some, maybe?? The depression seems to be slightly decreased. At least, less intense. For example, going to the store seems doable, which is HUGE.

Bipolar check-in #71

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Default Nov 20, 2022 at 05:42 PM
  #106
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Oo I’d like to try that. Now that I’m back in a small Midwest town I don’t know any Wiccan folks. Actually I don’t know anyone outside of the folks at the Y. None of the people I knew from hs live around here. This would be a dying town if it wasn’t for the immigrants that have moved here.

Ugh, there are Wiccans a-plenty here. Oh, that's not very nice. I'm glad we have Wiccans. I am. Actually, a couple of years ago I went to a Wiccan friend's hand-fasting ceremony and it was absolutely beautiful!

What kind of immigrants, Nammu, from where?

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Default Nov 20, 2022 at 06:10 PM
  #107
We. Have a lot of Nigerians, Asians and a small Mexican population now. Their are 41 non-English languages spoken at the High school. The white population here is aging out.

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Default Nov 20, 2022 at 07:32 PM
  #108
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We. Have a lot of Nigerians, Asians and a small Mexican population now. Their are 41 non-English languages spoken at the High school. The white population here is aging out.

How interesting! The city I come from, Sacramento, is one of the most diverse in the nation. That said, I grew up in a secluded suburban neighborhood that was all white, with exactly one exception - one black family. None of us even thought of the black family as "different" because we didn't even know what "different" was.

When I went to high school we were "bused into" (what a term) an urban high school in the center of a black ghetto. A real city school. Large, multi-cultural, all sorts of religions, sexual preferences, economic situations - and whites were the minority. I loved it. I was fascinated by all the richness, the opportunity to learn about so many types of people. The most wonderful part of it was that I never once witnessed any issues between cultural groups.

I knew a guy online some years ago, he lived in a middle state (Idaho, maybe?). He had never seen someone of Asian ancestry. Never. He was so curious.

Anyway - wormwood, as you may know, is one of the key ingredients of real (original) absinthe, along with thujone, and other herbs. Interestingly, wormwood smells wonderful and makes a nice addition to essential oil, body butter, lotion, etc. Wormwood is one of the herbs in absinthe that causes the green hue.

Bipolar check-in #71

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Default Nov 20, 2022 at 09:09 PM
  #109
We get a lot of Massholes here :P
and French Canadians

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Default Nov 20, 2022 at 10:26 PM
  #110
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I'm sorry, I had to do my reply to you in2 parts because the first one wouldn't format right @BeyondtheRainbow.

You and your mom living so close is really nice.

The waiting...waiting for any medical thing is always the hard part for me, too. I could go through anything with myself or with a pet (harder with a pet) if I just didn't have to wait. I realize it may not be much, but please know that I and we are here for you. Please PM and post, post, post as much as you need to

Thanks Beth. I spent the entire day in my pajamas. I had a migraine and I took a nap to get rid of it. I made pasta for supper and took a shower and that's about all I did all day except relax. I really needed a day like that. It is so cold I was glad to not leave my house. Right now it is 16 degrees out there.


You're right, it is harder with a pet. I had to wait a few weeks to get Abbycat in for her asthma diagnosis and that was stressful. Poor cat and I couldn't help her.

9 more days and this will all be over.

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Default Nov 20, 2022 at 10:39 PM
  #111
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I'm home! My Abbycat is starting to belive it's real. (I live across the driveway from my mom so I go back and forth between the 2 houses when I'm pet sitting.


The fish did not die on my watch!

I'm suddenly feeling anxiety about my biopsy, which is on the 29th. I'm still ok with it and know it's just a little procedure and I may feel a little bad for a day or two for no reason anyone can come up with.


For whatever reason I feel rather sure that I'll be having another surgical biopsy. I'm even ok with that.

What I'm anxious about is just the waiting. First I wait another 10 days and then another few days (can't remember how many) for pathology. That time between test and result is rough and now that I have the pre-cancerous cell history it will be that much harder.

I'm hoping to be able to pick up my Emsam that day and keep worrying about the logistics of that. (Same hospital, connected but separate buildings somewhat far apart). We use valet parking because it is actually cheaper so I think when my biopsy is over I'll have to walk over to my pdoc's building and then back to the building where my test is. Not sure what else to do. I just hope I feel well enough. I may wind up driving up this week to get the Emsam when it arrives (if it arrives) but I'd really rather avoid a 5 hour trip if I can.

One thing at a time...


It's ok. I will be fine. I can touch a chicken. (I'm scared of birds). I can do this too.

I’m sorry your having to go through another biopsy. Unfortunately that’s part of your life now it seems. We will continue our prayers

I bet Abby is thrilled to have you back home !!

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Default Nov 20, 2022 at 10:48 PM
  #112
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We got our first snows of the season the day before yesterday and last night. Not a lot, but it was still nice to see. Today I have the house to myself for much of the day, as Hubby is meeting his friend at our new property.

I've had several doctors appointments lately and all kinds of things seem wrong with me. I fear I might have or be close to having diabetes type 2. The GP ordered further testing. My thyroid functioning is low again, so I'm now taking my Synthroid the way I'm SUPPOSED to, despite it working out OK for years. I had 14 days of non-stop period, but I think it's finally stopped, but only because my new gynecologist prescribed a hormone medication. I have to go back for the pap smear. I've had longer ones up to 23 days in the past (and irregularities for a few years) and am not yet dead, so I assume it isn't anything THAT bad. I don't know what's wrong. I think something more than just ovarian cysts, which I've had for years. He told me to go for a mammogram soon, but I don't expect any problem with that. She won't prescribe my Synthroid, but is rather sending me to an endocrinologist. Hassle! She also wants me to see a nephrologist again, because of my kidney functioning. Hopefully nothing worse is up than the usual. I also need to see an ENT, as my hearing has been poor for a while, and worsened this past week. It's clearly an issue I've had several times in the past. Hopefully the ENT can do what past ones did, which brings immediate relief, and lasts usually for three years. I've also had GI issues for a long while. Hopefully they are more stress-related than anything. Maybe IBS? Who knows! My first psychiatrist appointment isn't until early February. I do not yet have a therapist. Hubby has also been referred to other doctors and ordered to get more tests. I just hate having all of these doctors. It's overwhelming! I'm also notably depressed, surely because of countless stressors. I've been hiding in bed or on the couch under comforters. Yesterday my stomach was upset, I think because of the hormone pills, but today it seems better.

I've called my brother much more often than in the past. It is what it is. He's fighting. He still voices that I need not come. I don't feel psychologically ready. Yet, about a month ago my nephew sent me an email begging me to. I responded that "it's not yet the right time", but that I will come when it is. I haven't heard from him since.

It may all seem unbelievable, I know. I'm just hoping a lot of my (and Hubby's) medical issues aren't nearly as concerning as I fear. That the sun will come out (it was foggy for several days until yesterday) and much of it will be gone. I try to cope by meditating on "nothingness/void" (śūnyatā), in the meantime, like Buddhists. I don't write/say anything about my woes to anyone in my family other than my husband. They have even worse things going on. But if I do get diagnosed with diabetes, I'll ask my sister for advice. She has it and is now controlling it quite well.

I know the feeling of struggling with multiple health problems. It can be so overwhelming. Did some alone time help at all ?!

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Default Nov 20, 2022 at 11:02 PM
  #113
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I totally agree! And I think it's good to have someone besides my husband in the house. I've been thinking about a cat this time around, but Hubby still leans towards parrots. Yes, I would love whatever kind of pet. Do you think Gus is a little jealous?

When I adopted new pets I never thought I was replacing the old one. Just, as you wrote, giving love to a new pet in need. Your Maddie needs you, and I know you and your husband need her. A while back, Bp Magazine had a full article on the role pets play in helping us folks with bipolar disorder.

I do think getting into our own home will help and allow me to finally work on integrating into this new culture. It's possible we could be in by February. We may even consider moving in when things are almost, but not quite done.

Yes Gus isn’t all that thrilled today lol they will work it out tho.

Here’s hoping you can get moved in February into your own home as I know that will make a huge change for the better! Your renting and now Air B and B would destabilize me no doubt. I remember our 8 months in Florida had me a mess . Everything was “ off” if that makes sense.

My daughter has always been a dog and Bird lover but she leads a busy life so she adopted a cat and it’s a perfect fit for her. Her cat is a love bug.

No matter what you and your husband decide be it a fur or feather baby will bring you both joy !

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Default Nov 20, 2022 at 11:06 PM
  #114
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I think I’ve made that recipe! It is really good. I don’t make it now, RS hates cheese. I’ve gotten used to making dishes without cheese but when we’re out I still get my cheese!

Wait ! what ?!!! I thought RS was almost perfect but ….. he doesn’t like cheese ?!! LOL

I literally can’t imagine not having cheese in my life.

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Default Nov 20, 2022 at 11:36 PM
  #115
I've heard more news on that shooting @Mountaindewed. So many lives lost. The bartender. I dunno, that really bothered me. btw- I didn't mean "Enough. Enough" toward you. I meant enough of the hatred and violence against the LGBTQetc. community. It just goes on and on. The shooter is being charged with a hate crime, at least.

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Default Nov 20, 2022 at 11:41 PM
  #116
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We get a lot of Massholes here :P
and French Canadians

I met a French Canadian in Paris in a laundromat! I'd never met one before in my life. She was so friendly. I was figuring out how to work the washing machine and she said, "I like to use a lot of soap" so she dumped a shiteload of laundry soap onto my small load of clothes. It was amusing. The clothes did come out smelling very nice

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Default Nov 20, 2022 at 11:43 PM
  #117
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Thanks Beth. I spent the entire day in my pajamas. I had a migraine and I took a nap to get rid of it. I made pasta for supper and took a shower and that's about all I did all day except relax. I really needed a day like that. It is so cold I was glad to not leave my house. Right now it is 16 degrees out there.

You're right, it is harder with a pet. I had to wait a few weeks to get Abbycat in for her asthma diagnosis and that was stressful. Poor cat and I couldn't help her.

9 more days and this will all be over.

I'm glad you rested 16 degrees is just wrong. Is there snow?

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Default Nov 20, 2022 at 11:56 PM
  #118
I did go to the grocery store. I asked my car if it remembered how to drive, it's been so long. When I was pulling out of the parking lot the sun was shining and sparkling in on me through the windshield and Neil Young came on the radio and for that moment I was in paradise.

Tonight I've been terribly anxious. Like every tiny noise just sends me into a state of near panic. I don't know, I'm just crazy. It's sad, but if I never have a grandchild it's probably just as well because it seems like a lot of grandchildren come out like their grandparents. I would hate for a kid to suffer the way I do in life. Honestly, I think I need a low dose AP. But med dork will say Well you've tried several of them and none have really worked ... Yes! But that was at a different time of the year and I was maybe dealing with a different overall mood state, med dipshite. Dude doesn't seem to understand that "bipolar disorder" means I don't stay exactly the same 12 months/year. In fact, the mood states are fairly predictable.

Bipolar check-in #71

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Default Nov 21, 2022 at 05:51 AM
  #119
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I know the feeling of struggling with multiple health problems. It can be so overwhelming. Did some alone time help at all ?!

Hugs I’m here if you need an ear

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Hi Christina. Yes, I liked the little bit of alone time, but it was also nice to see my husband when he returned in the early evening.

I figured Gus might be a little jealous. I hope he adjusts to Maddie soon.

Several years back I had a period with multiple psych and physical issues. You're right, it is awful. I remember after getting past a lot of them it was a huge relief. It sucks to be back to that old place! I was happy when Steve got past that particularly horrible time a while back. I hope he doesn't head there again. I also hope your pain eases and you find some peace in life with Steve and your fur babies.

I'm leaning towards a cat for the same reason you mentioned your daughter said. I yearn for a pet that might be a bit more independent, yet still likes to cuddle. Parrots are higher maintenance, for sure, yet they are wonderful. Both can be slightly destructive, but oh how we forgive a lot of pet behavior!

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Default Nov 21, 2022 at 05:59 AM
  #120
Hopefully I'll learn what the deal is with my health (and Hubby's health) sometime this month. We need another set of blood tests done soon. I don't expect anything amiss with a mammogram I need. No matter what, we'll deal with it. If I must change my diet more, I'll do it. Though I often need a big fire under my tush, once I do I tend to be dedicated. In the past I wasn't quite "over the edge" like I fear I might be (possible diabetes). I think if I am I will mean business about diet adjustments. It sucks that our medications make us so vulnerable! Also a family history of illnesses like diabetes type 2 and heart related problems. It sucks that I already have kidney damage from lithium, to boot. I think if it's not a person's "wonder drug", they might be best on a different med.

I confess that I really like my sweets, but at least I'm OK with sugar substitutes. I suppose I could go that route again, diabetes yet or not.

My period finally stopped, but probably because of the medication I was prescribed. We'll see what the problem is. My past two gynecologists didn't make a big deal about it. Negligence or were they right not to? I guess we've all had some alarmist doctors and some the opposite.

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My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.