Bipolar check-in #71

Oo my solar red cardinals are lit up. I wasn’t sure they had enough time to soak up enough energy to light up tonight. We have the wreath on a timer and the birds are solar as are the little reindeer solar lights. It was great having such a nice warm day to put it together. It got up to 48F today! I’m tempted to go down and get my angels.

I enjoyed my Thanksgiving dinner last night. I saw some people I haven't seen since the transition and they were totally cool with me. They said I looked great. There was no mixup with names or pronouns. I was able to ditch the hat with this new haircut. I went out shopping this morning and I didn't have my hat on and I have never gone without my hat during my entire transition. I've worn it everywhere since June 2020. It really is a big deal for me to go into stores without it. I went to my normal homestate stores that I stop at every time I visit. Then we went to lunch and then checked into the second hotel. I feel pretty decent.

Although the first thing my aunt asked me was "are you looking for a job?" Which I found to be a kind of rude first question. I had talked to my last therapist about the guilt I felt about not working for 2 years and she told me not to feel guilty because I had legit stuff that kept happening that prevented me from going back to work.

Idk. I found it rude. Then my aunt gave me $7 pumpkin butter for no reason.

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Originally Posted by Nammu Oo my solar red cardinals are lit up. I wasn’t sure they had enough time to soak up enough energy to light up tonight. We have the wreath on a timer and the birds are solar as are the little reindeer solar lights. It was great having such a nice warm day to put it together. It got up to 48F today! I’m tempted to go down and get my angels.

Those cardinals must be beautiful! I think I've seen reindeer solar lights, if so, they're adorable. And 48 - not bad, at all.

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Originally Posted by Mountaindewed I enjoyed my Thanksgiving dinner last night. I saw some people I haven't seen since the transition and they were totally cool with me. They said I looked great. There was no mixup with names or pronouns. I was able to ditch the hat with this new haircut. I went out shopping this morning and I didn't have my hat on and I have never gone without my hat during my entire transition. I've worn it everywhere since June 2020. It really is a big deal for me to go into stores without it. I went to my normal homestate stores that I stop at every time I visit. Then we went to lunch and then checked into the second hotel. I feel pretty decent. Although the first thing my aunt asked me was "are you looking for a job?" Which I found to be a kind of rude first question. I had talked to my last therapist about the guilt I felt about not working for 2 years and she told me not to feel guilty because I had legit stuff that kept happening that prevented me from going back to work. Idk. I found it rude. Then my aunt gave me $7 pumpkin butter for no reason.

That is so excellent, Md. Success!

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Originally Posted by Nammu @Beth ;. Ooo I hope that works out. It’s not just the physical benefit but also for the social benefits. I don’t know if this is true everywhere but here it’s very accepting of differences. I just wish the senior center here had mahjong. I did that in Texas and loved the game. Here though I just saw they have a rummy 500 game which I used to play ages ago. I need to stop by and find out when. I miss games.

The center here does have Mah Jong, a couple of afternoons a week. They have a bunch of games, but I'm not much for games. I remember that my mom used to talk about how she loved to play Mah Jong with her friends in NY.

Would it be possible for you to suggest it, or to actually start a Mah Jong group?

How wonderful that your holiday went so well @wildflowerchild25! That must be a terrific feeling. And HURRAY for the nice psych nurse Remember that even if you were on Abilify and it didn't work out, meds are so random. One that didn't work in the past may just be "the one" that works now.

Thank you for the movie recommendation. I do have Amazon Prime and will definitely check out Bathroom Walls.

I don’t think there’d be much interest and I’ve a sneaky suspicion that the Hardy long wearing set are quite expensive. I’ve not gone yet and I need to start by joining what’s available. I am interested in the rummy and the woodcarving but the woodcarving is so early in the morning. It is really dependent on mum’s PT schedule. They have bridge too but I never learned to play that. The senior center in Texas had a ton of games. Very big center though, this one is tiny.

Today I rearranged my bedroom. I pushed my bed back against the wall. I had it with only the head part against the wall for the past year and I never felt comfortable that way. I feel safer with the wall next to me. So I did a bunch of cleaning and as she always does, my darling kitty Sidney helped me out.

I had a sweet chat with my son, N2, yesterday and my daughter, N1, called David. She's doing very well in NYC, but continues to refuse contact with not only me, but with everyone else in both my family or his (she does have some contact with her brother, thankfully). A woman 37 years old who, all of her life, was given only adoration and love by everyone from both sides of the family. What truly breaks my heart is that my sister, my daughter's aunt, her champion who had held her as precious since forever, asks and asks about her niece. Well, my sister's dementia is worsening. It will be sickening if N1 doesn't see fit to contact her aunt before she is profoundly "gone." It's been 5 years and to this day, no one knows what the heck is wrong. I hold myself together pretty well, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't cry every single day. I'm so nervous about my 60th b-day, knowing I won't hear from my daughter who, for 32 years, was my very best bud.

I'm pretty sure the increase in Topomax is helping to alleviate my depression and with that decrease, my anxiety isn't quite as severe. It seems there's less of a mixed state...a feeling of being more stable and "in the middle." Oh, my gratitude!

UG, it's dark already. But I can't complain; we had a lovely afternoon. The orange tree outside of my kitchen window is already showing oranges.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu I don’t think there’d be much interest and I’ve a sneaky suspicion that the Hardy long wearing set are quite expensive. I’ve not gone yet and I need to start by joining what’s available. I am interested in the rummy and the woodcarving but the woodcarving is so early in the morning. It is really dependent on mum’s PT schedule. They have bridge too but I never learned to play that. The senior center in Texas had a ton of games. Very big center though, this one is tiny.

The center here is large. There are a lot of old people in town, lol. Well, active ones, anyway. The woodcarving here is in the afternoon - and 3 times/week! I had always thought of trying woodcarving, but for some reason it doesn't intrigue me anymore. I'm just so interested in aqua fitness. Do you know what on earth pickle ball is?

Pickle ball is the latest fad. Remember a couple of decades ago squash was all the rage, now it’s pickle ball. It uses a tennis court but a paddle instead of a racket. And a whiffle ball. Mostly played with 4 people it’s supposed to replace tennis and be easier to play.

Hello! I’ve been away receiving treatment for depression for brother’s death. In the end it became too much for me to handle on my own. I’ve been in a great program that has helped tremendously. Thanksgiving was tough as that was his favorite day but we managed. We went to a gathering of 25 people with tons of good food (away from the house) and had a good time. My daughter is in for a few days so that is nice.

I hope that everyone who celebrates Thanksgiving had a good one.

I hope everyone has a peaceful day. Much love

I heard about the Walmart shooter on the news last night and how he claimed in his note that people were laughing at him and making a mockery and stuff. Then I read online today that he was an overnight shift team leader and a pretty big jerk and kinda delusional. So I'm guessing he was probably just an asshole to his team. I've dealt with that before with jerk managers, and yeah the best way to deal with the stress of it all, is to just laugh it off with your coworkers. That 16 year old though...

Today is nice. Makes me a bit uncomfortable that people recognize me so easily tho. Today is small local stores Saturday. I went to the local book store looking for Minnesota authors. They have a huge section devoted to local and state authors. The woman there recognized me from when I ordered a large print book. They didn’t have who I was looking for so they’ll order it. Then at the grocery store the pharmacy tech recognized me and got mum’s meds before I even got to the counter! It’s sort of nice but I like to think I travel incognito . I’m nice to people, smile at them and exchange small talk but don’t think there’s anything that. Stands out. Unless it’s my smile, I’ve been told by numerous people that my smile lights me up. I think it’s at least 50F out there. Very nice.

We are home and I feel pretty decent. I got some grocery shopping done. I mostly just picked up some hard to find Gatorade flavors, and some hard candy for my hard cardy collection. I need to get bananas though. I'm mainly just tired right now even though I slept decently. I know my next step is the job searching.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed I heard about the Walmart shooter on the news last night and how he claimed in his note that people were laughing at him and making a mockery and stuff. Then I read online today that he was an overnight shift team leader and a pretty big jerk and kinda delusional. So I'm guessing he was probably just an asshole to his team. I've dealt with that before with jerk managers, and yeah the best way to deal with the stress of it all, is to just laugh it off with your coworkers. That 16 year old though...

The 16 year old really, really got to me.

A lovely afternoon - 70 degrees, so I have all the windows open. Now I'm going to look around a bit on Amazon and see if I can find a small book shelf that is very, very affordable. I need to clean the refrigerator but ugggh. I don't feel like doing it.

Welcome back Sunflower! I'm glad your treatment has been helping. You were missed.

Black Friday has been exactly what one would expect Black Friday to be sales wise. Busy as all get out, but great numbers!

I had two amazing bits of news from my bosses. One, for actual Black Friday, I netted over 60 phones sold with $1 commission per phone. That's for one day! Also, if I'm reading all of the numbers correctly, I'm closing out the month top of my market! Gotta be doing something right!

Mom and I went to a family get-together for Thanksgiving. My Dad, while invited, declined to go, but, ever one to bring the mood down, decided to offer some parting words about how I could stand to lose some weight (AFTER I mentioned I lost some weight), about how I'm taking advantage of him by not using some furniture he bought how he intended and how I need to look for a "better" job because the phone job is "bad" (for unspecified reasons). Fantastic. And all in form for him.

Sunday service with my Mom today. She wants me to be her ride home, which I'm happy to oblige. After service, I've got a National Theater production of Hedda Gabler queued up on my smart TV to watch. It stars Ruth Wilson, of "Luther" fame, as the title character. Should be good!

Sunday morning, praise the dawning...

A bit of The Velvet Underground to welcome the day. I watched an Andy Warhol doc last night. The last time I saw my sister alive was at a Warhol exhibit she and I attended together, along with several other family members. The gallery had gone all out with the exhibit, not only paintings, but replicating The Factory and my sis and I really got into it, playing around. There was a drag queen show; those guys were stunning! It was a fabulous last experience she and I had together.

Anyway, I guess our magnificent weather is on the fritz. Supposedly dropping from 70 down into the high 50's and rain (which I'll believe when I see it). I dunno. We so need the rain of course, but all I can do is count the weeks until February when blossoms start popping out and the days get a bit longer.

I've been sick for the past few days. I thought it was withdrawals (I had run out of benzos) I could hardly drag myself out of bed. Many trips to the bathroom Now I think it was a tummy bug in addition to the withdrawals (Papa bear now has the same symptoms).

We were going to celebrate Thanksgiving but didn't as I was sick and not hungry. And that is unusual for me

Too much time being bored and sick and too many negative thoughts.

Today is a bit better. I almost felt I was losing it the last couple of days. Running out of meds for two days hadn't caused that before. I did take seroquel for two nights and did not have a rash. So that's a positive!

LOVE to all