Could I be bipolar?

It's hard for me to post this thread. I'm not familiar with this particular forum. I've never identified as bipolar. But you might be able to help me.

All my life, I got diagnosed over and over with either dysthymia or major depressive disorder. I was assessed by a long series of doctors and therapists. There was one psychiatrist who saw me over a 6 year period. For 6 years, he wrote dysthymia on the paperwork he gave me. Then, one day, I was talking to him about something I was really upset over. I was in an excited state. Suddenly he said, "Why, Rose, I do think you're bipolar." He said it like it was a sudden revelation that surprised him, but that he felt quite confident in. I figured he was just annoyed with me because I was so upset. So I just blew off what he said.

I know I've long suffered from recurring episodes of depression. That's an observable fact. Right now, I'm coming out of a depressive tailspin. That's a good thing. But I'm so amped up, I can barely focus on anything I need to do. That often happens. I get to feeling so internally stirred up that I wish I could just stop thinking so feverishly. It makes me so disorganized that it's not much better than being depressed.

I wonder if anyone here can relate to any of this?

How do you slow down when you find yourself a bit too wired? Does medication actually help with that? Sometimes I think it's just lack of self-discipline. I seem to not really fit into any of the usual categories.

@Rose76 bipolar can have a lot of depression then another whole personality in mania can break through. If you find yourself changing and the meds not working as well, best to talk to your prescriber. @CANDC

The general rule of thumb is that hypo or mania last two weeks and not be caused by a physical illness or drugs. It’s not unusual that bipolar goes undiagnosed as most people in hypo or mania don’t see their doctor during an episode. They seek help for the depression. It is possible that the reason AD haven’t been successful is because bipolar need a mood stabilizer or AP. I can’t recall the site that gives a very good analyst of bipolar spectrum, but it is a spectrum. Maybe someone will chime in and remember the site.

Psych Education ? That's the best site I know when someone has questions like Rose's.

Thanks for each of your responses above. After that pdoc said I was bipolar, he declined to see me any more. He sent me a letter telling me that. (6 years of my time and money invested went down the drain. I had a good job and spent a lot on getting psych help beyond what insurance will pay for, not that any of it helped much.) A doctor can't just dump you without risking a charge of "patient abandonment." Because he knew I had an appointment scheduled with another pdoc, he was able to get away with cutting me off.

A subsequent pdoc told me that "bipolar disorder" was too heavy duty a diagnosis for me. He cited that I didn't have pressured speech. He suggested I might be "cyclothymic."

I'm aware of the "spectrum" paradigm. When I "get on a roll," as I call it, it can seem a lot like hypomania. I used to like feeling that way because I could get a lot done. People would ask me if I had taken extra vitamins. I could start a project and stay with it around the clock - like a marathon of effort that paid off. But I think lots of normal people do that from time to time. Now that I'm older, I get tired a lot easier - physically, but not mentally.

If you keep seeking help for recurring depression, they eventually throw everything in the book at you. I've been on every mood stabilizing drug you can think of: Depakote, lithium, Lamictal, Seroquel, Neurontin, benzos, etc, etc. None of them improved how I felt.

I've never had hypomania that lasted 2 weeks. Maybe 36 to 48 hours. And no one around me thought I was going through something that needed medical attention. Some have said I "over-think," or need to "slow down."

Thanks for that link. I'll check it out.

I take amitriptyline, which greatly reduced how long I stay in a depressed episode. I just take 50 mg each eve. Without it, I can't fall asleep normally. It really changed my life for the better. I've always been high-functioning. I just wish I was a lot less mentally agitated and mentally all over the place. At times I was put on Ritalin for depression. That mainly got my mind amped up, running in circles.

I guess I need to make a daily plan and just stick to it. I went to DBSA support groups. The meeting would break into 2 support groups - one for depressives and one for bipolars. The depressive group seemed so awfully subdued and low energy that I found them hard to relate to. So I tried the bipolar group. They seemed so ebullient and high-spirited that I felt out of place. I need more order in my life. I suppose there's no drug that will give me that . . . just better habits of living.

Hi @Rose76, I've seen you around the forum for quite a long time. With regard to your rotten pdoc, the first thing I'll share is that there are far too many psychiatrists/mental health providers who should not be working with living beings. Far too many.

That said, we need them to diagnose and prescribe (if we go that route). In the approximately 35-ish years I've been seeing pdocs I've seen about 30 or so (some for years, some for months). Out of that 30 or so I'll say that 6 were genuinely gifted at their work. Model psychiatrists. Most were mediocre, and about 4 were such power-tripping lunatics they should have had their licenses pulled.

Moving on.

As you likely know it's impossible for anyone to diagnose you except a mental health professional. Obviously, it's difficult for many of them to manage the job. Actually, if we knew you for a short period of time irl we could probably diagnose you as well as, or better than, a professional could. And we'd do it free of charge. But we can't prescribe meds, so, there's that.

I have found online testing for Do You Have Bipolar Disorder useless. It just doesn't catch the nuances, plus it's so hard to be entirely objective about our behaviors.

So forgive me if I missed this, but are you currently seeing a pdoc, is that who is prescribing the amitriptyline? If so, what does that one say about your dx?

I will mention a few things. I've been diagnosed with BD2 (one pdoc insisted BD1 and I've wondered about it at times, but she was the only pdoc to consider that dx - although she was also a very experienced and talented pdoc) since I was in my early 30's (I'll be 60 next month). And I have never really had "pressured speech." Even when amped up I am able to listen well and don't usually interrupt people. I've known others who have BD and don't have pressured speech, either. I think it's over-rated as a diagnostic criteria.

Has anyone ever mentioned mixed state BD to you, or are you familiar with it?

I find what you've mentioned about your experience with the groups really interesting. I would tend to feel more comfortable with the bipolar bunch. But who knows whether that's diagnosis or personality? Even when I'm as terribly depressed as I've been this month, though, I'd find the bipolar bunch easier to hang out with, probably because I tend to have mixed state BD. Even when miserably depressed I am energized inside.

Do you tend to have anxiety, severe anxiety? Sometimes very intense anxiety can be mistaken for anxiety when it is actually an aspect of bipolar disorder. Many people, and many pdocs!, don't know that.

When all is said and done, I do believe that successful treatment, whatever that turns out to be, takes priority over diagnosis.