Bipolar Check-in #72

Woke up in a horrible mood. Overwhelmed my whole day. Then went out and had panic attack at the store.

Ahhhh writing progress notes for work and enjoying decaf coffee with vanilla
Creamer. Yes.

That nightmare threw me off! It’s been an off day. I’m
Not quite so peppy but I didn’t sleep much and still
Happy

Been a rough couple of days so I took a break from the internet. I saw my new therapist today. She was nice enough. We have to develop a rapport obviously but she seems to really want to throw every resource at me she can to help me, which I found very kind and appreciate very much. She runs an IOP thats telehealth and I'm seriously considering joining. It may not be a bad idea, especially considering my moods fluctuate so much and it will also be documentation to show in my appeal for SS that I need a higher level of care.

Anyway, hope to write more later or tomorrow. Hope everyone is well.

My URI is no worse thankfully. My heart rate has gone down from 130-140’s back to 110-115 my fit bit is still alerting me but it’s not as constant. Had some GI upset earlier too.

Will I be able to stay on this med ? Not sure at this point. Going to take it day by day.

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Beth! I’m so sorry your home was flooded. Hope that can be cleared quite.

Gosh what a mess

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I'm having a particularly rough night tonight. I just can't settle down and sleep. All I wanted to do about 7 PM was sleep but once it was time to sleep I couldn't. I've even been up searching my house for my lab order for clozapine labs. The hospital has a copy so I can go there, I just wanted to go elsewhere b/c the hospital people don't wear gloves. Oh well. Maybe I can get a copy of the order from them while I'm there. I certainly don't know what I did with the one I had. I could have sworn it was on my TV stand but it is not. I had labs last when I was feeling terrible after my biopsy and so I suppose I could have done anything with it.

Then there is the Amazon return. My mom helped me with some cleaning and she's usually careful to not throw anything away but this probably looked like trash. Unfortunately it had the receipt in it. I apparently can take it to a UPS store but that's a pretty big extra trip. Which is fine. I'll survive. I just wanted to do the easy way.

I just can't make my brain turn off on those things. There is something else that is the real cause of all this but I don't want to talk about it here yet. I've just been anxious and sleep has been weird. Tonight is going to be a klonopin night. I hope I don't get too groggy; I have an appointment to donate blood tomorrow. Sometimes that's not the best idea when I'm tired but whatever. Blood was lost in the bad weather so they really need it even more than usual.


Time to give in and get the klonopin out.

This job thing is really stressing me out. I've been sleeping fine at night and sleeping in later then normal somedays. Yesterday I slept fine and then at 4AM I did an intense 25 minute workout. My mom needed to go to immediate care for some back pain she was concerned about. They did a urine test and told her to take advil and sent her on her way. When I went in for similar stuff at the same immediate care, it was the week of Thanksgiving during the RSV wave when they were incredibly busy. I got a pain med injection I didnt even have to ask for, an xray taken, and an EKG, and I'm 41 years younger then her. I don't get things sometimes.

Then she went out grocery shopping and got a ton of yogurt since I'm struggling like hell to eat anything but yogurt, bread, fish, and sometimes rice. It seems like an OCD thing more then a weight loss thing.

I looked around for a bit on indeed and google at jobs but I got too stressed out and I ended up falling asleep for 45 minutes around 12:30. I've been taking a lot of these stress related cat naps lately.

I slept pretty much fine last night. I fell asleep around 6 and I woke up at 1 something and then I got back to sleep for about 1.5 hours at 3:30.

I feel decent today besides still not being hungry except for yogurt and bread.

I slept alllll night! Woke up
I’m Same
Position with my cat still with me! Lol

I think sometimes you will find it’s due to your mums age that she was treated differently. They treat older people like they’re less worthy of their help sometimes. Just like the way they treat people with certain mental illnesses sometimes when they go in for physical issues.

I don't know if you drive or not but I started Door Dashing last month and make a couple of extra bucks to help with bills. After I got past my anxiety the first couple of times it was pretty nice. I can make $1050 before my ticket to work 9 months kick in that way I don't lose my social security.

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My mom told me this morning she hadn't taken any OTC stuff before she went. I had been taking tylenol and advil for awhile before I went. Also my blood pressure was high and my heart was beating a bit fast when the nurse checked it. So I'm not sure if any of that stuff had to do with why they seemed dismissive of my mom and not of me. She seems to be doing ok today. Or at least hiding it well.

Thanks. I don't drive though. I've seen door dashers riding bikes but I'm guessing you'd probably still need to know how to drive a car.

I submitted my poetry book in for review to be published on Amazon Kindle! It says it should be approved (or denied) within 72 hours. Also my mountain bike came in, I just have to assemble it. It's snowing!!! My case worker should be here soon.

On Monday, Pdoc said she would call me today to see how I’m doing on the lower dose of haldol but she hasn’t and they close in 3.5 hours- and so does the pharmacy. She had mentioned putting me on a new med on Monday, too.

@MuddyBoots, how exciting about your poetry book! Have fun with your new bike.

Sorry to read about peoples' flooding destruction. @Mountaindewed, my husband cried when some of his nostalgia items got ruined by a leak from the floor above, though his weren't as valuable, monetarily. Afterwards he bought several waterproof plastic storage boxes for stuff.

@HallIBETH, I hope you feel better soon.

@BeyondtheRainbow, I hope you get what you need worked out with the blood testing.

@~Christina, hopefully your bloodpressure will continue to improve.

@cool09@ panic attacks suck! Hopefully later will be better.

Hugs to anyone I missed and all.

I'm totally spent and overwhelmed. I meet my sister and nephew for dinner tonight at a restaurant. See my brother and dad tomorrow. Been mostly just in bed so far today. We might take a walk along the canal.

I hate that when they do that. They say it with every intention of following though but don’t make a note of it and then forget.

Yes! And sometimes she calls after hours so I really have no clue when she may call. Lo and behold she just called when I finished the previous sentence! We are stopping the haldol and cogentin- I told her that I’d quit the cogentin. She said that’s fine since it was for haldol side effects. She said we will wait on putting me on anything else for now. @*Beth* I still don’t know the name of the new med since we aren’t starting it right now. She said that I’m on enough other meds that stopping the Haldol shouldn’t be a problem. So I have to take the cogentin out of my blister packs every morning for the next 3 weeks until my blister packs need renewed. I am hopeful that this works to take me off haldol.

I’m glad she got back to you.

Well I slept all night for the first time in weeks. Haha

I got up around 6:30am. Dinner is almost readyn

@Soupe du jour luckily he had the collection insured. Now they have a stronger sump pump and also keep collectiables in storage bins or on high shelves.