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Default Jan 27, 2023 at 10:24 AM
  #721
You are not being b-itchy @Mountaindewed . I guess it all depends upon how your mom feels about taking care of the baby, but had your sister not wanted your mom to take you to your t session, that would have been just wrong.

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Default Jan 27, 2023 at 11:43 AM
  #722
What a last couple of years it has been. My sister passed away from bone cancer 01/04/20 my brother was shot and murdered 06/24/20 my wife passed away 11/18/21 then my real good buddy committed suicide last week and then I just found out that my cousin died yesterday.
I am finally starting to pull out of the haze I was in after my wife passed away cause she was my everything. It is nice to be able to think clearly, and even though I am depressed about my buddy and cousin I refuse to let it drag me back into the pits of hell. I don't know if this is the wrong way to handle this new grief or not, but I am going to shove those memories as far back as I can. Thanks for letting me vent.

I start on a new antidepressant today called Paxil and I am still on the lamictal working up the doses on it till I hit a therapeutic level.

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Default Jan 27, 2023 at 01:31 PM
  #723
My niece has been here since 6:45. My brother in law isn't even working. They had a pipe burst in their basement. So he is dealing with that. My mom and I are really hoping he can fix it so they don't all have to spend the night at our house since their water will be shut off.

I feel the same as normal. The fun game of is it physical or is it ED stuff. I woke up at midnight and didn't get back to sleep. My anxiety has been a bit high but manageable. I didn't get my test results back yet. I just got a confirmation message about my appointment. I can never tell with test results what it means if they take longer then normal. It took several days after a blood test in 2021 for the doctor to personally call me himself to tell me to stop taking it asap for 2 weeks because of the high risk of a heart attack and stroke I was at. So idk.

By the talk on the news this morning they are acting like Memphis is going to be destroyed tonight. I have family who lives there.

I feel like I am going to explode into a million pieces I am super pissed right now. And for no real reason too.

I ate some Ritz cheese sandwhich crackers. I guess I just needed carbs to stop feeling so angry. It didn't help my nausea though.

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Last edited by Mountaindewed; Jan 27, 2023 at 02:40 PM..
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Default Jan 27, 2023 at 04:20 PM
  #724
I doubt Memphis will be destroyed @Mountaindewed , but I sure wouldn't blame people for protesting the murder of Tyre Nichols. Since all 5 cops have been charged with murder I'll be surprised if there's much protest, at all. Tyre Nichols comes from my home city, Sacramento.

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Default Jan 27, 2023 at 04:21 PM
  #725
Bipolar Check-in #72

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Default Jan 27, 2023 at 09:21 PM
  #726
Hi hi everyone !

My Fibromyalgia flare is just ridiculous at this point

We went for our medical appt today. It’s a walk in clinic with that offers primary care. So UNIMPRESSED. Not that I expected much but still …… we go back next week for lab results which is stupid. Just call with results !! but that’s NOT a money maker for them.

I’m just all around unhappy and grumpy. I broke a nail on the way home and ranted and raved like a lunatic.

It will get better. It’s always does

Anyone have plans for the weekend ??

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Default Jan 27, 2023 at 09:36 PM
  #727
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Originally Posted by ~Christina View Post
Hi hi everyone !

My Fibromyalgia flare is just ridiculous at this point

We went for our medical appt today. It’s a walk in clinic with that offers primary care. So UNIMPRESSED. Not that I expected much but still …… we go back next week for lab results which is stupid. Just call with results !! but that’s NOT a money maker for them.

I’m just all around unhappy and grumpy. I broke a nail on the way home and ranted and raved like a lunatic.

It will get better. It’s always does

Anyone have plans for the weekend ??

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I’m going to a murder mystery fundraiser for the library that takes place at the historic home we have. Not at all old compared to the east coast or Europe but the oldest we got. I’m nervous about it but also looking forward to it.

Tonight I went back to the home and got mum all comfortable then we watched the skating. That was nice.

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Default Jan 27, 2023 at 10:01 PM
  #728
I took my night meds- plus new additional dose of Trazodone. Works great getting me to sleep but I slept in too much today.

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Default Jan 28, 2023 at 01:52 AM
  #729
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I took my night meds- plus new additional dose of Trazodone. Works great getting me to sleep but I slept in too much today.

I'm so glad the Trazodone is working for you, though. Give it some time, you know...it'll probably make you less sleepy.


The last time I took Trazodone I had a horrible experience. I took it exactly as prescribed and the dose was a standard for-sleep dose. But the effect it had on me was as though I had overdosed. I was seeing flashing lights and I felt like I was blacking out. I made myself sit on the edge of the bed and talk aloud. I was really fighting not to pass out. I just kept talking and singing and finally I was able to drink some water. So scary.

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Default Jan 28, 2023 at 08:21 AM
  #730
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I doubt Memphis will be destroyed @Mountaindewed , but I sure wouldn't blame people for protesting the murder of Tyre Nichols. Since all 5 cops have been charged with murder I'll be surprised if there's much protest, at all. Tyre Nichols comes from my home city, Sacramento.

Obviously I’m watching what’s happening from another country so I’m not getting everything involved like I would if I lived there, but from what I’ve seen on the news here the protests are about racism (another Black death at the hands of police)- but weren’t all the police involved the same colour too? Or are the protests about the fact the police killed someone in general? Sorry I know what happened was horrible and it’s a hard subject to talk about. I really feel for people who have to be afraid of the police just because of the colour of their skin.
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Default Jan 28, 2023 at 09:08 AM
  #731
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Originally Posted by Moose72 View Post
I took my night meds- plus new additional dose of Trazodone. Works great getting me to sleep but I slept in too much today.

Glad the trazodone is helping you sleep. I started trazodone a few weeks ago and it has helped me too. Although at first I was sleeping too much on it, but it seems to have leveled out some and I’m getting up around 6-7am now instead of 10:30am. It’s was making me extremely tired at first even during the day. But now I’m doing okay with it.

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Default Jan 28, 2023 at 09:22 AM
  #732
I talked with my therapist about my mood issues lately. The high euphoria and the low depressive stuff. She said it’s to be expected with my diagnosis (my main diagnosis the past 10 years since I was 18 is schizoaffective disorder bipolar type). I was doing well for many years on my meds then started struggling again recently and couldn’t figure out why. I said it’s manageable and she said it’s just expected with my disorder but that if it gets worse to talk with my psychiatrist about a med adjustment. I don’t think I will need that. I think it’s just a kind of blip or whatever. Occasionally symptoms come through but I don’t think it necessitates a med change.

We talked about how I’m doing a lot better though. I used to be extremely impulsive and reckless when manic, and when depressed it was severe and lasted for many months to a year and I could only think about suicide and slept all day and barely got out of bed to do even basic things. Couldn’t be bothered with hygiene etc and my paranoia was bad.

Now on meds my depression doesn’t end up that severe, and my manic symptoms are pretty much under control to the point where when I experience highs it’s more like hypomania then the life damaging mania like I used to experience. So that’s good. And a majority of the time my mood is a normal level of good or neutral , thanks to meds I don’t get severe highs or lows, my mood pretty much stays stable. Although recently it’s been a little off but as she said that’s just the way these things work, sometimes there’s blips or whatever and symptoms will come through. Also I’m not dealing with psychosis level delusion anymore like when I believed my doctor was poisoning me and like the government was out to get me.

So it’s progress

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Default Jan 28, 2023 at 09:27 AM
  #733
I’m going back to college in the fall, as a part-time student. Taking 2 classes. Working towards finally finishing my associates degree. It’s a ways away from now (classes start like last day of august)

I had to drop out a few times in college previously due to not being able to manage both my mental health issues and the stress of college. I haven’t gone back since 2019. I think I’m ready now and my therapist agrees , she thinks I’ve made a lot of progress over the years and am a lot more stable (also more nurture because I’m older now, when I initially started college I was 22, now I’m 28) so I should be able to handle it this time

Anyway, I hope you all have a good weekend, I’ll post more later today. I’m just having coffee now and spending time with my cats.

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Default Jan 28, 2023 at 11:55 AM
  #734
I lost my pdoc of six years due to insurance issues about a month and a half ago. I’m extremely lucky I found another one quickly, we will see what insurance has to say about them soon I guess. Unfortunately, I have everyone that actually know me telling me I need to get into therapy asap as well. It’s kind of a sore spot because I don’t want to and I don’t know what to say to those people. I have a hard enough time posting here. Here’s what sucks. I’ve tried, I really have. I send an email, wait a few days then I call. Nothing. No email back, no call back, no answering their phone. This includes clinics so it’s not just independent therapists. I’ve done this now eight times over the past month. I’m not exaggerating, eight times. If I count the clinics I’ve called that do answer their phone to tell me they aren’t accepting new patients that number balloons to 12. How tf is this possible?

Part of me is like yay, I tried, it’s not my fault, I’m fine anyway. Then there’s the part that acknowledges that I am pretty f’d up and need professional help because meds alone don’t fix this. I feel a little lucky that I don’t live in the middle of nowhere anymore and there actually are 12 to call but this is getting absurd.
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Default Jan 28, 2023 at 12:18 PM
  #735
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Now on meds my depression doesn’t end up that severe, and my manic symptoms are pretty much under control to the point where when I experience highs it’s more like hypomania then the life damaging mania like I used to experience. So that’s good. And a majority of the time my mood is a normal level of good or neutral , thanks to meds I don’t get severe highs or lows, my mood pretty much stays stable. Although recently it’s been a little off but as she said that’s just the way these things work, sometimes there’s blips or whatever and symptoms will come through. Also I’m not dealing with psychosis level delusion anymore like when I believed my doctor was poisoning me and like the government was out to get me.

So it’s progress
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Blue_Bird, this is great progress! I can say that my bipolar disorder gradually eased over time, similarly, after what was a long horrible time in my life. Black and white thinking never does any good. I'm so glad to read that you also see different shades of gray as good.

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Default Jan 28, 2023 at 12:35 PM
  #736
Hubby and I had pleasant afternoon with his long-time friend and his always sweet wife. I have known the couple since before our marriage. Hopefully we'll see them (and some other friends) more often in the future.

During our visit with the friends, I received a WhatsApp text from my sister. She said her MIL died this morning. I was never in any way close to her MIL, but I do still feel a bit sad as seeing more and more people pass IS rough in life. Right now, it seems that only my father is left of our parents' generation. Many uncles have also passed away. [I only had blood uncles.] @otroo, my youngest nephew also died from suicide, so I totally also understand that pain. And my brother is currently fighting for his life, because of pancreatic cancer. I've realized how important it is to savor the little things and moments in life.

Today the results of the recent Czech presidential election have been announced. As usual, Hubby voted for neither of the top 2 candidates, but it seems that the "lesser of the 2 evils" at least luckily seems to have won. I hope things work out relatively OK with this new guy. The last president being replaced because of term limit was a drunk and really inappropriate in behavior. This new man likely won't embarrass the country and is very alligned with the West. The sucker Czech candidate that lost today is a typical billionaire charged with crimes, liar, and Putin boot kisser. As a bonus, the winner is a rather handsome older man.

@~Christina, I hope your pain eases soon. Sorry that your visit to the doctor was disappointing.

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Default Jan 28, 2023 at 12:45 PM
  #737
I’m still pretty sick but I don’t think my brain can focus on two things at once so even though the depression and SH thoughts are still there they’re not as intense. Hopefully it stays that way. I went back to the 1mg haldol, 2mg is just too much side effect wise. The propranolol is definitely helping anxiety as well. I’m still seeing pnurse on Tuesday (virtually bc covid) so maybe I’ll get on something for depression. The lamictal helped for six years so I should be grateful for that at least. Idk, I’ll have to see what ideas she has. I will stress that I can’t take SSRI or SNRI though. Those send me straight into full blown mania pretty quick no matter how low the dose.

RS is being so nice to me through all this. It’s different having someone so supportive. No one’s ever been this supportive or loving to me during intense episodes. And I did find something that helps get through intense SH thoughts. I need to squeeze something (I have squishy squeeze toys) in my left hand and an ice pack in my right and pour all the tension into squeezing. It takes awhile but it does calm me down, at least for a bit. Better than nothing.

I do wish I could take a walk, it’s finally sunny and sort of warm Ish. But even putting just my socks and underwear away took my breath away and weakened me so that’s out of the question. I did open the blinds in my bedroom though so I can sun myself like a cat haha.

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Default Jan 28, 2023 at 12:58 PM
  #738
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I’m still pretty sick but I don’t think my brain can focus on two things at once so even though the depression and SH thoughts are still there they’re not as intense. Hopefully it stays that way. I went back to the 1mg haldol, 2mg is just too much side effect wise. The propranolol is definitely helping anxiety as well. I’m still seeing pnurse on Tuesday (virtually bc covid) so maybe I’ll get on something for depression. The lamictal helped for six years so I should be grateful for that at least. Idk, I’ll have to see what ideas she has. I will stress that I can’t take SSRI or SNRI though. Those send me straight into full blown mania pretty quick no matter how low the dose.

RS is being so nice to me through all this. It’s different having someone so supportive. No one’s ever been this supportive or loving to me during intense episodes. And I did find something that helps get through intense SH thoughts. I need to squeeze something (I have squishy squeeze toys) in my left hand and an ice pack in my right and pour all the tension into squeezing. It takes awhile but it does calm me down, at least for a bit. Better than nothing.

I do wish I could take a walk, it’s finally sunny and sort of warm Ish. But even putting just my socks and underwear away took my breath away and weakened me so that’s out of the question. I did open the blinds in my bedroom though so I can sun myself like a cat haha.

Feel better soon. Both physical and mental, you have a double whammy right now. Be gentle with yourself.

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Default Jan 28, 2023 at 01:45 PM
  #739
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Blue_Bird, this is great progress! I can say that my bipolar disorder gradually eased over time, similarly, after what was a long horrible time in my life. Black and white thinking never does any good. I'm so glad to read that you also see different shades of gray as good.

Thank you! And I’m glad you had a good afternoon with friends I’m glad yours has eased over time too

Yeah things seemed to calm down some as I got older. Years from 12 years old to 23 were the most rough. Now things have kind of stayed much more stable since then, for the past 5 years. I haven’t been in the hospital for 5 years which is a good sign. Before that I ended up there frequently because when I was manic I’d stop taking my meds, or I’d be so depressed I was basically non functional. I ended up being sent to the hospital in the back of a police car once, was a little out of control. I also wasn’t doing self care and stuff of that nature which I think helps in combo with meds. I’ve done a lot of work with CBT and learning to keep myself healthy by sleeping every night, exercise, meditating, coping skills.

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Default Jan 28, 2023 at 02:03 PM
  #740
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Thank you! And I’m glad you had a good afternoon with friends I’m glad yours has eased over time too

Yeah things seemed to calm down some as I got older. Years from 12 years old to 23 were the most rough. Now things have kind of stayed much more stable since then, for the past 5 years. I haven’t been in the hospital for 5 years which is a good sign. Before that I ended up there frequently because when I was manic I’d stop taking my meds, or I’d be so depressed I was basically non functional. I ended up being sent to the hospital in the back of a police car once, was a little out of control. I also wasn’t doing self care and stuff of that nature which I think helps in combo with meds. I’ve done a lot of work with CBT and learning to keep myself healthy by sleeping every night, exercise, meditating, coping skills.

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Mine calmed down a lot especially after menopause. But yeah, I think self care played a huge role in that too. The bedtime routine, really important!

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My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.