Bipolar Check-in #72

New thread since we reached 50 pages. I'll put a link in the old thread.

Ugh I’ve been sick since Monday. It seems like a nasty cold but I haven’t tested for Covid. Simply because I haven’t gone anywhere anyway as it’s winter break. Just short trips out with a mask on. It’s a pity though, I had planned to do a lot of cleaning and organizing but I’m just too tired. I’ve been resting and drinking lots of fluids instead. I found peppermint tea in the cabinet downstairs while I was bumbling around looking for hot tea vs all the cold iced teas I have. I feel better after a couple of naps today so hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

I moved up my pdoc appt to today because the abilify is just making me nauseous with a headache every single day and causing insomnia at night. I’m waking up for 2-3 hours every night and/or early morning. It’s just unacceptable. So she actually suggested that since I’ve been stable for awhile on increasingly low doses of APs I can see if just the nightly seroquel can hold things together for me. She said let it go for just a month, monitor my mood and potential paranoia closely, and see if I’m still ok without a replacement.

I’m very happy with this but RS is nervous. Understandable. When I went off vraylar everything went to hell within a couple of months last year. But there was a lot going on last year too. I agreed to go back on low dose haldol as a PRN if needed.

Christmas Eve was nice, it was just us and we didn’t leave the house because it was 16 degrees with a real feel of -2 outside. Christmas was nice as well, first husband’s family in the AM and then RS’s family in the pm. Monday (before I got sick) we went to my family. The contrast between RS’s and mine is stark. RS’s is so happy and get along so well, whereas my family has an air of tension hovering at all times, this time between my mom and my brother. But I am proud of myself because my SIL tried to draw me in to their conflict and I refused to be involved. I just said nope I’m not a part of it talk to her if you’re upset. That’s all it’s going to be from now on, I’m over being put in the middle.

Anyway since I’ve been busy and/or sick I haven’t been on here but I hope everyone had/has a happy holiday whichever one you celebrate.

Thanks rainbow 🌈 didn’t notice that at all.

I’m doing alright but that’s because it’s the holidays and I’m not at work.

I’m still doing well considering. We ate out at Cracker Barrel today and had a great turkey and dressing meal with sweet potatoes with brown sugar and pecans baked in and a cranberry sauce. Delicious!

I’ve got some zoom meetings set up next week with my manifestation coach. She is in addition to my therapist. My first social event is on the 8th and it’s a bunch of women enjoying camaraderie while sipping herbal tea and chatting while making vision boards. Fun, fun, fun.

I’ve got a meeting set up next week to see about being a volunteer for Hospice. Really hope that works out. It brings me great joy to help people and this would be an honor for me.

Daughter is doing well for herself. So lovely spending Thanksgiving and Christmas with her. Will meet her halfway in 2 weeks. Going on vacation together in April and to a family reunion plus Florida together in June.

I hope everyone has a peaceful night. Much love.

Quote:

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25 ...But I am proud of myself because my SIL tried to draw me in to their conflict and I refused to be involved. I just said nope I’m not a part of it talk to her if you’re upset. That’s all it’s going to be from now on, I’m over being put in the middle....

That kind of decision takes courage and wisdom. Good for you!

I'm so sorry you're sick. What crummy timing! Hopefully it will pass quickly, though. I'm excited about the Abilify and hope that goes well.

It's good to see, you

I've posted a couple of times about the lights I've had at the periphery of my vision since increasing the topomax (antideprssant), and that I dug around & discovered that the medication has a problem, even been pulled off the market a couple of times, because it can cause severe optical disorders. Retinal detachment, which can rapidly lead to blindness, glaucoma that is not reversible when the medication is stopped, other horrid optical stuff. Really great, and yes- it makes me wonder why it is on the market at all? Apparently, the incidences of such cases occurring are, while not common, are also by no means rare.

I'm pretty logical about medical things, take it step-by-step. I live close to an enormous medical university, so I called their ophthalmology clinic, told them what I'm experiencing. A cranky lady told me I need a referral to be seen. Okay. Saw my kindly GP today. He's familiar with the topomax situation & put in an urgent referral request. Examined my retinas. Thankfully, they don't appear to be "bruised," which apparently is a good sign. Whew. But GP instructed me to speak with med dude right away to discuss a plan for decreasing the topomax with the goal of stopping it.

I went into the parking lot, got into my car, called med dude's clinic. He had left for the day. So the medical assistant (after I beat into her brain the seriousness of the problem) said she'd speak with the on-call med dudette and call me back.

I got home. No message. I called the clinic. Was told to go to urgent care (not affiliated with them) to get a different AD. I said NO. They will not prescribe a psych med there so do not tell me to do that. YOU need to take care of this situation because I am YOUR patient. Put me on hold. Came back. The whole thing dragged on. I am, by now, fighting WW4 to get medical care. Finally, the best I could get - and it was big, considering - was that I reduce the topomax over the week-end. Then the medical assistant moved someone's appointment to a different time slot so I can see med dude on Tuesday (since they're closed on Monday).

So, super fucc. There goes the AD that has done a decent job of lifting me out of the hellish depression I've had this season. I mean, yeah, I'm one of the lucky ones who didn't go blind from the stuff. I'm just so afraid med dude will say he doesn't see an option for another AD. He starts with the whole I don't want to prescribe an AD that will set off mania. And I made a try for Emsam, but he nixed that right away, which is sooo frustrating. The MAOI's have been the one AD class I have not tried, so why not give it a shot?

The medical university near my town is enormous, spreads throughout this region; in my home city they have their teaching hospital, which includes a psychiatric clinic. I'm going to call them tomorrow. I very, very much doubt that they accept my insurance. Their out-of-pocket cost is prohibitive. But, I can call and ask. They are just so much more open to new ideas that med dude is, as dear and kind as he is, poor dude.

Things have been going ok. I had therapy yesterday afternoon and it was virtual since she was exposed to covid. When the office called I thought they said she had covid. But I guess she had just been exposed. But she seemed perfectly fine. It was a late afternoon session so I didn't really want to go into the office anyways.

But we got a Iot talked about. She called me her kindred spirit since we have so much in common. My transference T just felt uncomfortable and thought it was creepy when we had stuff in common. My T is going to help me apply for work at our next session. I feel ready. I guess the only annoying part was when we talked about me going out to eat for New Years Eve and she said "can you try eating some baked potato with your steak?" Like I am some picky toddler.

I do often have trouble eating more then one food at a time though which we are working on.

I just did my morning work out. I did 36 regular cruches and then 36 reverse lower abdomen crunches with my new ab pad I got for Christmas. Then I did 150 crunches with my ab roller. My mom gave me her yoga mat yesterday which made things easier.

This girl I knew in treatment in high school, a bit of a creeper really. Called my brothers phone, then my phone. And got the deep guys voice message with my new name so she didn't leave a message. Then she texted my mom asking if this was my number. I told my mom to tell her no and then to block the number.

Who does that? I mean Facebook is one thing and I'd probably accept her request. But googling phone numbers is next level creepy. I'm trying not to think about it.

I hope you feel better soon. Good luck with a more appropriate AP that fits better. Glad your Christmas was nice.

I hope it's okay if I still post here, in light of my recent discussion with my psychiatrist about my diagnosis. Nobody really posts in the BPD part of the forum. And I've found the most support here and feel like you all are friends and want to continue posting and supporting people here, so I hope that is okay

So I went to see the new Avatar movie last night with my friend. It was a long movie, 3 hours, I managed to not get up the entire time. It's kind of hard to stay focused for that amount of time but It was really good, I enjoyed it a lot. It was nice spending time with my friend, I got to give them the Christmas gift I got for them and they gave me the Christmas gift they got me (some paint brushes for painting miniature figures for board games)

Going grocery shopping today. Then have to stop by CVS to pick up my meds.

I'm plannig on working on my DBT skills then when it gets about 1 month away from the beginning of registration for the fall semester at my college, I will reassess and see where I'm at mental health wise and whether I'm ready to take on the stress of going back to college part-time, taking one or two classes. I don't want to jump into things when I'm not ready. That is a bad habit I had in the past. Jumping into taking a bunch of classes, getting overwhelmed and having to withdraw, etc. I want to be 100% sure I'm ready for this and in a good place mentally when I do it. I'm determined to finish my associates degree. I just need to prepare and work on my stress tolerance and learn to use supports at the college like tutoring, and use my accomodations (can take tests in a quiet testing center away from the main classroom, have extra time on tests) etc. My doctor writes a letter to my college so I can have these accomadations and I need to use them.

I hope you feel better soon

And I definitely understand coming off the abilify. I am on abilify and the first couple months were kind of crazy. I had nausea, headaches, waking up at like 3am everyday and not getting back to sleep, barely sleeping, too much energy. My doctor increased my thorazine and that balanced out the abilify, so I'm able to sleep better while still having the good benefits of the abilify (extra energy) without it being too out of control. The headaches and nausea wore off over time.

I hope things go well with the med changes and hope you get some relief from the abilify side effects since you're coming off it

Morning!
I have therapy in about 30 minutes. It will be my last session with my therapist. I'm bummed about it but it may not be "forever". She's arranged for a replacement, but if I get disability, I can see her again. I'm really hoping my appeal works. I got tons to talk about today but I will try to keep it more light than delve into issues seeing as I have to switch to someone else as of next week. I've had a good week. Family is here, there was Christmas, I got all my medicines in an emergency meeting without a hitch. I feel good these days and I'm just gonna let that good ride out. This is probably the best I've felt in the winter months, especially around a holiday, that I can remember in recent years-- if ever.

I'll write a little more later (I'm trying to find ways to contribute a bit more rather than post once a day, lurk,and hug/thank posts). I'll update you on my day. My brother is still in town and is supposed to spend a little more time with us today. I hope that goes well too!

I don’t think we can google mobile phone numbers over here… some home numbers are listed in a special directory (we can choose not to have it listed) but not mobile numbers as far as I know… but I’d hate it if people could just “get to me” like that. Sorry they found your number…. It’s intrusive!

I’m a little
Worried the psych NP I saw yesterday is working against me. He wants me to end up in ip and probably will get money for
Doing so

Wfc- I hope the Abilify does end up working out for you, or you only need the Haldol PRN if that. Sorry you're sick. Feel better, my friend.

SF- sounds like you've got some good things going on. The vision board meeting sounds like fun!

Beth- that really sucks that you have to go off the Topamax that sounds like it was doing at least a little good. I'm really pulling for you to get through this episode (and it's just that, you will feel better once this is over with). Hopefully med dude is willing to explore some more options with you

MD- That is creepy about the girl messaging you. I'd be freaked out (especially if I legally changed my name since I last saw her!)

Bluebird- please keep posting here, doesn't matter the dx, you're in the club already and we all struggle with similar things so don't worry about it. Easing back into college courses sounds like a good idea (and getting away from black and white thinking). DBT is some good stuff, I hope it helps you out.

Brentus- Glad you're feeling well, I can't wait to hear from you later on

Hallie- I don't think your psych NP is out to get you. If he wants you IP, you probably need it. If you're not a danger to yourself or anyone else and you're functioning at your baseline level, you won't need IP. I don't think they get extra money for putting people IP. That's insurance companies

Hugs and love to anyone I've missed

I’m
Not a danger to anyone. I’m not suicidal at all

Well he’s trying to change my meds around so I’ll get unstable and end up ip. If he prescribes certain medications then he will
Get money.
It’s a scheme!

Based on your latest posts, it sounds like you're already unstable. I'm sure your doc doesn't want to destabilize you further. The bugs are one of your warning signs I've noticed, and honestly you sound paranoid right now. It's okay, just part of the illness, but we're concerned.

This is a new np. He doesn’t know me. I’m
Not sure I like how pushy he is! He’s reckless!

@Halliebeth; you do sound unstable but that in and of itself doesn’t mean you need ip. Your np does not get money or kickbacks if you go ip, the only benefits they get is a peace of mind that an unstable patient is being watched closely. It is unfortunate that he’s new so he doesn’t have experience with you and know that he can trust you. Stay chill and just reassure him that you are not a danger to anyone.