Bipolar check in #73

There is nothing to be sorry for! No, I'm not in therapy now, but I use meds! I have used an amount of time trying to make a frame with tools that work well when I use them. I have had problems this winter to be able to use them. My main goal is to find back to that frame.


I am sorry to hear that you battle bipolar II. That can be very hard to live with.

Sorry to hear that, Nammu! It is sad to loose parents!

No, no feeding tube. I was a CNA over 40 years ago. And mum signed DNR papers that say no feeding tubes. Antibiotics, yes, oxygen, yes, palliative care, yes. But I’m soooo confused. I’ve been trying to get facts and I’m running into mumbo jumbo. Personal aids are not covered, but aides that do mouth care and washing are? What’s the difference? Because of my back I can’t be a primary caretaker but the expect family to do that!

overall the marriage is great, and that's the part that makes it harder. if i hadn't had that episode, i never would have gone down that road with the person outside of my marriage, but then i never would have known her. if my marriage sucked i would just leave, i've done it before. it's incredibly bittersweet i guess

This is tough to deal with at any time. The same thing happened to my grandfather when he was ready to go. I hope you can get her home to a comfortable space. Please lean on us for support if needed.

I’m so-so. My job has become very overstimulating and I lose my patience pretty quickly. We have a new boy who has never been in school before (he’s in second grade technically). He is also nonverbal so he only communicates in screeches and screams. Plus he’s HUGE, so he’s very rough without mean to be. When he doesn’t get his way he screams and bangs things. Also as a reward we let all the kids watch (appropriate) YouTube at the end of the day and it’s different videos playing at top volume and I can’t. By the end of the day I need to sit in silence for awhile to regroup. It’s not his fault at all but still. It’s only 10am and I’m already over it. Then again I was over it when I woke up.

I’m still depressed but not as bad. I’ve only been on the Wellbutrin for two weeks though so I’m determined to give it time. Plus I’m on the lowest dose to start and I am definitely doing better. The self harm thoughts are still there but not as intrusive. Still having SI but again, I’m able to immediately counteract because I know I don’t really want to do it.

I lost my propranolol for a week and I got so anxious last night I had to take Xanax. I didn’t tell my APN I was taking the propranolol again, she already thinks I’m taking too mych medication. To be fair she’s kinda right, I’m on five different ones with the propranolol. I’m going if the Wellbutrin works the anxiety will get better AND I’ll be able to reduce the amount of lamictal. Lamictal was my AD so if Wellbutrin work I might not need it. That’s one you have to come off very slowly anyway so it’s worth a shot if I can get back on an even keel with Wellbutrin. I’d try near summer though so if it makes things worse I don’t have work to try to slog through.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ronkuby overall the marriage is great, and that's the part that makes it harder. if i hadn't had that episode, i never would have gone down that road with the person outside of my marriage, but then i never would have known her. if my marriage sucked i would just leave, i've done it before. it's incredibly bittersweet i guess

Yes, that is a really difficult position to be in. I don't envy you - nor do I judge you, not one bit.

I still have this severe fatigue and weakness. And loss of appetite. I can still barely keep my eyes open or hold my phone but I managed to take a shower for the first time in 3 days. I ate a couple Greek yogurts and a little container of mashed potatoes. Then I had a Mountain Dew for the caffeine. My nausea is better after the zofran but I just don't feel right. I haven't left the house since last Friday and I'm trying to get out today to get some stuff from the grocery store. So far I just keep spacing out in front of the TV.

I'll keep you and your family in thought and prayer!

Welcome @Rosi700 to our fair corner of the internet!

I had my nerve induction test yesterday. A lot of zapping to find out there was nothing extra wrong apart from the cyst I already have. Still, I'll take that gift and run with it, and if I can get in with the neurosurgeon in a timely manner... icing on the cake!

My vocal cord situation is still a mess. Finished the second steroid regimen Wednesday. No pain, sore throat or anything like that, but still voice in that upper register. Another doc to visit.

Well, gotta get around for work!

i should never have married again. i cant handle having kids now. i need to be on my own. it's just so much responsibility and stress. i don't feel like doing it. i want to do whatever i want. i can barely take care of myself as it is.

I finally said eff it and I went to immediate care. I was negative for both strep and mono. She did a covid test but basically made it seem like covid doesn't exist anymore. She told me this seems like a bigger issue that my primary needs to deal with. So I went and set up an appointment with him on Tuesday. I have no idea anymore what is vitamin d, what is eating stuff, what is anxiety, and what is other stuff. I've never felt this way before though. Just all this weakness and fatigue and stuff.

I was bored this morning and I googled my doctor for some other reason and I found out he lives 2 minutes from me.

I just now ate a small cup of apple sauce and even that is giving me trouble and apple sauce is supposed to be super easy on you. My blood pressure at the doctors was 140.

I feel like my cats arent themselves anymore. Especially my tubby orange one. It makes me sad. Maybe they are getting stressed out by my niece.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu ....Because of my back I can’t be a primary caretaker but the expect family to do that!

Ohhh, been there and it is not only frustrating, but can be exceedingly stressful, depending upon the personality and mental state of the patient. Advocate, advocate.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ronkuby i should never have married again. i cant handle having kids now. i need to be on my own. it's just so much responsibility and stress. i don't feel like doing it. i want to do whatever i want. i can barely take care of myself as it is.

What are your childrens' ages?

Hey Beth and everyone, sorry I haven't posted, I've mostly been posting in the schizophrenia forum, hard to keep up with two threads that both move so fast

I'm doing well, I went to the dentist yesterday and got a cleaning and exam. I have a couple cavities so I have a followup appointment to get them filled. Trying to keep up with better dental hygiene now though so hopefully this doesn't happen again at my next cleaning. I'd like to have a cleaning where they say everything is fine. I'm brushing 2-3 times a day, flossing 2 times a day, using Listerine total care flouride mouthwash every time I brush, and using sensodyne pronamel intensive enamel repair toothpaste. I am also purchasing an Oral B electric toothbrush, I have only ever used basic manual tooth brushes. I wanted something a little more advanced that can help my teeth get more thoroughly cleaned each time I brush.

I went grocery shopping today, completely didn't occur to me that today is the Friday before Super Bowl Sunday, there were TONS of people in the grocery store and it was extremely overwhelming, I had a panic attack and started dissociating. So I got most of what was on my list, left quite a bit off though to get next week though, I was trying to get out of there as fast as possible because the panic attack was getting really bad. I normally go really early in the morning when hardly anyone is there, I ended up waking up late today and going around 11am. So it was super busy between the time of day and the super bowl weekend coming.

I'm doing mostly good though, I got a letter from my doctor saying I am able to manage my own money now so I will no longer need a representative payee. I have had one since I was 19 and am 28 now. So I'm going to social security to fill out the paperwork and submit all that to them to hopefully become my own payee.

The cats are doing well, they have been playful and sweet as usual

Ive been exercising. Getting on the treadmill for 30 minutes nearly every day, taking lots of walks outside, and doing other workouts, and am taking a yoga class which I went to on Wednesday, it's an hour long yoga class. I enjoy it. This stuff helps my mental health, and of course physical health as well.

I bought an air fryer and have been using that, it's amazing.

So sorry about your mom Nammu, I will keep you all in my thoughts/prayers

Hugs to everyone here, I haven't really been able to catch up but also welcome to the new members because I noticed a few new ones and I think a returning member as well

congrats on your success!

As part of my "Let's tackle mental health head on, full speed" agenda I've got going on here -- I've decided to try to do probably the hardest aspect, lifestyle changes. I'm gonna try to eat better, sleep better, and be a more social. Everyone knows a multimodal approach is best with mental health (specifically studied medication + therapy). I'm the first to kind of dismiss lifestyle changes ONLY because I know "they won't solve everything". but in conjunction, the benefit is probably worth it. Same could be said for JUST medication, or JUST therapy. Some have more weight than others I would say, but no one will correct everything. I'm giving this all I got -- so it includes the lifestyle changes I mentioned.

So, this is what my mental health care plan looks like
1) Medication (perhaps vitamins?)
2) Therapy 2x a week for now, until IOP -- my therapist is big on somatic therapy too -- so mind and body therapy.
3) Lifestyle changes -- eating better, sleeping better, getting out more and also being more social


Can you guys think of any additional lifestyle changes (or facets i'm missing?) I could add to my list?

Anyway, thanks for reading.

Brent

Went to the ocean today and burned my legs and arms with only about 30 minutes exposure. I got aloe and it feels good when I apply it but I have to reapply it every 15 min or so.

Good news! Really good news! My depression dissipated for about 30 minutes today while I was in the ocean. It was awesome to see everything in color again.

My mood has fallen again though so I'm back to where I started but it's ok. I had a glimpse of feeling myself for about 30 minutes which is a big win!

We're going to a big show and dinner tonight and an excursion tomorrow. Hard to believe 5 days of vacation are already done.

Those are all good changes!

Try to get or develop a hobby, or do something that really interests you. It doesn't matter what the activity is, as long as it's not bad for you or anyone else. For me it's astronomy, it brings short term relief when I'm really focused on it.