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Default Mar 25, 2023 at 10:26 AM
  #201
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Originally Posted by ~Christina View Post
Sorry I’ve been AOL lately. This ungodly psoriasis flare is beyond awful. Worst I’ve ever had . I have plaques forming all over my face. Under my chin and on my chest is now starting. There’s literally nothing that can be done while I’m waiting to see if Skyrizi is helping.

I am sorry to hear that you suffer so much.

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Default Mar 25, 2023 at 10:30 AM
  #202
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Originally Posted by Samicat View Post
Life seems so cruel. My friend is dying and has already lost much of her cognition. I have spoken to her for the last time.


We have so few people in life we really get close to and connect with. She was one of my people, my "tribe." I did have some trouble with her religious beliefs and of course those become very prominent now that she is dying and is surrounded by people from her congregation. I wasn't even going to attend her funeral but another friend is going and I said I would. There will be a lot of talk about where she is now. But the truth is that nobody knows. So I will tolerate all the rhetoric. Wherever she will be, she will live in my memory.
I am sorry!

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Default Mar 25, 2023 at 10:33 AM
  #203
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Originally Posted by Soupe du jour View Post
My move has been delayed by another three or four days. Figures! But we need to be out of the rental by Friday, at the latest. That kinda stops my momentum in terms of packing. Most of my kitchen stuff, including pantry food, is in boxes. We went to the property yesterday and even brought some stuff. Not even one single room was 100% ready. I never worked that way. I always prefered to at least fully finish parts of a project for the sake of mental reward. This prevents us from filling any room with much of anything yet.

There's a silence from my family. My sister didn't get back to me yesterday and my brother and dad are likely too sick to talk. I tried calling the latter two and no one picked up. Sis and I more often text through Whatsapp. I'll hear from her today, I assume. I know she's been having problems with her phone.

I am sorry to hear the move is been delayed and for not knowing how ig goes whith your sick family members in America!

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Default Mar 25, 2023 at 10:42 AM
  #204
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I think a lot of us with mental illness have too few people to connect with. I sadly understand your situation. And we do all need plenty of support and understanding from others. It's a tough struggle we have. Speaking for myself, one of the hardest tasks is trying to meet others' expectations. That, and me being an introvert, has made it difficult to make new friends that I've lost. Being here at MSF is clearly at least one extra place for support. And yet there are still fights here, occasionally. That's certainly not what we need.

Yes, so it is. In my case there are too few people that really knows me, if any. I am introverted as well and partly shy.


Others see a person with high education, good at speaking and full of humor. They don't know what is behind the facade or about all my struggles to try to cope as best I can.


This is the only place I can be honest abour my sufferings.

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Default Mar 25, 2023 at 10:56 AM
  #205
Calm before the storm, it feels like. On the plus side, today's my Friday at work and my mom and I will likely meet for Sunday service.

The minus: I've got the first of several doctor's appointments for the next two months starting Tuesday, I've got to get an appointment set up for my tooth (before the exposed pulp and abscess gets reinfected), Medicaid is likely going to reevaluate my "need" for the program at the beginning of April which, if I get bumped off, will make all these doctor's visits very awkward if they find out I have no insurance. I have other options: some good, others... not so much. We'll see.

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Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."
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Default Mar 25, 2023 at 11:18 AM
  #206
Still can’t believe we’re in our new place. Seems too good to be true. I keep getting this underlying feeling that something bad is going to happen but I’m sure it won’t. After months of depression it feels good to feel happy about something.

Our new lounge suite got delivered yesterday. It took ages to unpack it. There was so much wrapping and polystyrene inside I’ve never seen anything like it. There’s bits of polystyrene balls all over my lounge that have stuck to everything. I have bugger all idea where on earth my vacuum cleaner is right now.

Yesterday I went to my old place to tidy up with my partner. The mess on the floor once they moved the washing machine and fridge out omgggggg. I can say those were 2 appliances I had never moved and it shows. I’m going back to my old place today with my partner to do one final clean. We still have to clean out my daughters bathroom. She left the place in such a mess. I was literally on my hands and knees scrubbing her floors and walls. Her walls are wrecked from posters she used to hang up. We’re prepared to not get our bond deposit back because we think that the landlord will want to repaint her walls. We’re also worried about scratch marks from the dogs in one of the lounges on the wooden floors. He may want to repolish the surface. But it was already quite scratched when we moved in but our dogs made it worse.

My new garage is packed with moving boxes. I haven’t even started unpacking a single box. I am going to try do my sons clothes today because he’s at kindergarten tomorrow so I’ll have to find him something suitable to wear. I’ve got 2 bags of my own clothes with a few outfits I know I can wear over the next few days. But I’ve been packing since December. This is going to take ages to unpack. Fortunately we have 2 garages. Previous owners were car enthusiasts so we’ve got the space to store the boxes, for now. I’ll make a slow start unpacking. I don’t feel in a particular rush. We’ve been eating off paper plates and microwave meals the last 2 nights because I haven’t figured out how I want to arrange my kitchen which is a lot smaller than I had realised so I’m going to have to pack smarter.
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Default Mar 25, 2023 at 11:40 AM
  #207
SUFFERING.

I know I said I come here more seldom, but this day has been so hard that I need to talk to you.

I am sitting right up and down like if I am glued to my chair. I have a lot to do, but does not do anything as of moving my body will harm me!

I have pain in my face as if something has changed after the massages in shoulders, neck and arms. Some years ago I went to a "whole person massage" where the massage therapist had an education in the relationship between tense muscles and emotions. It was really helping, but I had to move because of shift in the job. So I could not continue with that therapist.

I tried another with this "whole person" approach ,but he was too technical for me. I didn't feel like he was there together with me where I needed him to be.
The Massage therapist I now have is usually good, but neither him or I knew abut the inflammation in my shoulder. I think I will take a break from him, but on the other hand I feel that I am letting him down if I stop. I am only one of his many patients, so why should he feel failed be me? (This is complete idiotic).

I have been so full of the feeling that I am hurting others for the time being. So, as already told, I feel that if I cancel my appointment, I am failing him. I thought thoughts like that was passed far back in my student therapy many years ago. I have had this strange feeling of failing others the last weeks, so it is a change in my usual way of functioning.

In the same weeks I have used more Valium then I am allowed to use. I have taken a higher doze, tried to wean it off, but ended up with a new higher dose and so on. It "pricks" in my face when I go down in doze and my mouth feel numb.

After trying to wean off the last days, I felt so tense today that I was afraid of becoming mad, losing control or whatever. I wanted to scream out loud. It is only 20 mg, but old people shall not have high doses. The ordinary dose I am on is 2 1/2 mg.

Sorry for ranting, but to come here is the only place I know about where I meet people that probably will understand or at least accept my feelings.

I do feel better after coming here with the Valium inside (but there comes days after this where the dose has to go down again)!

Does anyone have an advice for me?

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Default Mar 25, 2023 at 11:47 AM
  #208
I lost track of the number after I had diarrhea 7 times yesterday afternoon and last night. I was in so much stomach pain and I couldn't eat or drink anything.

Then today I feel a lot better. My stomach is mostly ok. I'm not very hungry but I'm staying hydrated. My anxiety is a lot better then it has been lately. My stomach looks super flat from the 3 pounds I lost..

I'm hoping this is just some kooky virus and nothing else

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Default Mar 25, 2023 at 01:23 PM
  #209
So far I’ve been ok in the small metformin dose. I’m
Hoping as I titrate up that it will
Continue to go well

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Default Mar 25, 2023 at 01:53 PM
  #210
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Originally Posted by Soupe du jour View Post
My move has been delayed by another three or four days. Figures! But we need to be out of the rental by Friday, at the latest. That kinda stops my momentum in terms of packing. Most of my kitchen stuff, including pantry food, is in boxes. We went to the property yesterday and even brought some stuff. Not even one single room was 100% ready. I never worked that way. I always prefered to at least fully finish parts of a project for the sake of mental reward. This prevents us from filling any room with much of anything yet.

There's a silence from my family. My sister didn't get back to me yesterday and my brother and dad are likely too sick to talk. I tried calling the latter two and no one picked up. Sis and I more often text through Whatsapp. I'll hear from her today, I assume. I know she's been having problems with her phone.

My heart breaks for you with you’re Dad and brothers failing health. It’s never easy. Hope you and your Sister can talk soon. I will keep you all in my thoughts.

Oh goodness no rooms all the way done? That would really upset me. I think along the same lines as you. Finish fully then move on

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Default Mar 25, 2023 at 02:00 PM
  #211
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So I’m such a spaz I backed out of my grandmothers (curved) driveway and went in the wrong direction. I backed over her mailbox knocked it over. The only comfort I take is that the pole was rotted through so it didn’t take much to knock it over. She’s not mad but I feel like a jerk. It just adds to my general low feeling about myself. Plus my car is pretty heavily scratched. I don’t really care about that but RS does.

Oh well. It’s done with. RS is at a fishing tournament today which adds to my general terrible anxiety as well. I wish I could get some Xanax from my new pdoc but I don’t feel comfortable asking for a benzo at the first meeting. I’m afraid he’ll think I’m drug seeking. It really would be helpful though, I had a panic attack last night and was very uncomfortable until my seroquel kicked in and put me to sleep.

There’s a daffodil festival tomorrow in the next town over. It’s supposed to be a very nice day so we’re gonna go and walk around.

I go back to work Monday. I don’t really know if I’m in a fit state to work but I don’t really have a choice. If I’m not going to continue with ECT treatments and I’m not going to do a program I have no excuse to stay home. And I’m surely not going to do a program, I just got out of one in august.

I can’t describe how I feel right now. Just low. That’s the only way to say it.

Sorry about the mail box. I’ve hit a few and yes it’s embarrassing. Glad it was families and not a stranger that’s going to make it sound like you made a drive thru of there home.

I really wish ECT would have pulled you out quicker as it’s done so in the past . Here’s hoping the new Pdoc is a keeper !

I’m here if you need a ear or shoulder

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Default Mar 25, 2023 at 02:05 PM
  #212
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Originally Posted by Crazy Hitch View Post
Still can’t believe we’re in our new place. Seems too good to be true. I keep getting this underlying feeling that something bad is going to happen but I’m sure it won’t. After months of depression it feels good to feel happy about something.

Our new lounge suite got delivered yesterday. It took ages to unpack it. There was so much wrapping and polystyrene inside I’ve never seen anything like it. There’s bits of polystyrene balls all over my lounge that have stuck to everything. I have bugger all idea where on earth my vacuum cleaner is right now.

Yesterday I went to my old place to tidy up with my partner. The mess on the floor once they moved the washing machine and fridge out omgggggg. I can say those were 2 appliances I had never moved and it shows. I’m going back to my old place today with my partner to do one final clean. We still have to clean out my daughters bathroom. She left the place in such a mess. I was literally on my hands and knees scrubbing her floors and walls. Her walls are wrecked from posters she used to hang up. We’re prepared to not get our bond deposit back because we think that the landlord will want to repaint her walls. We’re also worried about scratch marks from the dogs in one of the lounges on the wooden floors. He may want to repolish the surface. But it was already quite scratched when we moved in but our dogs made it worse.

My new garage is packed with moving boxes. I haven’t even started unpacking a single box. I am going to try do my sons clothes today because he’s at kindergarten tomorrow so I’ll have to find him something suitable to wear. I’ve got 2 bags of my own clothes with a few outfits I know I can wear over the next few days. But I’ve been packing since December. This is going to take ages to unpack. Fortunately we have 2 garages. Previous owners were car enthusiasts so we’ve got the space to store the boxes, for now. I’ll make a slow start unpacking. I don’t feel in a particular rush. We’ve been eating off paper plates and microwave meals the last 2 nights because I haven’t figured out how I want to arrange my kitchen which is a lot smaller than I had realised so I’m going to have to pack smarter.

Congratulations on a successful move !!! Hope settling in goes ok

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Default Mar 25, 2023 at 02:12 PM
  #213
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Originally Posted by Rosi700 View Post
SUFFERING.

I know I said I come here more seldom, but this day has been so hard that I need to talk to you.

I am sitting right up and down like if I am glued to my chair. I have a lot to do, but does not do anything as of moving my body will harm me!

I have pain in my face as if something has changed after the massages in shoulders, neck and arms. Some years ago I went to a "whole person massage" where the massage therapist had an education in the relationship between tense muscles and emotions. It was really helping, but I had to move because of shift in the job. So I could not continue with that therapist.

I tried another with this "whole person" approach ,but he was too technical for me. I didn't feel like he was there together with me where I needed him to be.
The Massage therapist I now have is usually good, but neither him or I knew abut the inflammation in my shoulder. I think I will take a break from him, but on the other hand I feel that I am letting him down if I stop. I am only one of his many patients, so why should he feel failed be me? (This is complete idiotic).

I have been so full of the feeling that I am hurting others for the time being. So, as already told, I feel that if I cancel my appointment, I am failing him. I thought thoughts like that was passed far back in my student therapy many years ago. I have had this strange feeling of failing others the last weeks, so it is a change in my usual way of functioning.

In the same weeks I have used more Valium then I am allowed to use. I have taken a higher doze, tried to wean it off, but ended up with a new higher dose and so on. It "pricks" in my face when I go down in doze and my mouth feel numb.

After trying to wean off the last days, I felt so tense today that I was afraid of becoming mad, losing control or whatever. I wanted to scream out loud. It is only 20 mg, but old people shall not have high doses. The ordinary dose I am on is 2 1/2 mg.

Sorry for ranting, but to come here is the only place I know about where I meet people that probably will understand or at least accept my feelings.

I do feel better after coming here with the Valium inside (but there comes days after this where the dose has to go down again)!

Does anyone have an advice for me?

Oh hun. I’m sorry everything is just piling on top of stacks of physical and emotional mountains higher and higher.

When you mix physical distress with emotional stress it can really knock you off your feet. My only advice is what I have to do sometimes is just FLOAT. Stop flogging your self to keep going up stream. It can be to exhausting. So give yourself time to go accept that your worn out and to give yourself some grace. Probably in a few days you will get up and dust yourself off to begin the battle up stream. Hugs !

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Default Mar 25, 2023 at 03:07 PM
  #214
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Originally Posted by ~Christina View Post
Oh hun. I’m sorry everything is just piling on top of stacks of physical and emotional mountains higher and higher.

When you mix physical distress with emotional stress it can really knock you off your feet. My only advice is what I have to do sometimes is just FLOAT. Stop flogging your self to keep going up stream. It can be to exhausting. So give yourself time to go accept that your worn out and to give yourself some grace. Probably in a few days you will get up and dust yourself off to begin the battle up stream. Hugs !

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Thank you! This meant a lot to me! Tomorrow I have to pull myself togheter and go to a family gathering. I don't want to, but I have to ...

Monday I will try to follow my morning ritual wich includes exercises for my body and a walk outside. I will try to rest all day long after that (and cancel my appointment for massage).

Thanks again!

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Default Mar 25, 2023 at 05:01 PM
  #215
Went to visit my
Papaw and take him a framed picture of
His wife who just passed.

He told me how fat I’m getting.

As if visiting without her there was hard enough…

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Default Mar 25, 2023 at 06:14 PM
  #216
My sleep is all over the place! I slept a total of 11 hours last night, but I did it in 3 shifts (I got up 3 times for an extended period). Let's see how things go tonight.

It's gym day tomorrow - gonna be a tough workout.

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Default Mar 25, 2023 at 07:43 PM
  #217
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Originally Posted by Rosi700 View Post
Thank you! This meant a lot to me! Tomorrow I have to pull myself togheter and go to a family gathering. I don't want to, but I have to ...

Monday I will try to follow my morning ritual wich includes exercises for my body and a walk outside. I will try to rest all day long after that (and cancel my appointment for massage).

Thanks again!

Welcome ! Keep up the self care

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Default Mar 25, 2023 at 07:43 PM
  #218
Quote:
Originally Posted by HALLIEBETH87 View Post
Went to visit my
Papaw and take him a framed picture of
His wife who just passed.

He told me how fat I’m getting.

As if visiting without her there was hard enough…

Mourning isn’t an excuse to be hateful.

I love you

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Default Mar 25, 2023 at 08:10 PM
  #219
Quote:
Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25 View Post
So I’m such a spaz I backed out of my grandmothers (curved) driveway and went in the wrong direction. I backed over her mailbox knocked it over. The only comfort I take is that the pole was rotted through so it didn’t take much to knock it over. She’s not mad but I feel like a jerk. It just adds to my general low feeling about myself. Plus my car is pretty heavily scratched. I don’t really care about that but RS does.

Oh well. It’s done with. RS is at a fishing tournament today which adds to my general terrible anxiety as well. I wish I could get some Xanax from my new pdoc but I don’t feel comfortable asking for a benzo at the first meeting. I’m afraid he’ll think I’m drug seeking. It really would be helpful though, I had a panic attack last night and was very uncomfortable until my seroquel kicked in and put me to sleep.

There’s a daffodil festival tomorrow in the next town over. It’s supposed to be a very nice day so we’re gonna go and walk around.

I go back to work Monday. I don’t really know if I’m in a fit state to work but I don’t really have a choice. If I’m not going to continue with ECT treatments and I’m not going to do a program I have no excuse to stay home. And I’m surely not going to do a program, I just got out of one in august.

I can’t describe how I feel right now. Just low. That’s the only way to say it.

I'm so sorry you are feeling low I have been really low recently as well. Spring is helping a bit but I'm losing a friend to cancer.


Did you not find ECT helpful? Do you mind me asking what else you've tried? I personally have "done it all" - meds, TMS, CBT, ACT.... I do find some help from meditation and actually more recently from reading Stoic philosophy (which is not what it sounds like - the word has a different meaning in modern times).


I am currently off work on disability and trying to recover my mental and physical health - will be a long haul. I have a specialist's appointment in April to investigate my intestinal issues..

Always here if you want to message
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Default Mar 25, 2023 at 08:13 PM
  #220
Quote:
Originally Posted by HALLIEBETH87 View Post
Went to visit my
Papaw and take him a framed picture of
His wife who just passed.

He told me how fat I’m getting.

As if visiting without her there was hard enough…

omg sorry I am fat and I know how painful it can be when people remark on it - like, do they think I can't see??? Obesity is such a difficult thing for me because I have food anxiety that is quite severe. I think it is tough for anyone though. Our bodies do not like to lose weight - I will get serious food cravings at night if my calories are low enough for weight loss. I am strength training which helps.

Sorry for your loss
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