Bipolar Check-in #74

I’m so depressed. I just want to curl up in bed. My only other idea is to ask my pdoc for Emsam. However he is a new pdoc who I am seeing for the first time next Tuesday. And according to reviews he’s kind of a jackass. I’m gonna give him a chance but I’m not holding out too much hope. My old pdoc doesn’t take my insurance anymore so I asked my social worker in the hospital to get me a new one. I could go back to my old one and just pay out of pocket but I’m tired of that place. Every time I get hospitalized I get kicked out of the program and I have to do another intake when I get out. And I’ve come to terms with the fact that I will be hospitalized again in the future. It just is what it is.

It’s starting to warm up so I’ll be able to go out for walks again. Maybe that will help my state of mind. I feel very fat. I’m the heaviest I’ve ever been. Maybe I’ll lose a little weight.

We’re going to Florida on April 7th for spring break. I don’t want to go. I hate going on vacation. It’s not fun for me. I like taking day trips and weekend trips but going away for a whole week is too much for me. But I have to do it. CR is very excited.

Ugh. I just want to go back to work, it’ll take my mind off of being so depressed. I miss my kids. I go back on Monday.

I have my last ECT treatment tomorrow and I want to skip it but RS has already taken off of work to take me so I’ve got to do it. Oh well.

I guess I’ll just have to pull myself out of this on my own.

On a side note I’m almost positive I have made it one year self harm free. ECT made me forget the exact date but I think it’s today.

Congratulations. That’s a huge accomplishment no matter how down you feel right now. Treasure it.

My first day volunteering at the pet place went well.

got home early because we started a little early and there were only 3 cats at the moment there to take care of.

There was a black male kitten named Luna, a tabby female kitten named Jassie, and a 2-3 year old big male named cowboy.

Poor Jassie was shaking and terrified. Cowboy was super friendly. We took them each out of their cages at separate times and spent time with each of them while we cleaned their cages, blankets, beds, litter, gave them fresh food and water. Luna and Jassie were both scared. Cowboy was super friendly, he looks like a cow with his black and white coloring pattern. I love him lol

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@Blue Bird. Oh that sounds awesome. I bet cowboy will be snapped up. I hope Luna finds a home, I heard black cats are often over looked. That’s sad. You’ll jhave to thank your T for finding such an awesome volunteer position. Wish there was something like that here. Great job!

I get to sit in on an intake today at practicum! I love that stuff. It’s interesting.

This med increase has really helped me feel good and I have little to no anxiety with the prazosin/lybalvi combo.

I love this quote! I can say I am very shaken by criticism. It's not something I take lightly at all.

I'm newly returned to the forums after a longish (6/7 year) absence. Beth, I am very saddened to here that this kind of behavior has increased here. These things do tend to go in cycles, but it's tragic that older active members deal with their stuff by negative behavior towards others here. Anyone who does, shame on them!

I'm 66, and I'm here to share thoughts, ideas, and stories, and to give and get support As I hope are the vast majority here. If I find that not to be true I'll be disillusioned, if not heartbroken. This is too good a place to be poisoned like that.

End of semi-rant. I'm burying the lead here. As I said I'm older, and was on the forums from late 2014-16. Granted, in intenet/online years, that's about the length of the ice age. My type 2 has been controlled (thank you, correct meds! since late 2015, so I've had the past eight years learning how to be normal, as well as learning how normal I wanna be.

From my previous time here, I value these forums and learn, grow, teach and find solace and healing here. I hope to get to know some of you as well as I did some who were here 8 years ago. And to the familiar names on this forum (and you know who you are) it is grand to see your names again.

A and lots of and peace to everyone.

It's great having you back!

3 days until we move!

Today I'm going to tidy up my daughter's room. She's moved in with a friend and I can't be asked to tell her to come back.

Tomorrow morning I'll tidy up the rest of my room - it's mostly packed except for some last minute clothes.

Then tomorrow afternoon is settlement and we'll be picking up the keys from the agent in the afternoon! It's all getting so real.

Bring. It. On.!

I have accidentally "fallen into" a work group that work with muscles and joints some years ago. I needed a massage for my back and searched at Internet. So I found a physio-therapist in an acceptable distance from my home. He was good. I only needed five sections wirh massage.


He moved, but now he is back. I have become worse now, but the good news is that he works toghether with a group of different schooled "muscle and joint" workers (Sorry, I am not into their terminology and all their titles). The point is that they mean that they together with their different backgrounds are better to diagnose and to treat different pains in those regions than the medical doctors are.

I look forward to have my arm diagnosed at Thursday!👍

Am glad that you have that appointment!

Thank you so much for taking my pain seriously. I have taken Parasetamol even today, but feel better now.

The exam of my left arm will be on Thursday. I'll know more then.

Wow! Congrats! Continue the good work!

I try to live in the here and now. To bear gruge over past happenings is not good!

I agree with you there. Most people are born with their trait to be kind or to the other way around! But I suppose that people who grew up under bad influences can learn to be empatic if they want to ...

Thanks! Yeah I will definitely thank her, I have an appointment with her on Thursday so I’ll be able to tell her about it then

I hope they all find good loving homes

Next Tuesday the same lady that was with me today will be there again to make sure I know what to do (it’s her last day) then the following Tuesdays after that I’ll be on my own

It feels good to be helping and it’s so nice to see and pet/play with the kitties there

I’m really happy. This is perfect for me

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I went to the senior center again to play 500. It was fun. I almost chickened out, but went. They have a great plan in place. You just sit at the tables with three others, then the two high players move on to the next table and you never have the same partner. Some of the rules went over my head but I’ll get it as I play more. I know the basic rules and held my own. It was quite pleasant. It was a bit over 3 hours. It sure made the time pass.

I'm in so much pain right now. I had therapy and it went fine but I was physically uncomfortable and I couldn't concentrate very well. Then I saw my kidney doctor he did a urine test in the office which was ok. Then put in an urgent order for a CT scan and he wanted me to do full urine test. I was able to get a CT scan fairly quickly after my appointment. It was one of those ones with contrast. I've had one once and thats how they found the nodules. There was an issue with the scan because the contrast was taking a long time to filter down to my kidneys to my bladder. So we had to wait a couple minutes and then take another picture. Then it still hadn't filtered. So we waited another couple minutes and she got the picture. He said someone would call with the results either tonight or tommorow morning. I'm concerned with the issues with the scan and how fast they want to give me the results. Normally they say 3-4 days. I think tonight is an extra valium night. My doctor did prescribe some pain med meant to filter the kidneys but it isnt in yet.

He thinks my topamax may have given me a kidney stone or something.

@Mountaindewed
sorry you are in such pain.
keep us posted.
bizi

Oh man I think I have a problem. For the past 5 nights I've slept less than 5 hours. 3 hours last night.

But this morning, after my 3 hours sleep, I slept another 2 hours in the morning. But I think I've got a problem now.

I'm super tired and don't have any manic symptoms. I see my pdoc in a couple of weeks.

I'm still going to the gym and going to bed on time. I just get up after a few hours. This happened a few years ago and I was put on Seroquel at the time.