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Old Sep 18, 2023 at 12:00 PM
  #941
 
Pretty chill day today, except I'm cold! Now starting to feel the effects of September. I have so many bags when I come into work, I feel like such a bag lady, it looks like I have to carry a sweater too! Good news is, I slept really well, and my mood is good. Been on the same two pills for the few years that seem to be working just fine.

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Old Sep 18, 2023 at 12:34 PM
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Our cat is sick. He started peeing blood last night. We had to leave him at the vet so they can run some tests, etc. I hope he's okay. He was acting normal, running around, playing with his ball. He's my buddy. It's awfully lonely without him here.

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Old Sep 18, 2023 at 12:35 PM
  #943
 
Last night was horrible. I left the windows open because it was to get chilly but forgot to account for the humidity. Had to get up and shut the windows and put on the AC. Finally drifted off around 5 am,Öthen at 9 Sir woke me wanting breakfast. Heís always so nice about it.

I have a lot of things I need to get done, but most of them mean driving. I donít like driving especially in Rochester. Itís high speed highway traffic and many roundabouts and special designed one ways. Itís horrible. I might just call my sister and ask if she can do the driving. She lives there and is familiar with the roads

I also need to take my car in for its fall maintenance and thatís an hour away.the weather is being very cooperative so I should do all that this week.

I hate that the darkness is coming earlier and earlier. Soon we will lose day light saving time. My state voted to do away with that but they are waiting on congress to approve it and they of course are too busy playing one up games to vote on something so mundane. So come November it will be dark at 4:30pm.

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Old Sep 18, 2023 at 01:23 PM
  #944
 
Still freaking out about my a1c. I
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Old Sep 18, 2023 at 01:53 PM
  #945
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nammu View Post
Last night was horrible. I left the windows open because it was to get chilly but forgot to account for the humidity. Had to get up and shut the windows and put on the AC. Finally drifted off around 5 am,Öthen at 9 Sir woke me wanting breakfast. Heís always so nice about it.

I have a lot of things I need to get done, but most of them mean driving. I donít like driving especially in Rochester. Itís high speed highway traffic and many roundabouts and special designed one ways. Itís horrible. I might just call my sister and ask if she can do the driving. She lives there and is familiar with the roads

I also need to take my car in for its fall maintenance and thatís an hour away.the weather is being very cooperative so I should do all that this week.

I hate that the darkness is coming earlier and earlier. Soon we will lose day light saving time. My state voted to do away with that but they are waiting on congress to approve it and they of course are too busy playing one up games to vote on something so mundane. So come November it will be dark at 4:30pm.
I am so sorry you're going through this! I hated driving in New York too, and now here in North Carolina I am dealing with roundabouts and things like that and they freak me out too!

I am also not a fan of it getting darker earlier. This new thing with me having diabetes, my eye sight has gotten progressively worse in the dark, espeically with driving at night. And what's up with Congress? Did they ever vote on it? What's going to happen for Daylight Savings Time, are we still doing on it or what? I hate that we never have answers.

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Old Sep 18, 2023 at 03:34 PM
  #946
 
I just uploaded photos to my Flickr account, something I hadnít done for two years! My Fwb is going to print out 8x10s one each of two of my favorite pix of N3 from this month. I have photos around my living room of my kids and these will add a few current pix to those.

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Old Sep 18, 2023 at 05:12 PM
  #947
 
I almost just got the cops called on me. I sent a message asking my pdoc if one of my GI meds is messing with my mental health. Increased depression. Slight paranoia. I said I wasn't S and asked if the med was the problem since this stuff started around that same time I began the med. But the first part of the message got cut off and the first word was S.

So my nurses pdoc called my mom and was like "Mountaindewed is S?" My mom had to explain the situation and the nurse calmed down and I resent the letter correctly.

Now I'm coughing real bad and just feeling blah physically. I know I didn't get out of bed all weekend or today except to go to the doctors. Honestly getting covid makes a lot more sense then my mental health getting wacky out of the blue.

I saw my primary doc today for my ER follow up. She put me on legit prescprition constipation meds. Said the other stuff is muscular. Same thing my PT was saying. I'm too tense in my stomach. Which doesn't help my constipation.

My pdoc got back to me. He pretty much just blew me off with a one sentence response of "its unlikely." I have not been feeling very supported lately by people besides my therapist and my mom. Idk if its me or them or what.

I just took a draminine because I want to stop the med I know is causing issues. I don't know if it was smart to take it with my valiums. But everyone seems to be blowing me off and I've done worse before anyways.

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Old Sep 18, 2023 at 05:49 PM
  #948
 
I did some administrative tasks today and got several waves of anxiety. I'm coaching myself that i am safe. It's so hard.
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Old Sep 18, 2023 at 07:36 PM
  #949
 
I quit the cariprazine cold turkey four days ago. It has a super long half life, and I was only on 3mg, so I'm not expecting any withdrawals or rebound psychosis (and I'm still on two other antipsychotics). My residential pdoc said this would be an okay thing to do for that reason. Next up: lorazepam. Should be easy since I'm only on 2mg 2x/day.

IOP is going okay, and I met somebody in residential who started the same program who seems really into recovery so I'm going to stay at his place for a few days to get away from this drug den of a neighborhood and be about 30 minutes closer to the IOP. The thing I don't like about IOP is I'm the only woman so every time the facilitator mentions "trauma" all I can think of is "I'm surrounded," but FaceEverythingAndRecover, I guess.

I'm working on my second poetry book, too. This one's going to be nature-themed.

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Old Sep 18, 2023 at 08:21 PM
  #950
 
@MuddyBoots:

I found it so hard to get off benzos that i settled for harm-reduction. I went from 1mg of Clonazepam (the equivalent of 20mg of Valium) to 5mg of Valium. I found i had trouble behaving if i went below 5mg of Valium. I had troubles with anger and fear. I was belligerent to a staff at Walmart and believe i narrowly escaped getting barred from the mall.

I used The Ashton Method to reduce my benzos. That's where you substitute in Valium because it can be cut in such small amounts. I reduced by 1mg of Valium per week. At first it was relatively painless, but as i say, the lower i got, the harder it was to function.

I've just accepted that i am a person who needs 5mg per day of Valium to function. I'm glad that i tried to get off benzos and relatively happy that i reduced my use by 75%.

One milligram of Lorazepam (Ativan) is equivalent to 10mg of Valium, as i understand it.

During a chaotic few years in my early 30s (now 57) after my divorce, i ran out of benzos when i moved around the country a lot and was without a doctor. I found it very hard to function and nearly impossible to sleep. Reality came in waves and my pupils dilated wildly. It was hard to get anything done and i was without a fixed address for six weeks. It was a hair-raising experience.
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Old Sep 18, 2023 at 08:32 PM
  #951
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by JaneOnceMore View Post
@MuddyBoots:

I found it so hard to get off benzos that i settled for harm-reduction. I went from 1mg of Clonazepam (the equivalent of 20mg of Valium) to 5mg of Valium. I found i had trouble behaving if i went below 5mg of Valium. I had troubles with anger and fear. I was belligerent to a staff at Walmart and believe i narrowly escaped getting barred from the mall.

I used The Ashton Method to reduce my benzos. That's where you substitute in Valium because it can be cut in such small amounts. I reduced by 1mg of Valium per week. At first it was relatively painless, but as i say, the lower i got, the harder it was to function.

I've just accepted that i am a person who needs 5mg per day of Valium to function. I'm glad that i tried to get off benzos and relatively happy that i reduced my use by 75%.

One milligram of Lorazepam (Ativan) is equivalent to 10mg of Valium, as i understand it.
Thank you for your input. I am also taking 20mg of valium a day (split up into two doses) so I will still have benzos in my system without the lorazepam. I also have only been on the lorazepam for about 2.5 weeks (at first only PRN) so I don't think I have that much of a tolerance yet.

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Old Sep 18, 2023 at 08:34 PM
  #952
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by JaneOnceMore View Post
@MuddyBoots:

I found it so hard to get off benzos that i settled for harm-reduction. I went from 1mg of Clonazepam (the equivalent of 20mg of Valium) to 5mg of Valium. I found i had trouble behaving if i went below 5mg of Valium. I had troubles with anger and fear. I was belligerent to a staff at Walmart and believe i narrowly escaped getting barred from the mall.

I used The Ashton Method to reduce my benzos. That's where you substitute in Valium because it can be cut in such small amounts. I reduced by 1mg of Valium per week. At first it was relatively painless, but as i say, the lower i got, the harder it was to function.

I've just accepted that i am a person who needs 5mg per day of Valium to function. I'm glad that i tried to get off benzos and relatively happy that i
reduced my use by 75%.

One milligram of Lorazepam (Ativan) is equivalent to 10mg of Valium, as i understand it.

During a chaotic few years in my early 30s (now 57) after my divorce, i ran out of benzos when i moved around the country a lot and was without a doctor. I found it very hard to function and nearly impossible to sleep. Reality came in waves and my pupils dilated wildly. It was hard to get anything done and i was without a fixed address for six weeks. It was a hair-raising experience.

Congratulations jane.
any time you reduce a benzo I am i awe. good luck in this journey toward better mental health.!!!!

(((((HUGS)))))))
bizi

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Old Sep 18, 2023 at 08:42 PM
  #953
 
@MuddyBoots:

Thanks for sharing that your use of Lorazepam has not been long-term. As you may have sensed, it makes me very nervous when members talk about discontinuing benzos!
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Old Sep 18, 2023 at 11:01 PM
  #954
 
@Nammu I'm right there with you with your thoughts about there being more darkness in the winter. I live somewhere where it is to hot to be outside in the summer so the cooler temps of winter are nice. But, these almost feel like a tease because, by the time I get home from work, there isn't much daylight left to go outside and enjoy it...

@HALLIEBETH87 I just talked to my counselor today about how hard it can be to make time to take care of yourself when in school. If I keep up what I've been doing, I'll run myself into the ground. Thankfully, starting Thursday, I am able to take a two week break between courses (the norm is for the class you are in to end on a Wednesday and the next class to start already that Thursday). I hope you are able to find a routine that works for you!

The weekend being over has helped me get out of my funk a little bit, but it's definitely still there. I'm especially having some anxiety about a paper I have to write. I'm curious what will happen to my mood once I have a little more down time for a couple of weeks. I'm starting to think my struggles to get stable are being caused my mood switches related to hormones. I'll have to keep track of how my mood shifts/if there is a pattern.

My counselor really pushed on me the need to accept my Bipolar diagnosis, and the realities this comes with. Even though it has been 2 years, I don't know that I want to. I know I need to though-I just don't know how to get there because accepting it feels like I'm giving over control to the symptoms.

On a happy note, my students seem to be enjoying the lab experiment they are currently in the middle of! It's fun to see their reactions to how things are changing as the experiment progresses. :-)

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Old Sep 19, 2023 at 12:01 AM
  #955
 
Itís 1 am. I just took Benadryl because I canít sleep. Hopefully it kicks in in 20 to 30 minutes.

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Old Sep 19, 2023 at 02:41 AM
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Still in love with my kitty
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Old Sep 19, 2023 at 06:59 AM
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Still in love with my kitty
Iím still in love with my kitty, too!

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Old Sep 19, 2023 at 01:30 PM
  #958
 
I managed to wash my laundry yesterday and today I put it away! Now gotta do the few dishes that are in the sink. Nothing like the other day when the sink was overflowing. My case manager called to check on me. She wants me to watch my manic symptoms but she said itís good that Iíve been cleaning.

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Old Sep 19, 2023 at 02:08 PM
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Oh the homework work load is crazy in this program. We do 8 week classes instead of 16 so itís a lot. Ugh

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Old Sep 19, 2023 at 02:32 PM
  #960
 
Did some administrative work for my boss today. Did some tests to make some extra money while I am sitting here at work too. Overall mood is shifting. Had a bad visit with my husband at the hospital yesterday - he thinks he's some sort of crime boss with the mafia. I don't know, his delusions seem to get worse every now and then. I just don't know what to do. I love him so much.

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