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Old Sep 21, 2023 at 01:27 AM
  #981
 
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Originally Posted by Miguel'smom View Post
Things are still up in the air here. Trying to find a new place. I still don't have a psych or therapist. I run out of meds in February. My daughter has her first appointment at the gender clinic tomorrow. She's talking about dropping out of school. She's deeply depressed. Her new meds she has to jump through hoops so it hasn't been sent yet. She's 21 so I can't help. I'm not depressed just overwhelmed and things just aren't going fast enough. I'm in all these FB groups but I'm not finding help I'm finding classism. I'm trying to put what little money we have for voice training. Our car got towed once again. We just can't catch a break. The apartment isn't taking care of here. I just wanted to move to a complex with parking. We've decided we have to keep the car. I've been spending my free time sleeping.


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Old Sep 21, 2023 at 01:41 AM
  #982
 
Went and did the grocery shopping for my kids - theyíre coming for dinner tomorrow night. I havenít seen them for 3 months. Doing starters (buffalo cauliflower baked ďwingsĒ with a hot sauce - mains (sweet potato spinach chickpea curry) - and dessert (malva pudding - similar to sticky date pudding). Baked the pudding today. Will just heat up tomorrow night.
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Old Sep 21, 2023 at 01:45 AM
  #983
 
I feel better this morning. I think I am happy because my level of blood glucose is inside the normal reference frame. I have decided to watch it more often and am now writing down what I eat and measure the blood glucose related to the food I eat. That will help me to keep it "normal".

I used parts of the evening to read in the neuro-psychology book about depression. So I am in a happy fighting mood now. I am not going to let my knowledge about that I usually have SAD in the winter ruin my life.

I will fight and I will win!

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Old Sep 21, 2023 at 07:59 AM
  #984
 
Id much rather be asleep than at work right now. Iím so exhausted! Wish I could nap after work but I have homework. One day Iíll catch up!

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Old Sep 21, 2023 at 06:51 PM
  #985
 
I'm taking a lot of deep breaths. I had labs drawn last Wednesday. Usually they reach my pdoc on Thursday or Friday. This time they didn't get there until Monday and my pdoc (fairly) didn't sign off until Tuesday at which time they were faxed (I think on Wednesday). This is fine because I have plenty but annoying because my pharmacy is so short staffed they aren't answering the phone sometimes. One night they didn't answer at all and I called 3 times and was on hold for 10-15 minutes each time and nobody answered. Today I called again and was told "if we received your labs we would have filled your prescription. bang" in a snotty tone. A while later I talked to my pdoc's secretary who assured me it was sent and she has the fax receipt. I called CVS yet again and specially asked they check their fax pile. Someone who sounded very tired but polite looked and couldn't find it. So that means tomorrow I have to get up earlier than usual long enough to call my pdoc's office and have them send it again. So now I'm at 10 days from the blood draw and I still have to go to town to get the med once it is filled.

I know I am much better off than a lot of people on clozapine. My pdoc does send in the fax quickly and I do work things out with the pharmacy eventually every month. Some months I don't even have to fight with them. But the months that it is difficult I wish that they didn't require so many hurdles to get the stuff.


It works so well I shouldn't complain. But some months it really hits me what a delicate balance getting the stuff is. I really hope it goes through tomorrow and doesn't carry over into another week.

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Old Sep 21, 2023 at 06:55 PM
  #986
 
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Originally Posted by Sunflower123 View Post
Mom called me from the dentistís office and asked me to call AAA for her as her car wouldnít start. I did. Before they arrived, she discovered that she got into a car that wasnít even the same color as hers and tried to start it. Iím not laughing or making fun of her. I am concerned for a few reasons. Iíve tried to take the keys away because Iím willing to take her anywhere but she remains resistant and my sister doesnít support me in that so itís a complicated situation.

I have an anxious attachment style and am in a relationship with someone who has an avoidant attachment style. Itís an interesting dynamic. Iím learning a lot how to effectively manage that combination for optimal effect.

Iím doing okay. Have not seen signs for SAD yet. Hopefully I wonít.

Going to get my COVID booster next Monday. Iíll feel a bit better then about going out in public.

I hope everyone has a peaceful day.


I don't know if there is one near you but a lot of hospitals have driving safety programs for seniors. The goal is to make changes to increase safety, not to take away keys. A lot of people are really happy with the outcomes. It might be worth looking into if she's having issues. Just make sure she knows they are on her side and not there to take the keys away; that can be hard to convince people.

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Old Sep 21, 2023 at 07:30 PM
  #987
 
Iím really having a tough time with sleep. I still go to bed at the same time, take my meds the same but donít fall asleep until 4-5 in the morning so I donít wake up until around 9am. Thats way too late but I get get up at 7. If I do Iím just dragging. The gabapentin isnít working at all anymore.

Today I didnít get much done. It was 9:45 when I got up. I caught up on the phone and emails. Then it was almost time for the meal delivery. A tech came to to install the hardware for a new internet service. Then lunch came. I went to run errands. Dropping of pants to be hemmed up and going to hobby lobby for a frame for a watercolor I purchased from Etsy for my sister. I found the perfect frame, and had them frame it for me, didnít take long. Then stopped to buy soda that was on sale. Then it was already time for the afternoon movie.

Last week at the movie I talked to a gal that was my sisters age. So this week she brought the year books. She was just a year behind my sister. We didnít have long to talk because I was late. Then the movie started

And then itís past 5pm already!! I had to turn on the light by 6! The days are already so short. I need to get to sleep earlier so Iíve more daylight.

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Old Sep 21, 2023 at 07:50 PM
  #988
 
I didn't have any anxiety today, so that was nice. But it was a really dull day spent mostly lying on the sofa like a drunk. Terrible inertia today. My ZOOM support group was lousy. I didn't get anything done except for the bare minimum for me and my dog. Playing with her was fun tho.
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Old Sep 21, 2023 at 08:52 PM
  #989
 
I left the house at 8am for
Work and got home
Around 7pm. Then I
Did three discussion posts and
Wrote a 4 page paper.

I still have stuff to get done. Iím
Exhausted

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Old Sep 21, 2023 at 09:29 PM
  #990
 
CR broke his pinky on Monday playing some dumb game with his friends. Iím not clear on the details but I believe it involves trying to smack the top of the other personís head and when he came down for the snack he slammed his pinky into his locker. Thatís karma for you I guess. Anyway, itís just a small fracture but I have to take him to an orthopedic dr on Tuesday to follow up. Iíll have to take a half day at work. I have ECT on Monday so I guess itís good that the next day Iíll only have a half day, even though Iím usually fine the next day.

I asked my therapist what her recommendation was for the maintenance ECT since I really donít want to have to get zapped once a month for the rest of my life. She said keep going through the school year and if I make it all the way through the winter and school year stable, not having to take time off, I can consider giving it up for the summer. Iíll agree with that. RS doesnít want me to give it up, heís afraid Iíll destabilize and end up IP again. Frankly, I am too. Iíd love to make it a whole year with no IP stays. That will be the first since 2021. And the only reason I didnít go IP in 2020 was because of Covid. I still had to do virtual IOP.

I dropped the propranolol. My watch was telling me my average resting heart rate was only 55 bpm. I decided to experiment with going off it to see if the tachycardia would return and my resting heart rate is averaging in the high 60s/low 70s. I think since Iíve cut way down in nicotine (with the intention of quitting as soon as this current vape pod runs out) it may have lowered my heart rate. Plus the regular exercise, though thatís been hard to keep up with now that Iím working. Anyway, Iím going to drop the lexapro as well (Iím only on 5mg) and see if my depression remains at bay. Then Iíll only be on three meds. Iíll never stop lamictal or haldol and I donít sleep without seroquel so Iíll probably have to remain on three but three is better than five. There was a magical year when I was only on two, lamictal and depakote. But I will never go off my AP again, not after that horrific episode in 2022.

We have a tropical cyclone thing coming this weekend, heavy rain and wind all weekend. Iím going to challenge CR to a game of phase ten and invite him to watch Halloween movies with us. Iím going to ensure we have food for all three meals on Saturday and Sunday as we usually eat out and I donít want to go out, nor will I feel right about ordering delivery and expecting someone else to drive in that weather. Itís not that we donít have food, itís that we need a plan, otherwise no one knows what they want to eat. I have to plan meals. I also want to look up some meal prep ideas so I can make lunches for the week, when Iím on my lunch break I want the least amount of time and effort possible. Making meals ahead and just being able to pop them in the microwave will help for sure. Now to see if I have enough containers!

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Old Sep 21, 2023 at 09:38 PM
  #991
 
Hello, been awhile since I've checked in on this thread. I'm doing well. My job is going well, I got promoted, yesterday the manager wanted to talk to me and I was scared I was getting fired or something but it was a promotion which was the furthest thing from my mind due to me always being paranoid that I'm not doing a good enough job. So now in addition to being a cashier I'll also be conducting interviews for employee candidates and choosing which ones to pass on to the hiring manager and running orientation for new employees. Today was my first day off after 4 days straight working. I did two back to back shifts sunday night/monday morning doing inventory so I got no sleep, by time I got home it was after midnight and I had to head out again at 4:40am to catch the 5am bus to make it to the 6am to 2pm shift doing inventory. Thankfully that's only like a two day thing that only happens 3-4 times a year. It sucked though. Was a lot of work.

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Old Sep 21, 2023 at 10:35 PM
  #992
 
Well it turns out he doesnít want to be my boyfriend. Mania mind: gotta love it. Ironically, I slept till 4:30 pm today. Didnít wake up at all. I did take some Benadryl around 1 am so maybe that made me sleep longer. Never called my case manager like I said I would. Better do that tomorrow. Set three alarms and trying not to have to take meds to sleep. Man life was better on Klonopin !

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Old Sep 21, 2023 at 10:41 PM
  #993
 
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Originally Posted by Moose72 View Post
Well it turns out he doesnít want to be my boyfriend. Mania mind: gotta love it. Ironically, I slept till 4:30 pm today. Didnít wake up at all. I did take some Benadryl around 1 am so maybe that made me sleep longer. Never called my case manager like I said I would. Better do that tomorrow. Set three alarms and trying not to have to take meds to sleep. Man life was better on Klonopin !
When I was taken off diazepam cold turkey it made me slightly manic for about a week until I was put on a low dose of it again. Maybe you need klonopin, or a slower taper?

Just a thought.

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Old Sep 21, 2023 at 11:54 PM
  #994
 
[QUOTE=Blue_Bird

[MENTION=257911]Blue_Bird[/MENTION] congratulations! It sounds like it is going great. You should be so proud of yourself.

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Old Sep 22, 2023 at 12:05 AM
  #995
 
@Nammu what dose of gabapentin are you on? I've found it pretty consistently good for sleep. I take 1200 at 8:30 with my other meds and then 500 mg more at 11:00. Even that is not a low dose; I've been on 2700 mg before in the hospital and just after coming home. I did have to find the exact right dose for it to work and that took some jiggling.

I hope you get some sleep.

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Old Sep 22, 2023 at 05:59 AM
  #996
 
I don't understand myself. Yesterday I said that I would fight my depression. Today I feel very miserable.

I have tried to push it away (the sadness, the tiredness, the no-motivation "thing"), as if it is some sort of a will-sake.

Depression isn't that! I woke up at 03:35. I haven't slept since. Now it is almost 12:00 here in the Greenwich +1 zone. Oh my G.. More than 8 hours since I woke up.

I have moved, have a lot to unpack and have already unpacked a lot. I have even had a small dinner party at the kitchen some days ago. The kitchen is the only room without stuff that needs to be unpacked.

I say to myself: STOP, it is natural that you feel tired. Everybody become tired after moving.

I think I need to accept that depression has caught me even if I didn't want it so. There is no magic in that I understand neuro-science better with regard to my health. I know well that I need a good structure around my activities during the day to master them. And now all my normal routines are gone (for a while).

According to the neuro-s-book gratefulness is of great help when depressed. I have started to unpack one box my grown up children packed for me. I do really feel grateful for their help! Without them I wouldn't have been able to move at all. And when I am thinking of that; I am grateful for my family, for children and grandchildren, for siblings. Of course siblings can have their fights, but in general our relationship is good.

Sorry for ranting, but I felt that I needed to do so for my own wellbeing. It helped a bit to see what I have to be grateful for. I even have a wonderful view from this place. Grateful. I also needed to accept that it is no catastrophe if my SAD has caught me early. (I can see that so far I have been self-blaming and expecting too much of myself).

I am loading the batteries for my Light lamp now.

Tomorrow my new stove will come, so I need to be up early for that. I will use my light lamp first.

I hope this is a realistic plan for the next week: Up early using light lamp every day. Do physical exercises, repeating my CBT tools and then go out for a walk. If I need a rest after the walk I will let it be so. The rest of the unpacking can be done in small portions according to my energy. (Buy the way: another uplifting topic I can be grateful for is my health. I can take longer walks then before without being exhausted).

For those who managed to read all: Thank you! May your own day be as good as possible!

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Old Sep 22, 2023 at 10:00 AM
  #997
 
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@Nammu what dose of gabapentin are you on? I've found it pretty consistently good for sleep. I take 1200 at 8:30 with my other meds and then 500 mg more at 11:00. Even that is not a low dose; I've been on 2700 mg before in the hospital and just after coming home. I did have to find the exact right dose for it to work and that took some jiggling.

I hope you get some sleep.
Just 300mg prn . 1200 mg Oh boy, thatís sooo many pills. But Iím getting desperate. Last night around 3:30 am I was so frustrated I screamed out loud and Sir came running to see what was wrong. It didnít occur to me until then that maybe my neighbor heard me! Oh joy! Then I fell asleep for only a couple hours.

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Old Sep 22, 2023 at 12:35 PM
  #998
 
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Just 300mg prn . 1200 mg Oh boy, thatís sooo many pills. But Iím getting desperate. Last night around 3:30 am I was so frustrated I screamed out loud and Sir came running to see what was wrong. It didnít occur to me until then that maybe my neighbor heard me! Oh joy! Then I fell asleep for only a couple hours.
I take 800mgx4 a day, though I'm not on it for sleep.

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Old Sep 22, 2023 at 12:38 PM
  #999
 
Quote:
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Just 300mg prn . 1200 mg Oh boy, thatís sooo many pills. But Iím getting desperate. Last night around 3:30 am I was so frustrated I screamed out loud and Sir came running to see what was wrong. It didnít occur to me until then that maybe my neighbor heard me! Oh joy! Then I fell asleep for only a couple hours.

Hope this night gives you the sleep you need!

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Old Sep 22, 2023 at 02:02 PM
  #1000
 
The new thread is here: Bipolar Check-In #77
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