Bipolar Check-In #76

Rosi700

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There is always hope ...

Crazy Hitch

Went and did the grocery shopping for my kids - they’re coming for dinner tomorrow night. I haven’t seen them for 3 months. Doing starters (buffalo cauliflower baked “wings” with a hot sauce - mains (sweet potato spinach chickpea curry) - and dessert (malva pudding - similar to sticky date pudding). Baked the pudding today. Will just heat up tomorrow night.

Rosi700

I feel better this morning. I think I am happy because my level of blood glucose is inside the normal reference frame. I have decided to watch it more often and am now writing down what I eat and measure the blood glucose related to the food I eat. That will help me to keep it "normal".

I used parts of the evening to read in the neuro-psychology book about depression. So I am in a happy fighting mood now. I am not going to let my knowledge about that I usually have SAD in the winter ruin my life.

I will fight and I will win!

__________________
There is always hope ...

HALLIEBETH87

Id much rather be asleep than at work right now. I’m so exhausted! Wish I could nap after work but I have homework. One day I’ll catch up!

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Bipolar 1 w/psychotic features or schizoaffective bipolar type
PTSD
generalized anxiety
OCD

celexa, prazosin, Lybalvi and prn zyprexa and klonopin

BeyondtheRainbow

I'm taking a lot of deep breaths. I had labs drawn last Wednesday. Usually they reach my pdoc on Thursday or Friday. This time they didn't get there until Monday and my pdoc (fairly) didn't sign off until Tuesday at which time they were faxed (I think on Wednesday). This is fine because I have plenty but annoying because my pharmacy is so short staffed they aren't answering the phone sometimes. One night they didn't answer at all and I called 3 times and was on hold for 10-15 minutes each time and nobody answered. Today I called again and was told "if we received your labs we would have filled your prescription. bang" in a snotty tone. A while later I talked to my pdoc's secretary who assured me it was sent and she has the fax receipt. I called CVS yet again and specially asked they check their fax pile. Someone who sounded very tired but polite looked and couldn't find it. So that means tomorrow I have to get up earlier than usual long enough to call my pdoc's office and have them send it again. So now I'm at 10 days from the blood draw and I still have to go to town to get the med once it is filled.

I know I am much better off than a lot of people on clozapine. My pdoc does send in the fax quickly and I do work things out with the pharmacy eventually every month. Some months I don't even have to fight with them. But the months that it is difficult I wish that they didn't require so many hurdles to get the stuff.


It works so well I shouldn't complain. But some months it really hits me what a delicate balance getting the stuff is. I really hope it goes through tomorrow and doesn't carry over into another week.

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Bipolar 1, PTSD, GAD, OCD.
Clozapine 350 mg, Emsam 9 mg, topamax 25 mg, ,Gabapentin 1500 mg & 100-400 mg PRN, 1.5 mg clonazepam

BeyondtheRainbow

I don't know if there is one near you but a lot of hospitals have driving safety programs for seniors. The goal is to make changes to increase safety, not to take away keys. A lot of people are really happy with the outcomes. It might be worth looking into if she's having issues. Just make sure she knows they are on her side and not there to take the keys away; that can be hard to convince people.

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Bipolar 1, PTSD, GAD, OCD.
Clozapine 350 mg, Emsam 9 mg, topamax 25 mg, ,Gabapentin 1500 mg & 100-400 mg PRN, 1.5 mg clonazepam

Nammu

I’m really having a tough time with sleep. I still go to bed at the same time, take my meds the same but don’t fall asleep until 4-5 in the morning so I don’t wake up until around 9am. Thats way too late but I get get up at 7. If I do I’m just dragging. The gabapentin isn’t working at all anymore.

Today I didn’t get much done. It was 9:45 when I got up. I caught up on the phone and emails. Then it was almost time for the meal delivery. A tech came to to install the hardware for a new internet service. Then lunch came. I went to run errands. Dropping of pants to be hemmed up and going to hobby lobby for a frame for a watercolor I purchased from Etsy for my sister. I found the perfect frame, and had them frame it for me, didn’t take long. Then stopped to buy soda that was on sale. Then it was already time for the afternoon movie.

Last week at the movie I talked to a gal that was my sisters age. So this week she brought the year books. She was just a year behind my sister. We didn’t have long to talk because I was late. Then the movie started

And then it’s past 5pm already!! I had to turn on the light by 6! The days are already so short. I need to get to sleep earlier so I’ve more daylight.

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Nammu
…Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …...
Desiderata Max Ehrmann

JaneOnceMore

I didn't have any anxiety today, so that was nice. But it was a really dull day spent mostly lying on the sofa like a drunk. Terrible inertia today. My ZOOM support group was lousy. I didn't get anything done except for the bare minimum for me and my dog. Playing with her was fun tho.

HALLIEBETH87

I left the house at 8am for
Work and got home
Around 7pm. Then I
Did three discussion posts and
Wrote a 4 page paper.

I still have stuff to get done. I’m
Exhausted

__________________
Bipolar 1 w/psychotic features or schizoaffective bipolar type
PTSD
generalized anxiety
OCD

celexa, prazosin, Lybalvi and prn zyprexa and klonopin

wildflowerchild25

CR broke his pinky on Monday playing some dumb game with his friends. I’m not clear on the details but I believe it involves trying to smack the top of the other person’s head and when he came down for the snack he slammed his pinky into his locker. That’s karma for you I guess. Anyway, it’s just a small fracture but I have to take him to an orthopedic dr on Tuesday to follow up. I’ll have to take a half day at work. I have ECT on Monday so I guess it’s good that the next day I’ll only have a half day, even though I’m usually fine the next day.

I asked my therapist what her recommendation was for the maintenance ECT since I really don’t want to have to get zapped once a month for the rest of my life. She said keep going through the school year and if I make it all the way through the winter and school year stable, not having to take time off, I can consider giving it up for the summer. I’ll agree with that. RS doesn’t want me to give it up, he’s afraid I’ll destabilize and end up IP again. Frankly, I am too. I’d love to make it a whole year with no IP stays. That will be the first since 2021. And the only reason I didn’t go IP in 2020 was because of Covid. I still had to do virtual IOP.

I dropped the propranolol. My watch was telling me my average resting heart rate was only 55 bpm. I decided to experiment with going off it to see if the tachycardia would return and my resting heart rate is averaging in the high 60s/low 70s. I think since I’ve cut way down in nicotine (with the intention of quitting as soon as this current vape pod runs out) it may have lowered my heart rate. Plus the regular exercise, though that’s been hard to keep up with now that I’m working. Anyway, I’m going to drop the lexapro as well (I’m only on 5mg) and see if my depression remains at bay. Then I’ll only be on three meds. I’ll never stop lamictal or haldol and I don’t sleep without seroquel so I’ll probably have to remain on three but three is better than five. There was a magical year when I was only on two, lamictal and depakote. But I will never go off my AP again, not after that horrific episode in 2022.

We have a tropical cyclone thing coming this weekend, heavy rain and wind all weekend. I’m going to challenge CR to a game of phase ten and invite him to watch Halloween movies with us. I’m going to ensure we have food for all three meals on Saturday and Sunday as we usually eat out and I don’t want to go out, nor will I feel right about ordering delivery and expecting someone else to drive in that weather. It’s not that we don’t have food, it’s that we need a plan, otherwise no one knows what they want to eat. I have to plan meals. I also want to look up some meal prep ideas so I can make lunches for the week, when I’m on my lunch break I want the least amount of time and effort possible. Making meals ahead and just being able to pop them in the microwave will help for sure. Now to see if I have enough containers!

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Of course it is happening inside your head. But why on earth should that mean that it is not real?
-Albus Dumbledore

That’s life. If nothing else, that is life. It’s real. Sometimes it
f—-ing hurts. But it’s sort of all we have.
-Garden State

Blue_Bird

Hello, been awhile since I've checked in on this thread. I'm doing well. My job is going well, I got promoted, yesterday the manager wanted to talk to me and I was scared I was getting fired or something but it was a promotion which was the furthest thing from my mind due to me always being paranoid that I'm not doing a good enough job. So now in addition to being a cashier I'll also be conducting interviews for employee candidates and choosing which ones to pass on to the hiring manager and running orientation for new employees. Today was my first day off after 4 days straight working. I did two back to back shifts sunday night/monday morning doing inventory so I got no sleep, by time I got home it was after midnight and I had to head out again at 4:40am to catch the 5am bus to make it to the 6am to 2pm shift doing inventory. Thankfully that's only like a two day thing that only happens 3-4 times a year. It sucked though. Was a lot of work.

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My Blog: https://livingwithachaoticmind.wordpress.com/

“All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi

Moose72

Well it turns out he doesn’t want to be my boyfriend. Mania mind: gotta love it. Ironically, I slept till 4:30 pm today. Didn’t wake up at all. I did take some Benadryl around 1 am so maybe that made me sleep longer. Never called my case manager like I said I would. Better do that tomorrow. Set three alarms and trying not to have to take meds to sleep. Man life was better on Klonopin !

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*Schizoaffective disorder, bipolar type
Wellbutrin XL 300 mg
Rexulti 3 mg
Trazodone 50 mg - as needed (PRN)
Klonopin .5 mg at bedtime for sleep
Ingrezza 80 mg for akathisia
Most recent episodes:

Depression, Anxiety and Intrusive thoughts (September 2021)
Depression & Psychosis (July/August 2021)
Mania (April/May 2019)

raspberrytorte

When I was taken off diazepam cold turkey it made me slightly manic for about a week until I was put on a low dose of it again. Maybe you need klonopin, or a slower taper?

Just a thought.

__________________
The darkest of nights is followed by the brightest of days.

Dx: schizoaffective disorder bipolar type, generalized anxiety disorder

Rx: gabapentin, diazepam, Lamictal, seroquel, metformin, Cymbalta, loxapine, propranolol... whew! Lots of meds!

BeyondtheRainbow

[QUOTE=Blue_Bird

[MENTION=257911]Blue_Bird[/MENTION] congratulations! It sounds like it is going great. You should be so proud of yourself.

__________________
Bipolar 1, PTSD, GAD, OCD.
Clozapine 350 mg, Emsam 9 mg, topamax 25 mg, ,Gabapentin 1500 mg & 100-400 mg PRN, 1.5 mg clonazepam

BeyondtheRainbow

@Nammu what dose of gabapentin are you on? I've found it pretty consistently good for sleep. I take 1200 at 8:30 with my other meds and then 500 mg more at 11:00. Even that is not a low dose; I've been on 2700 mg before in the hospital and just after coming home. I did have to find the exact right dose for it to work and that took some jiggling.

I hope you get some sleep.

__________________
Bipolar 1, PTSD, GAD, OCD.
Clozapine 350 mg, Emsam 9 mg, topamax 25 mg, ,Gabapentin 1500 mg & 100-400 mg PRN, 1.5 mg clonazepam

Rosi700

I don't understand myself. Yesterday I said that I would fight my depression. Today I feel very miserable.

I have tried to push it away (the sadness, the tiredness, the no-motivation "thing"), as if it is some sort of a will-sake.

Depression isn't that! I woke up at 03:35. I haven't slept since. Now it is almost 12:00 here in the Greenwich +1 zone. Oh my G.. More than 8 hours since I woke up.

I have moved, have a lot to unpack and have already unpacked a lot. I have even had a small dinner party at the kitchen some days ago. The kitchen is the only room without stuff that needs to be unpacked.

I say to myself: STOP, it is natural that you feel tired. Everybody become tired after moving.

I think I need to accept that depression has caught me even if I didn't want it so. There is no magic in that I understand neuro-science better with regard to my health. I know well that I need a good structure around my activities during the day to master them. And now all my normal routines are gone (for a while).

According to the neuro-s-book gratefulness is of great help when depressed. I have started to unpack one box my grown up children packed for me. I do really feel grateful for their help! Without them I wouldn't have been able to move at all. And when I am thinking of that; I am grateful for my family, for children and grandchildren, for siblings. Of course siblings can have their fights, but in general our relationship is good.

Sorry for ranting, but I felt that I needed to do so for my own wellbeing. It helped a bit to see what I have to be grateful for. I even have a wonderful view from this place. Grateful. I also needed to accept that it is no catastrophe if my SAD has caught me early. (I can see that so far I have been self-blaming and expecting too much of myself).

I am loading the batteries for my Light lamp now.

Tomorrow my new stove will come, so I need to be up early for that. I will use my light lamp first.

I hope this is a realistic plan for the next week: Up early using light lamp every day. Do physical exercises, repeating my CBT tools and then go out for a walk. If I need a rest after the walk I will let it be so. The rest of the unpacking can be done in small portions according to my energy. (Buy the way: another uplifting topic I can be grateful for is my health. I can take longer walks then before without being exhausted).

For those who managed to read all: Thank you! May your own day be as good as possible!

__________________
There is always hope ...

Nammu

Just 300mg prn . 1200 mg Oh boy, that’s sooo many pills. But I’m getting desperate. Last night around 3:30 am I was so frustrated I screamed out loud and Sir came running to see what was wrong. It didn’t occur to me until then that maybe my neighbor heard me! Oh joy! Then I fell asleep for only a couple hours.

__________________
Nammu
…Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …...
Desiderata Max Ehrmann

raspberrytorte

I take 800mgx4 a day, though I'm not on it for sleep.

__________________
The darkest of nights is followed by the brightest of days.

Dx: schizoaffective disorder bipolar type, generalized anxiety disorder

Rx: gabapentin, diazepam, Lamictal, seroquel, metformin, Cymbalta, loxapine, propranolol... whew! Lots of meds!

Rosi700

Hope this night gives you the sleep you need!

__________________
There is always hope ...

FooZe

The new thread is here: Bipolar Check-In #77