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Monster on the Hill
Member Since Sep 2020
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Dec 02, 2023 at 02:45 AM
#21
Triggering TRig! (lol not trig just regular math) I can't do things unless I write them down.
Possible trigger:
------------------ Since it's impossible for me to tell the difference between low blood sugar "I'm gonna fall" and "I took too many benzos" I'm gonna fall. I'm just gonna not eat today. Maybe some really light stuff[/TRIGGER] __________________ Live life for nothing but that sweet sweet melody. |
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Account Suspended
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Dec 02, 2023 at 03:01 PM
#22
I hope you'll be okay, muddy
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Monster on the Hill
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Dec 02, 2023 at 11:25 PM
#23
Possible trigger:
If I go to PHP would things be easier? All of our fights are about food. He keeps making food for like 6 people when there's only the two of us and I don't eat any of the crap he makes. I mean not all the fights are about food but most of them are. __________________ Live life for nothing but that sweet sweet melody. |
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 bizi
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Monster on the Hill
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: by the river
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Dec 03, 2023 at 03:05 AM
#24
I am so SICK of this SHYT.
I am doing PHP. I don't want to deal with "don't eat this don't eat this don't eat that" "that'll make you fat" "you need to be this number to be worth living" "you don't deserve to take up as much space as you do..." etc etc. anymore. I don't want to deal with eating a weeks' worth of grocerys in 40 minutes and the nspending the next hour hunched over a toilet saying "gross gross get it out of me get it out get it tout!" I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to deal with the passing out and the shaking and the fights and the hiding and everything. I wanna start now. I can't start now. I wanna die. __________________ Live life for nothing but that sweet sweet melody. |
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| BeyondtheRainbow, JaneOnceMore
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Monster on the Hill
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: by the river
Posts: 4,142
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Dec 03, 2023 at 03:21 AM
#25
Possible trigger:
let me fly to oblivion __________________ Live life for nothing but that sweet sweet melody. |
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Monster on the Hill
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: by the river
Posts: 4,142
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Dec 03, 2023 at 03:22 AM
#26
I feel the weight and it's freaking me out aI just want it gone I want it gone so badly
__________________ Live life for nothing but that sweet sweet melody. |
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| stahrgeyzer
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Monster on the Hill
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Dec 03, 2023 at 03:25 AM
#27
If anyone cares about me here, you don't. You really don't. I am an evil monster and if you really knew you you'd know I would destroy you like I destroy everybody.
__________________ Live life for nothing but that sweet sweet melody. |
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Monster on the Hill
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Dec 03, 2023 at 03:26 AM
#28
I just wanna run far away from here. Far away from myself.
__________________ Live life for nothing but that sweet sweet melody. |
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| JaneOnceMore, raspberrytorte
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Monster on the Hill
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Dec 03, 2023 at 03:40 AM
#29
I should probaly get stitches
__________________ Live life for nothing but that sweet sweet melody. |
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Insert Smiley Face
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Dec 03, 2023 at 05:43 AM
#30
I'm sorry you're in so much pain right now muddy. I wish there was something I could do to help. I'm also dealing with my own demons at the moment. It's different of course, but demons non-the-less. I've never dealt with an ED.
I think PHP is a good idea for you. If I took that much Ativan I'd be hallucinating like crazy! Ativan makes me hallucinate for some reason. I just took 150mg of hydroxyzine and 20mg of diazepam and am feeling pretty good. Yay. I sleep like **** too. Though melatonin has helped to an extent. Have you tried melatonin? I still only sleep three to four hours but wake up feeling rested. Anyway, 🫂 . __________________ The darkest of nights is followed by the brightest of days. 
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Monster on the Hill
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Dec 03, 2023 at 05:48 AM
#31
I just took some valium and it feels like it has fenttanyl in it. I told ssoimproably homeless again
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Dec 03, 2023 at 05:54 AM
#32
Where'd you get the valium?
__________________ The darkest of nights is followed by the brightest of days.
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Monster on the Hill
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Dec 03, 2023 at 08:56 AM
#33
some dude
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Insert Smiley Face
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Dec 03, 2023 at 09:19 AM
#34
Don't get diazepam from sketchy dudes!
__________________ The darkest of nights is followed by the brightest of days.
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Monster on the Hill
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Dec 03, 2023 at 11:35 AM
#35
i aint fraid no elephant tranqs
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Dec 03, 2023 at 12:35 PM
#36
Why do you need it anyway if you have Ativan?
__________________ The darkest of nights is followed by the brightest of days.
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Insert Smiley Face
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Dec 03, 2023 at 12:36 PM
#37
I mean.... yes, Ativan sucks, but they're both benzos.
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Dec 03, 2023 at 12:36 PM
#38
No offense to Ativan. Lol. But I had the worst trip of my life on Ativan!
__________________ The darkest of nights is followed by the brightest of days.
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Monster on the Hill
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Dec 03, 2023 at 12:44 PM
#39
I took *all the ativan I had
---- I can't take this anymore. I need sleep. A good sleep. A "fall a sleep at 10 and wake up at 5 no nightterror" sleep. I need to eat like a normal person. None of this go three days just having instant breakfasts. No saying "no one's home, no one'll catch me. Imma microwave the gallon of icecream and put as much cereal and devil dogs as I can in it and binge on that shyt because it can come right back up." No talking to S after dinner because that'll just piss me off. Nah, after dinner I'm just gonna study music theory, write, do yoga, and maybe if my fingher s comply play some ksys. I'll have a cup of chamomile tea. One cup so I don't have to pee. If I catch myself thinking about foodo or my family or S or drugs or anything unpleasant I'm going to look at a picture of Bean. Will I cry? Yeah. But I'd rather cry about a good memory that's lost than a bad memory/habit htat huants me to this day __________________ Live life for nothing but that sweet sweet melody. Last edited by MuddyBoots; Dec 03, 2023 at 01:02 PM.. |
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Insert Smiley Face
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Dec 03, 2023 at 01:29 PM
#40
Don't binge on melted ice cream mixed with all that shyt. That's flucking nasty.
Are you going to try PHP? I think you should. I understand what you mean about needing a good night of sleep. I need a good night of sleep too. I wish I could sleep 11PM to 6AM. But I can't for whatever reason. It flucking sucks. I think your nightly plan sounds good. Sorry you're out of Ativan. When can you pick up your next prescription of it? I still don't think you should be getting valium from sketchy dudes, elephant tranquilizer or not. It just doesn't seem like a very good or safe idea. __________________ The darkest of nights is followed by the brightest of days.
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