Muddyboots's Miscellaneouses

i'm so sorry, muddy, you honestly dont deserve any of what's happening bad in your life

My mom let me back in when I begged her to see Lu and she was concerned about my weight loss and impressed that I wasn't on anything (I was sober and did not tell her I've been drinking pretty much since the New Year), so, here I am. Lu died Thursday. So I watched that all day knowing my mom would be pissed if I brought Lu to the vet without her and she wouldn't answer any of myy calls or texts. It was either a progressing stroke or a brain tumor, and I guess she probably had acute on chronic kidney failure too. No chance at saving her. She lived a good 20 years. Everyone called her a bytch but I loved her despite (maybe because of) her aloofness and I think she loved me too.

I'm going to stay for the other cats. Pemi's been awfully clingy and Saco seems depressed (Lu was his hot lantina cougar). Bo-Lu's brother- is acting like he's next. When he goes I'm going to ask if I can take Pemi and Saco with me wherever I go, not back to S's unless we can figure out a way to get our music out there (soundcloud?)

Heard back from the eating disorder inpatient and I "do not meet criteria." I guess you have to have already died to get in or something So, yeah, too sick for PHP, not sick enough for inpatient, insurance won't cover residential...no treatment for me I guess. Pretty sure my potassium's low again becasue for the life of me I can't play guitar again due to muscle issues, am twitching like crazy, and my legs are starting to get so weak they give out again and I'm tired all the time again.



Tried to moderate my drinking. Managed to make a fifth of vodka last two days. Not really moderation so I'm doing the sobriety thing again.

Idk if anyone even reads this at this point, but I think y'all are the reason I'm still here. I've always thought of responses as just ingenuine text, but I think I know if no one here cared no one would read/respond/hug. Might be wrong about that, but if you made it this far I do appreciate you and I care about and am astonished by everyone on this board that deals with mental illness. We're all badasses living when "manic depression's a frustrating mess."

Peace my friends

I'm sorry to hear about your cat, muddy. Ours passed away a couple of months ago. She was also 20 years old. It's so hard losing a pet.

Sucks about the ED clinic. I wish there was a way I could help.

I'm happy you didn't go through with your attempt. If your potassium is low again do you think you need to go to urgent care or the ER? Are there potassium supplements you can take? After my last attempt my potassium was low and they gave me a horse sized potassium pill to take. Only reason why I'm curious.

I wish you'd stop purging.

I'm so sorry about your cat, muddy, 20 is a good age, she did well

I hate when people put words in my mouth or make ridiculous assumptions. Been happening a lot lately even on here. Maybe I'm talking tooo much? Switching between topics too quickly? Or maybe people are just dumbasses?

I think I'm going to take another break from the world. Spend my days with music, writing, yoga, and sleeping. Not leave the house. Hide from my mom. Skip my appointments.

please don't skip your appointments, muddy

you deserve to be helped

I don't know if this is directed at me or not, but if it is I'm sorry for being a dumbass who's putting words in your mouth. See the quoted text above for reference if you feel I'm putting more words in your mouth. I'm kind of curious as to what ridiculous assumptions I have made, again if this is directed at me (and, again, I'm not putting words in your mouth... see quoted text above).

I won't be responding to this thread any longer.

I would advise you not to skip your appointments, but you're going to do what you want to do.

Good luck.

I apologize for my last post in this thread. I was just making a big deal out of being innocently misunderstood in another part of MSF and some real shyt happening irl. I didn't mean to target or direct it at anybody.

Today it became incredibly obvious that I need to lean on my treatment team more and make some drastic measures to quit hurting myself and everyone that gives a flying fk about me.

I’m glad to hear you want to lean on your treatment team. That’s progress! Thanks for coming back.

Don't worry, muddy. All is cool.

We all care about you, muddyboots