Bipolar Check-In #78

BeyondtheRainbow I'm sorry so much is going on. I hope you catch a break.

So my husband is pretty much decided to come home at the end of the month. No idea what this means for my nephew. This is not the outcome we wanted. We'll help anyway we can but h needs his Drs too. We'll see what the next week's bring.

My pdoc put me on 50mg of topamax at my last appointment. I gagged my way through my oatmeal this morning. Even my Coke zero was yuck. Do you guys think this is because of the topamax, people who have been on it?Maybe I'm just having a weird day or something, but jeez! It tasted vile.

For the love of Pete!

Topamax made me sick. I think mainly diarrhea but also nausea. I take 25 mg because it does seem to have some benefit but I doubt it is much. Anything over 25 mg is impossible.

topemax made everything taste awful and i was dumber than a box of rocks!

I've only been on it for three (?) weeks now. Until today I noticed no side effects from it.

I was put on it to hopefully lose some weight.

Do you take it primarily for mood stabilization, or are you on it for weight control?

Today is a really good day. My mood is pretty good, I am getting through each day getting used to my husband.

My daughter is on topamax for weight management. She says things just don't taste right.

I started it for migraines but stay on it for mood stability. I was hoping for weight loss as a side effect but my dose is too low.

Yeah. My oatmeal tasted like snot or something, and I made it the way I normally do and usually it's good! I had to make myself finish it (because I don't like throwing food out).

Oh okay. I REALLY hope it helps me lose weight!

I had several really low days. It has passed now, I'm feeling better.

The depression just eased off, it's still present but not as bad as it was for those several days. I'm still scoring high on the PHQ-9.

I went to the gym and had a good workout, and now I'm tired but it's a good tired. I'm still having coordination issues but that might get better with practice. I bought a big protein shake on the way home.

I see my pdoc tomorrow, I'll tell her about the low days. Maybe she'll change my meds. I'll also discuss ECT with her - my family doesn't want me to do it.

When you’re that depressed you’re on the brink of tears all day. That’s me. But I must soldier on!

I took topamax way, way back, oh about twenty years ago. Don’t remember that it did anything positive or negative. Didn’t need to lose weight but was hoping for an increase in mood. But nothing.

I keep putting off washing clothes. Ugh it’s such a chore now that I have to use a laundry room. Really really need to get it done tho.

I was feeling sort of in the dumps. Grey weather for days now. But I went downstairs to play dice. The lady with the dice didn’t show up so I just sat with a few others and we chewed the fat. Was a fun reminiscing of old times. We did the Minnesota good bye for 40 minutes. Feeling much better now. Got my mail. And cut all the cardboard up so it’s ready to take down to recycling.

I am starting to reduce my moring Topamax. Man I didn't realize how much brain fog and word salad it caused! I'm down 50mil from 75 and I'm able to talk to people. The lady at the cafe asked if I needed help and I said "oh, no. I've been helped already." Before I would have just looked at her cluelessly and then to my mom for her to answer for me.

It does cause weight loss at least for me, but you end up gaining it back eventually even if you still are taking it. I've heard that from other people too.

So I'm having massive anxiety and sh thoughts. Feel like I can't breathe and my chest is being ripped apart. Can't tell anyone. I told h about the anxiety, not about the thoughts or paranoia or sh. He wants to come home now but can't. I'm worried he can tell I'm not alright. I just want the ****en medicine so I can take it. Why does it have to be on backorder? I'm honestly thinking a little sh is harmless. But I know they won't trust me if I do that. I know he can't read my thoughts but I kinda don't at the same time like it's a possibility.

@Victoria'smom

It sucks your meds are on back order. When should you be getting them?

I just couldn’t stand it anymore! I was up till early this morning unable to sleep, afraid of what the Lunesta might do. I gave up at 3:30 and took it and fell asleep before it kicked in- I think! Crazy dreams ensued and I woke up at 11:30 a.m. feeling that falling into my own body feeling over and over again. I got up and talked with my non-boyfriend for hours as usual. I kept experiencing the sensation of starting the same moment in time over again from millisecond to millisecond though it SEEMED to be the normal progression of time it felt like I was stuck. N3 picked me up and he and his gf and I went to Chili’s for a late lunch. I didn’t dare drive myself. While at the restaurant I felt that I was floating next to and along with my body which eased along as I walked to and from the bathroom. I knew then that it was a good thing that I didn’t drive.

I left a message for my case manager and then called the people who intervene between patients and their providers to get my side effect experiences to my Pdoc. Soon after, I got a call from my case manager who said she’d gotten the message from Clinical Coverage that I’d called and said my Pdoc said to stop the Lunesta tonight for good and that she was putting me on Rozerem. Just for seven days. Apparently, it works with melatonin in your body. Melatonin supplements have done nothing for me so I expect this will be the same but we’ll see. Tonight, either way, will be long as I will be without any sleep aid at all.

I called my pdoc office and explained about the trintellix and how very down i am and sine hes gone to part time he has no opening til next august and is trasnferring me. so now i have to see someone new and cant see them til jan 10th. i cant stop crying. i cant take this right now. i trusted him and he was nice and idk if ic an trust this shane guy. im just doing really ****** today and cant quit crying. he said there was nothing he could for me bc hes booked and i need to be seen. i JUST saw him dec 5 when he put me on that hellish med.

i just need a long drive to mysefl