I’m struggling too!

Moose72 · Jan 17, 2024 at 10:09 PM

I’ve been listening to CDs all evening to distract myself. The voices are commanding and insistent and derogatory! I tell them to shut up but they just tell ME to shut up- mocking me!

I’m having a really hard time with this. I feel like the voices are my fault!

BeyondtheRainbow · Jan 17, 2024 at 10:34 PM

They are not your fault. You've been under a lot of stress lately and a lot of med changes and your brain is just on overdrive. Hopefully the new med I can't spell kicks in quickly. If you are still having hallucinations and counting knives in a day or 2 you should probably call your pdoc. I know you just saw her but those are things you don't want to get out of hand. Better to react too soon rather than too late.

Moose72 · Jan 17, 2024 at 10:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

They are not your fault. You've been under a lot of stress lately and a lot of med changes and your brain is just on overdrive. Hopefully the new med I can't spell kicks in quickly. If you are still having hallucinations and counting knives in a day or 2 you should probably call your pdoc. I know you just saw her but those are things you don't want to get out of hand. Better to react too soon rather than too late.

I told Pdoc about the voices this morning but they are so much worse tonight!

BeyondtheRainbow · Jan 17, 2024 at 10:47 PM

And it's ok to call her tomorrow and tell her that. I've had to do that before. It's just good self-care.

raspberrytorte · Jan 17, 2024 at 11:49 PM

I agree with everything BeyondtheRainbow said, @Moose72

Call your pdoc in the morning!

Or call a crisis line or go to the ER if the voices keep on getting worse and worse tonight and you're counting knives and feel like you're not safe.

Moose72 · Jan 18, 2024 at 02:07 AM

Now it’s 2 a.m. and I haven’t slept a wink.

Moose72 · Jan 18, 2024 at 02:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by raspberrytorte

I agree with everything BeyondtheRainbow said, @Moose72

Call your pdoc in the morning!

Or call a crisis line or go to the ER if the voices keep on getting worse and worse tonight and you're counting knives and feel like you're not safe.

I picked up the big knife and ran it across my finger before putting it back in the drawer.

Crazy Hitch · Jan 18, 2024 at 02:15 AM

Moose are you safe

Please call a helpline if you need to hun

raspberrytorte · Jan 18, 2024 at 04:17 AM

Do you have anyone you can call and talk to, Moose? Do you feel like you need to go to the ER?

Get rid of those knives!

Moose72 · Jan 18, 2024 at 06:24 AM

I’ve had 3 hours of sleep and it’s 6 a.m. and I’m talking to Caleb.

Moose72 · Jan 18, 2024 at 07:19 AM

Blocked

This URL is not blocked! My voices are internal and definitely not my own thoughts! I’d never think the things they say!

Moose72 · Jan 18, 2024 at 07:32 AM

Found this quote too…

Internal voices are not thoughts. I don't know how many times I have to say it. Thoughts are different from voices. I hear voices that exist in my head and I also hear voices that exist outside of my head. When the voices come from outside, they don't have a specific origin and they sound like they come from "everywhere". The voices inside my head literally live inside my head. They are substantial entities, not thoughts. I hear them with my ears. They just live in my head. I don't hear my thoughts, I think them. I hear the voices, I don't think them. I know for a fact which is which and I can tell you that with 100% certainty. There are thoughts that I think, there are thoughts that are being placed in my mind that aren't mine, and then there are voices. Three separate things. You can definitely hear voices "in your head".

Blocked

Moose72 · Jan 18, 2024 at 08:34 AM

I am not thinking things but the words come from elsewhere. They are planted in my brain. By what or whom I don’t know. They say it’s my brain going haywire. Maybe it’s stress. But all I know is that I was not in control last night! The voices were as random as could be. Derogatory, mean, hateful, swearing, evil, sadistic psychotic voices and that is not me! Nothing could be further from who I am.

Moose72 · Jan 18, 2024 at 09:53 AM

I talked with someone at my pdoc’s office. She talked about someone coming to take my knives but I don’t think they’re actually going to do it. She said my distraction techniques were good. She said she’d have my case manager call me. She said talking to my friends is a good thing.

Moose72 · Jan 18, 2024 at 10:41 AM

My case manager called. She wants me to give the knives to my mom. She told me to talk back to the voices and say things like “No. I’m not going to do that”. She thinks I should go to my mom’s. I dunno if she works tonight or not. I told her that the voices tell me to harm myself and others and she said that’s what concerns her.

Moose72 · Jan 18, 2024 at 11:43 AM

TRIGGER!!! I just put all the knives in a bag to take to my mom’s later but not before turning one inward on myself and feeling the sharp point press into my skin.

Moose72 · Jan 18, 2024 at 02:18 PM

Told case manager that I gave the knives to my mom and she said she is really proud of me!

Picked up the Caplyta. First dose tonight.

Moose72 · Jan 18, 2024 at 06:07 PM

Case mgr flipped out when I told her about my mom’s superior knife drawer. Told me to go home or call one of my friends and if not go to psych ER!

Crazy Hitch · Jan 18, 2024 at 09:24 PM

What are you going to do next? Stay safe hun.

Moose72 · Jan 18, 2024 at 09:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Crazy Hitch

What are you going to do next? Stay safe hun.

I’m going to take my first dose of Caplyta in 5 minutes. The crisis team was supposed to call and check up on me but they never did. I hope I can sleep tonight.

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BeyondtheRainbow Wise Elder Member Since Apr 2015 Location: US Posts: 9,233 (SuperPoster!) 9 9,387 hugs given	Jan 17, 2024 at 10:47 PM #4 And it's ok to call her tomorrow and tell her that. I've had to do that before. It's just good self-care. __________________ Bipolar 1, PTSD, GAD, OCD. Clozapine 250 mg, Emsam 12 mg/day patch, topamax 25 mg, ,Gabapentin 1700 mg & 100-2 PRN,. 1.5 mg clonazepam., 50 mg Seroquel
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raspberrytorte Insert Smiley Face Member Since Mar 2015 Location: USA Posts: 5,558 9 4,915 hugs given	Jan 17, 2024 at 11:49 PM #5 I agree with everything BeyondtheRainbow said, @Moose72 Call your pdoc in the morning! Or call a crisis line or go to the ER if the voices keep on getting worse and worse tonight and you're counting knives and feel like you're not safe. __________________ The darkest of nights is followed by the brightest of days.
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Moose72 Silver Swan Member Since Jan 2008 Location: USA Posts: 16,475 (SuperPoster!) 16 2,551 hugs given	Jan 18, 2024 at 02:07 AM #6 Now it’s 2 a.m. and I haven’t slept a wink. __________________ Wellbutrin XL 300 mg Loxapine 50mg Ingrezza 80 mg Ativan .5 mg 2x/day Propranolol 20 mg 2x/day Mania (December 2023) Mixed episode/Hypomania (September 2023) Depression, Anxiety and Intrusive thoughts (September 2021) Depression & Psychosis (July/August 2021) Mania (April/May 2019)
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Crazy Hitch ɘvlovƎ Member Since Nov 2013 Location: Australia Posts: 18,587 (SuperPoster!) 10 12.6k hugs given	Jan 18, 2024 at 02:15 AM #8 Moose are you safe Please call a helpline if you need to hun
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raspberrytorte Insert Smiley Face Member Since Mar 2015 Location: USA Posts: 5,558 9 4,915 hugs given	Jan 18, 2024 at 04:17 AM #9 Do you have anyone you can call and talk to, Moose? Do you feel like you need to go to the ER? Get rid of those knives! __________________ The darkest of nights is followed by the brightest of days.
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Crazy Hitch ɘvlovƎ Member Since Nov 2013 Location: Australia Posts: 18,587 (SuperPoster!) 10 12.6k hugs given	Jan 18, 2024 at 09:24 PM #19 What are you going to do next? Stay safe hun.
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