Bipolar Check-in #79

Mountaindewed · 02:18 PM

I'm throwing up a lot today but I have energy and I'm not in pain or anxious. So I still have no idea what that means. But I was able to take a shower, and my moods are fine, and I haven't needed a valium yet.

As long as I don't have monster pain or nausea then I'm good.

Right now I feel ok with my meds and the doses I'm on. But I haven't thrown them up in a couple days...

I got my closet organized and I'm washing my blankets. Its national clean your room day.

Does anyone else hate that Clear Choice commercial where people are eating food all sloppy and goofy and waving it in front of the camera because they can eat now? Idk it always gets on my nerves for some reason.

raspberrytorte · 02:57 PM

Husband took me on a hike through the woods today. Part of it was up a VERY long and steep hill with like a MILLION stone steps. I felt like I was dying! Not only am I out of shape but I've ruined my lungs by vaping for Pete's sake. Halfway up we stopped so I could catch my breath and I turned to my husband and said, "Husband, I hate you." And he responded with, "What? You're the one who said you wanted to shed some pounds!"

Asshole! Lol

Of course he was completely unphased by this awful hill with the bazillion stone steps!!

Oh, and he expects me to do it AGAIN on Monday... I was like FUKK NO.

Crazy Hitch · May 10, 2024 at 05:11 PM

Feeling a bit blue today which is unusual it’s a Saturday and I’ve got no work. Taking my son for swimming lessons today then going to the mall to pick up eyeliner because mine will run out soon. Maybe the retail therapy will serve me well.

This week at work wasn’t as bad as others. I mean my classes have been worse in the past so I should be thankful for small blessings!

Tomorrow is Mother’s Day and we’re going out to a cafe with my partner’s family. Hopefully that will cheer me up!

JaneOnceMore · May 10, 2024 at 08:01 PM

My stomach hurts. I've eaten very lightly for two days, less than 1000 calories a day. It feels sour. I don't feel hungry. I can only digest bland carbs, like Cheerios (no milk). Well, since i'm so very overweight it's not an emergency. Maybe it's even a good thing -- i'll finally lose weight, tho it's uncomfortable.

Hugs to all who need them!

LadyShadow · May 10, 2024 at 09:16 PM

Been completely cheating on my diet, and I am still battling with the same two pounds I have been battling with even when I was dieting. Makes no flippin sense. I feel really close with this girl I met an event two months ago; we have been grieving together for our lost loves. She actually left a guy around the same time Giovanni left 5 months ago. We both love our guys so much, and it's so nice to talk to someone who doesn't say "it's over, move on already"

Was at the new store today and it was SO exhausting. My feet hurt so bad from standing on them for 8 hours- there are no chairs in the store yet. Thank God I invested in some Skechers Slip-ons a month ago, they were $100 but they are totally worth it, they are the most comfortable shoes I've ever owned - perfect for this new location. I have had so much anxiety about how crazy busy this mall is and all the traffic around it, but I found a side street into the lower-level parking lot near one of the main entrances, which made things a lot easier. Traffic is total bananas when I get out at 6pm, but it's okay, it just reminds me of NYC all over again, lol. But all in all, it was a really exciting day at the new store. Can't wait for the Candle Studio to be built in the back so I can start teaching people how to make their own candles! It's going to be so much fun!

Symptoms wise I'm really good - it's been a month since I stopped taking my morning meds, and I'm functioning better than usual. That daytime sleepiness is virtually gone.

Victoria'smom · May 10, 2024 at 09:56 PM

I went to blick and had a meltdown. I had to spend x on myself and I didn't know what to get. I finally got 2 sketch books, pastels, watercolor paper, pens, and a pencil. We went to 2 different places because there was no parking. The lots were $60 parking so we went out side the city. Traffic was crazy. I guess I'm going to color tomorrow. Gotta finish my nephew's picture.

MuddyBoots · May 11, 2024 at 10:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Victoria'smom

I went to blick and had a meltdown. I had to spend x on myself and I didn't know what to get. I finally got 2 sketch books, pastels, watercolor paper, pens, and a pencil. We went to 2 different places because there was no parking. The lots were $60 parking

I'm sorry about the meltdown, but I hope you can put the art supplies to good use

I wanted to say $60 parking would make me gtfo of that area though

I think when I had access to it and was sleeping in it, I parked in a garage it cost not even $25 for the whole week.

Mountaindewed · May 11, 2024 at 11:21 AM

I didn't take my stomach med today. And I'm not throwing up and my stomach feels normal for the first time in a couple weeks. I've had coffee and an Ensure and a couple sodas and I just threw up a bit of bile before the coffee, but thats it. My stomach feels almost normal.

I know I was put on this med when I saw my new doctor sometime in like March. And shortly after that was when I started puking everyday all day. I'm wondering if thats the issue? The increase in Zofran is helping though.

I've also started drinking Ensure and that **** is as good as a med increase. I have so much more energy. I've gotten my closet cleaned, taken a shower, and now I'm doing laundry. My mom and I went out at 10PM last night to look for the northern lights.

So now I'm kinda wondering if it was my pantropaloze causing the vomiting all along?

MuddyBoots · May 11, 2024 at 11:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

I didn't take my stomach med today. And I'm not throwing up and my stomach feels normal for the first time in a couple weeks. I've had coffee and an Ensure and a couple sodas and I just threw up a bit of bile before the coffee, but thats it. My stomach feels almost normal.

I know I was put on this med when I saw my new doctor sometime in like March. And shortly after that was when I started puking everyday all day. I'm wondering if thats the issue? The increase in Zofran is helping though.

I've also started drinking Ensure and that **** is as good as a med increase. I have so much more energy. I've gotten my closet cleaned, taken a shower, and now I'm doing laundry. My mom and I went out at 10PM last night to look for the northern lights.

So now I'm kinda wondering if it was my pantropaloze causing the vomiting all along?

Pantoprazole can definitely cause vomiting.

Glad the Ensure is helping, that stuff is pretty good for providing nutrients you have trouble getting through food. I pretty much lived off of those during paranoia episodes that made me think food was poisoned, and carnation instant breakfast hot chocolates (less calories but less nutrients, but the same idea as Ensure and Boost) when I was on the track to dying from restriction.

LadyShadow · May 11, 2024 at 02:45 PM

Just feeling really good. Having a really clean house and clean environment can really help boost the mood. I woke up in so much pain and had to push through and clean all my sheets. I couldn't go to the gym but thank goodness my gym partner is so understanding. I also cancelled lunch with my friend. I don't know what it was, but I got a sudden burst of energy after I took some aspirin and cleaned my whole house from top to bottom even going outside and cleaning off all the cobwebs. I shouldn't let it get that bad.

All I know is, I am sitting here with the windows wide open and so much fresh air coming in. I feel really good, and I really hope I get to see the Northern Lights because I missed them last night. That would just be the perfect end to a perfect day. I am glad I didn't just stay in bed all day today because I was in pain.

MuddyBoots · May 11, 2024 at 03:26 PM

I'm hoping I get a chance to see the Northern Lights tonight too. Too much light pollution here and no car, but might get together with a buddy or however many we can cram into whoever's wheels we're taking.

Starting to feel better too. Honestly, I think obsessively looking at a guitar pick my partner gave me, and rereading some texts from them that just kinda tell me they think of me when I'm not there are helping. Not doing anything crazy with the substances for three or so weeks helps significantly too.

Scooter9 · May 12, 2024 at 10:17 AM

So I have some good news and bad news...

The good - my anxiety is way down. I take Klonopin just 1-2 times a week now. Vraylar seems to be working

The bad - my legs and feet are swelling up, I found out that it's the Vraylar is doing it. I contacted my pdoc but she's not in until Tuesday.

Otherwise, I'm hanging on, trying not to go too low.

JaneOnceMore · 02:29 PM

I'm feeling better; stronger. This is the second flicker i've had this Spring of good mood. I had two great games of Scrabble last night. Thoughts of the past are not so painful. I just tell myself i was a different person then. It's comforting.

My digestion is still broken tho. I've cut way back, even cut out pop. Maybe i just have to wait until i am ravenous to eat? I worry about it because work will be done on my bathroom soon and i won't have access to it at all times during the one week. There are other bathrooms in the building but i don't know if i can make it there in time. It looks like i'll just have to fast while the work is being done and i have no access.

MuddyBoots · May 12, 2024 at 01:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JaneOnceMore

I'm feeling better; stronger. This is the second flicker i've had this Spring of good mood. I had two great games of Scrabble last night. Thoughts of the past are not so painful. I just tell myself i was a different person then. It's comforting.

My digestion is still broken tho. I've cut way back, even cut out pop. Maybe i just have to wait until i am ravenous to eat? I worry about it because work will be done on my bathroom soon and i won't have access to it all the time for one week. There are other bathrooms in the building but i don't know if i can make it there in time. It looks like i'll just have to fast while the work is being done.

Not that I'm the epitome of great eating habits, but definitely try to maintain a steady intake without too much fluctuation. If you don't get what the nutrients and caloric intake your body needs based on activity, size, age, metabolism for a sustained amount of time that will backfire majorly. There's this thing when you are able to and allow yourself to eat after a period of not eating, your body thinks "omg, I can eat! This might be it for a while so I better stock up" and you will NOT be able to control yourself. Even when I didn't have an appetite and wasn't eating due to active Hep C, when my appetite came back, it REALLY came back and fked everything up and it's still fked half a year later (better choices probably could've helped my digestion tract, appetite, and metabolism return to normal by now, but hey

)

unaluna · May 12, 2024 at 02:09 PM

I was gonna say the same thing (about fluctuation). You really wanna be Goldilocks here. Which is why it is soooo messed up when parents force overeating on their kids. Like finish this jar of babyfood so i dont have to deal with it. A friend of a friend did that to her baby in my presence once, and i swear that baby looked terrorized. Its so hard to get that sense back. My mom did that to my cousin's kid and the kid puked spaghetti all over her stepmom's new white carpet. Thats when i knew she did it to me too. Just thoughtless, egotistical.

Mountaindewed · May 12, 2024 at 02:15 PM

My brother in law forced my nephew to eat green beans when he was about 3. It got so bad my mom snuck a couple to help him out. He was begging my mom to help him. Then of course he puked a bit later.

Mountaindewed · 06:03 PM

I'm doing ok today. I haven't thrown up and I haven't taken my stomach med in over 48 hours. I've still needed zofran and tylenol though. I've been watching non news TV for once. I'm not feeling too depressed or anxious. Just kinda normal.

I got asked what my favorite color was today and I have no idea. I always wear a black Target brand t shirt and blue Levis and black and white Nikes and a plain black baseball hat.

My stomach felt off and I just threw up a wad of dark chocolate.

Ok so maybe things aren't 100% better without the pantropanozole.

Now I'm just throwing up in general.....

My fat cat is the size of a 6 month old baby and weighs 13 pounds. He is huge. He just walked down the hallway. He is cranky too.

Moose72 · May 12, 2024 at 01:21 PM

N1 took me out for coffee this morning! N3 is taking me out to eat for a late lunch/early dinner tomorrow and N2 is taking me out to eat sometime later in the week.

MuddyBoots · May 12, 2024 at 02:01 PM

Happy Mother's Day to moms of all kinds out there

It can be a difficult day, but know you are worthy, you're doing the best you can, and you are cared about. Rock on my friends

---
Some dude's selling his synthesizer. Messaged him to see if there's any sort of agreement we can make (I don't have cash, so I'll like move furniture, clean, paint the living room, yard work, be a baby sitter, be a trip sitter, sleep with him, whatever lol) so I can get my hands on that mofo.

Feeling pretty good today. My CM called and asked how I was doing. Seemed concerned and kinda hinted she expected me to call later in some kind of crisis. Explained last week she had a family emergency so that's why she blew me off.

MuddyBoots · May 12, 2024 at 08:17 PM

Just dedicated the last few hours to watering my bulimia plant and now the stop sign turned green. Just make me a running back... but no point in wearing a helmet on a motorcycle if you know what I'm saying

Shake It Off. Or have the shakes. I think I misinterpreted something. Super blurry too

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Bipolar Check-in #79

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JaneOnceMore Member Member Since Feb 2023 Location: Ontario; long-time member, just under other names Posts: 373 1 2,330 hugs given	May 10, 2024 at 08:01 PM #4 My stomach hurts. I've eaten very lightly for two days, less than 1000 calories a day. It feels sour. I don't feel hungry. I can only digest bland carbs, like Cheerios (no milk). Well, since i'm so very overweight it's not an emergency. Maybe it's even a good thing -- i'll finally lose weight, tho it's uncomfortable. Hugs to all who need them!

Mountaindewed Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2016 Location: Where the sidewalk ends Posts: 36,777 (SuperPoster!) 7 8,995 hugs given	May 12, 2024 at 02:15 PM #16 My brother in law forced my nephew to eat green beans when he was about 3. It got so bad my mom snuck a couple to help him out. He was begging my mom to help him. Then of course he puked a bit later. __________________ Ridin' with Biden

MuddyBoots Monster on the Hill Member Since Sep 2020 Location: by the river Posts: 4,573 (SuperPoster!) 3 5,125 hugs given	May 12, 2024 at 08:17 PM #20 Just dedicated the last few hours to watering my bulimia plant and now the stop sign turned green. Just make me a running back... but no point in wearing a helmet on a motorcycle if you know what I'm saying Shake It Off. Or have the shakes. I think I misinterpreted something. Super blurry too __________________ Live life for nothing but that sweet sweet melody.