Bipolar Check-in #80

Planning a romantic getaway for Husband and I in September, something RELAXING 😌, something that will relieve his stress a little bit, so no Madison or Milwaukee trips. Planning on Bailey's Harbor in Door County and going hiking at a local nature sanctuary. Husband LOVES nature and hiking. I LOATHE nature and hiking. But this sanctuary has boardwalks and easy trails and beautiful views and in September the leaves will just be starting to change color. Good for me because the trails are easy and good for him because he loves nature. It's also free to explore.

I'm just looking into hotels right now. Want to find us something nice. Something where we can drink pink champagne and have adult fun time and I can feed him strawberries and give him beers and make him writhe with pleasure!!! Oh I'm so excited!

Going to the store later today to buy him an I-love-you card. ❤️ He likes those. He's so depressed and stressed right now. I want to do my best to make him happy. 😊 I would get him a rose 🌹 but the cats would eat it.

Last night I woke up sometime between 12 and 3 in a ton of pain. But I was also really sleepy. Maybe from the new melatonin. I took my AM meds and some tylenol and dramamine and a Prilosec and got back to sleep. It did feel like a pulled muscle along with nausea.

This morning I felt better. I just threw up an iced matcha half an hour ago. The room was spinning a bit afterwards. But I feel ok now.

Mood wise I'm slightly down but anxiety wise I'm ok. I thought the matcha would boost my moods.

Can you get different bottles of the same meds but with different side effects. I swear my new bottle of Topamax is working better then the last. Like I got a different generic or something

@Mountaindewed

Regarding your topamax question and different generics.... YES! I remember, a long time ago, when I was switched to a different generic of Lamictal. Whew! Really got me going and NOT in a good way. Asked the pharmacy to get me my old generic back and they did and I immediately felt much better after taking my old generic. The pharmacist told me the med is the same, it's just the fillers and mechanisms of action that can be different.

Yeah its like all I want to eat now is fruit and canned vegetables for some reason. I remember asking my pdoc about it years ago and he denied it but they always deny that sort of stuff.

Walked to the store and bought Husband his card. ❤️ Instead of buying him a flower I picked a pretty wild flower on the way home and pressed it on the inside of the card after I was done writing in it. He's going to be SO happy. 😊 Plan on picking up the apartment now. Also bought some more caffeine pills...ha, like I need those! Whatever. And some coke zero, which I already drank. I got about two and a half hours of sleep last night.

Psychiatrist will be back in the office on Wednesday though, so I should get a call on what he thinks we should do. I don't know though. I feel fine. I'm just ALL about Husband right now. He has vacation the week of the 4th. We're going on a trip out of town. Hotel has an indoor and outdoor waterpark. Daughter will be so happy! 😊 I'm personally not squeezing my fat *** into a swimming suit, but Husband is going swimming with her. Then we're seeing fireworks.

And Husband and I are going to have a romantic date night when we get back. So excited!

Tornado warning!!!

Going for a walk. It's not in this part of the county, but maybe on a hill I could see some activity in the cell.

My anxiety is still way up. I used the toilet 5 times today due to stomach cramping.

I did manage to buy a new pair of Sketchers, the slip on kind that I like so much. I also got another pair of jeans. I wanted Levi's but they didn't fit so I went with another brand, they still look good though.

My depression continues to be an issue, but that's not new. Maybe if the anxiety goes down, the depression will follow. Day 3 of increased Rexulti. I'm gonna stop counting the days. If it works I'll know it.

I'm going on a cruise to Alaska next week. Hopefully see some whales, glaciers, and other wildlife. Getting stocked up on meds but it's only a 7 day cruise. The longest I have been on so far is 4 days in the Caribbean. Packing lots of warm clothes and rain gear.

@MuddyBoots

Be careful!

@Scooter9

Tmi, but I so relate to the anxiety diarrhea. I hope your anxiety decreases with the rexulti increase! Have fun on your trip.

I still don't think my med changes (decreasing Emsam 3 days/week and lowering my 11 pm gabapentin from 500 mg to 400 mg) is working all that well. My head noise is back. I still have some periods of silence but the noise is there a lot. I also feel more anxious and irritable. I really want to be on less meds but I think if I'm going to keep the gabapentin low I'm going to have to increase my Seroquel to 75 mg which I really do not want to do. I don't want to start the sliperry slope of increasing Seroquel doses again. I know I can't take it as monotherapy as it stopped working completely after being on it for several years (which clozaril doesn't seem to do). Tonight I feel antsy. I got stung by a hornet 2 days ago and it's itchy and generally uncomfortable. I've been taking Benadryl which helps some but scares me because when they gave it to me in the hospital it made me incredibly agitated. That may be partly why I'm irritable although I have felt sleepy, not agitated on the Benadryl and am just being cautious.

I see my pdoc in a week so hopefully she'll know what to do to fix all this. We have to lower something or next winter I'll just wind up on even more than I'm taking.

@raspberrytorte I've heard wonderful things about Door County! I used to live in WI, but never made it despite growing up there. I hope you have a nice trip!



I had my first volunteer shift at the small dog rescue shelter. I got to hang out with one of the dogs for a bit and spent some time working on laundry. The dog was completely ignoring my presence until I gave him a couple of treats; then, he wanted me to pet him!

I've had a some paranoia again these past few days-I had a little bit of rapid cycling again today too (this might have been caffeine induced though) I see my pdoc tomorrow so that's good timing. Since it's not clear if I should have a risperidone increase long term, I might ask him if I can schedule an appointment in two weeks (instead of four) so I can keep playing with things a little bit to see what works best. I just don't want him to fill a month, or more, supply of it only for me to need an different dose and have an unnecessary stockpile of the incorrect dose.

Whew! FINALLY got my period, eight days late. I was really starting to freak out there! Much as I love Husband and he's my whole world right now and all I can concentrate on is HIM I don't want to have anymore of his babies. Lol. That would not be good. Not at my age. I couldn't imagine going through all that AGAIN. Omg I would DIE. It would be TERRIBLE. For me having a baby was a journey best taken once, not multiple times. I'm very happy my baby is now twelve going on thirteen in October. 💕 I know that soon she'll want to start separating from us and spending more and more time hanging out with her friends and doing her own thing, so I'm going to just enjoy her at this age for now. Mostly self sufficient. Still likes hanging out with mom and dad, but also spends time with her friends.

I don't know. I'm getting all emotional and shyt. I don't know how she grew up so fast! It seems like just yesterday we were watching care bears after pre-k and eating vegan mac & cheese for lunch! Today a memory from twelve years ago came up on my Facebook feed of Husband holding Daughter when she was a baby. He looks REALLY young in the picture. Obviously she looks young! So cute.

And the Benadryl agitation has officially kicked in. I'm wide awake at 4 AM. I can't relax. I'm about to go do the dishes just because it is bothering me that the dishwasher needs loaded.


I emailed my family dr for hydroxyzine. At least I know that won't send me flying.


I hate meds.

In about a week I go to my parents house for a month, I don't want to go. I've been having terrible anxiety over it. I don't want to leave Victoria, I don't want to leave my dog and I don't want to leave my h. I have no choice. I'm going to be picking up the service dog which the closer it gets I feel bad for my current dog. My dad is picking up me and the car. Then we will not have a car anymore. I don't like all these changes. I feel I have limited time with Victoria but I also have limited time with my parents. Oh h got into the writing class on a full scholarship. Hopefully this will boost him into the full year program in August. I'm so excited for him. I don't want my life to change. So much is changing.

Well school starts again in two weeks. Going to a bleugrass festival this weekend. my bestie is a roadie for dierks bentley so he got me free tickets to the show. looking forward to it!!! no more seeing stuff and feeling bugs thank god. see t on wednesday and he will lecture me i know. he cares i guess but he can be an *** at times.

Haven't you graduated twice already now? What are you in school for now?

Nope only graduated once with my bachelors last year. I am working on my masters now. should be done next year.

I woke up last night around 11 in stomach pain. I took tylenol. Then I woke up at 3 and threw up a bunch of times. At 6:30 I thought I'd have the energy to go out to eat and go shopping. I did take a shower. But idk. I just felt really sick and tired. I went to get Sonics new lemonade ice creamsicle thing and then spent 15 minutes projectile vomiting. I just ordered groceries instead. I feel better stomach wise but I'm just worn out.

I'm supposed to go to a family bbq out of state next month. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to handle the ride, the hotel, and the bbq. I guess maybe I just don't eat for 36 hours.

I saw the eye doctor this morning. Whew! A 1-year supply of daily contact lenses practically breaks the bank. Now, I'm waiting for the dilation to wear off.

Moodwise, I'm doing fine. No dark depressive thoughts like I had most of the spring. No nightmares these past few nights, so I've been sleeping pretty well.

I'm sorry about the agitation. Hydroxyzine should help with that. I used to be on a lower dose of it to help with anxiety and sleep.

Met someone in the area in a hiking group on fb and we did one of the easier hikes here, but it has nice views and it's an easy drive once you get out of the city.





There were funnel clouds yesterday caught on video, but there was no evidence of a debris cloud or any other indication they touched down. The storm pretty much went from just west of the biggest city in NH straight towards I think the 5th most populated city, so that was fun to watch on the news. Meanwhile on Mt. Washington it was gusting around 90mph and they're up there going, "yup, not much worse than usual, nice to go out with out all the people."

Ahh I just looked at the news, and I guess they're saying it did touch down as an EF1 for 3.6 miles. Not even the cell they were worried about further north of us. THAT cell was actually about 30 miles west of us (actually probably 10 miles if you go in the direction of the left side of the first photo). I want to see if we lose power here how much quicker it'd be restored than in bumfck nowhere and an ice storm leaves you without electricity and water for over two weeks...