Questions bipolar version #11

I use 3 pillboxes - 1 for morning meds, 1 for night meds, and one for vitamins which I take in the afternoon.

Have you ever had a total blackout while psychotic?

Yes, on more than a few occasions. Sometimes they were fragmentary types, other times complete. When well (or well enough), I have an extremely good recollection of moments in my life. When psychotic, it has varied. For example, I had 10 psych hospitalizations, but really only five of them can I remember. The ones when I wasn't so psychotic! Perhaps only little moments of any of the rest. I believe emergency injections in the isolation rooms played a small part, but not just that.


Are you close with your siblings? If you have/had any?

Yes, I have 2 sisters. I am close with both of them. I consider them my best friends.

Does bipolar cause you forgetfulness or seem to impair your intelligence?

Hell yeah. More forgetfulness because if I have everything written down and can refer back to stuff I'm okay though.

Have you been straight up traumatized by your bipolar or how you were treated because of (showing) your symptoms?

Yes, very much. My very first hospitalization I was so scared and they misinterpreted that and made me take halal. Knocked me right out. I woke up strapped to a bed.

I’m curious about a question already asked so I’m going to ask again. Do you use pill boxes? If so how many weeks do you fill?

I can't do pill boxes. I am WAY too lazy. I have three morning meds that are all medical, and all three nighttime meds are psych. So, I just separate the bottles.

Do you have a regular sleep routine? (Wake up the same time, go to bed the same time every time)

I go to bed way too early but on night's like last night it was midnight and I was still awake ... or should I say I had woken up and couldn't fall back asleep. This went on and off until 3:00am when I just got out of bed. Anxiety is a bish on my sleep patterns.

Do you see a counselor? Is it helpful or no?

Yeah. I don't really know if it's helpful. I thought it was, but now I don't.

Hot and humid or 3ft of snow w/o a blower (but a toasty 30dF)?

Q: Do you see a counselor? Is it helpful or no?


A: Yes and very. I've actually been seeing him for 18 years and have been at this agency for 22 years.

Q: Do you have a predictable mood episode at some point annually?

I used to go up the last week of July-first week of August. Now I am ok through the summer and haven't been hypo or manic in several years. Instead, now I crash the first or second week of January.

What kind of sneakers do you like?

I don't wear sneakers.

Have you ever been so fukking infuriated, PISSED OFF, ANGER NEEDING TO COME OUT INSIDE YOU OR YOU'D EXPLODE that you threw something at your wall and made a hole in it? Or kicked a hole in your door?

(I've done both on numerous occasions, for your info)

YES, YES & YESSSSSSS!!! I get so mad and so fast I'm surprised I don't get whiplash with my extreme mood swings!!

What is your favorite book/movie about bipolar??

I really liked Kay Redfield Jamison's autobiography (Touched by Fire????). Another one helped me a lot even though it's about schizophrenia. I can't get the name to come to me. The author is Laurie something. (Good luck finding it on those directions!). It dealt with clozapine very helpfully when I knew for some time that I was probably going to have to go on it. She's a huge success story on it.

What is the most important quality in a pdoc or therapist?

Kay's main autobiography is An Unquiet Mind (a general overview) but she has another called Touched by Fire (more relating creativity to mental illness) fyi

I don't know if this counts as a "quality in them" but most people I absolutely cannot feel or think for myself around because everything I feel/think/do is "wrong" but every now and then I land on someone I can be myself around, and it's cool whether it's a pdoc/t or not.

same Q

Two in one? An open mind and the ability to listen. Listening with an open mind, not already deciding in their mind what a diagnosis is or what box I belong in but fully listening before making a decision.

Same question, it’s a good one

Ability to be understanding and not judgmental. That's the most important to me.

Have you ever tried bipolar group therapy?

I'll chime in about being diagnosed with my diagnoses. After I had my son I completely freaked out and would only allow my mom to hold him and I didn't sleep for like 3 days. Long story short he put me on amitrptiline and Prozac. I finally slept but I was in an organization that were against meds so I took myself off of them. Long story I went back to taking the meds and did do good for awhile. Then I would have deep, deep dark depressions and very elevated hypomanic episodes in the spring and summer. My Dr said I think you have BP but I was like whatever. So in 2011 I found a website that was exposing the organization I was abused in. I didn't eat or sleep for 5 days. I became psychotic. I knew I needed to get away from my computer and went to my sisters work. She ended up taking me to the hospital. The psychiatrist gave me 5 mgs of Zyprexa. It did help with the racing thoughts. But my sister said when we were driving I was taking to myself about who I could trust from the website. She took me right back to the hospital and put me involuntary. I remember pacing and pacing listening to my cds and I thought ppl from the organization I was abused in were spying on me. They were just visitors. Oh it took 3 days to get me to sleep. I think it was a barbituate. I took a ton of tests and I was diagnosed with BP 1 and severe ptsd. Before I was taken off lorazapam I was doing good. Now my biggest problem is anxiety. My psychiatrist put 3 more refills on all of my meds besides clonazepam.. I think he's going to start taking me off. I very scared!

Also I use my phone to post here. It's really hard to fix mistakes. I'm sorry. It's probably annoying.

@Manarinorange I think you might have posted in the wrong thread. It's no big deal but I just wanted you to know why you might not get too many responses.

Q: Have you ever tried bipolar group therapy?

A: No, I've never been anywhere it was offered. If there was one in the city where I go for therapy my therapist would have signed me up in a minute.

Q: Along the same lines......have you ever participated in a NAMI educational class?

No but my mother and aunt did together. My cousin and I both have bipolar. And both of us were gone out of state. They both said it was extremely helpful to them. But I’ve been irritated with them for not offering groups to individuals with mental illnesses they just have groups for the families here. The closest group to here is in another town 50 miles away at odd times. I did go to the DBSA group when I lived in the cities, but that was way back before they changed their name. They used to be the major depression and manic depression association. It was a good group. But there’s none where I live currently.

Do you live in a mental health desert?

I think there was a double question, so I will answer both.

Q: Along the same lines......have you ever participated in a NAMI educational class? Yes, they were really good too! I took a lot of them when I lived in New York - being part of NAMI was really helpful, especially when it there was so much to do because it was such a big city. I especially enjoyed all the NAMI Walks at Jones Beach every year - got to meet a lot of cool people and enjoyed the exercise!

Q: Do you live in a mental health desert?

Right now, I do. I live in a small city away from the main Capitol and there isn't much here at all. I know I have to do telehealth therapy because there are just no in-person therapists here or anywhere it seems anymore. And if they do, they charge an arm and a leg and doesn't accept my insurance. Even though I am feeling the lack of mental health support in my area, and it isn't exactly the same thing, my AA homegroup offers a lot of support in the other areas that I am lacking.

So, along those lines, do you have a dual diagnosis? Have you suffered with addiction since having bipolar?

No. Although because when I was manic I often did risky things like drink a lot, used cocane and other drugs I often got the duel label and put into drug and a groups. But the people there knew I didn’t belong. When depressed or stable I did no drugs and did not drink more than two drinks in a night out. So I’ve experienced na and such as a requirement or as an option to get out of the hospital for a couple of hours. Way back when they kept you for weeks they’d let you sign out for groups and such. One doctor gave me a daily hour pass so I could walk my energy off.

Because I’m not a yes or no for. This question, same question

You know it (as in, you do know)

Even when you generally feel unsafe in the environment (whether from suicidality or paranoia or whatever), is there a place you can go (physically or mentally) to feel that security again?

Locked in my little house, in my bed with my 22 lb weighted blanket on me. Or in my therapist or pdoc's office. It took a long time to feel that way about my therapist but now I do.

Have you gone on or will you go on a vacation this year?