Bipolar Check-in #81

I was at school for about 12 hours today because it was parent night. I decided to stay at school, after getting some coffee, instead of going home in between so I could work on lesson plans and make some copies. It's a good thing I stayed because it was after 4 pm before I was able to make copies (school gets out at 3 pm). We have three copy machines at our school, but two are broken, so a bunch of teachers were using the one working one after school.

I think parent night went well. I am horrible at remembering faces/names when I briefly meet someone so I feel awful that I won't remember the parents I've met...

My mood was pretty okay today-some decision paralysis and post decision anxiety though.

The concert was amazing!
We got to stand in thr pit the
Whole show!!!’

@HALLIEBETH87 Who did you see?

Dierks Bentley! My bestie is stagecrew and drum/bas tech for him

I'm having some serious anxiety. I woke up this way and now it's 2 AM and I can't sleep. The day started with my typical anxieties when things are really hard and it's just been one thing after another. I realized that the scheduling for my temporary therapist has a big hole in it. Whatever, it can probably be fixed and if not I can survive. I know she's on vacation in there but I can't think she'd take 2 weeks at once. I feel that's where I am now, survival mode. The anxiety is making me feel my depression more and it's just one huge cycle I'm scared I'm stuck in for 5 1/2 more weeks. And I do know that's not terribly long but right now it really feels like it is.

I am actually really anxious to see temporary therapist this week. I don't think we're a great match but I do think she maybe can help the anxiety cycle. But that's not until Tuesday.

Tomorrow I have to do a few errands that I put off today because I had a migraine aura. I never had a full-blown migraine but I've felt weird all day and really shouldn't be driving once an aura hits anyway. I need to use some stuff my mom got me to try to get tar off my car. It's white and the tar looks awful on it. Plus it's just not good for the car. And I have to clean the seal on my refrigerator. It's not sealing well and I'm hoping that a scrubbing will fix it. I also have to do laundry. So I have all these things to keep my busy but I'm so anxious it's hard to pick a lane. And it feels like it all needs to be done tomorrow. It doesn't. Anxiety is speaking again.

Anyway I'm going to see if I can read myself to sleep. Just so frustrated with this anxiety.

Just got an email saying one of the primary schools have withdrawn their position. Probably means I’m the only applicant and I didn’t even make it to interview.

@LadyShadow Thank you for your encouragement!

I still feel down, not so depressed, but out of energy. I have a new medication for my diabetes, and I have read that exhaustion can be a side effect. So I don't know what to think about this.

I will see my GP for diabetes control in the beginning of September. I'll try to follow my plans until then. If this down feeling is a side effect that will last for long, I think we have to stop that medication. I will discuss it with the GP. After all it is no use to have me on a medication that can contribute to more depression, if that is what it is.

Thanks again!

You are strong! @LadyShadow I wish you continued Good Luck!

Hi @BeyondtheRainbow, I am sorry to hear about your anxiety and that it turns you into depression!

Is it possible for you to use some time on Relaxation exercises? There are lots of them at YouTube.

Sending good wishes for you!

Ok
So
I’m
Finally not
Hyper

Good morning. I slept good last night finally after barely sleeping for several days. I went to the food pantry this morning and got some food. Two of the things I’m most excited about are a big bag of chicken drumsticks which I plan on cooking in the crockpot with some buffalo sauce and having with blue cheese dipping sauce. The other thing I’m excited about I got is a whole cake, it’s a strawberry shortcake. It’s really good. I had some with some coffee today. I should be good on food until my Foodstamps come in on the 2nd of September.

I don’t have a whole lot planned today. Just getting on the treadmill later and practicing violin. Though my motivation is kind of low today so I don’t even know if I’ll do any of that. I’m gonna try to. If not I’ll just spend a lot of the day reading. I found a new Celtic song by one of my favorite instrumental composers on Apple Music so I’ve been listening to that on repeat and it’s really good.

I might just take it easy today and chill cause the food pantry was kind of stressful and took a couple hours. So I’m kind of worn out from that. Idk we’ll see how the day goes. Maybe I’ll get a burst of energy later.

You know what, I am gonna push myself to do that stuff today. I’m going through a breakup right now so it’s probably best to keep myself busy

My boyfriend and I were together a year and a half. I broke up with him the day before yesterday. We both agreed it was for the best. It still hurts a lot because we both love eachother but it just wasn’t working with us being long distance now

This is the song I’m listening to

Rough start to the morning. Just so many issues with doctors and medicine and my CPAP machine was blowing too hard again last night, I swear it is broken and I am starting to suffer. I am really tired.

Feeling moody - I don't get anxiety much but as @BeyondtheRainbow said it's just awful, and I hate it too girl, I understand your pain. I am doing a number on myself today - just in "beating up myself" mode. Yesterday I felt so good, but today I am hovering in guilty mode. I hate the up and down so much - just fighting through it and hoping I can get some resolution with all these doctor issues.

@Blue_Bird
So sorry to hear about your breakup

For those of you struggling right now, you are in my thoughts

I'm doing fine, mood is level, sleep good. I took a walk/jog this morning, finished reading my library book and am going to the library this afternoon with my daughter. Though she is driving so that is nerve-wracking. I have to keep myself calm and not get too anxious.

My anxiety magically disapeared last night. It was like a light switch, it just shut off. I just had to wait it out. I've been up since 1 something but I haven't had much anxiety or a lot of stomach issues.

My mom and I went to the gas station, Dollar General and Platos Closet. I was going to get a pair of blue Nike dunks but they were $100. So I got an $8 Carhartt beanie. I also ordered a Levis jacket from the Levis store this morning. I returned my other one to Amazon since it didnt fit and I was looking around at sites where I knew I wouldn't get a fake. Kohls didnt have them. But the actual source had them and with discounts and stuff I saved $43 and I know this is a legit one and not a fake like so many on Amazon are.

I kinda want to go to Dennys because they brought back their fried cheese melt sandwhich. They have a beetlejuice menu so they renamed the fried cheese melt to the afterlife melt. But I've been waiting awhile for it come to back whatever its called now.

So far today my anxiety and stomach are pretty good. I didn't have any anxiety being out and I was wearing my big framed black glasses. Having my glasses on is probably why my stomach is so calm. We got Sonic this morning and I ate a burger in the car with no problem.

Still suffering from mushy-brain-syndrome. Brain just feels tired, like I completely fried it or something. The audiobook version of my book is finally available on Amazon, so I'm completely done with that project and have no excuse NOT to start my new writing project.

I had a quiet day. I have the worst awful stomach ache and i'm worried because they usually last about twelve hours to several days. I'm able to drink water and eat digestive biscuits, so i am determined to do that, as dehydration and deprivation just made things worse last time.

I found out my former brother-in-law died in March, just a month after my former father-in-law. It made me sad because he was just in his sixties and it was cancer. My poor former niece, losing her dad and granddad within a month of each other.

I had a nice time looking back thru my Facebook page. It cheered me up to see how active and engaged i used to be. This current two-year bout of mild depression has really taken the stuffing out of me. I thought i might be embarrassed at the posts i made during hypomania, but was relieved to find i just sounded really joyful. I like being that person but she is too expensive and unsustainable.

@Blue_Bird:

Sorry to hear you broke up with your boyfriend, but you sound very sensible, that long-distance relationships are not too worthwhile.

@June08:

I get morning depression too, so that makes four of us here. I feel better in the evenings. The afternoons are so-so. Glad parent night went well. It's hard to remember people you don't see on a regular basis. Glad your homeroom class is getting along nicely.

@Crazy Hitch:

I'm glad you're trying to improve your work situation by looking into primary schools. That takes courage! I know the obstacles are hard, but all you can do is keep at it.

@BeyondtheRainbow:

Sorry to hear about your anxiety. I hate anxiety worse than depression.

@Blueberrybook:

Glad to hear you are feeling relatively well and hope the drive to the library with your daughter at the wheel was not too overwhelming.

Hugs to all!

Thanks for all the support during my anxiety issues last night. I finally got to sleep about 7 AM with the help of 400 (taken 100 at a time) of gabapentin.


Now I'm just exhausted. I'm not even taking my shower tonight. I just need to rest and sleep. I can shower in the morning.

I'm still anxious but not panicked like I was at times last night.

Trying to buy a condo within the week. Don't think I can but hopefully we'll be one step closer by the end of the week.

Have a counsellor appointment in 30 minutes. Really hoping she can help me with this mess called my life.

Can’t sleep. Yeast infection worse. Monistat causes intense burning and itching. Seeing the dr this morning.